The Space Between Us (21 page)

   “I’ll miss you too.  But thinking about missing each other is what got us naked in a hay loft.  Come to think of it, as much as I enjoyed that, I’d really like to take a shower now.  I’m starting to itch.”

   That last night we spent together on the farm was quiet and a little bit sad.  I never had to leave Asher before and I dreaded having our usual roles reversed in the morning when he took me to the airport.  But, as sad as goodbye kisses are, hello kisses were ten times better.  And that’s what I kept telling myself on the plane ride home.  I could wait to get my hello kisses.

Chapter Seven

   Sophomore year of college started pretty much just like the previous.  Asher tried to convince me to get an apartment with him and, again, I opted to live with Reeve in the sorority house.  Reeve’s em
otional well-being improved over the summer, but I still didn’t feel like abandoning her to live with my boyfriend.  Asher’s frat was just down the street and I knew we’d see each other all the time.

   The
homecoming game approached again, and even though Reeve seemed fine, I was on best friend high-alert just in case the anniversary of her attack were to bring back any bad feelings or memories.  I wouldn’t be any use to her today though, I was sick and in bed.

   “Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you anything?”  Reeve asked me as she stood at the door, getting ready to leave for her morning class.  I was curled up on my bed, trying not to move.  I woke up with a st
omach bug and was trying to fend off the nausea. 

   “No, I’m fine. I just need to lie really still so I don’t puke anymore.”

   “Ok.  Does Asher know you’re sick?”

   “Um, no.  I don’t need to tell my boyfriend that I’ve been throwing up. That’s a surefire way to kill the romance.  We’ve been together forever, but that doesn’t mean he needs to know those sorts of things.”  Reeve laughed as she pulled her backpack up onto her shoulder.

   “Ok, but you know if he finds out you’re sick and you didn’t tell him, he’s going to be upset about it.”

   I groaned.  “Fine.  Text him and tell him I’m sick, but I’m fine, and that I’ll be missing classes today.
”  Reeve left grinning, probably because she knew what I was in for.  Asher wouldn’t leave me alone if he knew I was sick.  He was kind of irritatingly adorable that way.  I began to breathe deeply, in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying desperately to make the terrible feeling go away.  It wasn’t working and I could feel the urge getting stronger and stronger.  Eventually, when I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer, I got up from the bed and ran to the bathroom.

   About an hour later, after I had showered, I came back to my bedroom and found my phone blinking with several messages, all from Asher.  I rolled my eyes and started to scroll through them when my door swung open to reveal him rushing through with a somewhat panicked look on his face.

   “Bit, are you ok?  Reeve said you were sick.”

   I laughed at his antics, a little disappointed that it took him a full hour to get to me.  “Asher, you know guys aren’t allowed upstairs,” I admonished him.  It was strictly forbidden for any men to be anywhere in the sorority house besides the foyer.  If it were any other guy I would be
worried about getting in trouble with the sisters for him being there, but I knew Asher could charm his way out of anything, so I tried not to let it get to me.

   “Are you ok?”

   “I’m fine.  Really.  I was sick earlier but I’m better now.  I’m even going to go to my afternoon classes.”  He walked towards me and pressed his hands to my face.

   “You don’t feel warm.  Are you sure you’re alright?”

   “Yes,” I said as I placed my hands over his.  “I think I must have eaten something bad because I was just sick for a little bit.  Something didn’t agree with me.  But I’m better now, promise.”  He kissed my forehead. 

   “Want me to wait downstairs and walk you to class?”  I melted a little at how sweet he was to me.

   “Sure.  But try not to let any of my sisters see you walking around up here.  Be sneaky.”

  
“Like Bond?”  His eyebrows waggled up and down.  “You could be my Bond Girl.”

   “After my morning, I’m nobody’s Bond Girl.  Today is not my sexiest day.  Go downstairs and wait for me before someone catches you up here.”  I shoved him playfully towards the door.  He did his best spy impression by flattening himself against the wall before he darted out of
the room and I tried to hold my laughter in until I knew he couldn’t hear me. 

   The rest of the day went without incident, but I still tried to lay low just in
case I was really trying to fight off a bug.  Asher and I spent a quiet evening in his room watching a movie and snuggling.

   The next morning I had to get up early for class so when my alarm went off I tried not to wake Asher up.  He looked adorable with his face smashed into his pillow, but I took a moment to admire the strong muscles on his naked back too.  He really was the best of both worlds.  Sweet and goofy one minute, then scorchingly sexy the next.
 

   Our houses were only three blocks apart and the walk was nice early in the morning, and it gave me an opportunity to think about my day ahead of me.  I was about half way to my house when I started feeling the saliva pool in my mouth and the familiar feeling of my stomach roiling about.  I tried my breathing technique but knew it wasn’t
going to work.  I was unprepared for the moment and was also completely mortified when I threw up in the bushes outside of the Phi Beta Pi house.

   When it was over I hurried away from the house as quickly as I could, hoping no one saw me spewing all over their landscaping.  I was nearly in tears
when I made it back to the sorority, ashamed and embarrassed of what had happened.  Obviously, I wasn’t as well as I thought I was.  I made it through the door before I felt another wave of nausea come over me and I raced to my room.  I crashed through the bedroom door and just made it into the bathroom before I was sick again.  The commotion must have woken up Reeve because as I was dry heaving into the toilet I felt her come up behind me and pull my hair back with one hand and rub my back with the other.

  Eventually my stomach calmed and I sat, sweaty and disgusting, on the bathroom floor.

   “Well, that was the grossest alarm clock I’ve ever woken up to,” Reeve said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.  She sat on the edge of the tub with a worried look on her face.  “I thought you had some 24 hour bug or something.”

   I shook my head.  “I think it was something I ate,” I managed to say, all the while regretting opening my mouth.  I could still taste the sick and distinct tang of vomit.  I stood up to try to brush my teeth.

   “Well, did you eat the same thing two nights in a row?”  I turned to look at her and shook my head no as I brushed my teeth.  “Hmm.  That’s really strange.”  I turned back to the sink and studied Reeve’s face in the mirror.  She was working something out in her mind and I could almost see the little gears in her mind working overtime. “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that you’re only getting sick in the mornings?”

   As soon as the words were out of her mouth I felt my world drop away from me.  Reeve and I were still looking at each other in the mirror and I watched as her face moved from confused to shocked and I felt my face go from thoughtful to scared and entirely terrified.

   “No.”  I said as I mouthed the word around my toothbrush.  “No, no, no, no.  Not possible,” I said and then spit out the toothpaste mucking up my words.  “Reeve, get that look off your face.  It’s not possible.  I can’t believe you would even say that out loud.”  I wiped my mouth on a towel and walked back into our bedroom.

   “Charlie, I’m sorry.  But, aren’t you even a little bit curious about this?  You’ve gotten sick two mornings in the row, but felt fine in the afternoons.  When was your last period?”

   “Three weeks ago! I’m on the pill, Reeve! I’m not pregnant.”

   “And you haven’t missed any pills lately?”

   “No! I’ve never missed a pill.  It’s practically my religion.  I take them every day at the same time.  I’m very responsible!”

   “Ok, ok.  I’m sorry.  You’re right.  You’re probably not pregnant.” I shot a glare at her.

   “I’m not.”

   “Well, if you’re so sure you’re not, then what’s the harm in taking a test?”

   “I can’t just go and buy a pregnancy test,” I half whispered, half yelled at her.  “What if I see someone at the store?  Or what if I know the cashier?”  I was admittedly starting to panic.

   “I’ll go and buy it for you.  No big deal.  Charlie, people buy pregnancy tests all the time hoping they’re positive.  The cashier doesn’t have to know you’re just a sophomore in college without a job
, or a marriage, or really anything at all.”

   “You are so not helping right now, Reeve.”  I walked over to my bed and put my head in my hands.

   “I’m gonna go buy a test and then you’ll know for sure.”  I heard her moving around the room and knew she was putting clothes on to go to the store for me.  My brain nearly poured steam out of my ear trying to comprehend what was happening.  Had I forgotten a pill?  No, I was sure of it.  Had I taken any antibiotics?  I had heard from my doctor that antibiotics make the birth control pill ineffective.  No, I hadn’t taken any medication
except
the fucking pill.  There was no way I was pregnant.  It was an impossibility.  I took some more deep breaths and watch Reeve continue to ready herself.

   When she was all dressed she stood in front of me clutching her purse to her side.  “There’s no use getting yourself all worked up over nothing.  Don’t start to worry or panic until you’re sure what you’re dealing with.”  Those were her parting words to me as she left to buy me a freaking pregnancy test. Yeah right. Don’t panic.  Sure.

   It might have been the longest thirty minutes of my life that passed until Reeve returned with a small brown paper sack hidden underneath her jacket.

   “I didn’t want to risk any of the sisters seeing it,” she explained.  I wanted to point out that no one would be able to see through the paper sack, but knew she was just trying to help me, so I kept my mouth shut.  She pulled three boxes out of the sack and held them out to me.

   “Three kinds?”

   “Yeah.  I figured you wouldn’t be satisfied with just one.”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “I wouldn’t be,” she added.  I took the three boxes in my hand and took a minute to study the back of each one.

   “Conveniently enough, the directions are all pretty much the same,” I muttered.

   “You’ve always been really good at taking tests,” she said quickly.  I gave her a puzzled look.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t know why I said that.  This is really intense and I just spouted whatever came out of my mouth.  I know this isn’t helping.  Do you want me to get you some water?  Do you think you even have enough pee to take all those tests at the same time?  Maybe I should take one too just so that we have a control test, you know, like, one that will obviously be negative since I haven’t had sex in a millennia?”  I stood up and wrapped Reeve in a tight hug.

   “Thank you for rambling.  I know it’s dumb, but watching you lose your mind a little made me feel better about the fact that I’m about to lose mine.”  I looked down at the tests again.  “What if they’re positive, Reeve?  What am I going to do?”

   “I don’t know, Charlie.  You’ll have to make that decision with Asher, I suppose.”

   “Oh my god, Asher.  I totally hadn’t thought about him.  Shit.”  I dropped my head into my hands.  “This is all kinds of fucked up.”

   “You don’t know anything yet.  Go pee on some sticks.  We won’t know anything until you’ve done it.”

   I looked at the tests in my hands and then at the bathroom door.  Was I ready to do this?  Even though I was sure there was no way for me to be pregnant, I was so careful, it kind of seemed like none of it mattered at that moment.  I had no control over the outcome of the tests and was totally and completely left in the hands of fate.  I felt powerless and it was an unnerving feeling.  I took a deep breath and convinced myself they would be negative.  They had to be.

   I took the tests into the bathroom and peed on all three sticks, which isn’t as easy as all the com
mercials make it seem.  I left all three tests sitting on the counter, walked back into the bedroom and sat down at my desk.  I stared at the clock, waiting for the obligatory three minutes to pass.  Both Reeve and I were stuck in some sort of purgatory for those three minutes.  I stared at a clock and she stared at me.  Frozen.  I possibly had three more minutes of life the way I was used to it.  Three more minutes of being a carefree, nineteen-year-old college student.  Three more minutes to do everything in life I wanted to accomplish before I had kids.  If you think three minutes goes by quickly, try waiting three minutes to see if your life was going to change completely.  It’s agonizingly slow.

   When the time had passed
, I looked at Reeve from my chair.  “I can’t look.”  She nodded at me and walked into the bathroom.  She was in there forever, it felt.  When she finally came out I couldn’t read anything on her face.  She could have just learned the secret of life and I wouldn’t have ever known.  She walked right up to me and placed the tests on the surface of the desk and placed a hand on my shoulder.

  Two pink lines.  A blue plus symbol.  The word pregnant. 

   I was fucked.  In all senses of the word: literally, figuratively, emotionally – fucked. 

   My hand came to my mouth and covered the silent sob that leaked out.  In my head, I heard myself scream so loud that windows shattered.  People came running.  The cops came to investigate.  In reality, I was silently dying inside.  Mouth open, eyes watering, crying but not.  I turned and found Reeve right there, wrapping her arms around me, softly running her hand along my hair, comforting me as everything I knew about my life was changed.
  We stayed like that, her arms wrapped around me as I cried, until I felt like I could breathe normally again.  I pulled away a looked up at her.