The Saver (16 page)

Linden asked Jack a hundred questions, and he told her things that I was also hearing for the first time. He talked about how he got arrested for stealing a car while
he was drunk. He also talked about the farm and what sadists the owners were, not just to him and Mom, but to their own kids too. Once the woman chased her four-year-old around the yard with a carving knife and the kid got so terrified she had a seizure. He said it was a bad place, but it was important not to carry anger blah blah.

Linden and Alice were really interested. Alice didn't say much but you could tell she was listening. Also she did something funny. She like leaned her whole body against Linden. Linden didn't seem to notice and neither did Alice.

All of a sudden Alice got up and went to her room without saying a thing. Linden said, “It used to make me really mad when she did that. But I'm used to it now.”

Then she said, “Hold on,” and she got up and came back with a huge dark brown coat. She said a designer her mother was getting interviewed with gave her the coat, but it didn't fit any of them. She meant it was too big. She said, “Here, try it on.”

Xanoth, it was the most gorgeous coat I've ever seen. It's not real fur, but it looks like a sort of smooth dark pelt and it has this incredible hood and huge pockets and all these zippers inside for putting things so you don't need a purse.

I said it was way too nice for just going around, but Linden said nothing was too nice and that I should take it.

I wasn't sure. I don't exactly know why. But Jack said,
“Thank you, that's very kind of you,” before I even accepted it so that was it, I have a new coat. It's really warm and I won't freeze to death now waiting for the bus.

Finally we ran out of things to say and we just sat there in silence. Suddenly Linden said, out of the blue, “I'm so messed up.” You can do that when you're rich – say whatever's on your mind.

Jack of course jumped in right away saying, “Things aren't as complicated as we make them. We have to let go of the thoughts that are holding us back.”

Just then Debbie came home and they went to the kitchen to start supper.

Debbie's the healthiest person I've ever seen. She has red cheeks and she's tall and athletic. Her viola case was covered with cool stickers.

Linden and Debbie heated up lasagna and tortellini and put five different salads on the table. Finally we all sat down. And then came a strange conversation.

It began with Linden complaining about a note Debbie left her in the morning. Linden said to me, “She doesn't only leave crazy notes for you.” She got up and went to the garbage pail under the sink and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. The note said,
IF YOU HEAT OIL, DON'T FORGET TO PUT A TINY BIT OF LETTUCE OR BREAD IN THE PAN SO IT DOESN'T BURST INTO FLAME LOVE, DEBBIE
.

Debbie smiled in a guilty way and said, “Six children –”

Linden interrupted her and said, “Yes, yes. Six children
died in Montreal in 1990 when two of them over-heated oil.”

Debbie said to me and Jack, “If you put in a crust of bread or a tiny piece of a carrot or something, you'll know when the oil starts to sizzle.”

Linden said, “Debbie knows the statistics of every type of accident that exists and how many people died of it.”

Alice didn't say anything. She was sulking about the shrimp salad.

Jack said, “It's a good trick. More people should know about it.”

Then I asked Linden who does the cleaning for them and for the Dixlers now. She said her mother hired a woman from the Philippines, but the Dixlers use a service where it's different people all the time. We began to joke about how sorry we were for those cleaning people, and we explained to Jack about the Dixlers. Alice got angrier and angrier because of the way the Dixlers treat animals. I told them about the gross bugs I saw in the laundry, and Debbie said they're silverfish, which is a perfect name for them.

Alice said that silverfish have been around for 300 million years and they have more rights to the planet than we do.

Linden said the Dixlers are on their fourth dog. The other three all died. Linden said they probably got bitten by one of the tarantulas.

Debbie joked, “Or ate the food,” but Alice didn't think it was funny. She got all red and fuming. She said, “Why doesn't someone just kill them?”

Jack said, “There's no point getting angry at one person, because the whole planet's filled with people who are lost.”

Alice said, “We've turned Earth into one big concentration camp for non-human life,” and Debbie said, “Here goes.”

So Alice burst into tears, stormed out, ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door. Jack got up and went after her.

While he was upstairs I said, “I hate that Mom had to work there.”

Linden said, “If the world was made up of people like Felicity there wouldn't be war or starvation or pollution.”

I said it was only because she was scared of everyone, but Linden said, “No, she was a nice person. Lots of people are scared and it makes them nasty, not nice.”

Alice and Jack came back and Jack said something about how great it was that they were all so close, and Linden said her mother read this book that said it's good, if you have three kids, to space them two years and then three years apart, which is why Debbie's 18, Linden's 16 and Alice is 13.

And then she read this book about how it's better for kids to sleep together in one bed, which is why Debbie has a king-size bed.

It got quiet for a few seconds then. I knew Jack was thinking the same thing as me, how different it was for us. And it made us sad to the bottom of our souls.

To get our minds off our thoughts I told them about the woman in my building who keeps on having kid after kid, even though there's no one to support them. I said the kids all sleep together, but they just look grumpy and neglected.

Linden said, “Yeah, it's easier if you have money,” but she said it like someone who doesn't have money, not like someone who does.

Then Debbie said, “Daddy says we can get rid of all our money in one afternoon if we give it to the needy people we know, and that either you do that or you don't. And if you don't, that means you're keeping it for yourself and your family, and that's all there is to it.”

Linden said Alice would give everything they have to animal charities if she could.

Debbie said, mostly to us, “Mummy says sort of the same thing as Daddy, that it's not her job to fix everything on the planet, and if she got lucky she's not going to complain just because not everyone else is as lucky. She gave all that money to an orphanage in Russia, but that was a PR gig to get her on TV. Her big goal in life is to make sure her brother never gets a penny.”

Debbie said that they have to hold on to their money, because there's going to be a global recession. She said there would be a fight for water and people were going to
kill each other for it. The strong will kill the weak. And the only people who'll survive will be people who can afford to build themselves fortresses. She said some people already have secret fortresses.

Linden said there was probably going to be a nuclear war and we'd all die horribly. She said there are enough weapons in the world to wipe out the human race a million times over.

Alice said, “You're only trying to justify having money. We're already living inside a glass bubble in the middle of a broken world. We don't have to wait for the apocalypse. The worst thing that ever happened to this planet was humans came. Unfortunately we'll take all other life with us when we go.”

I was kind of surprised by how depressing they were all being, considering their lives.

Jack said, “No one knows the future.”

We had blueberry pie for dessert and then I said I was tired. I felt suddenly that I had to get out of there. Debbie said she'd drive us home.

Before we left, they forced us to take a silver machine that you can play DVDs on, and Linden gave me some DVDs to watch.

Jack says the machine is worth at least $1000. I said I'd sell it and he said it's wrong to sell a gift. I said it wasn't really a gift. They just had extras and they wanted to even it out. I said the only thing that's wrong is if you're friends with someone only for their gifts.

The coat is a real gift though. I love this coat.

That was my evening. After Debbie let us off, Jack and I did the garbage. It's been really warm the past few days, and the snow's almost all gone. It's exciting to see grass on the lawns, all scrawny but still there, safe and sound. You have to live in Montreal, Xanoth, to understand the feeling of seeing grass for the first time after winter.

The whole dinner already seems like a dream.

I thought Linden and her sisters had a perfect life, but they don't. They're all messed up about being rich and about the future.

I guess no one has a perfect life. But the opposite of perfect – that happens all the time. It's the easiest thing in the world to lose everything. Your home, your job, everything.

I don't want Linden's house anymore, Xanoth. I just want a nice condo apartment with a sunken bathtub. And in winter I'll go somewhere warm, and Jack can come with me.

Yours forever,

Fern

Tuesday

April 22

Hi Xanoth,

I didn't tell you, but I've been visiting Victor pretty regularly, seeing as I have time in the afternoons now. When I come he always says, “Hi babe, what's up and happenin'?” Then he makes us some tea.

I've told him all sorts of things about Mom and my jobs and Jack. I almost told him about you, but I caught myself at the last minute. You're mine alone.

We had a good time today. I talked about my father and Mom and how mean I was to her, and he put on Tracy Chapman's song Baby Can I Hold You. At first I thought she was saying that the only thing a person can do is apologize for what they did, but then I realized she was saying that the only thing a person
can't
do is apologize for what they did. It's impossible to apologize and it's impossible to say you love someone. But it doesn't mean you don't feel it.

That song really made me feel better. The way she says baby can I hold you in that voice of hers. Like she's right there in the room with you, telling you it's OK.

Victor said, “What I like about you, Fern, is you're not complaining all the day long.”

Well, I do complain, but I complain to you.

And I complained to Mom.

What Victor doesn't realize is that you have to trust someone and be close to them to complain. You have to trust that they'll still like you. Or that they won't fall apart or begin talking about the right path. Maybe Mom knew that I complained to her because I knew it wouldn't change how she felt about me. She didn't say “I love you,” but that's because of her shyness.

Jack's right. Everything she did was to set up a life for me. And if she loved me without saying it, I think she knew I loved her, even though I didn't say it either.

Three people gave notice that they're leaving when their lease ends, so it's going to be busy this week, with all the ads going in.

I probably won't have much time to write, Xanoth. There's a lot going on now in my life, and I need to concentrate on Earth and the people here. They need me and I need them. But even if you don't hear from me as often, I'll be happy knowing you're there, Xanoth, somewhere in the universe, thinking of me.

Yours forever,

Fern

Patsy Aldana, the publisher of this book, was immediately taken by Fern's story. I am very grateful for her faith and vision. Shelley Tanaka, my editor, was wonderfully attuned to the way the novel unfolded, and kept me on the right track. Thank you!

Joan Deitch, my fab email friend, read the manuscript and as always had wise and insightful thoughts about it. For many astute suggestions, I am grateful to Derek Fairbridge. My thanks to Shirley Simha Rand for ongoing encouragement. The book benefited from the perceptive comments of her son, Hart.

The Saver
is dedicated to my nephew, Joshua. He has a beautiful spirit and great courage. I am proud of him.

My sweet daughter, Larissa, brings me the joy and balance that are essential to creativity, and keeps me in touch with a new world.

Not everyone we meet in our lives is going to be supportive. There will always be people who have too many problems of their own to be understanding and sympathetic. You must choose the right road for yourself, and that means traveling with the right people, too. And if they're not the right people for you, step on the brakes and let them off. Then sail away!

Edeet Ravel
(
www.edeet.com
) has a PhD in Jewish studies from McGill University and an MA in Creative Writing from Concordia. She is the author of a trilogy about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (
Ten Thousand Lovers
,
A Wall of Light
and
Look for Me
), which has garnered major award recognition, receiving the Hugh MacLennan Prize for Fiction and the Jewish Book Award, as well as nominations for the Governor General's Award, the Giller Prize, the Canada/Caribbean Commonwealth Prize and the Amazon/Books in Canada First Novel Award.

Edeet is also the author of the popular Pauline books for young readers, including
The Thrilling Life of Pauline de Lammermoor
,
The Mysterious Adventures of Pauline Bovary
and
The Secret Journey of Pauline Siddhartha
.

Edeet lives in Guelph, Ontario, with her daughter, Larissa.