The Secret Sin (15 page)

“Then go with her,” he said. “Talk to her parents. Tell them who you are and say you want to be a part of her life.”

His advice was exactly the same as Ryan’s. Neither of them seemed to realize it wasn’t that simple.

“Part of my reason for letting Helene adopt Lindsey was selfish, but not all of it,” he continued. “When you were ready to be part of her life, I wanted you to know where she was.”

Annie wasn’t sure she could bring herself to believe him.

“I don’t even know where she is right now,” Annie said. “She was pretty upset when she took off on the bicycle.”

“Then go find her,” he said.

Knowing that was the best thing to do, Annie tried to find Lindsey, but she soon discovered the bike Lindsey had taken on her wild ride was back with the rest of the inventory. The girl was nowhere in sight. Neither was Hobo.

Jill, who was filling in at the shop, mentioned that a visibly upset Lindsey had asked to use the phone, saying her cell was dead. She’d called someone to pick her up, but the clerk didn’t know who. Annie’s best guess was Ryan.

Trying not to panic, Annie went back to the house and called him. His cell phone went straight to voice mail. The answering machine picked up at his home number.

Annie paced to the kitchen, where her father was pouring a cup of black coffee. “Ryan would have turned his cell off if they’re in church. That’s where we were headed this morning before I found that camera.”

Her father arched one eyebrow. “Ryan knows about Lindsey?”

“It would have been wrong to keep it from him, Dad,” she said. “Since Lindsey arrived, he’s been spending a lot of time with us.”

Something must have given away her feelings for Ryan because speculation entered his eyes. “Are you and Ryan together?”

“We were. We’re not anymore.” Her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath. “I’d tell you about it, but it’s a long story and I need to check if they’re in church.”

“Tell me the short version then.”

She inhaled, wondering how to sum up all that had gone wrong in a single heartbreaking sentence. “He asked when I was going to get my port-wine stain removed.”

“Of course he did,” her father said. “He’s a doctor.”

“But…” Annie began, then found she couldn’t finish the sentence.

“To tell you the truth, I’ve often wondered the same thing myself,” her father said. “I know it can be done.”

Annie had no doubt her father loved her exactly the way she was yet she hadn’t been willing to give Ryan that same benefit of doubt.

Because she was afraid.

Not only of being with Ryan, but of taking a chance that they could have Lindsey in their lives.

Just as he’d claimed.

Even now fear made her feet feel as if they were stuck in quicksand. She couldn’t examine her motives for it or let it paralyze her, not when she wasn’t absolutely sure Lindsey was safe.

“Will you stay here and call me on my cell if Lindsey shows up?” she asked.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

She ran out the door and to her car.

All the way she prayed for courage.

R
YAN CHECKED
the back of the church for what must have been the tenth time. In the row behind him, the elderly lady who’d taught him in elementary school had smiled at him the first two or three times. Now she made a circular motion with her index finger and pointed toward the pulpit.

The service was nearly half over. It seemed Lindsey and Annie weren’t going to show, which didn’t make sense. Why agree to meet him at church and then stand him up? No matter how Annie felt about him, she wouldn’t have gone against the arrangements Lindsey had made.

Something wasn’t right.

“Excuse me. Can I please get through?” He used a hushed voice to make the request of the couple standing between him and the aisle. He didn’t wait for their answer, turning his body sideways and edging in front of them until he was free of the pew. He thought he stepped on the woman’s purse, but heard her say something that sounded like “ow” and was pretty sure he’d gotten her foot instead.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Several members of the congregation regarded him
with interest as he hurried down the aisle, driven by an urgency he didn’t entirely understand.

Outside the church, Main Street was deserted, the shops and restaurants not yet open for business. The curbs along the primary thoroughfare and side streets were crammed with the cars of the people attending services.

Ryan switched on his cell phone, and an icon indicating he had a voice mail immediately popped up. Moving farther away from the church entrance, he started to press the button that accessed his messages when he saw Annie’s familiar pickup pull up.

She got out of the driver’s seat, leaving the door standing open behind her. His heart began to race. In tennis shoes, khaki shorts and a T-shirt, she clearly wasn’t dressed for church. Lindsey wasn’t with her, either.

He met her halfway, alarmed by the strain on her face. “Annie, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Lindsey,” she said. “Please tell me she’s with you.”

His chest grew tight, and he now fully understood the blind panic associated with being a parent. “She’s not. Why did you think she was?”

“She called somebody this morning to come pick her up.”

The heaviness in his chest loosened but didn’t abate. That didn’t sound as bad as he’d feared.

“I haven’t spoken to her since last night.” He took her by the shoulders, feeling them tremble. He fought to keep a clear head. “Tell me what this is about.”

He listened while she explained about finding the stolen camera under Lindsey’s bed and their ensuing argument.

“I was going to give her a chance to explain when she got back from her bike ride except she took off again.” Annie’s face was pinched and drawn. “Jill—she’s working in the shop today—said Lindsey was still really upset.”

The story sounded off, and not just because it seemed wildly out of character for Lindsey to steal the camera. “If she had an explanation, why wouldn’t she come back and tell you what it was?”

“I should have gone after her. I might have if my dad hadn’t showed up.” Annie stopped, her eyes growing huge and pained. “Oh, no!”

“What?”

“My dad cut his trip short so he could talk to me in person about Lindsey’s adoption.” She put both hands to her mouth. “What if Lindsey did come back? What if she overheard us?”

“Wouldn’t you have noticed?”

“We had the screen door open. If she was standing on the porch, she could have heard everything.” Annie looked as though someone had punched her in the gut. “Oh, Ryan. I mentioned you, too. What if she heard all of it? What if she knows we’re her birth parents?”

Her theory would explain why he hadn’t been the person Lindsey had called. He made himself focus. “Let’s look at this logically. Lindsey knew whoever she called. We need to figure out who that was.”

“Sierra?” Annie asked with audible hope.

“She’s inside with Chad.” He jerked his head at the church.

“How about Chase and Kelly?” Annie suggested.
“Lindsey liked babysitting for them. You have a number for Chase, don’t you?”

“I do.” Ryan quickly got Chase on his cell phone, but the forest ranger was at work on patrol duty. He gave Ryan his home number. The phone rang five times before Kelly answered.

Annie was white-faced when he hung up, anticipating his report.

“Kelly hasn’t heard from her, either,” he said.

“Lindsey must have overheard us,” Annie said. “I was so stupid. I should have been more careful, especially after she eavesdropped that time when I was talking to Jason.”

“Annie, stop.” He took both of her hands in his. “You are not stupid. Far from it. I would not have fallen so hard for a stupid woman.”

“Oh, Ryan—”

He put two fingers over her lips. “You don’t have to say anything. Right now we need to find Lindsey.”

She nodded once, and he took his fingers away from her lips. He tried to keep the heartache over things not working out with Annie at bay. Now was not the time to feel sorry for himself.

“Any ideas?” he asked.

“Just one,” she said and told him what it was.

T
WO HOURS
later, Annie was out of ideas.

Considering she’d had only the single brainstorm, that was not good news. She hadn’t given up on her hunch that Lindsey was with Jason Garrity, but so far she couldn’t prove it.

She’d had her father look up an address in Jason’s employee file, but Jason wasn’t home. Driving around Indigo Springs searching for his car, an older-model green Civic, also proved fruitless.

There was nothing left to do but return to the river rafters. She surveyed the familiar surroundings as they pulled into the dirt parking lot, trying to figure out what about the scene was wrong.

The trailers awaited the return of the morning rafting group, the mountain bikes were lined up outside the building and the river continued its timeless flow. The setting was awash in sunlight, a perfect enticement to tourists seeking to experience the sheer beauty of a day on the river, Just like always.

A dog barked when they got out of the car, and she realized what was out of place.

Hobo was back.

“Hobo was with Lindsey, right?” Ryan asked just as the dog bounded toward him, putting his paws on Ryan’s thighs, begging to be petted.

“Right,” Annie answered as her eyes scanned the parking lot, zeroing in on Jason’s green Civic.

The teenager suddenly was exiting the shop, swiping his long hair back from his face in a familiar gesture. That was when he saw them.

Ryan strode up to Jason, reaching him before Annie did. “Is Lindsey with you?” he demanded.

Jason scuffed one sneaker clad foot in the dirt, delaying his answer while Annie wanted to shake it out of him. “I took her to the train station in Paoli.”

A vein in Ryan’s temple bulged, but he kept himself under control. “You drove a thirteen-year-old girl to the train station and left her there?”

“Hey, she asked me to, okay? She said she couldn’t stand it here any longer.” Jason looked pointedly at Annie. “She said it was because you accused her of stealing that camera, but I’m not sure that was everything. She was pretty upset.”

His observation was further confirmation that Lindsey had overheard Annie and her father. Annie’s heart sank.

“Another reason for you not to leave her at the train station,” Ryan retorted.

Some of Jason’s bravado faded. “I didn’t do so great. I realize that. But I asked the ticket-taker to keep an eye on her. Then I came here.”

“To bring Hobo back.” Annie wasn’t willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“To tell you where to find her,” Jason said defiantly. “Her train doesn’t leave for another couple hours.”

Annie nodded once, which was all the thanks she could muster. After shooting Jason a scathing look, Ryan grabbed her hand. “We should go.”

She went with him toward the pickup, but they hadn’t gotten more than a few steps when Jason called her name.

“There’s something else I need to tell you.” He looked down at the ground before lifting his chin and meeting her eyes. “I’m the one who took that camera.”

She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was.

“I didn’t even want the camera or anything, but that guy called me an idiot,” he said. “I was just trying to cause him some grief.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Annie asked.

“To get Lindsey off the hook,” he said. “And because I needed to. I’ll understand if you tell the police.”

Annie was more likely to leave it up to the customer whether to press charges, but for now she was content to let Jason stew.

She and Ryan made their way to the truck. She handed him the keys, wordlessly asking him to drive.

“Let’s go find our daughter,” Annie said.

It wasn’t just the first time she’d allowed herself to speak of Lindsey that way…it was the first time she’d thought it.

I
T HAD
only been ten days since Annie had last been at the train station in Paoli, but it seemed a lifetime ago. So much had happened, not only with Lindsey, but with the man driving her pickup.

Her feelings for Ryan were so jumbled she couldn’t sort them out, but she did know one thing for certain—he had grown into a good man. A man she could count on in a crisis.

“Should I park first or drop you off?” he asked when the train station was in view.

He was really asking if Annie wanted to be the one to explain what Lindsey had overheard. That was only fair, she realized.

Annie had made the decision to give her up.

“Drop me off,” she said, but hesitated when he stopped the truck in front of the building. It felt as though her safety net had been yanked from under her.

He touched her cheek and met her eyes. “Go on. I’ll be there in a minute. Everything’s going to be fine.”

She nodded, although once inside she was afraid Lindsey would never forgive her.

The train station was only a fraction as busy as it had been the last time she’d been there, enabling her to spot Lindsey almost immediately. She stopped dead, feeling her heart thump.

Her daughter was sitting in the same spot where Annie had first seen her. No, that wasn’t true. The first time Annie had laid eyes on her she was a sweet-faced, crying newborn.

Lindsey was listening to her iPod, her eyes fixed on a spot in front of her. She wore the yellow dress she’d put on for church, but with her body slumped and her legs thrust out in front of her, she looked like a little girl instead of the young woman Annie had once mistaken her for.

She also looked miserable.

Drawing in a deep breath, Annie walked toward her. “Hello, Lindsey.”

The girl straightened, her posture growing rigid. She turned, and Annie could see the tracks of dried tears on her face. Lindsey shut off her iPod and took out her earbuds.

“Hello,
Mom.
” Her watery blue eyes muted her sarcasm.

Annie longed to take her in her arms and comfort her, but stayed where she was. The pain of being abandoned
by her own mother had never really gone away. For Lindsey, the wound was fresh.

“I can explain,” Annie said.

Lindsey didn’t reply, continuing to gaze at Annie with that same downhearted expression. Annie wondered if she could say anything that would be sufficient.

“I never meant to deceive you,” Annie said. “I didn’t know you’d been adopted by friends of my father. I was just as shocked to find out the truth as you were.”

“So it really is true?” Lindsey’s voice shook and it seemed as though her whole body was trembling. “You really are my mother?”

“Yes,” Annie said. “I am.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Lots of reasons,” Annie said. “I didn’t think it was my place. I wasn’t sure how much your parents had told you about me. But mostly because I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Lindsey asked in a soft, hesitant voice.

“Afraid you wouldn’t forgive me for giving you up.” Annie moved to the bench and sat down next to her daughter, desperate to make her understand. “I was only sixteen years old when I got pregnant, seventeen when I gave birth. I couldn’t give you the life you deserved so I asked my father to make sure you went to a loving family.”

Lindsey said nothing, her huge blue eyes brimming with tears.

“Giving you up was the hardest thing I ever did,” Annie said. “When the nurse took you away from me,
it felt like my heart was being ripped out. That’s when I understood what it was like to love somebody.”

A few of the unshed tears in Lindsey’s eyes escaped and trickled down her face.

“Oh, sweetie,” Annie said. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Lindsey flung herself into Annie’s arms, the tears flowing freely now. After a few moments, Lindsey said, “I was afraid you didn’t love me. I thought you wouldn’t care if I went back to Pittsburgh.”

Annie held on to her for precious moments, then held Lindsey slightly away from her. She brushed back the hair from her daughter’s face, awed that the girl had forgiven her so easily. “Of course I love you. We both do.”

“Both?” Lindsey asked.

“Ryan’s here with me,” Annie said. “He’s parking the truck. You should know that he wanted to tell you right off the bat that we were your birth parents.”

“Ryan’s my father?” Lindsey stared at her in obvious shock.

Too late Annie realized the girl must not have listened at the door long enough to hear that pertinent piece of information. She started to apologize, then thought better of it. Lindsey wanted the truth and now she had it.

“Ryan’s your father,” she stated.

Out of the corner of her eye, Annie caught Ryan striding toward them. “There he is now.”

Lindsey’s head whipped around, then she looked back at Annie in awe.

“Ryan’s my father,” Lindsey repeated, the words no longer a question but a statement.

She scrambled to her feet and practically flew across the floor of the train station, flinging herself into Ryan’s arms. He hugged her and twirled her around, father and daughter wearing identical expressions of joy.