The Satin Sash (35 page)

Damn him.What did he
want
?

“Put him through,” he snapped, slamming the double doors behind him.

He fell into his chair, picked up, and easily said, “Father.”

“Explain.”

“Explain
what
?”

Tiptoeing inside with the expression of someone about to be hanged, Louisa held out the day’s paper. Grey homed in on the social column headline as she set it on the surface of his desk.

GLACIER TOO COLD FOR THE SUN?

Icicles pricked him on the inside.The chills of Antarctica
paled
in comparison to the sweeping cold that spread through him. He didn’t continue reading. The picture said it all. Toni smiling, Heath crowding her with his body, cupping her breasts from behind, whispering something in her ear. And Grey. Nonchalant as could be, and right behind them, speaking to the Mexican with the dresses.

“I said explain.”

His father’s angry voice snapped him back. With characteristic remoteness, Grey waved Louisa off, and only when he was sealed inside his office—alone—did he put his forehead in his hand and rub. His thoughts tumbled one after the other—one in particular, one that prevailed.
Toni.
His baby. His lively, mischievous little imp. In the eye of the storm. Subjected to public speculation and scorn.

“I don’t know what you’re looking for, or what you want to hear,” Grey said levelly.

“I want to hear that my son, with my name, isn’t engaged in some strange type of business. I warned you against men like that one. I know who that good-for-nothing is. How do you expect your mother to face her friends at the function today?”

The function.Yes. Of course. How inconsiderate of Grey. “Just like she always does, smiling wide and bright. Dad.”

“If you can’t control your own woman, you’re not the man I thought you were.”

The anger he felt was sweeping, blinding, cramming his mouth with poison he wanted to spit, but even then his voice remained passive. “Like you control your wife? Who’s she sleeping with now, the gardener? I have another call. Have a good day, Dad.”

“. . . Now, your father and I are very certain there’s a good explanation, so I propose you both come over for dinner and talk to us.”

Toni was so stunned by the article she could barely make sense of her mother’s words. A rabid, vehement anger flared up in her, then a profound, wrenching hurt. It seemed she wasn’t even breathing, nor her heart beating, while a single thought slammed into her brain—Grey.

She was portrayed as the harlot and he like the . . . the
fool
. How many people bought this paper? Exactly how many people would read
this
? What was this paper’s circulation? He would be crushed. He would be. Oh, god. She stuck the phone between her shoulder and ear and fell on her knees, frantically spreading the paper on the coffee table and flipping the page, where the words continued. More words. Malicious, cruel words. Hurtful words about them. And her mother’s voice droned on in her ear like an annoying noise that never stopped.That made you want to scream and scream and scream.

“. . . couldn’t possibly be what I’m thinking . . .”

“Mom, please.
Please.
I can’t talk to you right now.”

“Just tell me who is this man? What is he to you?”

And through her mother’s fraught words, she heard her father’s furious rant in the background. “I don’t want to be hearing this. That is not my daughter right there. These people are scammers. I tell you, they put ten pictures together to come up with this stuff!”

Dad.Who still thought her to be faultless.With unsteady arms, she pulled herself up to the couch seat, barely registering that the person speaking in that peculiar, toneless voice was her. “Mom, I’ll call you later.”

She hung up and dialed slowly, an alarming calm settling over her. She was livid, she wanted to scream, and here she was . . . sitting. Hanging on to the phone as though for dear life!
Oh, god!

“Grey Richards’s office. May I help you?”

Her heart jumped at his name. “Louisa, I need Grey.”

“Toni.” Louisa’s abrupt, startled pause lasted only a second.“He’s on the line with some PR person.”

“Did you read it?”

“Yes. I—” Louis paused, and Toni became aware of a perturbing silence behind her friend. As though the office were dead. As though everyone had stopped in their tasks in order to overhear this particular phone call. “I’m so sorry,Toni,” Louisa finally whispered.

“They turned me into a . . .”
Whore.

She couldn’t say it. While she had been experiencing her first Mexican party, having a wonderful time, with her two men watching her like the most adorable bodyguards on the planet, these people had taken it and turned it into something horrible. They’d turned her
life
into something horrible. Her
men. Her loves!

“Oh! Hang on. I’ve got Grey. He’s asking for you.”

She wasn’t left waiting. His voice immediately poured over her; a salve for her wounds, a blanket for her quaking, breaking heart.

“Toni.”

She had an insane urge to apologize, say,
I’m sorry, Grey! I’m so sorry!
But really, why? To
whom
was she apologizing, and for
what
? Apologize to the world for something three consenting adults did?

“You’ve seen,” he said with such quietude, she ached.

“Yes.”

Their pause was dense with repressed words.

His sigh clenched around her stomach, crowding her with even more cutthroat pain.“Are you all right? Is anyone out there hounding you?”

That was all he could think of. If she was all right. She had ruined his life. Something was wrong with her.And all he wanted was to know she was all right.

“I’m all right.”

“I’ll be right over.”

“I’m fine, Grey.” She spared a preoccupied glance at the front door, eyeing it as though she could see directly through the slab of wood. “Nobody’s here. Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.”
And if I see someone, I’ll break their cameras in two!
“I’m worried about you, Grey.”

“I want to hold you in my arms.”

The longing his words evoked was so great, her limbs trembled. “I want to be held.”

“I’m sorry,Toni. I should have protected you, I should have—”

“Don’t be! If anyone should be sorry it’s me. Your public image—”

“Don’t.”

“This would never have happened if I hadn’t—”

“Baby, don’t. Don’t do this.”

She twirled the phone cord with one twittering finger, inhaling one breath at a time. One short, unfulfilling breath at a time.“Grey, I don’t want them to make us regret it.We had amazing moments, and if we let them take that from us, we’re so screwed.”

His chair creaked, and she pictured him leaning back in that massive thing, rubbing his hair, frowning as he thought.“Your mom and dad?”

“Want us over for dinner.Which, of course, I will refuse until . . . I don’t know.Your dad?”

“For the first time in my life, I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself.”

The melancholy in her laughter made her regret having let it out. “Maybe you should. Not care what he thinks anymore.”

“It makes no difference.” His voice changed, became authoritative and businesslike. “I want you to put on something very pretty for me.We’re going to Tiago’s tonight, and I’ve got Louisa making sure every reporter will be there to see we’re fine, and kill this right off.”

Kill the rumors. Smile for the camera. They’d never taken an interest in Toni before. Grey’s plain little girlfriend. But as soon as the water looked murky, the press was all over them.And she would pose for them?

“To deny it,” she said, choking in distaste.

“To stop it before it gets worse,” came the stern correction.

She shook her head many times, continued shaking it as she spoke.“Grey, I hate not having explanations for my parents, but you know what? In a week, some starlet will come out with her skirt up to her waist and nobody will even remember us.” She almost prayed that one of them was already doing mischief now, and then felt miserable for wishing such bad tidings on someone just to get rid of her own pain.

“They
will
remember. It’s in print.They’ll have a field day with this.”

“I don’t want to play their game! In fact, I wish Heath were here and the three of us could pose, with each of you grabbing one of my breasts while we tell the entire universe.YES. Big deal.We had a freaking
threesome
!” Okay, she was really losing it, and most surprising of all, she was really loving it! She wanted to do something reckless, and she wanted to scratch everyone’s eyes out for attacking Grey.

“But Heath is not here, is he? This is about you. And me. And me needing to fix this.”

“Heath would say they should go fuck themselves.”

“Not. Another.Word. About
Heath
!”

“He’s your instinct, and sometimes you need to trust it, Grey. How can we be happy trying to please the entire world? I’m not going anywhere,” she said in an emphatic rush of rebelliousness. “I’ll be home and I’ll be waiting for you just as I always am, but don’t expect me to pose. I’m not living the life of everyone; this is
mine
. If I listened to what everyone thinks I should be doing, I’d be looking for a sperm donor, since it’s clear there won’t be a husband coming to me!”

“What in the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing! The point is . . .” She sighed. What did a baby have to do with anything, damn it? Was she growing desperate? Was she so without dignity that she’d propose to Grey herself now? “The point is, all I care about is what you think. And Heath. The rest is not important.”

“Then would you care to know that I have our IPO coming up next week? RS is going public.We can’t afford something like this. Not now and not ever.”

“And what did your fabulous PR person suggest?”

Silence.

“What did he suggest would be great for your IPO?”

More silence. Not a peaceful, serene silence, but the kind that made you aware of just how many things you did not know, did not hear, were not aware of.

“What?” she fragilely demanded.“Did he suggest you pose with some other bimbo so the world thinks you broke up with me before Cabo and we were both there by accident,
me
with my new fling?”

“Yes.”

She gasped, the thought that everybody, everybody in the world, including her parents, did not think her fit for Grey devastated her. Because maybe they were right. Because no matter how much she adored him, she might not be worthy of him after all. She had hurt him, and maybe she truly didn’t have a clue about what a man like Grey needed.

With a serenity that belied the pain in her very bones, she mumbled, “Do what you have to do, Grey Richards.”

In her mind, she hung up—no, she
slammed
the receiver into the cradle—and yet a second later she remained in her same spot, anxiously clutching it to her ear.

“I fired him.”

She blinked in surprise, stuttered, “You did?”

“On the spot.”

Her laugh was feeble. Of sadness mingled with relief. “Oh, Grey.” He was chuckling, too.

And she conceded, “One picture.That’s it. Grey, this is none of their business!”

“I know,” he appeased. “But I need the ball on my field. If they write about me, it’ll be what I tell them to. If I hide or keep silent, they’ll find out who Heath is and dig in our pasts until that one time we smoked marijuana only god remembers where . . . I can’t have that.”

“I know,” she ruefully agreed.

But she knew Grey couldn’t have anyone knowing who Heath was and what he meant to them.