The Saga of the Renunciates (65 page)

“As do I,” Rohana said wryly. “His first act as Warden was to arrange a marriage between his sister Lori and Valdir, Lord Armida. Valdir is not yet fifteen, nor Lori either, but that did not stop Kyril; he wanted that Alton alliance. He has never forgiven me that I did not interfere a few years ago, when Lady Callista of Arilinn left the Arilinn Tower, to get her for his wife. I had hoped Lori would marry your brother Valentine, Jaelle—my daughter to marry back into the Domain of my birth. But of course your father and Valentine’s was a Dry-Town man, and so Kyril has already forbidden the marriage—he is now Valentine’s guardian.”

Jaelle had seen her brother Valentine fewer than a dozen times in her life; he had been born when her mother died and she had not wanted to remember. Dom Gabriel would never have been unkind to a child, but Kyril had detested his young cousins; Jaelle had escaped to the Guild House, but for Valentine there had been no escape till his tenth year, when he was sent to Nevarsin monastery.

“Valentine and Valdir are
bredin
, when Valdir marries, Valentine will go with him as his paxman, and no doubt Valdir will find him a good marriage somewhere,” Rohana said. “You need not fear for him.”

“I hardly know him,” said Jaelle, “but I am glad he will be out of reach of Kyril’s malice. But Lori, how does she feel about making a marriage with a kinsman she hardly knows?”

“Oh, she thinks him charming,” said Rohana, “All the Altons are brilliant, and I think Valdir likely to be one of the best of them. You do know that the last Heir, young Domenic, was killed in Thendara, in a swordplay-accident, a few years ago, and the Domain is under a Regent, Lord Damon Ridenow, who married Domenic’s sister Ellemir. But Valdir will be fifteen this summer, and assume his place as Warden of the Domain—”

“I know,” Jaelle said, and felt a curious prickle in her mind which dismayed and annoyed her. Why had the affairs of the Altons been brought to her mind just now? The downed plane on Alton lands. Peter, saying that the Regent of Alton was an honorable man. Somehow it made her think of the curious dream she had shared with Magda; there had been someone in Ridenow colors, green and gold… what had the affairs of the Comyn to do with her?

Rohana sat up straight and Jaelle could see that she was angry. Had Rohana read her mind? She did not know that she was virtually broadcasting her annoyance and displeasure, and that Rohana, whose
laran
was fully trained and under control, was as annoyed by her undisciplined mind as Jaelle would have been angered by one of the young girls making a noisy disturbance in the Guild House when the House was supposed to be quiet.

“I am sorry the affairs of the Comyn are so tiresome to you,” she said dryly, “but you must bear with me while I rehearse them to you, since you are, after all, deeply involved in them—

“When I took the Oath of the Renunciates—”

“When you were permitted to take that Oath because of my intercession,” Rohana reminded her coldly, “You were allowed to take the Oath, and renounce your place in the succession of the Aillard Domain through your mother, Melora, only because I certified to them—not quite truthfully, I now fear, though I did not know it then—that you had no usable or accessible
laran
. But though you can renounce your own heritage, you cannot renounce it for your unborn daughter.”

“I have no daughter, born or unborn—” Jaelle began, but Rohana met her eyes.

“You still lie to yourself, Jaelle? Or will you have the insolence to lie to me, and deny that you are carrying a daughter by your Terran lover?”

Jaelle opened her mouth; and closed it again, knowing that she had nothing to say. She had known, and barricaded her mind from the knowledge. Rohana went on, quietly.

“When I was born, there were many daughters in the Aillard succession. That was more years ago than I like to remember, and time has not been kind to our Domain. My mother, Lady Liane, married a man who took her name and rank, rather than she taking his.” The Aillard, alone among the Comyn, traced descent through the female line, mother to eldest daughter. “My mother had two younger sisters; her youngest was your mother’s mother, Jaelle. Melora and I were cousins and
bredini;
we were fostered together in Dalereuth Tower. I left there to marry Gabriel; Melora was kidnapped by Dry-Town bandits and bore Jalak of Shainsa two children. You and your brother Valentine.”

Jaelle said, her mouth suddenly dry, “Why do you tell me what I have always known?”

“Because my eldest sister, Sabrina, had no daughters, but only sons. My sister Marelie married into the Elhalyn Domain and for better or for worse, her sons and daughters belong to that Domain and are not Aillards. I wished Gabriel to renounce his father-right in Lori, but he would not, and in later years he was too ill for me to persuade him; so that Lori was reared, not for the Heirship of a Domain, but for marriage. But you have not married, Jaelle; you are still an Aillard; in fact, you have taken vows which mean that any daughter you bear is
yours
, not your husband’s. Your daughter, Jaelle, will be Heir to Aillard, whether you like it or not. And she will inherit the powers of the Domain.”

“No! I will not allow it—

“You cannot stop it,” Rohana said, “Such is the law. We have been watching you since Melora died. Obviously, Sabrina was not pleased to see Melora replace her—

“Especially since the father of Melora’s child was a Dry-Town bandit,” Jaelle said dryly.

“Nevertheless, Sabrina is now past childbearing; so she cannot bear a daughter. Melora had an older sister—”

“Did
she
have children for the Domain?”

“We thought that she would do so,” said Rohana, “She bore a
nedestro
daughter to Lorill Hastur; festival-gotten, so we had her married off for convenience to a small-holder. That girl would now be—God help us, how the years pass!—she would be past forty. I saw her once when she was young; she was very beautiful, and she was destined for a Tower.”

“Why can she not be Heir to the Domain? Or are the Hasturs jealous of their daughters?”

Rohana shook her head. “Before she was fifteen, she was stolen by bandits; she was ransomed, but she ran away again— perhaps she had a lover among them—and we never heard anything else of her. Though Leonie of Arilinn told us not to look for her—either she was dead or something had happened to her which meant she could never return to her people. I am sure she is dead now. So the succession passes to you, Jaelle, for better or for worse; and if not to you, to your daughter. This is why I brought you here; to tell you this.”

Jaelle realized that, without knowing it, she had crossed her hands over her belly, as if to protect the child within, the child she had never thought of except as a tie to bind her to marriage and to Peter. But this was worse than child to a Terran, if she must bear a child to Comyn, to be servant and master alike. Comyn. She
would
not. She was sworn to bear no child for place or position, house or heritage—

“And as Regent for your unborn child, who is Heir to Aillard, you must take a seat on the council,” Rohana said, “although Lady Sabrina is still Regent by name. Unless you wish to make Sabrina your daughter’s Guardian,” she added icily. “Then you may continue to pursue your own wishes as a Renunciate and neglect your duty. But you must give birth to your daughter and place her properly in the hands of Comyn, to be brought up as her birthright dictates.”

“She is half Terran,” said Jaelle rebelliously.

“You still do not understand, do you, Jaelle?” Rohana said. “This is not the first time that the female line of the Aillard has died out; but it must not do so again. We have been unfortunate now for three generations. Your duty to the Comyn—”

“Don’t talk to me about my duty to the Comyn,” Jaelle said, stifled. “In all the years of my life what have they ever done for me?”

“I do not ask for you,” Rohana said coldly. “You renounced that life before you were old enough to know what it means. Life demands of everyone that they make promises before they are old enough to abide by them;
honor
is abiding by these pledges even when it becomes difficult.”

Jaelle had been thinking something like this…
had she forsworn her oath to the Renunciates when it became difficult?
… and she lowered her eyes. Rohana said again, more gently, “You made your own choice. But you cannot make that choice for your daughter. I know enough of the Renunciates to know that even a Guild Mother cannot make that choice for her daughter, even if the girl was born under the Guild-House roof. Your daughter must be reared knowing her duty to Comyn, that she is Heir to Aillard, and you must know what it is that is demanded of her. I ask you, Jaelle, to take a seat in Council this summer, when Kyril is installed as Warden of Ardais and when your daughter is chosen for Aillard.”

“What is the alternative?” asked Jaelle.

“I hope you will not force us to think of alternatives, Jaelle. Only if the child dies, or you die in childbirth, would that be a viable option.”

I am not a slave and I do not want my daughter enslaved. I want to live for myself, not for that arrogant caste which rejected my mother and abandoned her to slavery, then rejected me because I was my father’s daughter as well as my mother’s
. She said aloud, “The Comyn would have none of me because of my Dry-Town blood. Now you say they will overlook it in my daughter, and her Terran blood as well?”

“At that time,” said Rohana quietly, “they had a choice. There were other heirs to Aillard. Since that time there have been deaths. Death gives a woman no choice, either, and she is a harder task-mistress than the Comyn. Necessity does not consult convenience, Jaelle.”

And the dead women, Jaelle thought, had been Rohana’s kinswomen.

Blood, spreading on sand, dark shadows of the waterhole, pain splitting her forehead
… somehow she managed to force the picture out of consciousness again. Rohana watched her narrowly but said nothing, and Jaelle was grateful. Somehow she feared that Rohana must look right into her mind, see her dawning
laran
, reach out to take her from her refuge among the Renunciates…
no refuge. I have abandoned them too, Where does duty send me? Duty to whom? To Comyn, to the Terrans my employers, to Peter my freemate, to my sisters in the Guild House? There is no escape from conflicting oaths… no more than from birth or death
…

She said, “Kindra used to tell me, nothing is inevitable but death and next winter’s snow. There must be another answer even for this.”

“Ah, Jaelle,” said Rohana, gently, leaning forward to stroke the younger woman’s soft hair, “Life is not as simple as that. I do not demand any choice from you now. I did not ask you here to bully you. Go away and think about it, darling. Ask Peter what he thinks—she is his daughter too, and whatever the Renunciates may think about it, he has some rights over his child. You need not decide now. Even when the child is born, I only ask that you should not close too many doors too soon. Leave her a choice, too. Your mother risked, and lost her life, so that you might have a choice, so that you would not grow up in chains. That, I suppose, made me soft with you, so that I did not insist on bringing you up strictly by the laws of a Comyn daughter; Melora was given no choice, I was given no choice…”

Jaelle looked sharply at Rohana, but then realized that Rohana had not spoken of herself, she had said aloud only,
Melora was given no choice
. She repeated it now, “Melora was given no choice, and she had died to give you choice, so I would not force anything upon you. You have had many years of freedom; is it not time, now, to do something for someone besides yourself?”

Maybe she is right, maybe she is right… maybe I owe something to those who came before me, those who will come after me… Rafaella tried to choose for Doria, and it is not working, Doria has had to be sent away…

She bowed her head and said “I will think about it. But surely you did not travel this long road from Ardais only to argue with me about the destiny of my daughter…”

Rohana seized on this so eagerly that Jaelle knew Rohana, too, must have been troubled by their quarrel. “Not only for that, of course,” she said, “but to bury Gabriel, and to hear Kyril installed as Warden for the Domain… There will be a special session of Council called; the Hasturs are already traveling here from Carcosa, and Prince Aran with his wife and daughter. Word has been sent through the Domains—but I do not suppose all this is of the slightest interest to you, child. Go and rest; you will need your sleep. I will ask them to send you some supper, something light, and you can rest well and in the morning go home, or stay here and talk with me again, just as you choose. I will send you more precise details about when the Council is to meet, and you really should try to be present for your daughter, and to meet the other members of the Domain— you do know, child, that you have family members other than myself and Kyril, you should know them!”

“I am no more eager to know them than they have been to know me all these long years since Mother died,” Jaelle said, but she said it gently; she realized she was just as unwilling to hurt Rohana’s feelings as ever.

The guest suite where she had been taken was quiet and empty, and Jaelle ate some of the soup and roast bird which Rohana had sent to her. She supposed that Peter was dining with the Terran group in the faraway guest suite where they had been sent, and almost wished she were with them. But she was not sufficiently familiar with Comyn Castle to try and find her way there. She drowsed on a soft chair, hardly aware of how comforting it felt to be among familiar things. No, not familiar, she had never known luxurious surroundings like this, since she was old enough to remember she had known only the tidy, comfortable, but completely non-luxurious surroundings of the Guild House. Luxuries like these might have been hers all the time if she had chosen to remain with Comyn rather than honoring her Renunciate oath, and why was she thinking of that now? After a time she fell asleep, to be wakened by Peter coming in very late.