The Sheik's Arranged Marriage (18 page)

She let him talk because she couldn’t stop him. She couldn’t say anything but stand there and let the words wash over her. Every cell in her body had frozen in place. Her muscles were stone, her heart lead. His words echoed in her brain over and over again.

I’ve known from the beginning.

No. That wasn’t possible. He couldn’t have known.

Jamal continued talking, but she wasn’t listening. Instead, she retreated inside herself, wading through the waves of humiliation in an attempt to make sense of his revelation.

He’d known? He’d known when he’d first made a date with her and when he’d kissed her? He’d known when he’d come to her bedroom and found her listening for the phone and had asked why she wasn’t working? He’d known when he’d mentioned the Dance of the Seven Veils and then when he’d gone shopping with her?

All her plans, her hopes, her agony.
It had been for nothing. She’d been a fool. She’d been worse than that. She’d been a child, watched by an indulgent parent.

“Heidi?”

She blinked and brought him into focus. He still had that warm, caring expression on his face.
While she wanted to scratch out his eyes.

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Really?
I would have thought you would prefer to have me at your beck and call as both wife and mistress.”

“Don’t be upset. I thought you were charming.” His smile broadened. “At least you’ve gotten better at walking around in high heels.”

Heat flared on her face. She needed to get out of there. She needed to hurt him, too, to make him feel her pain. But she wasn’t sure she could move yet. The shock still held her frozen in place.

He took a step toward her and held out his arms, as if he wanted to hug her. The thought of them touching galvanized her into moving. She jumped back.

“Don’t,” she ordered. She reached up and unfastened the pearls, then flung them at him. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want anything to do with you. You’ve played me for a fool from the beginning. How could you?”

She could feel tears forming, but she refused to give in and cry. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“It was never like that,” he said. He bent down and picked up the pearls, then slid them into his suit-jacket pocket. “Heidi, you have to listen to me. I’m sorry if I’ve said this all wrong. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you do what you had to do.”

She gave a harsh laugh. “You let me? How very nice, but I don’t need you to let me do anything. Don’t you dare patronize
me.
Don’t make this anything more than it was. I was a pathetic fool, and you were laughing at me.”

His expression hardened. “I was never laughing at you, and if that’s what you think, then you don’t know me at all.”

“You’re right, I don’t know you. Nor do I want to.”

She had a lot more she wanted to say, but her stomach suddenly turned over and started a steady rise to her throat. When she got upset and nervous it usually showed up in her stomach, but her threats of nausea often disappeared quickly. This one felt very real.

“Just get out,” she gasped and made a dash for the bathroom. In a matter of minutes, she’d lost her lunch and whatever remained of her breakfast.

After pressing a washcloth to her face and taking plenty of deep breaths, she forced herself to return to the living room. But Jamal was gone.

Heidi walked over to the white sofa and collapsed onto the soft cushions. She was confused and bruised and hurt, and she didn’t know how it had all gone so wrong for so long. He’d known. Dear God, he’d known, and he’d watched her day after day while she’d made a fool of herself.

Heidi leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. The sense of having humiliated herself was so
strong,
she thought she was going to be sick again. Fortunately there was nothing left to throw up.

To think that she’d agonized about telling him the truth. That she’d been in despair about his being unfaithful to her and all the time he’d known. She’d worried about him being angry when he learned the truth. She’d been busy falling in love with him, while he’d been simply laughing at her.

What hurt the most, she admitted to herself, was that for the first time in her life she’d taken a chance. Until she’d decided to try to win some part of Jamal’s heart, all her choices had been safe ones.

She’d listened to the king and Fatima about her education. She’d gone to Swiss finishing school at their request when she hadn’t had much interest in it.
All because she didn’t want to risk making them angry.
She’d come to El Bahar, in part because the palace always made her happy, but also because it was known and safe. She’d even taken the safe route by marrying Jamal rather than standing up for herself.

So for once she’d gone out on a limb and then had that limb broken right from under her. Until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much was on the line. But everything had revolved around her winning her husband, and she’d failed.

She leaned back into the sofa and closed her eyes. Images from the past few weeks passed through her mind. She’d danced for Jamal. She’d worn the ridiculous clothes and worried about messing up. She’d colored her hair endlessly, had suffered through contact lenses. She’d allowed herself to appear pitiful and desperate.

She could imagine how Jamal must be comparing her to the ever-perfect Yasmin. She cringed with the realization that she’d just sentenced herself to fifty years of marriage to a man who would always find her second-best. It would be a long and cold future—with her feeling stupid and Jamal laughing at her foolish dreams.
And Yasmin, always Yasmin, standing between them.

Heidi entered her suite at the palace and gratefully closed the door behind her. All she wanted was to crawl into her room, shut the door and never speak to anyone again. It hurt too much to breathe, let alone think. She felt as if someone had ripped out her heart and then torn it into tiny pieces.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t cried out yet, so tears spilled down her cheeks when she thought of all her hopes and dreams. She’d been such an innocent fool. She’d actually thought she had a prayer of winning her husband, when all the time he’d been laughing at her.

“Jamal told me what happened.”

Heidi gasped and turned toward the voice. She saw
Fatima
sitting in one of the sofas in the suite’s living room.

“He was very upset when he returned from the hotel,” the queen continued.

Heidi brushed away her tears and started for her bedroom. Not the one she’d been sharing with Jamal these past weeks, but the one she’d had when they first married.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quietly. “I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,”
Fatima
said, rising to her feet. She walked toward Heidi. “You see, I’m partly to blame. I knew that Jamal had recognized you right away. He rightfully assumed I’d had some hand in what was going on, and he came to me to talk about it. I’m the one who advised him to play along.”

Heidi hadn’t thought she could feel worse, but she’d been wrong.
A coldness
swept through her, chilling her until she felt as if she’d been lost in a blizzard for days. She clutched her arms to her chest and shook her head.

“I can’t believe that. How could you have done this?”

Fatima
reached her and placed her hand on Heidi’s arm. “It was for the best. At least I thought so at the time. Jamal was very confused, as you can imagine. I reassured him that your intentions were quite positive. You hadn’t set out to mock him or humiliate him. Instead, you wanted to get his attention. When he would have told you he knew, I counseled him to keep silent. I told him that you needed to do this to build up your self-confidence.”

Her lips felt numb, and it was hard to speak. She had to force the words out. “So instead, the mocking and humiliation was mine to endure,” she whispered. “I suppose it makes sense. After all, Jamal is family. I should have realized you would side with him.”

Fatima
’s eyes darkened with compassion and a bit of impatience. “There are no sides in this. I did what was right for both of you. Be angry if you must, but know that I was correct in my assumptions. You needed to learn that you could win your husband’s favor. You could have done it by yourself, but you never believed that. By becoming someone else, you began to believe in yourself and your abilities. Jamal needed to know what lengths his new wife would go to in order to win him. He needed to feel special and cherished. Having you act as Honey accomplished all that.”

Heidi stepped back so she was out of reach of
Fatima
’s touch,
then
turned her back on the older woman.
Fatima
had known. The entire time she’d gone to her for assistance and advice, Jamal’s grandmother had known she, Heidi, was making a fool of herself. She’d never once warned her.

“You let me worry about the dance,” she said quietly, barely able to get out the words. “You let me perform it for him, all the while aware that he wasn’t the least bit fooled.” She spun back to face her. “You could have told me.”

Fatima
gave her a gentle smile. “I know you’re feeling a little foolish right now, but that will pass.”

“Easy for you to say.
You’re not the one who has been laughed at by the entire royal family.”

“You’re exaggerating. Only Jamal and I know the truth. I haven’t shared it with anyone else, and I’m hurt that you would think differently. I have loved you since you were a small girl, and I have always done what was best for you. This was no different. You may be angry at me if you disagree with what I did but don’t ever accuse me of not caring about you.”

Heidi dropped her chin to her chest. As if being emotionally beat up wasn’t enough,
Fatima
had just made her feel like a petulant child. “I know you care about me,” she admitted, “but I am angry about what you did. From my end, it looks like you betrayed me. You set me up to be a complete idiot in front of my husband, and I think that’s wrong.”

Fatima
sighed. “I’m sorry, Heidi. That was never my intent.”

Heidi looked at her. She saw the love in the older woman’s dark eyes.
Love and compassion and concern.
When
Fatima
held out her arms, Heidi rushed into her embrace. She clung to her friend and began to cry.

The tears flowed quickly and easily. Sobs wracked her body.

“Hush,”
Fatima
soothed. “It’s not as horrible as all that.”

“Y-yes, it is. He thinks I’m a fool. Worse, I completely failed to make him care about me.” She’d practically guaranteed that he would only ever love Yasmin.

“I think you’re wrong,” his grandmother said. “I think he cares about you very much. You must speak with him and get this settled.”

“No,” Heidi said, drawing away and straightening up. She brushed away her tears. “I’ll never forgive him. He cheated on me all the while he was laughing at me.”

Fatima
pressed her lips together in a gesture of frustration. “He spent time with you, and he enjoyed what you offered. If he knew it was you being Honey, then he wasn’t unfaithful. Where exactly did Jamal sin so badly?”

Heidi couldn’t answer. Maybe it didn’t make sense to anyone else, but to her it was perfectly clear. Her entire world had been destroyed, and her heart was broken. She’d taken the biggest and probably only risk of her life, and she’d failed. It all came down to one simple truth.

“He doesn’t love me,” she said simply.

Fatima
stared at her. “And you love him.”

“Yes. That’s what makes all of this so horrible.”

The older woman sighed. “You have to give it time,” she said at last. “Jamal will come around.”

If only it were that simple, Heidi thought sadly. But she’d learned her lesson about wishing for the moon.

Heidi curled up on her bed and waited for her stomach to settle down. She’d just thrown up again. That was twice in twenty-four hours. She wished with all her heart that it was something simple like stress or the stomach flu, but she had a bad feeling it was much worse. She was pregnant.

She counted back to her last period,
then
thought about all the times she and Jamal had made love. They’d been intimate daily for the past month. In fact there were several days they’d done it more than once. They’d never discussed birth control. The concept had never crossed her mind. Besides, she was married. Getting pregnant was part of her job.

Just yesterday morning Jamal had talked about wanting children. He’d urged her to think about the idea.
Looked like it was too late for that.
Regardless of whether or not she was ready, she was going to have a baby.
Which meant she wasn’t going to be leaving El Bahar anytime soon.
El Baharian law did not permit a wife to leave her husband while she was pregnant. The only exception was if that husband physically abused her. Then she was free to go. Heidi figured it was highly unlikely to imagine Jamal taking a hand to her. So here she stayed…probably for the rest of her life.

She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. What was she going to do? In less than a day her entire world had changed and not for the better. After her talk with
Fatima
, she’d retreated to this room and had refused to leave. Jamal had knocked several times, asking her to speak with him, but she wouldn’t. He was too proud to carry on a conversation through a closed door, so he’d eventually left. But she knew she couldn’t stay in here forever.

She was going to have to come to terms with the new circumstances in her life. She was going to have to get used to the fact that she’d put herself in a humiliating position and that the man she loved was laughing at her. Then she was going to have to figure out a way to find peace in her marriage.
For her own sake as well as the sake of her child.

She didn’t have a choice. A regular woman could divorce her husband after the birth of her child and work out custody arrangements. But she was a princess, married to a son of the king. There would be no joint custody for her. If she left after the baby was born, she would leave alone. Heidi couldn’t imagine abandoning her child, which meant she had to stay married to Jamal. Even if neither of them wanted the marriage.

A sharp pain ripped through her chest. She knew its cause and wondered if it would ever go away. Despite everything, she didn’t want her marriage to end. She still loved Jamal.
Which made her the biggest idiot on the planet.
Her heart was on the line—given to a man still in love with someone else.

There was a knock on the door. She raised herself up on one elbow. Rihana had been appearing at regular intervals, bringing Heidi trays of food. As much as she didn’t want to eat, she forced herself to choke down the food for the sake of the baby.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“Malik.”

Heidi sat up and stared at the door in surprise.
Malik?
She scrambled to her feet and let him in.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, unable to believe that the Crown Prince of El Bahar stood in her bedroom. He was only an inch or two taller than Jamal and Khalil, but he appeared bigger. Perhaps it was his responsibilities and his destiny that made him appear larger than life. Again Heidi breathed a prayer of thanks that the king hadn’t asked her to marry Malik. She had no desire to be queen.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Malik said, shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if he felt awkward about the conversation. He shoved his hands into his slacks pockets and stared at her. “Whatever Jamal did, it’s not his fault.”

Heidi returned to her bed, where she sat cross-legged in her jeans. She motioned to the single chair by the window, but Malik shook his head in refusal.

“How like a man,” she began, “to side with another man without getting the facts straight.”

Malik looked at her. He was as darkly handsome as Jamal, and for a moment Heidi felt a stab of longing to see her husband. She pushed away the thought—it would only weaken her.

“Jamal’s a good man,” his brother said. “You know
that as well as I do
.” He hesitated,
then
looked at her. “I have a question. It’s going to sound very strange, but please answer it. I think it might be significant.”

“All right.”

“That first night you were here in El Bahar. You had dinner with Jamal and the family. Later he took you out into the garden. Did he kiss you?”

She didn’t need any prompting to remember that night. She’d been terrified that she was going to be forced into a marriage she didn’t want. She’d been desperate to avoid the situation…right up until Jamal had kissed her. That had been her first kiss, and she’d found herself loving the experience. Everything had felt so right in his arms.

Despite her pain, she smiled at the memory. “Yes, he did.”

Malik swore under his breath. “I knew it. But he never said a word.”

“Why would he?”

“Because we had a bet.”

Malik quickly explained how he’d bet his brother that Jamal couldn’t coax a smile out of Heidi, let alone a kiss. “There was a lot on the line,” Malik continued. “If he won, I’d give him my car for a week. But if I won and he didn’t kiss you, then I had use of his prize stallion for six of my mares. The next morning he swore nothing had happened.”

She frowned. “He denied kissing me?”

“Exactly.”
Malik looked pleased with himself, as if that explained everything.

“You’re saying I should be happy that my husband was ashamed to admit he’d kissed me?” she asked.

“No. You don’t understand. The fact that he wouldn’t talk about it meant that the kiss mattered. Men don’t talk about relationships when they’re important to us. If a man is telling everyone about a woman he’s being intimate with, then she’s a meaningless fling. My point is you mattered to Jamal even then.”

Heidi looked doubtfully at her brother-in-law. “That’s very twisted logic.”

“No. It makes perfect sense.” He took another step toward her. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you. Jamal won’t tell me. But he feels horrible about whatever it is. I just wanted you to know that even at the beginning you mattered to him. You still matter, and you should give him a break.”

He shrugged. “That’s it. That’s all I had to say.” He turned on his heel and left.

Heidi stared at the closed door. Had her brother-in-law, the future king, just given her marital counseling? More importantly, was he right? Did she matter to Jamal?

She turned the idea over in her mind and wished there was a way to be sure.
Because while she desperately wanted love, she would accept caring, if Jamal really felt the emotion.
At this point she would be thrilled with caring because she was trapped in this marriage, and she hated the idea of living her life with a man who despised her.