The Scale (Martha's Way) (39 page)

She turned to face the two people who had forgiven her
stupid act. “I’ve learned love is accepting, especially self-acceptance.
Compromising.
Keely and Blake, learn to compromise because
it is better to bend a little than to break. Love is anger, forgiveness,
passion. May all of your ups and downs only be in the
bedroom.
”

The statement drew applause from the crowd and a slight
blush from her sister. Minka smiled.

“But if you do have quarrels that push you apart, may both
of you have the good sense to take the first step back.

“Take no notice of small faults, no one is perfect. You will
laugh and shed tears together. And no matter where you are, in separate rooms
or event distant cities, may you always be connected. So today, on this
beautiful night, I ask everyone to raise their glasses and toast to Mr. and
Mrs. Alexander as they start their forever.”

Minka looked up from her paper to where Jason had sat and
hoped her message had touched him, only the seat next to Claire was now empty.
He was gone.

Nausea pained her stomach, heart, and chest. Claire, who had
become a friend, smiled sadly at her. Her legs felt weak and she held on to the
chair for support. Minka felt her sister and Blake pull her into a hug.

“I love you, sis,” they both said to her.

“I’m sure he went back to his house to pack,” Blake
whispered in her ear. “Go after him before he leaves.”

Pack?
Jason was leaving?

“He goes to France for a month every summer,” Blake
explained. “Go tell him you love him. He needs to hear it from you and not a
bunch of stubborn ass men like me. We tried to talk some sense into him.”

Moved by the knowledge that each of his friends had fought
on her behalf, she looked over where Adam and Forrest stood talking to the rest
of Jason’s closest. The two men gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. She smiled
at them, showing her appreciation.

“Here.” Blake handed her the key to his SUV. “We will find a
way back to the inn.”

Besides the incident with Phillip, until the night at Vapors
she had played safe all her life. Followed the rules, accepted being in the
shadow. She probably would have continued her life as such, except she had
fallen in love. It blindsided her, of course, because that was the last thing
on her mind and was detected way too late.

Jason had pulled her out of her element, made her feel
things, made her want to fight for love. Decisively she took the offered key
with firm intention on achieving her goal—to fight for love.

Chapter Thirty

"Love has no
awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale… Love loves; this is its
nature."

Howard Thurman

Desperation to balance the scales and resolve the situation
had been the driver for Minka’s risk-taking behavior tonight.

Well, she hoped her words stirred something inside him. She
hoped he would lower his guard and hear her out.

Instead here in the middle of the night, she sat in Jason’s
driveway practically stalking his house. She knew he was in there—she was parked
right next to his beloved Jeep—but the house was
pitch
black.

Oh God, please let him still be here.

Minka ran a trembling hand through her curls. The last two
weeks had been the best weeks of her adult years. Just the idea, the
possibility of Jason not being in her life left a hole in her heart, as if a
piece of her had already gone missing.

He loved her. Not that he had professed his undying love,
but those closest to him had managed to convince her so. And let’s not forget
he had told her he needed her. That was as close to a love declaration as
anything else.

She loved him with every piece of her.

That had to be enough.

The light from his bedroom sparkled from the otherwise dark
house and his shadow came into view, causing her to jump.

This was her opportunity, when she should leap out of her
car and sprint to his door, into his arms. Instead, doubts crept up and peeked
over her insecurities. What the hell had she done? She was sitting in Jason’s
driveway in the middle of the night, in her silk organza dress, convinced she
could get him to listen.

Her mind went to the worst-case scenario, such as Jason
kicking her out of his house, or even more humiliating, to come face to face
with Lisa in all her glory, reminding Minka she had reached her expiration date.
The woman made it obvious she wanted a piece of him, and the last Minka knew
she and Jason had ceased to exist.

Oh yeah, she should definitely put the car on reverse and
make a run for it.
As fast as she could.

Minka shook her head in an effort to ignore the empty
feeling in the pit of her stomach and gathered her scattered thoughts. She
needed to stay focused. She had driven here determined to get Jason to listen.
She needed to do that, to try. After that she would walk away.

Her fingers were about to press on the doorbell once more
when the door swung open, bringing her face to face with Jason. He stood before
her in a pair of low-slung black Polo boxers that clung to every piece of him.
A towel thrown over his shoulder, his hair wet. An image of Jason dripping wet
with the water running over his hard body flashed before her eyes

Minka sucked in a breath. Her well-rehearsed dialogue melted
away.

Somewhere in the deep end of her cranium, she heard Jason’s
voice calling out to her. She snapped back to reality and tried to regain her
composure.

“Oh, um…” she mumbled, struggling to focus.

He stepped aside to make room for her to enter the house.
“For a second there you went into a trance. Is everything okay?”

Actually no, everything was not okay. He had walked out of
her life. But more importantly, he had no right to look that good in boxers or
answer his door wearing next to nothing. She could have been a burglar for
Pete’s sake, or worse, a female burglar. She would have jumped his bones.

Minka wanted to jump his bones.

With her heart thundering in her chest, she walked past him
into the house. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. His look
was pensive, his mouth unfriendly.

“What can I do for you, Minka?”

Me. You can do me.
Right here, right now. I’ve missed you. I love you.

“You left the wedding early,” she said with what strength
she had left. She turned and met his gaze. “You didn’t even say goodbye.”

An expression crossed over his face, but it was so fleeting
it barely registered.

“Blake and Keely were aware I had to leave early.”

“I meant to me.” Her unexpected boldness surprised him, and
this gave her strength. “Do you hate me that much?”

“I don’t hate you, Minka. I dislike what you did.”

A full minute of silence passed between them,
then
he closed the door behind her and started to walk down
the hall where he grabbed his jeans hanging on a chair. She detected the
overnight bag.

“You’re leaving tonight?”

He slipped into the jeans but didn’t fasten the button. She
was disappointed he felt the need to put his jeans on around her.

“Tomorrow morning,” he said. “Tonight I’m heading to
Boston.”

Massachusetts Gazette was headquartered in Boston, which
meant Lisa was there too.

“I overheard you telling Lisa you couldn’t date her until
tomorrow. So technically, I still have tonight.”

To her surprise he smiled, a tight smile but she’d take it.

“I’m heading there for a business meeting scheduled early in
the morning before my flight.”

“With Lisa?”
She needed to know.

“No. I want to hire someone to manage the inn. I’m meeting
with her in the morning.”

That made her feel
better. “You’re
not managing the inn any longer?” What had changed? The inn was his baby.

“I’m going back to work with my father after the summer.”

Minka noticed the anger that was once there whenever the
topic of working with his father again seemed to have melted away. For that she
was glad.

“Why all of these questions, Minka? Does it matter what I do
in my life?”

Yes. Actually everything he did mattered.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Jason,” she said softly, “It’s
killing me inside to know you think I set out to hurt you, or everyone else I
love.”

He looked into her face briefly,
then
nodded. “I don’t think you know what love is.”

Well, that hurt. Still, she refused to cower and retreat to
her safe haven. She met his gaze dead on and smiled. “I know I love you. I know
I only want and need you.”

Her voice shook as she said the words, not because they were
not genuine. On the contrary, she was never more honest in her life. But bold
and brazen was not part of her repertoire.

He crossed his arms over his chest, assessing her,
evaluating, judging.

“You’re missing the point,” he said at last. “You need to
love yourself before you can love anyone else.”

The words caught her off-guard. She was unprepared for them.
A part of her wanted to argue, to try to convince him that wasn’t the case. Instead
she looked away.

“Yes, my ego was bruised,” he admitted, “when you kissed
Blake…”

With a sharp motion, her gaze met his. “I was saying
goodbye,” she argued, “so I can give you all of me. I’m not in love with him. I
never was. He was there for me during a dark time in my life and,” she said, chuckling,
“in my stupidity, I convinced myself I was in love with him and carried an
animosity for my sister that was unwarranted.”

“I know that now. Blake told me. And I’m over it.” His gaze
swept over her face, giving away nothing. “I’m sorry about that experience.”

His tone gentled, making her fall in love ten times over.

“And I’m glad you and Keely were able to mend things.”

“Jason…”

“Tonight in your speech, you talked about self-acceptance.”

At least he heard part of her speech.

“You need to embrace all your qualities and flaws, in a
nutshell, your happiness. I can’t give you that.”

She stood there unable to think properly, almost unable to
breathe. No sign of inner calm.

“I can’t love you if you don’t love yourself.”

The emotional detachment in his voice shocked the hell out
of her. She shuffled back a step or two.

“
Goodbye,
Minka.”

* * * *

In the last three months, Minka had rearranged her value
system, put family first—so she made a point to dine with her parents at least
once a week. She also spent time with Blake and Keely whenever possible; right
now they were in Japan researching for Keely’s spring collection.

She also made simplicity a priority, and little things were
important, such as going for a two-mile walk a couple of times a week or going
to bikram yoga with Lily, as they were supposed to do this evening. An elusive
text simply saying,
Missing
yoga tonight, have fun. Love ya!
And her
friend was officially MIA.

MIA was just a tad on the extreme end, but Lily had called
out of work as well. She knew her friend had a brother still in Afghanistan and
concern brought Minka to her door where she was greeted by a flushed Lily, who
looked as if she just rolled out of bed.

“Minka, I was going to call you later.”

She walked past Lily into the apartment. As much as Lily had
claimed to be unaffected she had been in denial after all. “You’re still
sleeping with Adam.”

“Yes.”

The acknowledgement brought a stab of agony through her
heart. She was happy for Lily; her friend and Adam were good together. Only
this realization brought the empty feeling inside of her she had come to
accept.

 
“I’m sorry,
Minka,” Lily offered a heartfelt apology. “I really tried to stay away, but…”

“Liliana,” Adam’s voice called.

He soon came to stand behind Lily wearing only a pair of
loosely fitted sweatpants. His hair
ruffled,
his face
as flushed as her friend’s. Upon seeing her, he smiled warmly.

“Minka, what a wonderful pleasure, come in. By the way,
Jason is a fool. I told him so.”

Two hours later, physically drained from the hot yoga and
mentally spent from hanging out with Adam and Lily, Minka entered her apartment
to find Keely sitting in her living room watching some show on MTV and the
smell of something delicious, that reminded her the last thing she ate was
lunch.

She had not expected her sister to return until the
following week but was happy to see her nonetheless.

“I’m regretting giving you a key to my apartment,” Minka
said with no hint of regret. Their relationship was still what she referred to
as a WIP, a work-in-progress. But it was heading in the right direction.

 
“I brought
Chinese food,” Keely said, barely taking her eyes off the television screen.
“By the way, you look great. How much weight have you lost?”

Minka had no idea. She only knew she’d gone down a dress
size and was now comfortable with her body. “I don’t know. I no longer own a
scale.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“Lily’s.
Adam is there but I have a
feeling you already knew that.” Lily and Keely had grown closer since the trip
to Chappy.

Keely shrugged, walked over to Minka, and pulled her into a
hug. “Physically you look great. But inside,” one long finger pointed where
Minka’s heart used to be. “You’re dying. You miss him.”

Minka had no response for a true observation.

Her sister released her and walked over to the kitchen to
dish out the food. “I think it’s time we talk over wine and food about you
getting your man back.”