The Stage (Phoenix Rising #1) (32 page)

K-Royce Private

10:52 PM

No one deserves such beauty, such strength in their life; least of all me. But I had to make you permanent in my life. I endeavor to ease your pain. You make me work for it. Not on purpose, but through the will to be good. I honor your resolve but please give my weak, new, little heart a reason to beat. Play me another song next week. Goodnight, my Phoenix.

He’s so good with words it makes my heart swell up, giving me a lump in the throat. All the song lyrics he’s sent me are beautiful, and then he sends me this. He wants me to sing another song to him.

There is this one song I’d heard through the music circles in Sac Town called “Warrior” by Beth Crowley. I bring it up on my phone and read the lyrics, listen to it on YouTube, and read the lyrics again feeling the excitement of newly hatched love. It reminds me of when Kolton looked at my scars and called me a warrior.

It paints a musical picture of love that hasn’t started off right. About two people who challenge one another, like a burn under the skin, but they help each other by opening their eyes to who they are. All the while they change each other for the better.

Some of the lines are me. Some are Kolton. It’s like we’re entwined tightly around one another in the form of a song. I can’t wait for him to hear it, but I need to work on it for a while to get it just right.

He hid things from me, because he’s broken.

He scared me, but enraptured me. He changed how I thought of myself.

He burns me, awakens me.

We’re not wrong.

We’re right.

I pad my way down the stairs and find myself sitting at Kolton’s well-worn piano in the family room. I put my fingers on the keys, almost feeling Kolton here with me like a ghost. I close my eyes and work this song until it’s a part of me, like DNA or memories. I sing it until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and my neck is stiff, until I’ve made it my own. It’s like he can see the warrior inside me when no one else can. But it’ll be our secret.

He sees the warrior inside. Just him. He sees the real me.

I see the real him.

I couldn’t see the truth through the lies.

I tried, but I couldn’t figure out my feelings.

I give him my hand. He shows me who I am.

He brings out the best in me.

He is like sin, and I’m not his redemption. Only he can do that for himself.

And he’s trying. He’s done what he can.

Sometimes you have to fight for what you love.

*     *     *

The seven of us film a commercial for the show and then an interview about the coaches. It’s a parody where we mock them. First I pretend to be Selma. I try her accent, but can’t really do it justice. I think I end up sounding more Irish than Spanish. It’s completely scripted, but the producers make it fun. They ask me to do the Kolton Stare. I raise one eyebrow and try my hand at the half smirk. I pretend to be Danny and turn on the twang, and then they put a bunch of gold chains around my neck and ask me to say, “Come ride with the Pulse!” I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to say the line without sticking my thumbs out.

It’s going to be funny.

I’m so nervous when I go to the room to film this week’s song choice with Kolton. The producers said I could sing it, even though it’s not well-known. The album isn’t even out yet, but they like it and the changes I’ve made to suit my voice.

It’s always the same. I come into the room with him and the guest coach. Today it’s Simon Ross, a well-known music producer, and Kolton and I pretend for a whole hour that we don’t have screaming chemistry. After I sing the song the first time, he puts on the persona. I’m not even here with the man who writes me love songs. He’s Kolton, not Kole.

But there’s this moment, when Simon Ross models a slight change and I nail it, and I see Kolton looking at me like we’re tuned into the same radio frequency. His eyes narrow and he smiles in the way lovers do when they’re sharing a moment.

We finish up, and I feel a lot better about the song than I did when I walked in. In the hallway, I hear the door open and Kolton comes out and grasps my hand. “Unplug your microphone,” he says, quietly.

I do as he says and wait for him to say something. “That song’s for me?” he asks. I hesitate for a second, and then nod. “Does it mean what I think it means?” he asks, and puts his forearm up against the wall. I can smell him, like musk and spice, and I have to resist the urge to put my arm under his and come into the nook he’s created for us. It’s the perfect invitation.

“I have a surprise for you,” he whispers, gazing into my eyes.

“What?” He takes a step closer but stops at an imaginary boundary between us.

“After the live elimination this week, I’m taking you somewhere, for your birthday.” I feel my eyebrows rise in anticipation.

“You remembered?”

“Of course. I’ve been waiting to ask you. I’m not going to whisk you off without your permission this time.” He smiles true and real, and I feel things in this moment that I never thought possible. He’s been paying attention. Not only did he remember my birthday, but he’s waited for me to show him I was ready. He’s asking my permission before making decisions about us. I can’t help it when I take his hand and move forward into the nook. He’s so warm and his gaze so penetrating I have to close my eyes or combust. I put my left hand up to his hip. He’s solid. With my thumb, I can feel the crease where the V slides down into his jeans. I close my eyes. He’s been working out like crazy. Knowing all these extra muscles are a result of him wanting to wait for me—and not being with anyone else—causes temporary insanity.

“I want to go with you.” I feel everything; his breath on my face, the warmth of his body. His scent enraptures me. I’m secure in this place with him, even though anyone could find us this way. This is right and I don’t want to deny this small celebration. I’m finally catching up and he seems to finally understand that I need to feel more in control of what’s happening. I run my hand up his chest and place it right where I know the tattoo of the phoenix is. I feel him moving slightly into my touch as I look up into his eyes, mesmerized.

“Nothing has to happen between us, Mia. But it’s your birthday, and it’s just—you know how I’ve been wishing I could hold your hand in public?”

“Yes?” I question, drunk on his proximity.

“I know a place where we can. If you want.” I think I’m blushing. My cheeks feel fiery and my hands are shaking.

“Okay,” I say. When we both hear someone coming down the hallway, we break apart before they come around the corner. Without him so close but moving away from me, I feel lonely for him. When Sam appears, Kolton’s already walking back into the room. The problem is, I can’t wipe the smile off my face, and I know I’m blushing. Tell-tale signs of a secret moment in a hallway.

“You okay?” Sam asks.

“Fine,” I say, quickly walking past him.

All I can think about that night is having a chance to hold Kolton’s hand again. And the fact that he asked my permission this time.

Bottom Three

“S
o, who’s the insider?” I finally ask. I’ve been worrying about this and avoiding her since the night she told me about Kolton’s tattoo.

“What are you talking about?” Kaya asks in her pissed off voice.

“Come on. You told. I know you did.” I let out the breath I’ve been holding the whole time Kaya tried to probe me for Kolton secrets for the last ten minutes.

“I—I didn’t mean to.” Then she lets out a loud sigh.

“Explain,” I say in my most critical tone.

“I told Kristie that you were
crazy
for not liking him. I didn’t tell her the details. I was just pissed because you’re always stopping yourself from living—being so careful all the time. So what, he has a past, that shouldn’t keep you from liking him. She’s the one who told. You know how she’s an attention whore.”

“Listen, Kaya. I love you and you know that. But I can’t
really
talk to you until after I’m off the show.”

“I’m not going to say anything!”

“That’s what you said last time. Look, I’m not mad. I just don’t want to give you anything to try and keep secret.”

“I just want you to be happy,” she whines and lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Mia.” Her words are full of contrition.

“Me, too.”

I feel even more alone now. Kaya has been my best friend, my only friend, for so long. After I pushed away everyone else, she was the only person I could rely on because she wouldn’t go away. Stubborn. But this is complicated on a different level.

With all that’s on the line, I can’t take any more risks with this secret.

*     *     *

The lights feel brighter than normal as I walk across the stage with Blaire to find out if either of us has made it past the live elimination this week. Blaire looks cool in shorts and a silk spaghetti strap blouse. I’m in a pair of skinny jeans, tucked into ankle boots, and a white shirt with a cute blazer.

Blaire pretends to like me and takes my hand. After our host talks about the coaches’ responses to Blaire’s rendition of
Try
by Pink, which they loved, Chuck Faraday turns to me.

“Mia, Selma said your performance was inspired and spot-on. Pulse said that he liked how you changed the song to make it your own, that it was unique, and that it felt like he was at your concert. Danny said your performance was full of emotion; it felt very personal and like you’d really connected to the lyrics.

“Kolton, your coach, said he’d never heard you so open, so brave, or so perfect. He said he’d do anything to help you and that he loved it. He said he was proud of you, more than he’d ever been before—which is saying a lot. You, Mia Phoenix—” the host stops to give the audience some suspense, and me a heart attack. “-are in the bottom three. Please go stand with Jessie and Sam.”

I’ve never been in the bottom three. I look at Kolton and strengthen my resolve. He’s shaking his head no and scratches the back of his neck. Maybe everything we’ve done, and not done, was for nothing.

I walk toward Jessie and Sam, hug them both, and sit on the stool. Right before we go to commercial, Chuck Faraday announces, “And, when we come back, we have a special performance by Kolton Royce to launch his new album,
More Than Skin Deep
.”

It’s been all over the promos for this week. Kolton’s album will release after the season finale of
The Stage
. He’s been getting ready to debut his first single,
Born in Fire
. If the title has any resemblance to the lyrics he’s been sending me, the song is about me. I was already nervous about that, but Joyce wouldn’t allow him to sing a song about us and our relationship on live TV, would she?

In my nervous-as-hell state of mind, I can hardly cope with the very real possibility that I will be eliminated, let alone listen to this very personal song the same time as millions of people.

Plus, Kolton said he was going to take me somewhere tonight.