The Story of Lansing Lotte (27 page)

I heard the front door of my apartment click shut and a thump on the floor that signaled Lila had dropped her bag in my front hall. I hadn’t realized before how much I recognized those sounds and how much comfort they brought me. I was still holding Guinie, and suddenly, I knew my time with her was done.

I threw on my jeans and picked up a t-shirt off the floor. I grabbed my cap again from the dresser and slammed it on my head as I opened my bedroom door. Lila and Fleur were in the living room, the television was on a children’s show and Lila was standing behind the couch. I was trying to come up with a plan to get Lila out, so Guinie could slip away when Lila looked at me.

“Hey,” she said to me, her bright smile greeting me warmly.

“Hey,” my groggy voice returned. “You’re back early.”

“It’s almost ten,” Lila laughed. “Late night with Galehaut?”

“Something like that,” I lied. Lila’s face seemed to read something in mine and her cheeriness slipped away. Her eyes travelled to stray pieces of clothing scattered across the floor leading to my room. Her eyebrows pinched together and her eyes roamed my body. I would have made a playful comment on another day, but I didn’t have time to flirt. She stopped at my waist and I looked down to see that I hadn’t buttoned or zipped my jeans.

“Who’s here?” she whispered, looking over my shoulder. Her voice betrayed her displeasure.

“It’s my apartment,” I immediately said in defense.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t,” she snapped in return. “It’s just….”

“It’s just what?”

“Never mind,” she sighed and turned her face to focus on the cartoon singing some silly song on the television. I was caught off guard to hear the sound of one of The Nights’ songs being sung as a jingle for friendship.

“What the hell is this?” I snapped.

“Hey,” Lila warned, as she glanced at Fleur.

“Lansing?” Lila and I both turned to see Guinie wrapped in a sheet, exiting my room.

So much for keeping what happened a secret
.

Lila was bold, I had to give her that, and instead of making an awkward situation more awkward, she marched over to Guinie and shook her hand, introducing herself. She had gathered some of Guinie’s clothes as she went and handed them to her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet the woman Lansing talks about so much,” she lied. I hadn’t spoken to Lila about Guinie. I’d often change the subject as a matter of fact.

Guinie looked at me over Lila’s shoulder, but I’m sure my expression was one of dismay.  I felt caught between a rock and a hard place, literally.

“I need to go.”

“Oh, don’t leave on my account. I’ll go to my room, you won’t even know we’re here,” Lila said softly. It was a familiar speech. One I’d heard before, the night that Layne was leaving as Lila came home. I realized how it must have looked to Lila. A revolving door of women.

“No, I really need to get going. I have practice at noon,” Guinie replied.

I blinked at her.

“You’ve rejoined the 4Gs?” My tone proved my shock and concern. The 4Gs were a string quartet of sorts, which Guinie belonged to as she played the cello.

“I need to do something with my time. I can’t keep waiting for…” Guinie sighed as her voice drifted away. She couldn’t keep waiting for Arturo. 

“It was nice to meet you, Lila. Lansing talks about you often, as well,” Guinie smiled and retreated into my room.

“Hey,” I dashed up behind her. “Why are you sneaking off?”

“I need to go,” she whispered, as she dressed hastily. I tried to wrap my arms around her back and hold her to my chest. My nose was in her hair and she smelled like me. I was all over her.

“Sorry about Lila. But she’s cool. She won’t tell anyone.” I breathed in the scent of us together.

“I’m not worried,” she said, but the tension in her body betrayed her concern.

I spun her to look at me. Her blue eyes were liquidy and my heart broke to think that I had made her sad.

“Don’t leave like this,” I pleaded.

“I have to go,” she whispered.

“Just you and I,” I said firmly, trying to reassure her that only we would know what happened.

“You and I,” she repeated weakly.

I didn’t want to sound greedy, but I needed to know I would see her again. I needed to know when. As if she read my mind, she handed me those fateful words, “I’ll call you.”

Lila didn’t look at me after Guinie left. She picked up her bag near the front hall, walked past me to her room, and gently closed the door. My eyes met Fleur. She had turned around from her place on the floor to face me as the cartoon continued behind her.

“Mr. Lansing, you made her sad,” she said.

I wasn’t sure who she was referring to, but I had a feeling it was more than one woman.

“I seem to do that to lots of women, Ladybug,” I said under my breath.

“I’m not sad with you,” she said innocently, shrugging a shoulder.

I had to laugh a little and she smiled at me. I noticed again how much she didn’t look like her mother, and my mind wandered to the article I’d read the night before.

It seemed like an hour before Lila entered the living room. I’d watched the rest of the ridiculous kid’s show with Fleur. Then, we were watching something about a girl on a journey, using a map and a backpack to solve her problem.
If only it were that simple
, I thought.

“Hey,” I said to Lila, who only gave me a nod of acknowledgement.

“Lunch, Fleur?”

Fleur spun around on her knees and leaned over the couch-back to address Lila.

“Chicken nuggets, please.”

“Why don’t I take us out to eat? Homer’s?”

Homer’s was the deli I planned to take Fleur to the other day. It had all kinds of foods, especially comfort foods, and I could use something from there.

“I don’t think so,” Lila said deadpan, “but thank you anyway.”

She disappeared into my kitchen and I stood to follow.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, grabbing Lila’s arm as she opened the freezer.

“I’m making lunch,” she said defensively.

I waited, but Lila didn’t speak.

“Look…I don’t know what you think happened…”

“Don’t,” she cut me off. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

“You want to play house with her, fine. We’ll just have to establish some rules.”

“Rules?” I scoffed.

“Yea. I don’t need to hear you and her, and neither does Fleur. I can stay with Clare when you two…” her voice trailed off, as she banged the pan on the top of the stove and forcefully pushed the buttons to start the oven.

“I don’t need rules. This is my house.”

“Which I know. And yet you keep reminding me of it. Look, would you mind if I bring a guy here?”

“No,” I said and then I paused.
Would I mind if Lila brought someone here?
Without another heartbeat the answer was yes.

“Do you want to bring someone here?”

“Maybe.”

“No.” I bit out without even processing the word.
Hell, no.

“Why not? Don’t tell me it’s your house? And you have rules?” she warned.

It was double-edged sword and I knew it. I was about to mention that she had Fleur when another thought hit me.

“Who do you want to bring here?”

“I…it’s hypothetical.” She ripped open the package of nuggets and dumped them on the tray. 

“Well, hypothetically, who would it be?”

“No one.”

I threw out the first name I could think of.

“Maybe Josh Tucker.” The moment I said his name, I somehow knew I was in the wrong.  But the gasp from Lila and the fact that the nuggets slowly slid off the tray she was holding, told me I was right. Josh Tucker would be the man she wanted to invite to my home. To fuck. And the answer was, fuck no.

“You. Have No. Idea. What. You. Are talking. About,” she emphasized, as she squatted to the floor to pick up one after the other of the fallen nuggets.

As she placed them back on the tray and slammed the oven door, the strangest thought occurred to me.

“Is it safe to cook those once they’ve been on the floor?”

“Five-second rule,” she said exasperated and brushed past me. 

“What rule is that?” I laughed.  “Maybe you’re right, you aren’t meant to be a mother.”

Lila stopped, her back to me. I hadn’t meant it. Not one bit. I wasn’t sure why we were fighting and I had a sudden sick feeling in my stomach. I was taking Guinie’s exit out on Lila.

“If all you’re worried about is your little secret,” she hissed, as if she could read my mind. “I’m very good at keeping them, and it won’t be a problem.”

She began to walk away, but I felt like I wasn’t done. Her comment about secrets reminded me of something else.

“Oh, I’ve noticed you’re good at secrets. You mentioned your father, but you never said who he was, Vance Lovelourne. And your sister, estranged girlfriend of Josh Tucker…” I stopped.
Estranged girlfriend of Josh Tucker?

My eyes softened as I looked at Lila.

“Did you sleep with your sister’s boyfriend to get Fleur?” my voice lowered. I didn’t want to think Lila could sink to something like that.

“No, she slept with mine.”

I couldn’t even look at Lansing; I was so pissed off.  I exited the kitchen and slammed the door to my room. In a huff, I began to make the bed as if that was the most important job in the world. I felt trapped like I had in that elevator during the fire. I was a caged animal at the moment, ready to explode. I needed to get out of here, but I couldn’t leave Fleur.

My beautiful Fleur. Who wasn’t really mine. When I was seventeen, I thought I was in love. Josh Tucker had been my savior from Mel Agent, his fellow bandmate and lead singer for the Dark Agents. They were a quickly rising pop band with a bit of darkness to them. Mel was known for his cool, innocent looks, but he was sly and cunning. I’d seen him in action several times after I began dating Josh. I was always shocked that women fell for him. I thanked my stars that I hadn’t been seduced by him as I almost was, unwillingly.

Originally, Josh and I were inseparable, and I thought he would be my one and only. We hadn’t been dating long when I gave into the pressure to have sex with him. I was only seventeen, but he was a rising rock star and I didn’t know how else to keep him, unless we were together. Which is what he told me. If I could keep him satisfied, he would never have to stray from me. I thought once I gave into him, I could hold onto him. 

Like my sister, Josh was two years older than me. So, when my sister came home from college one weekend to meet my new boyfriend, only to find out he was none other than Josh Tucker, drummer for the Dark Agents; everything fell apart. I never knew she had a crush on him. I didn’t even know she knew who the band was, but apparently she did know of him, and knew of him well. When they met, it was an instant connection. I suddenly felt too young for his nineteen-years, even though I had never felt that way before. He never treated me like a kid and I didn’t act like one around him. He made me feel special and treasured. Until he met Sara.

Dark haired, unique-eyed Sara connected with Josh on a whole different level than I could ever imagine. Even further beyond my imagination, was the fact that she slept with him. Once. She begged my forgiveness after it happened, stating that they had had too much to drink at a bar, a place I could not have attended with them. Even though I had a full body, I still had a young face and no fake id. They had both been at the exclusive Underground.

She said it was spontaneous and not planned. They had tried to fight the attraction but couldn’t. I didn’t want any more details than her guilt. I made her suffer for what she did by ignoring her. I didn’t return her calls, her texts, or her emails. My father was disappointed in her, but he begged me to forgive her, saying she might be all I had one day. Little did he know, it was a lie. All I’d have one day was her daughter.

Fleur Tucker was the result of that spontaneous one night connection with Josh.

The chicken nuggets had beeped, and I heard Lansing serve Fleur. I didn’t even try to move from sitting on the edge of the bed when Lansing entered the room. He knelt down in front of me separating my knees to get under my bent chin.