The Savage Detectives (20 page)

Mon triste coeur bave à la poupe,

Mon coeur couvert de caporal:

Ils y lancent des jets de soupe,

Mon triste coeur bave à la poupe:

Sous les quolibets de la troupe

Qui pousse un rire général,

Mon triste coeur bave à la poupe,

Mon coeur couvert de caporal!

Ithyphalliques et pioupiesques

Leurs quolibets l'ont dépravé!

Au gouvernail on voit des fresques

Ithyphalliques et pioupiesques

Ô flots abracadabrantesques,

Prenez mon coeur, qu'il soit lavé!

Ithyphalliques et pioupiesques

Leurs quolibets l'ont dépravé

Quand ils auront tari leurs chiques,

Comment agir, Ô coeur volé?

Ce seront des hoquets bachiques

Quand ils auront tari leurs chiques:

J'aurai des sursauts stomachiques,

Moi, si mon coeur est ravalé:

Quand ils auront tari leurs chiques

Comment agir, Ô coeur volé?

It's Rimbaud. Which was a surprise. Relatively speaking, that is. The really surprising thing was that he recited it in French. Anyway, I was a little angry not to have guessed it, since I know Rimbaud's work fairly well, but I didn't let it bother me. Another point in common. Maybe we
would
make it out of that hellhole alive. And after reciting Rimbaud, Ulises Lima told a story about Rimbaud and some war, which war I don't know, war not being a subject that interests me, but there was something, a common theme linking Rimbaud, the poem, and the war, a sordid story, I'm sure, although at the time my ears and then my eyes were registering other sordid little stories (I swear I'll kill Julita Moore if she drags me to another dive like Priapo's), disjointed scenes in which brooding young delinquents danced with desperate young cleaning girls or desperate young whores in a whirl of contrasts that, I confess, heightened my drunkenness, if such a thing is possible. Then there was a fight somewhere. I didn't see anything, I just heard shouts. A pair of thugs emerged from the shadows dragging a guy with blood all over his face. I remember I told Alberto that we should go, that things could take a turn for the worse, but Alberto was listening to Ulises Lima's story and he ignored me. I remember that I watched Julita dancing with one of Ulises's friends, then I remember dancing a bolero myself with Luscious Skin, as if it were a dream, but still, it might have been the first time I'd felt good all night, in fact, it was definitely the first time I'd felt good all night. Next, like someone waking up, I remember whispering into my (dance) partner's ear that what we were doing would probably offend the other dancers and spectators. It's not clear what happened next. Someone said something rude to me. I was, I don't know, ready to crawl under a table and fall asleep or curl up on Luscious Skin's chest and fall asleep there too. But someone said something rude to me, and Luscious Skin made a motion as if to leave me and turn to face the person who'd spoken (I don't know what he said, pansy or faggot, I'm still not accustomed to that sort of language, although I know I should be), but I was so drunk, my muscles were slack and he couldn't let go of me-if he had I would've fallen-and he just shot something back from the middle of the dance floor. I closed my eyes, trying to remove myself from the situation. Luscious Skin's shoulder smelled like sweat, a strange acidic smell, as if he'd just walked away unscathed from the explosion of a chemical plant, and then I heard him speak, not to one person but to several people, more than two at least, and people were raising their voices. Then I opened my eyes, my God, and what I saw wasn't the people surrounding us but myself, my arm on Luscious Skin's shoulder, my left arm around his waist, my cheek on his shoulder, and I saw or imagined I saw the malicious looks, the stares of born killers, and then, rising in sheer terror above my drunkenness, I wanted to disappear, O Earth, swallow me up! I begged to be struck by lightning, I wished, in a word, never to have been born. How completely mortifying. I was red with shame, I wanted to vomit, I had let go of Luscious Skin and I was hardly able to stand, realizing that I was the object of cruel mockery and under attack at the same time. My one consolation was that the mocker was also under attack. It was essentially as if, having been betrayed in battle (what battles, what wars, was Ulises Lima talking about?), I was begging the angels of justice or the angels of the apocalypse for a great wave to appear, a great miraculous wave, that would sweep both of us away, that would sweep us all away, that would put an end to the ridicule and injustice. But then, through the icy lakes of my eyes (the wrong metaphor, since it was sweltering inside Priapo's, but I can't think of any better way to say that I was about to cry and that at the exact moment of "about to" had changed my mind, backpedaling, but that a distorting layer of liquid still glazed my pupils), I saw the mirific figure of Julita Moore appear intertwined with Cuauhtémoc or Moctezuma or Netzahualcóyotl or whatever his name was, and he and Luscious Skin stood up to the people who were making trouble, while Julita put her arm around my waist and asked me whether those sons of bitches had done anything to me and got me off the dance floor and out of that revolting dive. Once we were outside, Julita led me to the car and in the middle of the street I started to cry and when Julita helped me into the backseat I asked-no, begged-her to leave with me. I wanted the three of us to go and leave the others there, with their own evil kind. Please, Julita, I said, and she said for fuck's sake, Luisito, you're spoiling my night, don't start, and then I remember that I said or shouted or howled: what they've done to me is worse than what they did to Monsi, and Julita asked what the fuck they'd done to Monsi (she also asked which Monsi I meant; she said Montse or Monchi, I can't remember), and I said: Monsiváis, Julita, Monsiváis, the essayist, and she said oh, not seeming surprised at all, my God, the fortitude of that woman, I thought, and then I think I vomited and I started to cry, or I started to cry and then vomited-in Alberto's car!-and Julita started to laugh and by then the others were coming out of Priapo's, I saw their shadows in the beam of a streetlight, and I thought what have I done? what have I done? and I was so ashamed that I collapsed on the seat and curled up in a ball and pretended to be asleep. But I could hear them talking. Julita said something and the visceral realists replied. Their voices sounded cheerful, not hostile at all. Then Alberto got in the car and said what the fuck is this, it stinks in here, and then I opened my eyes and seeking his eyes in the rearview mirror I said I'm sorry, Alberto, I didn't mean to, I feel really sick, and then Julita got in the passenger seat and said my God, Alberto, open the windows, it reeks, and I said do you mind, Julita, there's no need to exaggerate, and Julita said: Luisito, it smells like you've been dead for a week, and I laughed, not much, but I was already starting to feel better. At the end of the street, under the lighted sign for Priapo's, shadows were roving, but not toward our car, and then Julita Moore rolled down her window and kissed Luscious Skin and Moctezuma or Cuauhtémoc, but not Ulises Lima, who was standing away from the car looking up at the sky, and then Luscious Skin stuck his head in the window and said how are you, Luis, and I don't think I even answered, I just made a gesture as if to say fine, I'm fine, and then Alberto started the Dodge and we headed out of Tepito with all the windows rolled down, on our way back to our own neighborhoods.

Alberto Moore, Calle Pitágoras, Colonia Narvarte, Mexico City DF, April 1976
. What Luisito says is true, up to a point. My sister is an utter lunatic, yes, but she's charming, only twenty-two, a year older than me, and an extremely intelligent woman. She's about to finish medical school and she wants to specialize in pediatrics. She's no ingenue. Let's get that clear from the start.

Second: I didn't speed like lightning along the streets of Mexico City. The blue Dodge I was in that day is my mother's and when that's the case I'm usually a careful driver. The vomiting thing was completely unforgivable.

Third: Priapo's is in Tepito, which is like saying a war zone, a noman's-land, or the other side of the Iron Curtain. At the end there was almost a fight on the dance floor, but I didn't see anything because I was sitting at a table talking to Ulises Lima. There is no club in Colonia 10 de Mayo as far as I know; my sister will vouch for that.

Fourth and last: I didn't say Baudelaire. It was Luis who said Baudelaire, and Catulle Mendès, and even Victor Hugo, I think. I didn't say anything. It sounded like Rimbaud to me, but I didn't say anything. Make sure you get that straight.

The visceral realists weren't as badly behaved as we were afraid they might be, either. I hadn't met them before, only heard of them. Mexico City, as we all know, is a small town of fourteen million. And the impression they made on me was relatively positive. The one called Luscious Skin was trying to flirt with my sister, poor idiot. The other guy, Moctezuma Rodríguez (not Cuauhtémoc), was doing his best too. At some point during the night they even seemed to think they were getting somewhere. It was a sad sight, but there was something sort of sweet about it too.

As for Ulises Lima, he gives the impression of always being high and his French is decent. He told an amazing story too, about the poem by Rimbaud. According to him, "Le Coeur Volé" was an autobiographical text describing a trip Rimbaud took from Charleville to Paris to join the Commune. As he was traveling (on foot!), Rimbaud ran into a group of drunken soldiers on the road who first taunted him, then proceeded to rape him. Frankly, it was a pretty crude story.

But there was even more: according to Lima, some of the soldiers, or at least their leader, the
caporal
of
mon coeur couvert de caporal
, were veterans of the French invasion of Mexico. Of course, neither Luisito nor I asked him what evidence he had for that. But I was interested in the story (unlike Luisito, who was more interested in what was or wasn't going on around us) and I wanted to know more. Then Lima told me that in 1865 a column under Colonel Libbrecht, which was supposed to occupy Santa Teresa, in Sonora, stopped sending back reports, and that Colonel Eydoux, commander of the plaza that served as a supply depot for the troops operating in that part of northeastern Mexico, sent a detachment of thirty troops to Santa Teresa.

The detachment was under the command of Captain Laurent and lieutenants Rouffanche and González, the latter a Mexican monarchist. This detachment, according to Lima, reached a town called Villaviciosa, near Santa Teresa, on the second day's march, but never made contact with Libbrecht's column. All the men, except Lieutenant Rouffanche and three soldiers who died in the act, were taken prisoner while they ate at the only inn in town, among them the future
caporal
, then a twenty-two-year-old recruit. The prisoners, bound and gagged with hemp rope, were brought before the man acting as military boss of Villaviciosa and a group of town notables. The boss was a mestizo who answered indiscriminately to Inocencio and El Loco. The notables were old peasants, most of them barefoot, who gazed at the Frenchmen and then retired to confer in a corner. After half an hour and some hard bargaining between two clearly opposed groups, the Frenchmen were taken to a covered corral where their clothes and shoes were removed and a little while later a group of their captors spent the rest of the day raping and torturing them.

At midnight they slit Captain Laurent's throat. Lieutenant González, two sergeants, and seven soldiers were taken to the main street and bayoneted by torchlight by shadowy figures riding the soldiers' own horses.

At dawn, the future
caporal
and two other soldiers managed to break their bonds and flee cross-country. No one came after them, but only the
caporal
lived to tell the tale. After two weeks of wandering in the desert he reached El Tajo. He was decorated for bravery and remained in Mexico until 1867, when he returned to France with the army under Bazaine (or whoever was in command of the French at the time), which was retreating from Mexico, leaving the emperor to his fate.

Carlos Monsiváis, walking along Calle Madero, near Sanborn's, Mexico City DF, May 1976
. No ambush, no violent incident, nothing like that. Two young men, who couldn't have been more than twenty-three, both of them with extremely long hair, longer than any other poet's (and I can testify to the length of
everybody's
hair), determined not to acknowledge that there could be anything good about Paz, childishly stubborn, I-don't-like-him-because-I-don't, perfectly willing to deny the obvious. In a moment of weakness (mental, I suppose), they reminded me of José Agustín, of Gustavo Sainz, but with nothing like the talent of those two outstanding novelists, in fact with nothing at all, no money to pay for the coffee we drank (I had to pay), no arguments of substance, no original ideas. Two lost souls, two empty vessels. As for myself, I think I was more than generous (coffee aside). At some point I even suggested to Ulises (I don't remember the other one's name, I think he was Argentinian or Chilean) that he should write a review of a book by Paz that we'd been discussing. If it's any good, I said to him, stressing the word
good
, I'll publish it. And he said yes, that he'd write it, that he'd bring it to my house. Then I said that he shouldn't bring it to my house, that my mother might be frightened if she saw him. It was the only joke I made. But they took me seriously (not a smile) and said they would send it by mail. I'm still waiting.

Amadeo Salvatierra, Calle República de Venezuela, near the Palacio de la Inquisición, Mexico City DF, January 1976
. Ah, I said to them, Cesárea Tinajero, where did you hear about her, boys? Then one of them explained that they were writing a piece about the stridentists and that they'd interviewed Germán, Arqueles, and Maples Arce, and read all the magazines and books of the era, and that among all those names, the names of established figures and empty names that mean nothing anymore and aren't even an unpleasant memory, they'd found Cesárea's name. So? I said. They looked at me and smiled, both at the same time, damn them, as if they were interconnected, if that makes any sense. It struck us as odd, they said, she seemed to be the only woman, and there were lots of references to her, all saying that she was a fine poet. A fine poetess? I said, where did you read her work? We haven't read anything she wrote, they said, not anywhere, and that got us interested. Got you interested how, boys? Come now, explain what you mean. Everyone says either wonderful or terrible things about her, but no one published her. We've read González Pedreño's magazine
Motor Humano
, Maples Arce's directory of the avant garde, and Salvador Salazar's magazine, said the Chilean, and she doesn't show up anywhere except in Maples's directory. And yet Juan Grady, Ernesto Rubio, and Adalberto Escobar all mention her in separate interviews, and in very complimentary terms. At first we thought that she was a stridentist, a fellow traveler, said the Mexican, but Maples Arce told us she never belonged to his movement. Although it's possible that Maples's memory is failing him, added the Chilean. Which we obviously don't believe, said the Mexican. Well, he didn't remember her as a stridentist, but he did remember her as a poet, said the Chilean. Blasted boys. Blasted youth. Interconnected. A shiver ran through me. Although he didn't have a single poem by her in his extensive library to support his claim, said the Mexican. To sum it all up, Mr. Salvatierra, Amadeo, we've been asking around, we've talked to List Arzubide, Arqueles Vela, Hernández Miró, and the result is always more or less the same, everyone remembers her, said the Chilean, to a greater or lesser degree, but no one has anything by her that we can include in our study. And this study, boys, what is it exactly? Then I raised my hand and before they could answer I poured them more Los Suicidas mezcal and then I sat on the edge of the armchair and in my very backside I swear I felt as if I'd perched on the edge of a razor.

Perla Avilés, Calle Leonardo da Vinci, Colonia Mixcoac, Mexico City DF, May 1976
. I didn't have many friends in those days, but when I met him I didn't have a single friend. I'm talking about 1970, when the two of us were in school together at Porvenir. Not for long, really, which goes to show how relative memory is, like a language we think we know but we don't, that can stretch things or shrink them at will. That's what I used to tell him, but he hardly listened to me. Once I went home with him when he still lived near the school, and I met his sister. There was no one else there, just his sister, and we talked for a long time. Soon after that they moved, went to live in Colonia Nápoles, and he quit school for good. I used to say to him: don't you want to go to college? are you going to deny yourself the privilege of higher education? and he would laugh and tell me that in college he was sure he'd learn exactly what he'd learned in high school: nothing. But what are you going to do with your life? I'd say, what kind of work will you do? and he would answer that he had no idea and didn't care. One afternoon when I'd gone to see him at his house I asked him whether he did drugs. No, he said. Never? I said. And he said: I've smoked marijuana, but that was a long time ago. And nothing else? No, nothing else, he said, and then he started to laugh. He was laughing at me, but I didn't mind. In fact, I liked to see him laugh. Around that time he met a famous film and theater director. A fellow Chilean. Sometimes he would talk to me about him, telling me how he'd approached him at the door to the theater where one of the director's plays about Heracleitus or some other pre-Socratic philosopher was being performed, a loose adaptation of the philosopher's writings that caused quite a stir, Mexico being so straitlaced at the time, not because of anything in the play but because almost all the actors came onstage naked at some point. I was still in school at Porvenir, in the stench of Opus Dei, and I spent all my time studying and reading (I don't think I've ever read so much since), and my only entertainment, my greatest pleasure, was going to his house. I would visit him regularly, but not too often because I didn't want to be a bore or get in the way. I would come in the afternoon, or when it was already dark, and we would spend two or three hours talking, usually about literature, although he'd also tell me about his adventures with the director, it was clear he admired him greatly, I don't know whether he liked the theater, but he loved film, in fact now that I think about it, he didn't read very much back then, I was the one who talked about books, and I really did read a lot, literature, philosophy, political essays, but he didn't, he went to the movies and then every day or every third day, extremely often, really, he would go to the director's house, and once when I told him he had to read more, he said he'd already read everything that mattered to him. Such arrogance! Sometimes he would say things like that, I mean sometimes he was like a spoiled child, but I forgave him everything, whatever he did seemed fine to me. One day he told me that he'd fought with the director. I asked him why and he didn't want to tell me. Or rather, he said that it had to do with a difference in literary opinion and that was all. What I managed to get out of him was that the director had said that Neruda was shit and that Nicanor Parra was the greatest poet of the Spanish language. Something like that. Of course I could hardly believe that two people would fight about something so unimportant. Where I come from, he said, people fight about things like that all the time. Well, I said, in Mexico people kill each other for no good reason at all, but certainly not educated people. Oh, the ideas I had then about culture. A while later, I went to visit the director, armed with a little book by Empedocles. His wife ushered me in and shortly afterward the director in person came into the living room and we started to talk. The first thing he asked me was how I'd gotten his address. I said that my friend had given it to me. Oh, him, said the director, and right away he wanted to know how he was, what he was doing, why he never came to visit. I gave him the first answer that popped into my head, then we started to talk about other things. After that, I had two people to visit, the director and my friend, and suddenly I realized that my horizons were expanding imperceptibly and my life was being gradually enriched. Those were happy days. One afternoon, however, after the director asked about my friend again, he told me about their fight. The story he told me wasn't much different from what my friend had told me. The fight had been about Neruda and Parra, about the validity of their respective poetic visions, and yet there was a new element to the story that the director told (and I knew he was telling me the truth): when he fought with my friend and my friend couldn't come up with anything else to say in his desperate defense of Neruda, he started to cry. Right there in the director's living room, like a ten-year-old, without trying to hide it, although he was seventeen and had been for a while. According to the director, it was the tears that had come between them, that were keeping my friend away, since he must be ashamed (according to the director) of his reaction to what was otherwise a completely trivial and circumstantial disagreement. Tell him to come visit me, the director said that afternoon when I left his house. I spent the next two days thinking about what he'd said and about the kind of person my friend was and the reasons he might have had for not telling me the full story. When I went to see him I found him in bed. He had a fever and he was reading a book on the Templars, the mystery of the Gothic cathedrals, that kind of thing, I really don't know how he could read such trash, although to be honest it wasn't the first time I'd surprised him with books like that, sometimes it was thrillers, other times junk science, anyway, the only good thing about the books he read was that he never tried to get me to read them too, whereas whenever I read a good book, I immediately passed it on to him and sometimes I waited whole weeks for him to finish reading it so we could discuss it. He was in bed, he was reading the Templars book, and the minute I stepped into his room I started to shake. For a while we talked about things I've forgotten now. Or maybe we were silent for a while, me sitting at the foot of his bed, him stretched out with his book, the two of us sneaking looks at each other, listening to the sound the elevator made, as if we were in a dark room or lost in the country at night, just listening to the sound of horses. I could've sat there like that for the rest of the day, for the rest of my life. But I spoke. I told him about my latest visit to the director's house, I relayed the director's message, that he should go see him, that he was expected, and he said: then he'd better wait sitting down because I'm not going back. Then he started to pick up his Templars book again. I argued that just because Neruda's poetry was good it didn't mean that Parra's couldn't be. I was stunned by his reply. He said: I don't give a shit about Neruda's poetry or Parra's poetry. So why the big argument, then, why the fight? I managed to ask, and he didn't answer. Then I made a mistake. I came a little closer, sitting down beside him on the bed, and I took a book out of my pocket, a book of poetry, and I read him a few lines. He listened in silence. It was a poem about Narcissus and a nearly endless forest inhabited by hermaphrodites. When I finished he didn't say anything. What do you think? I asked. I don't know, he said, what do you think? Then I told him that I thought poets were hermaphrodites and that they could only be understood by each other.
Poets
, I said. What I would have liked to say was:
we poets
. But he looked at me as if the flesh had been stripped from my face and it was just a skull, he looked at me with a smile and said: don't be corny, Perla. That was all. I turned pale and flinched, only managing to move a little bit away, and I tried to get up but I couldn't, and all that time he sat there motionless, looking at me and smiling, as if all the skin, muscles, fat, and blood had slid off my face, leaving only the yellow or white bone. At first I was unable to speak. Then I said or whispered that it was late and I had to go. I stood up, said goodbye, and left. He didn't even look up from his book. When I crossed the empty living room, the empty hallway, I thought I would never see him again. A little while later I started college and my life took a ninety-degree turn. Years later, purely by chance, I ran into his sister handing out Trotskyist propaganda at the Faculty of Literature. I bought a pamphlet from her and we went to have coffee. By then I'd stopped seeing the director, I was about to finish my degree, and I was writing poems that almost no one read. Naturally, I asked about him. Then his sister gave me a detailed account of his latest adventures. He had traveled all over Latin America, returned to his native country, suffered through a coup. All I could bring myself to say was: what bad luck. Yes, said his sister, he was planning to stay there to live and a few weeks after he got there the military decides to stage a coup, pretty rotten luck. For a while we couldn't think of anything else to say to each other. I imagined him lost in a white space, a virgin space that kept getting dirtier and more soiled despite his best efforts, and even the face I remembered grew distorted, as if while I was talking to his sister his features melded with what she was describing, ridiculous tests of strength, terrifying, pointless rites of passage into adulthood, so distant from what I once thought would become of him, and even his sister's voice talking about the Latin American revolution and the defeats and victories and deaths that it would bring began to sound strange and then I couldn't sit there a second longer and I told her I had to go to class and we'd see each other some other time. I remember that for two or three nights I dreamed of him. In my dreams he was thin, all skin and bones, sitting under a tree, his hair long, his clothes ragged, his shoes ruined, unable to get up and walk.

Luscious Skin, in a rooftop room on Calle Tepeji, Mexico City DF, May 1976
. Arturo Belano never liked me. Ulises Lima did. A person can sense these things. María Font liked me. Angélica Font didn't. It doesn't matter. The Rodríguez brothers liked me: Pancho, Moctezuma, and little Norberto. Sometimes they criticized me, sometimes Pancho said he didn't understand me (especially when I slept with men), but I knew that they still cared about me. Not Arturo Belano. He never liked me. I used to think it was Ernesto San Epifanio's fault. He and Arturo were friends before either of them was twenty, before Arturo went to Chile, supposedly to join the Revolution, and I'd been Ernesto's lover, or so they said, and I'd dumped him. But the truth is that I only slept with Ernesto a few times, so why should it be my fault if people got all worked up over nothing? I also slept with María Font, and Arturo Belano had a problem with that. And I would've slept with Luis Rosado that night at Priapo's, and then Arturo Belano would've kicked me out of the group.

I really don't know what I was doing wrong. When Belano heard what had happened at Priapo's, he said that we weren't thugs or pimps, but all I'd done was express my sensuality. In my defense I could only stutter (sarcastically, and not even looking him in the eye) that I was a freak of nature. But Belano didn't get the joke. As far as he was concerned, everything I did was wrong. And it wasn't even me who asked Luis Sebastián Rosado to dance. It was Luis, who was totally wasted and came on to me. I like Luis Rosado, is what I should have said, but nobody could say a thing to the André Breton of the Third World.

Arturo Belano had it in for me. And it's funny, because when I was around him I tried to do things right. But nothing ever worked out. I had no money, no job, no family. I lived off whatever I could scavenge. Once I stole a sculpture from the Casa del Lago. The director, that asshole Hugo Gutiérrez Vega, said it must have been a visceral realist. Impossible, said Belano. He probably turned red, he was so embarrassed. But he stood up for me. Impossible, he said, although he didn't know it had been me. (What would've happened if he had known?) A few days later Ulises told him: it was Luscious Skin who stole the sculpture. That's what he said, but without really thinking, like it was a joke. That's how Ulises is. He doesn't take these things seriously, they just seem funny to him. But Belano blew up, saying how could this happen, saying that the people at Casa del Lago had arranged for us to give several readings and that now he felt responsible for the theft. Like he was the mother of all the visceral realists. Still, he didn't do anything. He acted disgusted, that's all.