The Romance of Nick and Layla (Parts 1-3) (16 page)

"I’d almost forgotten what this place looked like. It’s been so long," he started, turning around to face me.

He was more relaxed than he had been at the courthouse. There was something different about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. The sadness was gone, replaced with something else. He was smiling in a way that only I knew, a cocky grin that meant he was thinking about me the way I was about him.

I had to stick to the plan.

"I guess it has been a while." I walked past him into the kitchen making dinner, anything to take my mind - and my eyes - off of him.

"So how have you been?"

My eyes froze on my hand gripped around the handle of the refrigerator. I didn’t want to turn around and look at him for fear of what would happen if I did. My face was flush with hot blood rushing through my body, igniting my face into a pink frenzy.

"Lay? Are you okay?"

"I’m fine." I grabbed what I needed from the refrigerator and set everything out on the counter, trying desperately to ignore the pulse between my legs, the heat in my face, and the tingling nerves in my chest. I made the mistake of looking at him just then. How the hell could I be just friends with the man who turned me on with just a look? Women around the world would have given anything to be with Nick, and I’d had him for years. I still had him, looking as handsome and sexy as ever. "You look really good, Nick." I kept my eyes down and attention focused on the food. I had to ignore the hormonal instinct to crave his touch.

"Oh yeah? Then sleeplessness is my look," he joked, laughing lightly.

"Why haven’t you been sleeping?"

He looked away from me and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Various reasons. Recording. Travelling. Sleeping alone. But you... I’ve never seen you look more beautiful. You must be happy."

"I wouldn’t say that. Just relaxed. A four month vacation will do that to you."

"I wouldn’t know." I knew better than anyone that he didn’t, but often made up for it.

I put the food in the oven and fussed over a bag of salad for a few minutes, anything to keep my mind focused and away from the thoughts of him that were growing in intensity. I knew it was just a chemical reaction, my own hormones ramping up after a long absence.

“So how long are you in town for?" I asked as I cleared the counter of trash.

"Two days."

"The house needs some work done on it and you know me, I couldn’t lift a hammer if my life depended on it.” Jesus, Layla, what are you getting yourself into?

An unreadable expression flickered across his face. Clearly he wasn’t expecting that. "Are you asking me to stay here with you?"

"Well it’s not recording and it certainly isn’t travelling but at least you wouldn’t have to sleep alone." I couldn’t stop the words coming from my mouth even if I wanted to. The logic center of my brain had abandoned me, taken over by the need for satisfying the urge inside me.

"Layla..."

"But if you’d rather stay alone in that big house of yours for the next two days I won’t stop you." I’d somehow made my way to him and was closer than I had been in months. I could feel the warmth radiating off of his body and it took all the self control I could muster to not take him in my arms and kiss him.

"You don’t have a guest room."

"Would you really want to sleep in a guest room if I had one?" The scent of his cologne was heated on top of his skin and came at me in waves of sensation.

"As much as I’d like to, I don’t think it’d be a good idea."

"And why is that?"

"Do you want my honest answer?" No, not really. But maybe it would stop me before I did anything I’d undoubtedly regret.

"Have I ever asked for anything but?"

He sighed but kept his eyes deadlocked on mine. "Because if I’m around you I don’t know that I could keep myself away from you."

My head tilted to the side and I wanted to just lean in and kiss him ever-so-tenderly. "Be more specific."

"I don’t think I can be in the same room with you without wanting to touch you." His eyes diverted down to my lips, rested there a while, and then moved back up to my eyes.

Nick didn’t have to touch me. Just a look was enough. And of course it didn’t help that I was aching for him. "Here’s how I see it, Nick. We’re still married. And you’re here. And I’m here. You haven’t been with anyone in four months. And neither have I. So I say, what would be so wrong about enjoying each other while we can?"

So this was it. I was propositioning my soon-to-be-ex-husband for casual sex. My husband with benefits? So much for my plan.

His cheek picked up in a half grin before his face settled into a disbelieving expression. "Sex for the sake of not being lonely? Despite the fact that we’re in the middle of a divorce?" he asked, and rather bluntly at that.

"In a word? Yes."

"What is going on with you, Layla? You’re different."

I rolled my eyes and stepped away from him, heading back into the kitchen to check on the food. "God, Nick. Here I am, offering myself to you on a silver platter, practically asking you to take advantage of me and all of a sudden your conscience kicks in?" Where was that chivalry when he was cheating on me?

"Are you fucking kidding me? The first time I see you in months as it a courthouse for a divorce proceeding. And now this?”

"Oh this won’t change anything for us, Nick. But that doesn’t mean that my attraction for you is being divorced as well. I mean, look at you, you waltz in here looking all sexy as hell and I’m not supposed to want to have sex with you?" Jesus Christ I was out of control. It wasn’t his fault. This drama was all mine.

"Well there was a time when you didn’t want to touch me."

I turned and looked at him with a grave expression. "There was never a time in our shared life together that I didn’t want to touch you. You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted to touch me. And that is still a fact today."

"Fuck, Layla. You want to divorce me but you still want me?"

"You’re the one that said he couldn’t stay here for fear of what he might do to me."

"You know that I’m still in love with you and how badly I don’t want this divorce and if we get physical it’s just going to mess with my head. It’s like you want me to feel like I can still have you even though I can’t. Not for as long as I want to have you."

"Yeah well I’m still in love with you too but that doesn’t change what happened! Or do I have to remind you?" I sneered at him. In spite of wanting him I was becoming angry. All of what destroyed our marriage was coming back to me and fueling this erratic behavior.

"No! You don’t have to remind me because I know. I know all too well. But I also know that apologizing won’t change a goddamn thing. I’ve tried saying sorry and I still wound up at that courtroom this morning."

"Some things can’t be forgiven, Nick."

He shook his head and I could tell he was at the end of his rope. "I’m not going to play this game with you, Layla. If you want then you’re going to have to take all of me. I’m not interested in anything else." He fished his keys out from his jeans pocket and looped them around a finger.

Shit, he’s going to leave. "Nick, wait!"

"No. I waited four months for you, Layla. You never even attempted to tell me if you were okay or where you were."

“All you have to do is ask!"

"Fine. Where the hell were you, Lay?" He leaned back onto the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, muscles protruding out beneath his tan skin.

"Bora Bora," I answered.

"What were you doing there?"

"Escaping. I knew if I was around you I’d explode and I didn’t want that to happen. So I escaped."

"Four months is a long time, Layla. All that time could have been spent fixing us."

"I couldn’t leave until I felt strong enough to return home. So I just stayed in a bungalow on the beach. Thinking. Relaxing. Trying to figure out where the hell my head was. I knew I’d have to come home eventually. I read all the articles, Nick. I know about the things you said while I was away. About how your album is about me. About how you said you’d do everything in your power to keep me."

"And I meant it. But using you for sex is not part of that plan."

"Okay, so then just use me for yourself! Take advantage of me! I don’t care! But I need to be touched, Nick. I need to feel something again."

He looked disbelieving again, even borderline embarrassed. "Listen to yourself. This isn’t the Layla from four months ago.”

"I have changed. I had to change. I had to become a better person than what I used to be. And I’m not sorry if that upsets you. But I’m still human, Nick. And most of all, I’m still a woman; a woman that has needs and desires. Don’t you think that if I just wanted sex I could just go out get it? In a heartbeat. But I don’t just any guy in my bed, Nick. I want you."

"Why?"

"Because of who you are." I took his hand and placed it on my hip. "You’re a man that knows what he’s doing. You know how to touch me where I need to be touched. You’re attentive. You’re passionate." I turned him around and slid up onto the counter, moving his other hand to my waist. "Because the feel of your hands on my skin drives me mad." I slid my hands down to the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it up so that I could slide my fingers over the skin of his hips and down into the waistband of his jeans. My knees slowly parted and I used my hands to pull him in between me. "Because you know exactly where to kiss me. You know how to touch me. Do I need to go on?"

His blue eyes were intense under the heaviness of his eyelids. My legs went around him easily, pushing him closer into me until I could just make out the radiating warmth of his body against the center of mine. The way his body responded to my touch told me he wanted me, too, and all I could do was breathe in the scent of him while I waited for him to give in to me.

"No," he whispered huskily. "I’ve heard enough."

"So what’s it going to be, Nick?" I lifted the hem of his shirt a few inches, fingertips grazing against the soft skin of his chest until it prickled beneath my touch.

“If you want me, you’re going to have to take all of me. As much as I want you physically, I want your heart and your love more. I want you to be with me because you want to spend your life with me. Not just your nights."

I tangled my fingers in his hair and leaned in as if to kiss him. But I didn’t. "So it was okay when you had your one-night-stands, but it’s not okay to fuck me?" He started to argue but I wouldn’t let him. "Look, I don’t want to fight. This doesn’t have to be another battle in our ongoing war against each other."

"I’m not going to use you for sex, Layla. And I’m certainly not going to let you use me. You’re not the only one who’s changed. I only want one person in my life. And if you don’t that one person to be you, then someone else will."

Before I could protest he untangled from my body and stepped away from me, heading for the door without saying anything. It shut with a loud bang just as the timer I’d forgotten I set went off signalling that the food was ready.

It took a whole minute for me to compose myself enough to get off the counter and adjust myself. I took the food tray out of the oven and stared at it resentfully before shutting off the oven, the kitchen light, and retreating to my bedroom, unsatisfied and alone.

Chapter Twenty-Five

It was two a.m. and unseasonably hot for Santa Monica. Even with all the windows open and a fan blowing cool air five feet away from the bed, it was still too warm for comfort. I stripped off my sweatpants and shirt in favor of a snug camisole and baggy shorts. I was lying on the bed, top pulled up and shorts pulled down, too uncomfortable to sleep when the phone rang.

I looked at it in contempt. Who the hell would be calling at this hour? I picked up the receiver and grunted a hello.

"I changed my mind."

I jolted into an upright position and brushed a few strands of hair out of my face. "Nick?"

"Who else would be calling you at two in the morning?"

"What do you want? I thought we were done talking?"

"I don’t want to talk. Let me in."

I scrunched my face. "Where the hell are you?"

"Front door. Open it or I’ll break it open."

"Really? Because you still never paid me back for that dining room table. You‘d be owing me a new door too."

"Layla, I’m dead serious."

So was I. "Good for you Nick. Now go back to your hotel." I hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. The nerve of Nick to... A loud splintering sound broke my thoughts. What the fuck was that noise?

I scrambled off the bed and quickly adjusted my clothes as I headed towards the hallway. And there he was, walking towards me with a fury in his eyes I had only seen once before.

"You just broke my door!" I exclaimed, completely stunned.

"So get a new one and send me the bill."

"I told you Nick, I have nothing to say to you."

"Well good because I’m not here to talk." He reached out for me but I stepped back, quickly escaping his grasp.

"What are you doing here?" I asked dumbly.

"I told you, Layla. I changed my mind. If this is the only way you’ll have me then so be it." I watched, completely transfixed as he kicked off his shoes and tugged his shirt over his head, revealing a white tank top underneath. "I don’t care if you’re just using me for sex; because right now, that’s all I’m going to use you for."

I stepped back, avoiding his grasp once again. "You’ve gone completely insane."

"Do you know what it’s like to go four months without sex, Layla?"

"Uh, yeah Nick, I do!"

"I can’t take this anymore. I went to a club and even went as far as bringing a girl back to the hotel with me, and I couldn’t do it. And you want to know why? Because she wasn’t you. And I realized that with you, even if it meant nothing, it would still mean everything."

"If this is your idea of foreplay then you’re sadly mistaken, Nick. You don’t have to be so fucking angry."

His eyes took me in. I could feel him appraising me, with my tan skin, my fuller figure, my swollen breasts and everything else that changed about me since the last time we were together all those months ago. "I’m not going to hurt you."