The Stage (Phoenix Rising #1) (39 page)

Gina has taught me how to use this fallacy in logic called a red herring for my own sanity, basically. She says when I’m asked a personal question I should take part of the question and answer it how I want to.

For example, I was asked yesterday,
“You and Kolton have been falling in love throughout the season. Fans are rooting for you two. Will things get easier for you when the show’s over?”

My answer was,
“One of my favorite moments from the show has been getting to sing with my coach. He’s so talented and I’ve learned so much from him. And yes, I’ve really been looking forward to all the opportunities and possibilities once the show’s over.”

They can’t keep asking the same question, so they usually move on.

Kolton and I have been together a lot during practices, working on our duet of “Stay,” because if we make it into the final two for the finale we’ll be performing the duet a few acts before they announce the winner.

The final performance show is tonight, then tomorrow they’ll announce the winner. I’ve got a few really cool songs scheduled for tonight and tomorrow. But my final song tonight that I’ll be judged on will be “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys. I’m most excited about this one because it feels like a fitting end on this journey toward the conclusion of the season. Still, I’m worried about it. I might lose control of my emotions, break down in the middle of it, or I could even get hurt.

The latter is what I’m thinking about as Sharlene works on my hair. “Kolton told them not to put so much make-up on you tonight.”

“He did?” and now that she mentions it, this is the most natural I’ve looked since the silhouette auditions. For a second, I feel like he’s trying to control me. But then, it’s just make-up. It’s not something huge like who I’m signing with, or what songs I’ll record first. They did go really overboard when they dressed me up like Scarlett O’Hara from
Gone With The Wind
after our affair went public. I mean, he cares enough to stick up for me.

“He said you needed to look softer. More like an angel than a devil.”

“Well, I love it. My make-up looks natural, but really pretty,” I say, sticking up for him, even though he didn’t ask me or fill me in on his reasoning.

“I didn’t have to add any extensions to your hair.” She changes the subject, fluffing and spraying my long black locks. “I never do with you, Gorgeous Girl. We’re all rooting for you,” she says, taking the apron off me. “What a love story.”

The next two hours are a mad dash of outfit changes and coaches giving critiques. The final twelve contestants return to perform “She Works Hard For the Money” by Donna Summer. All the girls have to wear these short blue dresses and the guys wear dark blue shirts. The only person I’m glad to see is Brianna. She hugs me over in the corner afterward as I’m exiting stage right.

“Congratulations, Mia. I think you could win this whole thing.”

Before I have to change clothes once again, I say, “Thank you so much!” and run off to wardrobe.

I’m pacing. It’s time for my final performance. I’m actually shaking again like when I performed my very first song on this stage. It’s like coming full circle, facing my past and getting a different ending. Like what Kaya said. When Kolton first brought up the idea that I should sing “Girl on Fire,” I flat out said ‘no.’ I was resentful and felt like I was being asked to sell my soul to the devil.

I mean, me and fire—it’s too much like what really happened. It could seem like I’m using the worst experience of my life and my parents’ deaths just for votes. But, when I really listened to the lyrics, I understood the song is about overcoming. About claiming my future, despite my past. It’s not about real fire, it’s about being reborn. I knew then I had to do it. There was just so much about it that felt too difficult.

For one, I was concerned because of Katharina and her threat to use fire to hurt me and keep me from winning. But I’ve been assured, there’s no way she can get on set. I’m still worried it will be an emotional trigger because they’re actually going to have fire on stage during the performance.

During practice, I definitely had some nerves about the fire but it doesn’t smell the same as actual, organic fire. What they’re doing is really very safe and they’re professionals with pyrotechnic licenses and experts. This is what I tell myself to be able to hit my marks and give it my all.

Another one of my reasons is this is a tough song to sing. To reach the notes in the higher register is intimidating. I can do it, but I’ve messed up a few practices and gone off key. Basically, in every way possible, this song is a challenge. And he’s right, if I want to win, this is the song I have to conquer.

Right before it’s time for me to go on, I see the edited bit of me and Riley in Sacramento. They show us in the car driving through downtown Sac, shots of me at Rio Americano High School, the concert with so many people there to watch me live. And then, they show us going to our old house. The music softens and I watch Riley and me face one of our biggest fears.

As she places the burned ring on my finger on the screen, I place it on myself again, too. This is the best time as any to be fancy and wear Mom’s fancy ring. I wear it with honor.

“No crying now,” Amy says, as I’m fitted with the cape. Black on the outside, but when I open my arms, it spreads out in a deep red, like wings. It will make me look like a real phoenix, a lot like the one on Kolton’s chest.

“They’re happy tears,” I say as I’m ushered on stage.

They’re counting back from commercial break. I’m on my mark when the music starts and the lights flash. One. Two. Three.

The base pounds in my ear. One. Two. Then, I sing my first verse.
It reminds me of my past, the horror of my and Riley’s survival story. The loneliness I’ve felt since losing my parents,
wanting to get away from it all and start over.
I look at Riley and smile. Tears are falling down her cheeks. She holds up her hand to show me she sees the ring.

Then the refrain:
I’m still grounded as I dream for a better future.
I feel so much love coming from the audience to me and back out. It comes out of my pores, out of my being, like I was born to be here right now.

The music stops. One. Two. The fire springs up all around me. I resist the urge to panic. This is where we moved the verse of “Ohs” when we did the arrangement. So, I start, “Oh, oh, oh, oh ohhhhh oh oh oh ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh…” I was told to stand still, look like it hurts, because it fucking did in real life! My feet are itching inside my boots as a reminder that this
did
happen, that it was real.

I calm myself and look at Kolton. He’s nodding. His eyes are watering. He’s on the edge of his seat, literally. He looks prouder than I’ve ever seen him before.

Then the change. On two, I sing that
I’m on fire
. The stage rises as I belt the chorus, letting my voice weave around each note. Luckily I’m strapped into a brace hidden behind my cape. I start to raise my right hand and point to him. He’s the reason I’m burning bright. He’s the reason I see a new future. He’s
our
future. I wink at Riley and she starts jumping up and down.

On the second verse, the lights start to pulse and the clouds form behind me. This is my favorite verse because it’s how I feel now.
I’m in the spotlight, literally; everybody knows my name. I’m reaching for my dreams and asking for their help to get me there.

The fire is not what took me out. It’s what propels me forward. It didn’t break me, it made me stronger.

I put the mic in the stand in front of me. As the music pounds. One. Two. I start to sing the second chorus, I push my arms out. The specially designed cape flies up and out like huge red wings.

The fire can’t reach me anymore
. I sing the last chorus, knowing what burns inside me. It’s love. It’s promise. It’s future. It’s a brand new chance at life.

I sing the last refrain. My arms straight out, my head back, my legs firmly planted and I know I’ve been reborn.

When the crowd erupts, I look to the only people who matter to me.

Riley is standing up, crying and clapping. She’s wearing a pretty dress and holding a little red purse.

Deloris has her arm around her and they look like family.

Kolton is standing, clapping and biting his bottom lip. He looks proud, emotional.

The stage lowers me to the ground and I step out and walk over to my mark for the judges’ critiques. Chuck Faraday says, “Mia Phoenix, everybody.” Which is my cue to bow. “Amazing final song. Let’s take it to the judges’ comments. Pulse.”

“Mia, that was spectacular. I wish you were on my team, girl. That was amazing. I feel like I was at your concert, and, man, I would’a paid a lot of money to see that performance. I don’t think it’s just me either.” The crowd erupts again, standing up, whistling, and clapping.

Then Selma starts, “Mia, you know I’ve always admired your voice. You have this cadence, this tone that melts like butter, but firm like a hammer when you need it to be.” Her accent and the way she moves her hands when she speaks makes me chuckle. “It’s the best of both worlds. You amaze me. You really do. And, you know, your stage presence might not have as much hip action as I would have wanted, but you made up for it with the emotions behind the words. You meant it. You felt it, every single word. Great job!” She starts to clap.

Then Danny nods, “I think you’re just great. You’re a natural, you really are. And as you were up there just now I realized something about you, Mia. You might’a had a rough past year, but you never let it hold you down. You overcame it. You’re a hero and an inspiration to me and to a whole lot’a other people, too.” He claps and I feel satisfied. Grateful. My chest tight with the tug of happiness reverberating all around us. But then it’s Kolton’s turn and I want so badly for him to say he’s proud of me.

“Mia,” he says quietly, causing the audience to go silent and pay attention. “Do you remember the first time I heard you sing live? Do you remember what I said?”

I nod and pick up the mic. “You said that I’d patched up the missing piece in your heart.” He laughs.

“Yeah, I did. Pretty much. But that’s how I feel again tonight. What you did with this song is nothing short of genius. And I want the people out there to know how much of a stretch this song was for you, for every reason possible. To get over your fear of fire enough to face it. To stand there surrounded by fire like that,” his voice breaks a little and I start to feel the ugly cry so I hold it in. “I feel like everyone disappeared here except you and me, and I—loved it. I—love. I love you.” He closes his eyes and sits back in his chair, owning it.

Did he just say—?

I feel my mouth drop as the audience gasps. Twitter probably just blew up, trying to keep up with the fan response to Kolton’s declaration of love.

Chuck Faraday cuts in, “If you’d like to vote for Mia you can vote online at TheStage.com, call the eight hundred number below and choose zero three, text to 8673 with the corresponding code, or purchase the song on iTunes.” I’m still looking at Kolton. I think my mouth is still open, so I close it. And Then Chuck says, “Thank you, Mia,” excusing me. I have to force myself to move. I can’t believe he said that. In front of everyone. But that he said it at all.
He loves me.

I slap the fans’ hands on my way to stage right as Chuck takes us to commercial break. I go back to wardrobe and they change me back into my first outfit so I can go out for the final scene when we ask for votes. Jessie, Blaire, and I report back on stage after the final performance by The Kings of Mars and remind the audience we need their votes.

After Chuck Faraday reminds us that, “all the word’s a stage” the lights turn off and I’m standing here alone looking at Kolton. The audience is leaving and Riley comes and hugs me.

“I’m going to take Riley home,” Deloris says.

“You were so pretty,” Riley announces.

“You, too, Riles.” My nerves are jumping around. Kolton said he loved me, in front of millions of people. He stands and walks off toward stage left. Is he mad at me?

I hug Riley and follow him. Once we’re right out of sight, he leans in. “Turn off your mic,” so I unplug it from the battery.

“I meant it,” he says, “And I’m glad I said it. I don’t care anymore what they say. Do you feel the same?”

“Yes,” I say. It’s not even something I have to think about. “I love you,” I tell him and he kisses me right there where anyone in the world could see, or take a picture that would show up on Instagram or Twitter, GOS~P, or
The Huffington Post
. But then, who cares? I kiss him back, tuning out the world and show the man I love him.

“Kolton,” Joyce barks, but he ignores her for a second.

His hands are holding my chin up toward him and he pulls back, looking me in the eyes. “I love you, Mia Elyse Phoenix,” he says, taking my hand and walking away from her. As we saunter away from Joyce’s wrath, I’m thinking,
he knows my middle name?
He takes me right to his car and we drive away together, not caring if the whole world is watching us.

I feel mischievous riding the elevator up with him. “Are you going to spend the night here?” I ask.

“We’re going to have fun tuning out the world. The speculations. All of it,” he says, taking my hand and leading me up the stairs into the master bedroom.

His room is usually off-limits but it smells like him in here. The rug is soft and the bed is huge.

As he pulls the zipper down on my jeans, I have a weird thought that right now the votes are happening for tomorrow’s show. But, after we are standing her bare as he kisses me slowly, and then sets me on the bed, wraps my legs around his hips, and circles himself inside me, pulsing and whispering love into my ears, making love to me, sweetly, I know we’ve done the right thing.

We end our night with him leaning his back against the head board, my slick back to his chest. We pant and whisper love to the rise and fall of my hips, achingly slow with his fingers pressed into the perfect spot until my climax spreads up and out like a raging fire. As I squeeze and clench up around him, and we shudder, finding release, I feel peace in my bones. Because I know for sure, we’ll be okay as long as we have each other.