The Story of Lansing Lotte (24 page)

Lansing had also mentioned Arturo in his drunken stupor. How he missed him, but he was pissed off. He wasn’t making sense until he mentioned something about missing his chance. It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned missing an opportunity. I had a feeling he wasn’t talking about Arturo any longer. I knew all about taking a chance, and knowing you only get one. It’s when you want a second that you get hurt. My sister had been evidence of that.

I had finished my photo shoot early, as it was called off sooner than expected, due to the impending rain. I wandered to Central Park, hoping to surprise Lansing and Fleur. I hated to disappoint her. She was such an easy going child and we had been through so much together. I wanted to make up for the morning’s tantrum by trying to spend some time with her during the day. When I got near the playground, I saw her squealing with delight as Lansing pushed her on the swings. It was amazing how good he was with a child. Whatever he meant about not wanting to be a father seemed in complete contrast to the man chasing Fleur to the slide.

It was going to be hard to move back out from his place. Fleur was really taken by him. I had to admit it was pleasant to rely on him so quickly to take Fleur, rather than continue to struggle with her then drag her to Clare’s. I was getting too comfortable myself with Lansing Lotte and it wasn’t good for me. It wasn’t good for us: Fleur and I. I was grateful for Lansing’s help, but I just had to get out of his home before I was in too deep.

I raised the camera I had borrowed from Kevin to snap a couple photos of Lansing and Fleur. They looked like they could have been father and daughter, except I knew who Fleur’s father was, and she looked nothing like him. Thank goodness, or it would have been too painful a reminder. 

After several shots, I reminded myself that I would have to clear the camera again. I needed to remember to download images to my online files. I’d have to see if I could use Lansing’s computer, as I had already cleared the camera from the morning’s shoot. I followed their exit from the park, ready to sneak up and surprise them, when I saw Guinevere DeGrance approach Lansing. There was something about her body language, and the way he seemed to be nervously telling her something, that made me pause. I snapped one photo of them. With Fleur in the picture, they would have made the perfect family image.

I was surprised to see Guinie. I hadn’t seen her since the funeral. She smiled at Fleur and me holding hands and looked up to meet my eyes. 

“How are you?” she asked.

“Doing okay, I guess.” I squeezed Fleur’s hand and looked down at her innocent eyes. She was swinging my hands like she belonged attached to me. 

“Hello. Fleur, right?” Guinie said squatting down to be level with her. Fleur stepped behind my legs for a moment, suddenly acting shy.

“Where’s her mother?” Guinie added.

“She’s at work. Lila’s a photographer.”

I noticed Guinie flinch, for some reason, and she stood back up to my height. It was awkward to be in Central Park with Fleur and Guinie. I felt a conflict I hadn’t felt before. I was wrongly drawn to Guinie, but I felt like Fleur was holding me solid. I took strength from her tiny fingers.

“I need to tell you something.”

Guinie crossed her arms over her stomach, like I’d seen her do many times. She was shielding herself, as if she knew that I was about to give her bad news.

I ran a hand through my hair and held it on the back of my neck. 

“I think I saw Arturo.”

Her hand shook as she slowly brought it to her mouth. She covered her lips. Lips I knew were sweet and tender, to hold back what could have been a sigh, a sob, or a scream. It was done in slow motion, and it was like words were frozen inside her. She hadn’t even blinked.

“On Halloween, I went to Camlann.”

A tear slipped out her eye and she didn’t move to wipe it clean. 

“When you called me, I was there.”

Guinie hadn’t flinched. Not a nod, not a sound. I decided the rest had to be rushed like pulling off a Band-Aid.

“He was there. I was backing up and he was there. I’m sure it was him. He didn’t speak to me. He disappeared…” I let my voice trail. We knew he’d disappeared. What would be new to us would be to know for certain he was alive.

“Guinie?” I reached out for her cheek, which was covered with tears. She let me wipe them clean for a moment, before it registered that I was touching her and she pulled back.

“I have to go there,” she said. “I need to see for myself.”

“I don’t know if he’s really there. I just know that I saw him. I think.”

Guinie’s monotone response and her shaking body gave me concern. Maybe I had told her too much without facts. It was too unknown.

“What do you mean ‘you think’?”

“I saw him, or who I think was him. I’m not certain it was him. And I don’t know if he’s staying in the house or…well, I don’t know anything.” I began to retract what I had said.

“How can you not know?” Her voice was rising.

“Well, there’s been a few things going on,” I snippily replied.

She finally blinked as if she was awakening.

“I’m sorry. This is…I have to go…” she said, shaking her head as she took a step back.

“I’ll go with you,” I said stepping toward her.

“No,” she said, putting her hands out in front of her. “No, I need to go alone. I need to find him.” She took another step back, turned on her heels and walked away briskly without looking back.

In the distance I saw Lila approaching us. She was walking toward me, a large smile on her face, but it looked a bit forced until she got closer, then her smile slowly drained away.

“What’s wrong?” she said, her eyes shifting from me to Fleur, almost as if inspecting us both to make sure we were intact.

“I just saw Guinie.”

“Oh,” Lila seemed relieved. She bent for Fleur and gave her a big hug. Fleur hung on and Lila scooped her up in her arms, jiggling to adjust her to her hip. Her camera bag dangled off the other side of her and she looked unbalanced. I suddenly felt unbalanced myself without Fleur’s hand as my anchor.

“Here,” I said reaching out for Fleur, who wrapped her arms around Lila, burying her face into Lila’s neck. Lila instinctively kissed Fleur’s cheek. I had a strange feeling of being jealous of a child and I shook my head to rid the thought.

“What happened with Guinie?” Lila asked, as we began to walk toward the exit of the park.

“I told her I saw Arturo.”

Lila stopped.

“You did? How did she react?”

“She ran off, saying she had to go see for herself.”

I paused for a moment.

“You don’t seem surprised. To know I saw Arturo.”

It was Lila’s turn to be silent.

“You told me,” she finally said.

“I did?”

“Yes, in your drunken state, when I was…when we were…well, you started saying his name over and over.”

We were both quiet as we crossed the street. I was embarrassed already that I had tried to kiss her, and then she told me I cried. Suddenly, I learned that I was saying Arturo’s name. I didn’t want to know anymore.

“I wanted to apologize for that,” I said, as we walked slowly toward our building. I’d found out that morning that my company would have Lila’s and the other tenants apartments restored in three months. She would be staying with me a little longer and I needed to make amends for my behavior.

“No need,” she laughed. She stopped and Fleur slid sleepily down her body. Fleur stumbled on her feet and Lila was adjusting her bag to pick her back up when I intervened.

“Let me take her,” I said and scooped up Fleur, without waiting for an answer.

“Did I do anything else? Say anything else?” I asked sheepishly.

“You said a few things, but it doesn’t matter.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t think you want to know.”

“Tell me,” I laughed.

“Something about not wanting to be a father?” Lila raised an eyebrow at me. “And I already told you about Arturo.”

I was suddenly holding my breath.

“You said I was hot. You called me a ray of sunshine. Said I was lovely,” she continued.

“Well, you are,” I spoke without thinking.

She laughed even harder.

“Okay,” she continued, “and you told me you missed your chance.”

We didn’t speak for several moments as we entered the building and made our way up the temporary elevator. 

By the time we reached the apartment, the weather had changed from a cool sunny morning to a darkening day, with heavy clouds and a threat of rain. My apartment was dark and we needed to turn on lights, despite the early hour. Fleur had fallen asleep and I carried her right to their room. Lila took off her jacket and shoes, covering her up then kissed her forehead.  She looked at Fleur for a moment longer, then met me at the bedroom door and closed it behind her.

She was leaning on it and I was in her space again, blocking her from moving away from me.

“Forgive me,” I said.

“I do.” She smiled that beautiful white smile and slipped around me to enter the living room. I never took Fleur for that deli lunch and Lila offered to make us both something, as she explained that her shoot was cut short because of the threatening weather. She didn’t have class, since it was Saturday. She said she was going to hang out for a bit before she started her homework.

“Mind if I hang with you?” I asked, as I grabbed a game controller and turned on the television. GalehautIII immediately registered on the screen.

Your Grace?

William.

Alone.

No.

Lucky bitch.

She’s not like that.

Not her, you.

Fuck off.

Seriously, how are you doing?

Fine.

The conversation continued as the fighting carried onward on the flat screen. My concentration was used to the interchange of conversing with Galehaut while we battled foes.

Time to play.

I am playing.

No, time to play. Guitar.

I stopped with my thumb holding down the A button and the television beeped as I died on screen. I hadn’t touched my guitar in months. I had been too afraid that holding it, and enjoying it, would mean I had let Arturo go. He would be dead. At the moment, I knew that he might be very much alive, and I needed to rejoin the living, a little bit.

I’m out.

I turned the gaming program off and turned the television on. Lila walked into the room with two plates, one with a sandwich and fruit and another balanced a bowl of soup.

“Not hungry?”

“Nah, need to go to the store.”

I sat back. Lila had been taking care of me. She shopped for groceries and made meals, and I was doing nothing in return.

“Here take half the sandwich.”

“Honest, the soup is fine.”

She pushed my offer away. I realized, not for the first time, that Lila didn’t like to accept help. She was very independent. She had a brave face for it, but at times, I sensed she felt alone. I didn’t want her to feel alone.

“Logres Construction is my family’s company. I learned today, it will be three months before your apartment is done.”

Lila choked.

“Three months. We can’t stay here that long.”

“Why not?”

“Lansing, don’t you think that people will wonder who the woman and the little girl living with you are? I know you don’t want to risk your reputation. You’ve had too much going on as it is.  And I don’t want to be in the gossip column again.”