The Secret Wife (27 page)

* * *

Elissa picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. After two rings, her sister picked up. “Hello?”

“Hi, Fallon, it’s me.”

“Oh, no. You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

Elissa smiled, despite the ache in her heart. “Here I’ve sipped hot tea, splashed my face with water and tried to think happy thoughts, all before calling you. How can you know I’ve been crying?”

“Because I know and love you. What’s going on?”

Elissa hunched deeper into the corner of her sofa. The apartment that had been her home for nearly three years was now cold and unfamiliar. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t find a comfortable position. It was as if the very fabric of her world had been ripped apart and she was left dangling in the wind.

“I’m back in Los Angeles,” she said.

“What?”

Elissa quickly filled her in, sparing no details, including Cole’s determination to believe that she would leave him.

“I love him,” Elissa said as the tears began again. “But it’s hopeless. He’ll never trust me. There I was, packing to go with him to New York and he assumed I was walking out on him. What kind of hideous person does that make me? Bad enough that he thinks I would leave, but on the day he hears about his grandfather? He must think I’m subhuman. N-now—” Her voice cracked. “Now he’s got that inheritance and he doesn’t even need my money.” She sniffed. “Hold on. I have to get a tissue.”

As she set the phone down and crossed to the box on the kitchen table, she had the oddest sense of dèja vu. As if this scene had played itself out before.

She realized it had. When she’d left Cole five years ago. History repeating itself. When would she be free of that trap?

“Did you really think Cole would ever be interested in you for your money?” Fallon asked when Elissa said she was back.

“No, but I thought it might help.”

“That’s crazy. Cole wouldn’t care. If anything, it would annoy him.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell him before. But when I told him yesterday, he said he already knew and it didn’t matter. He said my giving stuff to the orphanage was n-nice.” Her voice cracked as new tears rushed down her cheeks. “Men in love don’t say words like nice. He doesn’t love me. I don’t think he ever did. It’s hopeless.”

“Hush. You’re going to be fine.” Fallon made soothing noises.

“Now I have to figure out what to do with my life. I’m so confused.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

Elissa sniffed. Something wasn’t right. Fallon always had something to say about everything.

“What are you thinking?” Elissa asked.

“That’s not important. Right now you need to focus on getting through one day at a time. You don’t have to make a decision about your future right now.”

Elissa frowned. “Fallon, I really want to know what you think about the situation. I value your opinion and your advice.”

“You sure?”

Something in Fallon’s tone told Elissa she was going to regret it, but she said, “Yes,” anyway.

There was a pause on the line, then a rapid burst of conversation.

“Grow up,” Fallon said. “There you are crying in your apartment because Cole is in New York at his grandfather’s funeral. Poor little Elissa. Cole doesn’t trust you. Cole doesn’t love you. Why should he? Look at yourself. You’re upset, claiming he’s not in your life, but you’re the one who left.” She spoke slowly, emphasizing the last five words.

“This is what you always do,” she continued. “You have this bizarre notion that the only way you matter is by acting in a certain way or performing a task. When we were growing up you always had to be the perfect one. For a long time I thought you did it to show Kayla and me up. But that wasn’t it at all. You did it because you thought if you didn’t, our parents wouldn’t love you.”

Fallon drew in a breath. “Honey, we all love you for you. Nothing else. It’s not what you say or what you do. It’s who you are. I’m not saying you can get over this in a few minutes, but I think if you’re aware of it you’ll deal with it more easily.”

Elissa was glad she was sitting down. Fallon’s assessment of her character had her reeling, maybe because it was so accurate. Still, it was humiliating to have her most private flaws discussed publicly. “But I—”

“Not yet,” Fallon said. “I’m not finished. Cole invited you to meet his grandfather, he came to you after he’d recovered from the shock of hearing the man had died. He probably wanted you to go with him to the funeral, but when he saw you packing, he jumped to conclusions. After the past you two shared, do you blame him? If he doesn’t trust you, he’s obviously a very smart man. Instead of standing your ground and insisting you go with him to New York, you left. By walking out, you just proved him right. About everything, little sister.”

Elissa sat feeling stunned. Her tears had stopped and her mouth was hanging open. She closed it, then asked, “Are you done now?”

“No, but I’ll let you talk.”

“I’m not sure where to start defending myself.”

“Don’t bother. You were a hundred percent in the wrong.”

It was as if her words clicked on a light in her brain. Elissa sat up straight and gasped. “Oh, no,” she whispered.

Images from her time at the orphanage flashed through her mind. Memories from the past, incidents, conversations.

“I did it again,” she said, wondering why she hadn’t figured it out for herself. “I left him yesterday just like I did five years ago. I wanted him to prove he cared by making me stay. I wanted him to make me feel special and important.”

“Doesn’t he do that anyway?” Fallon asked.

“All the time.” Elissa clutched the receiver more tightly. “Every moment he’s with me I know I’m so lucky. All his touches, all his actions. He cares about me. If it’s not love, it’s very close. If I’d stayed…”

She dropped her head to her knees. “What have I done?”

“You’ve made a mistake. It’s done some damage, but it’s not fatal.”

“I told him I wanted a divorce.”

“That was so stupid, Elissa,” Fallon snapped, then sighed. “Sorry. I know you need me to be supportive. I lost it for a second. Go to him and tell him you realize you were acting like a child, trying to get his attention. He deserves the honesty, if nothing else.”

“What if he won’t give me another chance?”

“Beg. Camp out on his doorstep if you have to. Move back into the orphanage and campaign to win him back. Send a notarized letter promising you’ll never leave again, no matter what. Prove to him you’ve learned your lesson.”

“Thanks, Fallon. I appreciate the advice.”

“No problem. Call me if you need anything else, or just to talk.”

“I will. I’ve got to do some thinking now, so I’m going to go.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up.

Elissa covered her face with her hands. She’d been a fool. In her childish quest for attention, she’d thrown everything away. Risked it all. And for what?

Would Cole be willing to give her another chance? If she were in his position, would she trust herself? She didn’t think so. Still, she had to try. Somehow, she would figure out a way to convince him.

* * *

Cole waited for the elevator doors to open, then stepped out into the thickly carpeted hotel corridor. The funeral was over, as was the reading of the will. He had another appointment with the attorney tomorrow, to go over the details. Right now he was too tired to think. All he wanted to do was fall into his bed and sleep.

Yet lately sleep wouldn’t come. As soon as he shut out the lights, all he would do was remember Elissa and miss her. He figured the wound would stop bleeding in time. Maybe in a hundred years or so. Maybe when he was dead.

In addition to all his financial wealth, his grandfather had left him a great apartment. The penthouse, of course. Maybe he would consider staying in New York. There was plenty of work to do. If he could keep busy enough, he might trick himself into forgetting.

Or he could do the smart thing and go after her. The long flight had given him time to think. Elissa had been packing to come with him; she’d been willing to stand by him. His assumption that she was leaving—more proof that he refused to trust her—had driven her away. If he was alone now, he could only blame himself.

He had to find a way to get her back. She had loved him once; surely he could convince her to love him again. At one time he wouldn’t have taken the chance or risked trusting her. His grandfather’s death had taught him differently. Time was precious. He and his wife had been given a second chance, unless they were both stubborn enough and foolish enough to throw it away.

He was determined to prevent that from happening again. They’d already lost so many years, because he wasn’t willing to put it all on the line. Funny how he could risk everything for a deal, but in matters of the heart he played it safe. Caution had nearly cost him the person who mattered most.

As he reached his door, he heard someone call his name. He glanced up. The floor concierge walked toward him.

“Mr. Stephenson, I need to speak to you for a moment. I’ve done something and if it’s wrong, I need to correct it right away.” The man was in his late twenties, well dressed in a tailored suit and expensive shoes. His hands twisted together nervously.

“What’s the problem?” Cole asked.

“Your wife is here. She asked me to let her into your room, and I did. As I said, if that’s a problem, I’ll be happy to remove her.”

Elissa? Here?

He fumbled with the key and realized his hands were shaking. “You did fine,” he said, jamming in the plastic key. At last the green light flashed and there was a click as the mechanism unlocked. “Just fine.”

“Thank you, sir. If there’s anything—”

Cole stepped inside and closed the door, cutting off the other man’s words.

He’d left in the afternoon and now it was after 8:00 p.m., so he would have expected the suite his grandfather’s attorney had reserved for him to be in darkness. Instead, soft light glowed from the sitting room and spilled onto the carpet from the bedroom beyond.

He saw proof of Elissa’s presence. Her purse on the table by the door. A pair of pumps next to the sofa. A bottle of his favorite white wine chilling on ice. Relief so sweet he could taste it swept through him. He didn’t care why she’d come back. If there were conditions, he would meet all of them. He loved her and he never wanted to lose her again.

He sensed movement and turned toward the balcony. Curtains fluttered in front of open doors that beckoned him. He walked across the floor and stepped out into the moonlit darkness.

She stood at the railing, facing the park. Instead of one of her usual summer dresses, she wore a tailored black suit. The style flattered her figure, drawing attention to her slim waist and long legs. She’d piled her hair on top of her head, leaving her neck bare. His arms ached to hold her; his mouth wanted to touch the delicate skin at her nape.

She stiffened slightly as if she’d sensed his presence. Slowly she turned toward him. Without saying anything, she crossed to him and hugged him close.

For that moment, as she offered and he accepted comfort, there was no need for words. They communicated with touch, her body telling him of her sorrow on his behalf and of her willingness to be what he needed. At least for now.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. Numb.”

“I’m so sorry about your grandfather,” she said. “I wish you could have met him.”

“Me, too. We talked on the phone, but I wanted more. I wanted to meet him and look him in the eye.”

The heat of her body reminded him of their last parting. “Elissa, I—”

“No.” She cut him off with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry, but I have to go first. There’s a lot I have to tell you and I don’t want to forget it.”

She disentangled herself and returned to the balcony railing. “I don’t remember the city being this pretty,” she said.

“That’s because the view from our apartment wasn’t this nice.”

“Maybe. I prefer to think it’s because I’ve changed.” She shrugged. “Not that I expect you to believe that. After the way I behaved a couple of days ago, I don’t deserve anything from you. All my promises of love and commitment. All the times I said I wasn’t leaving and at the first test, I bolt. Some lessons are hard to learn.”

“You don’t have to tell me this.”

“Yes, I do. When we were first married, I was terrified of you. Not that you would hurt me in any way, but that you would be disappointed by me.”

“But I loved you.”

“I know that now, but then I wasn’t so sure. I never had much confidence. As the middle of my sisters, I was always the peacemaker. I had a role. I believed that I had value because of what I did or what I could give. That never really changed. When I married you, there didn’t seem to be anything I could give you. You were always working late, so I couldn’t cook. The sex was a problem, so I wasn’t offering much there. In the end, rather than face my own shortcomings, it was easier to believe you didn’t care about me. So I left, fully expecting you to come after me. But you didn’t.”

“I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I wasn’t going to force you to stay with me.”

“I know that now. At the time all I could see was another rejection. I lived with that for years, until the inheritance gave me the false confidence to try again. This time I was going to be Lady Bountiful, giving to all in need.”

He thought of all she’d given. Not in money, but in time and caring. “The children adore you.”

“And I love them. But it’s not about the money or gifts, is it? They don’t know it was me and they still care. I think that’s when I started to get it. That’s when I started to realize that I had value on my own. But I was still afraid.”

She turned toward him. The light from the hotel room spilled onto the balcony, illuminating her features. Her smile was sad. “I think I would have been able to hang in there if you hadn’t inherited all that money. Once you had that, I realized you didn’t need me. Again. The past overwhelmed me and I ran, as I had before.”

He crossed to her and took her hands. “This time I was coming after you.”

She squeezed his fingers. “I’m glad it didn’t come to that. I finally get it, Cole. It’s not about the money or who comes after whom. It’s about loving myself enough to believe someone else would bother. I’m not sure I’m a hundred percent on that, but I’m working on the problem.”