The Romance of Nick and Layla (Parts 1-3) (17 page)

"Good. But let’s set one condition before we do this."

"And what would that be?"

I looked at him solemnly. "No kissing. At least not on the lips."

Nick looked at me incredulously. "Do you honestly expect me to be able to control kissing you? I’m not that careful, Lay."

"Take it or leave it."

"Take it." This time I didn’t step away as he reached for me, bringing me deep within his arms. Instinctively, I tangled my fingers in his hair as his lips found my neck. Oh God I loved when he did that. His mouth moved hungrily along my collarbone and down into the crevice of my breasts. My head fell back, opening myself up to him more. I pulled his face tighter into me, desperately trying to feel everything he was doing in slow motion.

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes, leaning in to kiss me, but pulling away. I tilted my head, trying to divert my lips away from him, but I really wanted the opposite. His blue eyes were penetrating, staring into my own eyes.

"I missed you, Layla."

I shook my head and put a finger to his lips to silence him. "Shut up. This isn’t about that."

"Why can’t this be about that?" he asked.

"Because it just can’t," I whispered.

"Don’t tell me you don’t love me anymore. I know you’d be lying."

"Which is why I won’t say anything at all."

"Then you do still love me?"

I ignored his gaze - and his question - and kissed his shoulder tenderly, lifting the thin fabric of his top above the waistband of his pants. "Forget about love, Nick. It never worked for us. This, however, did always work." He lifted his arms for me as I raised the tank top over his torso, over his head and tossed it behind him to the floor. I smoothed my fingers over his chest, tracing the outline of one of his many new tattoos.

"Don’t leave me Layla. Don’t divorce me."

I looked back into his eyes and sighed. "I thought you weren’t here to talk, Nick?"

"I thought so too. But standing here, standing this close to you, I can’t help it. I can’t just stop feeling for you. No matter how much you want me to."

"Nick..." He took my face between his hands and I was powerless to look anywhere else.

"Wait, just hear me out. The way I understand it, you’re divorcing me because of the Vanessa Carrington situation. But she lied. There is no pregnancy, no scandal. She’s out of our lives for good. There’s nothing to keep us apart any longer. No illegitimate child. No Missy Page to makeup bullshit gossip about us. "

"There were other circumstances, Nick. It wasn’t just about Vanessa Carrington and Missy Page. There was so much more than that."

"Such as?"

God! We’ve been through this already! I untangled myself from him and sat on the bed, adjusting what little clothing I was wearing to cover my body more. "I already told you, Nick. I can’t be allowed to love you like I did. Nobody should be allowed to feel that way."

He leaned down in front of me and took my hands in his. "And what’s so wrong with loving me like that?"

"Your existence shouldn’t depend on anyone but yourself. And for me... breathing was okay only if I knew you were alive. I’ve been with you since I was twenty and I didn’t know any other existence except for what I was when I was by your side. But this was never a normal relationship, Nick. I wanted to be a woman you could feel safe with, knowing that I wasn’t going to call you out when you didn’t come home for weeks at a time, bitching and complaining that you weren’t here. I wanted you to live your life. Yet at the same time, I just wanted you to be in my life. All the time. And so many times I wished you weren’t The Famous Nick Hudson and could just be Nick Hudson. That way I could have you here all the time without all that other stuff."

I was crying and feeling completely stupid. So silly and stupid and naive for finally opening up and saying the things I had wanted to say for so long, only far too long after it mattered.

"I had no idea," he whispered softly.

"So do you see now? Do you see why no one should be allowed to love like that? Because it’s dangerous. I could have lost myself in you. And what good would that do me?"

"Jesus, Layla. I don’t mind that you feel that way. I’m the exact same way with you. I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to pack my bags and leave in the middle of a tour just so I could come home and look at you. Be with you. But I have an obligation to my job."

"But it’s not your job, Nick! It’s your life."

"No, you’re my life. Yeah, so I was a singer first. I’m a man above everything else. I won’t be a singer till the day I die. But I will be a man for the rest of my life. And I will love you for the rest of my life. Nothing can change that."

"As much as I’d like to believe that, I can’t."

"Why not?" he pushed.

" I’m not blind Nick, and I’m certainly not stupid. I know that nothing makes you happier than your career. I couldn’t possibly hope of beating that nor would I ask for anything else."

"Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying to you for the last three years? I don’t have to make time for you. You are my time, Layla. And yes, I fucked up royally. I hurt you in so many ways that it makes me sick to even think about what a bastard I was. But I want you, Layla. I want you back. I want you to forgive me for all the shitty things I did to you. I never thought I would get married, especially at such a young age. But I knew that if I didn’t marry you, then I’d never meet anyone like you again. I knew that I would never have the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love, more than I love myself, if I didn’t accept my own fate and commit my life to you. To devote myself entirely to you."

"Don’t do this to me Nick, please," I begged him. There was no way I could control the flood of tears that came pouring from my eyes. "I can’t fall back into everything again. It’d just be a landslide that would find me tumbling down a road that I can’t handle emotionally."

"So what if you fall, Layla? I’ll be here to catch you. I’m always here to catch you when you fall."

"Stop it. You can’t just come back into my life and say all the right things."

"Why not?"

I buried my face in my hands and kept on crying. "Because it just makes the inevitable all that much more painful." I lifted my head and grabbed his hands. "Can’t we just leave this as a physical thing? Let’s cut out all the emotional attachment bullshit. I don’t want love, Nick. Can’t we just leave it at sex and nothing else?"

"No, because it’s not just sex. It’s never been just sex with us. It’s always been about making love because we are in love. And there’s nothing wrong with that Layla! Lord, don’t you know how much I love you? I want you to be my wife. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want to grow old with you and spend the rest of my living days with you. Why is that too much for you? It can’t possibly be because you love me too much, because that’s not possible. You can never love anyone enough. I can’t just turn that off, Layla. I told you I just can’t switch off my emotions like a light switch. You’re in me. You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul, and you’re in my thoughts. It’s all about you, baby. It has been about you since the day I met you and it will be about you until the moment I stop breathing." He crouched up and placed a tender kiss on my left breast, just above my heart.

He didn’t have to say anything else. And I didn’t want him to. Any more devotions of love and that landslide would start pushing me.

I wouldn’t let him kiss my lips, but I was in total ecstasy when he kissed every part of my body, all while laying me back on the bed and hovering on top of me. I kept my eyes closed, just feeling his lips on my skin, his hands caressing my hips and thighs. And when he put himself inside me it was as if he was completing me; like there was a void that was now filling up. It was like a key in a lock. A key that didn’t quite fit in any other lock, but in me, it fit perfectly.

My back arched up into him, wanting to feel him deeper inside of me. His eyes locked on mine as our bodies found a familiar rhythm, and his lips brushed across the corner of my own lips, tempting me to break my own rule and cover my mouth with his.

He slowed his pace just as I began to tighten around him. I closed my eyes as he placed soft, butterfly kisses on my eyelids. "I love you, Layla. God how I love you," he whispered, all while pushing in and out of me.

I could barely catch my breath as he increased his pace, grinding into me feverishly. My leg wrapped around him and my hands slid down his back in every effort to feel more of him. My head was swimming in emotion as I came closer and closer to my release.

"Tell me you love me," he whispered, caressing my face in his hands.

"Nick..."

"No, just tell me Layla. Please say it."

My insides tightened and then convulsed around him, putting me in pure orgasmic ecstasy. My back arched again as I cried a loud moan. I heard a dangerously erotic moan escape Nick’s mouth as he thrust in me, but he didn’t come. I fell back on the bed, pulling Nick down with me, his chest gasping for air in tandem with mine.

He tried again to kiss me, but I turned my face away. He mimicked my movements, again trying to kiss me.

"Nick, no."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"You’ll let me make love to you but you won’t let me kiss you?"

"I told you. It’s just sex." He moved inside me again, the sensation jarring against my body as I came down off the high, still shaking inside.

"This is just sex?"

"Yes," I cried.

"Doesn’t feel that way to me." He perched his upper body up on his elbows around my face. He ground into me again, making me moan. "This feels like love to me."

"Really? Because all it feels like to me is a penis inside me." He flinched at my words but I didn’t care. It had to be about sex, not love. I couldn’t take any more love.

"Why do you refuse to tell me you love me, Layla?"

"You know why."

"Tell me why."

"Because."

"Because why?" He ground his hips into me again, making me shudder.

"Jesus, Nick. Either fuck me or get out. I can’t take this any longer."

"Love, Layla. Love."

"Fuck you, Nick," I whispered, just before he pulled out and thrust back into me again. "Oh God, fuck me," I whispered again.

He held my face in his hands so that I couldn’t move even if I tried. His lips lingered above mine, tempting me. "Not until you tell me that you love me."

His body was driving me insane. Grinding into me. Making me want him all over again. And again. And again. His lips covered my lips, gently sucking back. They finally interlocked between mine and I couldn’t deny him anymore. My lips parted willingly and he filled my mouth with his tongue, vigorously kissing me. I was quickly losing the battle. If I didn’t give in soon...

He had found a regular pace inside of me and I complied with every thrust, every movement he made inside me. My defenses were weakened. He was the only one that could do that to me. And suddenly... I couldn’t hold back from him any longer.

"Nick, I’m pregnant."

Chapter Twenty-Six

Nick’s movements stopped completely. My eyes opened wildly, searching for answers in his face. He looked stunned.

"Why’d you stop?" I asked impatiently. He was still inside me, still ready to take me over the edge again.

"What’d you say?"

"I asked why you stopped."

"No, before that Layla."

What? What did I say? "I don’t know. Come on, Nick. Fuck me."

"After that!" he said impatiently.

Dear Lord. "What is your problem, Nick? You wanted this so let’s finish it. Come on, baby."

"You said you’re pregnant."

No I didn’t. "What?"

"You said, just now, ‘Nick I’m pregnant.’"

"Don’t be ridiculous!"

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" I was furious. I thrust my hips up towards him, unable to move any other way beneath the weight of his body on top of me. But he did nothing in response.

"Stop bullshitting around, Layla! Are you pregnant?" He looked absolutely pissed off. And shocked.

I inhaled deeply. "Do you think we could finish this conversation later? We were kind of in the middle of something."

But instead he pulled out of me, crawled off the bed and started to put his clothes back on. I reached down for his shirt before he could and slid it over my body. I sat up on the bed and watched him collecting himself back together. The mood may have died but my arousal hadn’t; and clearly, neither had his.

"What are you doing?" I asked, irritation coating every syllable of my voice. "Look, just forget whatever the hell it was I said, get back on the bed and finish what you started!"

He turned and gave me a sharp look. "Are you pregnant Layla?"

And there it was: the moment of truth. I sighed and my eyes absently roamed down my body, giving me away.

"Jesus, you are pregnant!" he moaned. I caught him eyeing me, the extra weight around my abdomen evident as I sat in front of him, dresses in only a tee shirt. "And here I just thought that you had gained a few pounds."

I could forgive the unintended insult. "I have gained a few pounds, Nick. And a baby." I watched as he paced the room, running his hands through his hair. I already knew what he was thinking and I would be damned if he accused me of that. "And yes."

"Yes what?" But he knew what I meant.

"It’s yours." I couldn’t believe I had let it slip that I was pregnant. Of all the stupid things to do! But his hands were touching me and... Oh God. I had lost myself in the moment.

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"What the hell are you getting all upset about? You’re not the one carrying it."

"No, but I am the father! Jesus Christ, Layla!" he yelled.

"What?" I yelled back.

"You weren’t even going to tell me, were you? You were just going to divorce me, leave without any warning and raise the kid on your own, weren’t you?" His face was beet red and his eyes were flaring.

"As opposed to what, Nick? Telling you so that we could get back together for the sake of an unborn child? No thank you!"