The Romance Novel Cure (30 page)

“
Pobrecito
! Well, he understands that you love him, Daniel. That is the most important thing. You are a really good, loyal father to him. A wonderful father, truly.” She glanced up at him as she spoke.

He raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth… nothing. He was stunned. He had never heard that before. “That’s… thanks. I… thanks.” Practically inarticulate, he felt suffused by a warmth from her words and the kind light in her eyes.

“So,” he said, after clearing his throat a few moments later. “I had some big plans for tonight. I should say hopes not plans. Ideas not plans.”

Alma’s mouth twisted as she fought a smile, and she glanced away.

“But,” he continued. “We’ve got a little chaperone here. So, let’s talk. Unless you’re hungry now?”

“Let’s eat later, after
papi
goes into his crib,” she whispered.

“Cool. So, tell me something… something about you. Something… nobody else knows about you.” He saw her freeze, just momentarily, and something sad pass in her eyes. Then it was gone. He wondered about it.
We all have our heartbreaks
, he thought.
Maybe one day she’ll tell me that one
. He didn’t want to ask her, he felt that would be intrusive. But he felt this kind of knowledge sink into his bones, that he wanted to know everything, absolutely everything, about this woman. He couldn’t remember ever feeling that before. He had another feeling, simultaneously. He felt protective. What had made her sad? Made her feel hurt? He’d try to move heaven and earth to keep her safe and happy. He had this vision of taking her hand in his. She was right there, so close.

“Okay, I’ve got it.” She started to smile, rolling her eyes. “This is going to sound awful. Nobody knows this but I regret getting my hair cut. I had such long hair and I admit, I loved it. But, I got it cut and donated my hair to Locks of Love. So, of course I can’t go around saying I wish I had not cut my hair. My hair went to such a good cause. And, so, it’s a secret. Now you know.”

“Yeah? Why did you get it all cut?”

“I guess… I guess I just figured it was time for a change. But, now I’m letting it grow. I want to be about shoulder length.” She touched her shoulder, shrugging.

“Well,” Daniel whispered. “I think your hair is really pretty, just the way it is.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Really. The way it falls forward, to hide your face, and they way you push it back. And then it falls forward again. And the way it… the way I can see the back of your neck.”

“I’m blushing now,” she whispered.

“The first time I saw you,” he went on. “I saw you painting. You looked so absorbed in what you were doing. I couldn’t see your face, then you shook your hair back. I…” He broke off.
I started falling for you right then and there.

“And then I went and crashed into you, getting paint on you.” She shook her head, grimacing comically.

“Well, I came up pretty close to stand next to you,” he said, watching the surprised look bloom on Alma’s face. “And then, not too long after that, you went and drew on me when I asked you to.”

She reached out with one finger, tracing the lines of his tattoos on his forearms, up to his bicep. He could barely make out the images in the dim light. He felt her touch everywhere. He felt his entire body, his whole being, light up with heat. His heartbeat quickened. Their eyes met. All traces of laughter had fled. There was a smoldering intent in Alma’s eyes that had him reeling. He made himself take a slow breath in and out, but he was unable to look away from her. Her arms filled with his sleeping son, he was staring at everything he wanted.

She blinked and looked away. “Okay,” she said breathlessly. “Now you. Tell me something nobody else knows.”

I’m falling in love with you already
, he thought. “I got an apprenticeship today. With an electrician I know. I start Monday. I’m going to be an electrician.”

“What?” Her face looked lit from within by her smile and surprise. “That’s fantastic! Congratulations, Daniel. Tell me about this.”

He described how it had all come about. “Now, I admit, I’m stressed out. I didn’t do too well in school. I’m going to have to learn a lot of new things.”

Alma looked around before she spoke. “You have a lot of books, about so many different things. It seems as though you like to learn.”

“Yeah. I felt badly about not going to college. So, I read stuff on my own. I can learn things if I can read by myself. It’s just when I’m in a classroom and there’s so much going on. I literally have no idea how anyone can learn anything in a classroom. Or if there’s any kind of group thing going on, and there’s instruction. I just lose the thread of it. But if someone tells me something one on one, it’s better. But really, if I read something, that’s the best. I can absorb stuff and remember it.”

“Well, then, being an apprentice sounds perfect for you,” she whispered, smiling, her eyes shining in the darkness.

“I chose the preschool Elijah goes to, Little Learners, because they said they help little kids start learning from day one. I don’t want him to be like me. I want him to be smart.” He looked at Elijah as he whispered the words that hurt to say. He hadn’t even planned to say it. It just came out.

“Just because you had problems learning in school or in certain situations does not mean you are not a smart person. You are smart. I can tell.” She spoke so quietly, but with such confidence. He couldn’t look at her, but felt her words fall deep, deep, down inside of him, into some broken place. He took a breath, feeling those words settle and become a part of him. He looked up at her. Her eyes were waiting, warm. He smiled, opened his mouth, couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Thanks,” he whispered.

“
De nada
,” she smiled, glancing at him through her eyelashes.

“I got a letter from my father,” he said, suddenly. “Went to my old address, caught up with me.”

“Today?” Alma looked searchingly at him. He looked away.

“Couple days ago. Said he wanted… Well, he said he wanted to be in my life.”

“What will you do? What will you say?”

Daniel shrugged. “Too little, too late, you know? I’ve got my life, he’s got his.”

Alma was quiet for a moment. Then she asked quietly, “Do you believe in second chances?”

He sat back, running his hands through his hair. “Never thought about it that way, but yes. I do.”

She nodded, so much feeling in her dark eyes.

He couldn’t look away.

“I think he is deeply asleep,” he said. “Can you stand with him in your arms? He is getting so big, and he feels twice as heavy when he is asleep.”

She stood up slowly, Daniel by her side. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and dark, as though she was worried about something. He remembered the first times he had held Elijah.

“You won’t drop him. You just won’t.” He put his arm around her shoulders, and they walked to Elijah’s room. Alma settled Elijah into his crib. Daniel raised the crib’s railing carefully. Then they stepped softly out of the room and Daniel pulled the door closed except for a little crack.

They stood in the middle of the living room looking at one another.

“Well, how about I order that pizza?” Daniel started to say and Alma put her arms around him, pressing close.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

He cupped her face with his hands and without a word kissed her. Her mouth felt so warm and wet and sweet, he couldn’t get enough. He reached down, one hand pressing against the back of her neck, the other hand at the small of her back. Holding her so close he could feel her heart beating so fast. He pulled back to look down into her eyes. Her eyes looked even bigger, and so dark and dreamy. Her mouth looked soft and puffy from being kissed so long. How long had they been kissing like that. His legs felt as though they were shaking, like after rock climbing. “Alma,” he whispered. “Come here.”

He held her hand and sat down on the sofa, and she sat next to him. He kissed her hand and tried to gain some control over his rampant desire. It felt nearly impossible with her sitting so close to him. He looked into her face. Her eyes looked heavy lidded, as though maybe she was feeling the same. How to have a rational conversation when he was so aroused he could barely form coherent sentences, barely able to think?

“I want you, so damn much it hurts,” he finally said. “And I don’t know how you feel about me, about this. So, sorry if I’m being presumptuous here, but I just want to tell you that I want you.”

“I feel the same,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

“Here’s the thing,” he said softly. “I don’t know how to say this. It’s probably going to be a mood killer. I’m sorry.”

Alma leaned forward and smiled a little. “It’s okay, just say it. Daniel, I’m not ready… not tonight. As much as I feel so, as much as I…”

He nodded, feeling disappointed. He kissed her hand. “Thing is, I used protection the night Daniel was conceived. Protection that sucked. Since then, I haven’t… I’ve never been with anyone. I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t want you to think I was, well, whatever.”

“I’m on the Pill. I think that will make you feel better, if we…”

“You’re on the Pill?” He felt so relieved. He’d use condoms that didn’t fail and she had a back up method, if she ever wanted to have sex with him. He hoped.

“Yes, I started to have such bad cramps every month. My gynecologist thought it might help, and it did. It helped me so much,” she said earnestly.

He couldn’t help smiling at her expression, the way she had said that. “Well okay. But wait, you said
if
. If we.
If
.”

“Well,” she said awkwardly, looking away, smiling. “I didn’t want to be
presumptuous
.”

“Oh, I want you to presume the heck out of it,” he said, pulling her close. “Presume away. Be presumptuous, always, all the time, whenever it comes to me. No pressure on you, just presumption, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, sliding her hand up the back of his neck and into his hair. He shivered.

“Yeah?” He felt so happy, so damn happy.

She nodded, smiling and shrugging one shoulder, looking up at him again through her eyelashes.

“You are so… you are like this unfathomable combination of sweetness and hotness,” he blurted. “I had no idea someone like you even could exist.”

“What?” She looked thrilled, embarrassed.

“Everything about you,” he confided. “The way you look, the way you move, how you even smell. Your voice and what you say. They way you look at the world. How you just… are. Everything.”

She looked so touched, tears in her eyes. “Daniel.”

“It’s true. I don’t know if you’re just looking for something casual here or more, but I’ve got to tell you, Alma, you’ve already got me falling so hard for you.” He looked away, sure he’d said too much.

“Daniel.” She stroked his face, soothing and exciting him both in equal measure. How did she do that?

“Daniel, do you know, you came into my life at the, well, perfect time? All I want is to get to know you more and more, and just, I don’t know… be with you.”

“I want to be with you too,” he said, not even knowing what he was saying, just driven to try to express himself. “I just want to be with you.”

They eventually stopped kissing to eat Alma’s salad, which they ate directly from the container, using two forks. Daniel didn’t joke about eating a cactus. He just said he loved it. He loved it so much.

I’m falling in love
, thought Alma, driving home slowly through the dark streets. Her throat felt tired from all the talking they had done. She had laughed so much. They had talked about everything, it seemed. From what kind of music they liked, to little details about their lives, and larger issues such as their thoughts about the world, their places in it, their hopes and fears, and their deepest held beliefs. He liked instrumental music best. She remembered how he had confided this fact about himself. He didn’t like music with lyrics because he got distracted trying to follow the words, if anything else was going on, like if he was driving or working. It was as though she was cradling close to her heart every bit of information she learned about him. And the times when they had stopped talking, oh, those moments were more things to treasure. The feel of his lips on hers, his hands on her body, the sound his breath made and how his eyes had shone, looking into her eyes, all of those little moments were stored in her body and mind and heart. Her entire body was tingling and felt heated through and through. When they had kissed, she had wanted to be bolder.
I might not have been ready for everything, but I wanted more
, she thought. She had felt shy, though, and kept quiet. Also, she had felt inhibited by the thought of little Elijah sleeping so peacefully behind the nearly closed door close by. She parked her car and walked to her apartment. Stopping, she looked up into the sky. She could see stars, faintly.
I’m already there
, she thought.
I’ve fallen
.

The next evening, she finished getting ready for their date. Daniel wanted to take her to Edmundo’s again. She glanced at the clock as she hooked a dangling, silver earring in her earlobe and just then she heard a knock at the door. Her heart jumped. She opened the door and smiled breathlessly. He stepped inside and reached for her, pushing the door shut and backing her up against it. Without a word, he kissed her, pulling her against his body. They kissed, their hands pulling each other even closer until Alma twisted out from under him.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel started to say, his face flushed and eyes glazed.

Unable to say anything, she grabbed his hand and pulled him after her, pulled him down on top of her on her sofa. “My legs. They won’t hold me up anymore,” she said, almost laughing but not able to. She felt on fire with such intense desire.

“This is good,” he mumbled, kissing her neck, inhaling, then kissing her mouth again.

They kissed and kissed until Alma thought she would lose her mind. “Touch me,” she said, her voice ragged. “Let me touch you.”

He stilled on top of her and pulled back, looking into her face. Then he kissed her again and instead of keeping his hands on her face and arms he slid his hand to her waist and then under her shirt. She shuddered and tried to do the same to him. But he was wearing a button-down shirt and it was tucked in. And there was the fact that her hands were trembling really hard. She moved her hand to his chest and tried to unbutton the first button. Finally she cursed in Spanish. “These are the smallest, tightest buttons in the world!”

At that he broke away and laughed, his face off to one side. “Sorry.” He sat up, straddling her and began to unbutton his shirt. She blinked, her mouth suddenly dry. Simply and quickly, he took his shirt off. The sight of him made her heart beat even faster. She ran her hands up his chest and down his arms, taking in the sight of him, his skin, the muscles underneath, his tattoos. She had an overwhelming sense of gratitude, right in that moment. That he was here, with her, with that look in his eyes, his body straining toward hers, she felt such a sense of being right where she wanted to be. There was so much tenderness in his eyes, whenever he looked at her. Heat, burning heat, and the tenderness. As though he was feeling everything she was feeling. He lowered himself on her and they kissed and touched. The light grew dimmer as the evening wore on, their plans forgotten.

* * *

Daniel was battling with himself. She was irresistible and he was trying to resist, well, not her, but all that he wanted. Dimly, in some quiet corner of his brain he remembered her saying she wasn’t ready last time they were together, at his house. He didn’t want to be pushy but everything in him was clamoring for him to keep going, get closer, get there. He lifted himself off her warmth and sweetness and breathed into the side of her neck. Not helping. He rolled to the side of her and took in some cooler, neutral air that was not spiked with the spicy floral scent of Alma’s perfume. “I want to eat that scent, you smell so good. I want to smell it every day when I’m not with you. A scent app needs to be created.”

Alma blinked sleepily, her eyes hazy and dark. “A… what?”

“For phones. So I could just, zoom, swipe it by your neck and it would record your perfumey Alma smell.” He mimed moving a phone around her neck and recording it by pressing imaginary keys.

By this time she was laughing. “I could just buy you a bottle of my perfume if you like it so much.”

“Wouldn’t be the same.” He shook his head. Better. He was better. He would be able to go out, go to dinner, speak like a rational person, well, maybe not that.

They made it off the sofa and to Edmundo’s and sat down but then Alma took a deep breath. “Okay. This is happening.”

“You okay?” His voice was low, serious, as he reached for her hand over the table. Immediately he wanted to jump up and put himself between her and anything that would distress her. It was so similar to how he felt about Elijah.

“It’s my mother, here with her friends. She’s coming over. It’s fine… I just… I guess I wanted to keep you to myself for a while. My mother has a way of, well, she likes to be involved.”

Daniel stood up as a woman approached their table, and looked down into Alma’s mother’s eyes. Elena looked so much like Alma, but her eyes were guarded. Friendly, but watching. Alma introduced them as Daniel shook her hand and said, “
Mucho gusto
.”

“
Igualmente
,” she answered, her expression thawing a little.

“Please, join us,” said Daniel, pulling out a chair.

“Oh, no, no,” she said, “I just wanted to stop by and say hello, and meet you. I’ve heard this is becoming a favorite spot for the two of you.”

“Definitely,” he said, glancing at Alma, who looked as though she were half amused at her mother and half just enduring it. He tried to meet her eyes and smile at her.
We’re in this together
, he tried to say with his eyes. She smiled wider before she looked down.

“Sunday, you must come,” said Elena. “We have some cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends over nearly each Sunday. Please come, yes? Good. One o’clock.”

“Mama,” Alma started to say.

Did Alma not want him to come? Was that just too soon? “Thank you, I would love to, but I have a son, I’m not sure I could get his babysitter to take care of him.”

“Of course, you must bring your son,” said Elena graciously. “He will not be the only child.”

She began to say goodbye and Alma stood up to hug and kiss her. Daniel felt so many emotions watching the two of them together. Mothers, loss, family, his son: it was a collage of feelings.

When Elena had left, he looked at Alma. “Is it okay if Elijah and I come? Be honest, if you don’t feel ready to have me meet the rest of your family, I understand.”

“If you don’t mind coming, I’d love to have you there,” she said slowly. “I guess I have this habit of protecting my privacy around my family. My mother… she is so caring. Everyone is. I’m very blessed. But sometimes I guess I just work hard to carve out a life that is just for me.”

“I want,” he started to say. This was hard. “I want, if you will have me, to be part of both of your lives. The private Alma life that nobody knows about and the other life, with your family. If that’s too soon, though, for me to say something like that, I understand.”

She was quiet.

“I guess maybe that could be because I’m a package deal and you’ve met all the family I’ve really got,” he said. “But I think it’s more that I just want… I want all of you that you can share with me.”

“Daniel,” she said, on an exhale. “You say such romantic things.”

“I’m just saying what I mean, what I feel.”

“That’s it, exactly. That’s what makes it so romantic.”

“Is that… do you like that?” He couldn’t stop looking at her face in the soft light of the restaurant.

She nodded, her face flushing. She looked out at the restaurant’s bustle, not meeting his eyes.

“I’m glad.” He waited.

She finally looked back at him, her face suddenly serious. “I almost gave up on even hoping that someone would say things like this to me, would feel this way about getting to know me, getting closer to me.”

He could barely breathe. All he could do was look at her, trying to absorb her words. Why was there a table in between them? Why were there other people around? All he wanted was to pull her close, and feel her against him, get his mouth on her again.

“I thought,” he said, his voice rougher than usual. “I thought that I wouldn’t have room in my life for someone, being so consumed with being a father, taking care of a baby. But what happened was that becoming a dad, and loving Elijah, well, it made my heart bigger. I know I don’t have a lot to offer, but I look at you, and all I want to do is know you more and more, and be with you. And share…”
I want to take care of you, keep you safe
, he added silently.
Share my life with you, share everything
.

Alma’s eyes filled with tears and she blinked quickly.

“Did I say something wrong?” He tensed.

“You,” she said quietly, pulling her napkin off her lap to wipe quickly under her eyes. “You said something beautiful.”