The Romance Novel Cure (25 page)

At a red light, he began rolling his sleeves down, comically fast, darting looks at the stoplight. She found herself laughing out loud, harder than ever.

“What?” He looked innocently at her. “You said this restaurant belongs to your cousin, right? So next thing you know, you’ll be getting a call from your mom asking what criminal you were out with on Friday night. Or pirate! Well? It could happen, right?”

She grimaced and then nodded, laughing again. “But it’s okay, because I like your tattoos, Daniel.”

“You do?” His voice seemed to soften, and he glanced over at her, driving as the light turned green.

She nodded, looking straight ahead.

“I like… I like how you say my name. It’s like… it’s like you say every letter.” This time it was he who looked directly ahead, and she who glanced at him.

“Every letter, huh?” She smiled, embarrassed but pleased. “Well, I wouldn’t want to leave any letter out, Daniel.”

He laughed, a quick burst of sound. “That’s kind of you. Usually there are these letters sulking around every time someone says my name.”

“Right? Worse if someone just calls you, Dan, I’m sure.”

His smile faded. “Right.” He nodded.

“Do you hate nicknames or shortened forms of your name?” She was curious.

“Nah, I don’t hate them,” he said, slowing down for some traffic. “Just, Dan. That’s my dad. So, I was named after him but I was called Daniel. My dad didn’t want me called Danny, he thought it sounded like a girl’s name. What? Right? Whatever. But, anyway.”

“Oh, right. I understand.” Alma kept looking at him until he looked her way. His eyes looked gray in the light. Their eyes met and he smiled. She nodded. Something passed between them, some kind of exchange that went above or underneath their words. Alma sat back, looking out the passenger window. Daniel found parking right in front of Edmundo’s and he came around to open Alma’s door, but she was already stepping out. He went to open the restaurant door just as two people came out and held the door for both Alma and Daniel. They stepped inside, the fresh aroma of herbs and simmering spices surrounding them. The space was open and bright, with vivid paintings by local artists and of animals and people on the walls. It was a welcoming place, her cousin’s dream come true. Luz, the hostess, came over to hug and kiss Alma and meet Daniel, and three of the waitstaff paused to say hello as well. Trying to hide how flustered she felt, Alma stood still, calmly smiling and speaking to everyone, introducing Daniel. As they made their way to their table, Edmundo came out from the kitchen. He was a large, muscular young man with a bald head, wearing a bandana. Embracing Alma with one arm, he reached to shake Daniel’s hand. “I know just what you’ll order
primita
. I’m heading back the kitchen. I’ll tell them you are here… with a friend.”

Alma hugged him back and looked at him directly, slightly widening her eyes. “
Gracias
,
primo
.”

She introduced him to Daniel, who shook his hand, saying it was good to meet him.

“Igualmente
,” said Edmundo, who then said he had to get back to the kitchen.

Alma and Daniel sat down in silence while she inwardly berated herself for bringing a first date here where everyone would be bound to be curious.

“This place is Eddie’s dream come true,” she said nervously, smoothing her napkin on her lap. “He wanted to create a vegan restaurant using local produce, heirloom beans, organic herbs and spices. I designed everything with him. The sign out front, the menu. Even the interior.”

“Wow, that’s so cool.” He looked around admiringly. “It’s really great how you have family around,” he finally added.

Alma looked up from the menu where she had been staring unseeing. She raised her eyebrows. He was looking around, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“It’s just how I grew up, I guess I am used to it,” she said honestly, thinking out loud as she spoke. “To me, that’s just life in Albuquerque. Family around. What about you? Do you have family in the area?”

He shook his head. “Just my son. He’s my only family, really.”

“What?” Alma couldn’t imagine it.

“My cousin was living in town, in Rio Rancho. He got laid off though. House was going to go into foreclosure. He has a wife who had just had a baby. He got offered a job with his wife’s family, in Ohio. So they moved there several months ago.” Daniel looked out the window, seeming lost in thought.

“That’s too bad, Elijah will miss growing up with his cousin. They must be around the same age.”

Daniel nodded. “I was actually living with them. When I found out I was going to be a dad, and my cousin was going to have a kid, well, we thought we’d pool our resources. I could take a paternity leave, then work part time, eventually full time again. We thought it work out, that we’d all share expenses and stuff. Had it all planned out.” He shrugged.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” said Alma sympathetically. “What about… your parents?”

“My dad and stepmother live in California,” he said, speaking carefully. “We’re not in touch too often.”

Alma nodded, not wanting to be intrusive.

“And you’ve got family every where you turn, right?” He smiled, seeming to try to lighten the mood.

“I’m very blessed to have so many family members, yes,” she said. Then out of nowhere she heard herself add: “But my father and mother divorced when I was very young. He moved back to Mexico and I haven’t spoken with him for years and years.” She looked down at the menu quickly.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’m really sorry,” he said quietly.

She nodded and shrugged, not looking up.

“My… my mom died when I was in high school. My dad remarried really quickly. In a few months. I didn’t take that well. I was already having problems in school. Then when my mom got sick and died, well.” This time it was he who suddenly was very intent upon looking at the menu, and Alma who looked at him.

“That’s… that must have been devastating. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. That loss and pain and confusion.”

One quick glance, a nod, and back to the menu. Alma felt such a strange sensation.
What was it
? she asked herself. She wanted to know everything about him. She felt so badly for him, having lost his mother and then it sounded as though really, he lost his father as well. Struggling in school, too, what was that about? She was longing to ask him what had happened with baby Elijah’s mother. Just then the waitstaff came by. Alma ordered her favorite dish and asked Daniel if he needed more time.

“Everything looks great, why don’t you recommend something, Alma?” Daniel met her eyes with a smile in his own. She felt herself blush, she didn’t know why.

“Well, I’m totally predictable. I always get the green chile stew. But the
pozole
is the best, here. I mean, I know I must be biased but it is, really, the absolute best
pozole
ever.”

“
Pozole
it is,” he said seriously to the waiter who was smiling at Alma and Daniel.

* * *

Daniel walked her to her door, a sudden silence falling between them. He looked at her as they walked, wishing the evening was starting all over again.

“I wish I was showing up, just now.” He just said it.

“What?” Alma stopped, looking up at him, startled.

“I wish I could do it all over again, going out with you. I had… I’m glad you said yes.” He faced her and took one of her hands. It felt so smooth and small in his.

She seemed at a loss for words and he groaned inwardly. He was completely out of practice but more than that, out of his depth. This felt different. This felt new.

“I want to ask you out again.” He thought:
I want to back you against your door and pull you against me and kiss you. I want to taste you, breathe you in
.

“I will say yes again.” She looked up at him for a moment and then turned to continue walking to her apartment. She did not let go of his hand. At her door, she stopped and faced him. “Thank you, Daniel.”

“Will you say yes if I ask you if I can kiss you, too?” He stepped closer.

Her eyes widened and she laughed, covering her mouth. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry,” he laughed softly. “I’ll take laughter. You know what I said about wanting to hear you laugh.”

“It doesn’t have to be an either or thing,” she said quietly, looking down at her shoes.

He stepped even closer. With both hands, he held her face. Tilting his head, he leaned down and pressed his lips softly against hers, just for a moment, then slowly lifted his head. He looked into her eyes for a moment, then let go of her face. “Good night, Alma.”

“Good night,” she whispered, watching him walk to his car.

He turned back and waved, standing in the harsh parking lot light. He saw her take her key out of her small bag and open her door and slip inside. He exhaled.

Alma closed the door behind her and set her bag down on the table by the door. She kicked off her shoes and sank down onto her sofa. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and touched her mouth.
Daniel
, she thought.
Daniel
. She heard her phone vibrate and she scrambled up to get her purse and get her phone. She fell back against the sofa pillows. It was Laura. She shook her head and laughed at herself. He would not have called her that quickly.

“You’re answering, so the date must be over. How was it?” Laura sounded as though she had been waiting hours, the question burst out of her so quickly.

Alma smiled. “So good!”

“Yeah?”

Alma heard the smile in Laura’s voice. “Yeah. Just… I don’t know. I just like being with him, talking with him. I like how he eats, how weird is that? Stop laughing!”

“You have to admit that’s funny, just the way you said that! And I can’t help but imagining you on a date with a lion. I’m serious. I see this lion face on a man’s body and what, you guys went out for coffee? No, you went to Edmundo’s, right?”

“
Si
, and by the way you are crazy! A lion! Stop it with the lion references! Stop laughing! But seriously, I was regretting that choice more than you can imagine, Laura. Too many family members, you know? I should have chosen some place on more neutral ground. But, at the same time I don’t know, it was kind of nice to be there.”

“Yeah, no, I can see that. I bet he felt a little intimidated, meeting Edmundo, though, right? But it’s good for any guy to see you’ve got family looking out for you.”

“He had the
pozole
and he loved it.”

“Of course he did! Great, now I’m craving it. Let’s go there soon, all right? Anyway. How are you feeling about his having a child?”

“One day at a time, right?”

“Good plan.” Laura was quiet for a moment. “And… how are you feeling about… everything else?”

“One day at a time.” Alma took a breath. “He kissed me. Right before he did, I almost felt this crazy kind of confusion. And then I just stopped myself and said to myself that, this is my life. Sorry if that sounds so dramatic.”

“You thought about… Ben?”

“Yes. I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course you didn’t mean to. It’s just that he has been on your mind so much,” said Laura sympathetically.

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“But… the kiss?”

“Amazing.” Alma heard the breathlessness in her voice.

“Amazing?” Laura’s voice got louder.

Alma laughed. “He did this thing…”

“Oh, please tell me what the thing was!”

“He held my face, with both hands. He kissed me so gently, you know? Then he looked in my eyes. That was it. It probably doesn’t sound like anything special, but…”

“I think I just fainted. That sounds so romantic!”

“It was!” Alma smiled and sighed at the same time.

“Did he… are you…” Laura seemed to search for words.

“He said he wanted to ask me out on a date again. And I said that I would say yes again. I hate this, though. Because now I’m going to wait for him to call. It’s making me anxious already!”

“Do you think… no, forget it.”

“What? You can say it.”

“I don’t even know, I just am realizing as we talk that you haven’t had any of this, really, since I’ve known you. Do you think, maybe, I don’t know, but do you think you just have been avoiding this whole dating thing?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Alma, nodding. “Definitely. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You had that serious boyfriend all through college, right?”

“Andres, right.”

“And then in high school…?”

“It was more like friends all getting together, then pairing up a little here and there.”

“So this is pretty new stuff.”

“Yes. Scary stuff.”

“Fun, too, I hope.”

“Yeah.” Alma smiled. “And speaking of fun, you still down for tomorrow night?”

“Of course. I can’t wait!”

Alma and Laura usually had plans once each weekend to see a movie. They were huge movie fans, enjoying everything from action adventure to historical dramas and everything in between.

“Thank you for checking on me, Laura. I hope… well, I know you’ve said you don’t ever want a relationship again, but if you ever change your mind, you know that I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Laura was quiet for a few moments, and when she spoke, her voice was lower. “Thanks, hon.”

After they said good night, Alma yawned suddenly and hugely.
I’ll take my make up off
, she thought, her eyelids growing heavy.
I’ll brush my teeth. I’ll
…

She was painting a tree, having to dip the paintbrush into a bucket of red paint over and over again in order to cover the bark’s surface, which was furrowed and bumpy and ridged. She felt a sense of warmth at her back, and a man’s arm reached past her, slowly painting with her.

“How’s that?” His voice was a whisper, right in her ear. She shivered and bit her lip, smiling.

“Looks great,” she said.

He moved closer so that he was in contact with her body. “Yeah? It’s good?”

She was flooded with heat. Leaning back against him, she let the paintbrush fall from her hands. Paint splattered at their feet. He dropped his paintbrush and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face between her neck and shoulder. She turned around, needing more contact, feeling breathless. Pressing the front of her body against him, she relished the feeling of his body, so strong and close, loving how his arms pulled her even closer.

“Alma.” His whisper, so close to her ear, shot straight through her. Heat. She felt heavy, as though gravity just got stronger. Leaning against him, she raised her head, about to say his name…

She woke up, breathing heavily, her mouth open in horror. Sitting up, she grabbed a pillow and held it closely to her chest. Ben. It had been Ben. Rocking slightly, she thought back. She didn’t think the man in the dream started out as Ben. She remembered a sense of him as being not as tall when he embraced her from behind. But when she looked up, oh. To see his face like that.
Ben
. So close. So full of intimate sweetness and need. His eyes would never look like that, for her. And that was as it should be. His expression would never hold that hot desire for her. He’d never say her name that way, as if it were the most precious endearment possible.

Quickly, she stood up, trying to shake off the dream, embarrassed and ashamed at her body’s lingering response. She washed up and got into her oldest, softest pajamas and put the kettle on for some herbal tea. Opening her cabinet, she surveyed the boxes. Zingy Zestful Zip? No. Sweet Dreams, Sweetie? NO. All Peachy Now? Yes. Holding her mug of tea, she picked up her laptop. She eyed the sofa with mistrust and headed to her bedroom. She got into bed, set the tea on her nightstand, and opened her laptop.

One Step Forward,Two Steps Back
? She wrote the title of a new blog entry and sat back, thinking. Then she wrote:

I should have realized this, but I didn’t. Curing a crush is something that takes time and more than that, it’s not this sequential kind of healing where each day you feel better and better. I’m living proof of this tonight. I went out. On a date. And it was… it was pretty great, actually. But what happened when I got home? I had a dream. It started to get, well, romantic. When I looked up to see my dream guy’s face, though? Turned out he had morphed into Mr. Off -Limits. I woke up freaking out, feeling guilty, ashamed, upset, mad at myself… and well, let’s just say lonely. So, I’m coaching myself through this, remembering that I’m not the only one going through this. Your comments, readers, have made me see this, and I really appreciate it. You are not alone, either. I have to remind myself of my twelve steps of crush recovery tonight and really try to remember that it is one day at a time… but that each day won’t feel, necessarily, that I’m twenty four hours closer to being completely over my inappropriate, unrequited feelings for the one who belongs to someone else. But, oh, if I could just be whisked forward into the future, where I could look back and shake my head at myself and know, just really know, that there would be this point in time that I would be free of these feelings. If I could just know. Until then? I’ll put one foot in front of the other and have faith. Unlike a serious addiction, I have faith that one day, even though it’s hard to imagine, I’ll be completely free from these crushing feelings. A cure rather than being in lifelong recovery.

1. Twelve Steps of Crush Cure
   
2. Admit I’m powerless.
   
3. Ask higher power for help.
   
4. Believe that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to.
   
5. Don’t give up.
   
6. Ask for help from others.
   
7. Do some major soul searching.
   
8. Make changes.
   
9. Be open to letting go of the crush.
   
10.                     
    Try to understand why the crush happened.
    
11.                     
    Live one day at a time.
    
12.                     
    Let the crush recovery be a catalyst for spiritual and emotional growth.
    
13.                     
    Help others.
    

A comment
: Alex, you should call me, I’ll make you forget Mr. Off Limits. Call me.  -- Mr. No Limits
.

There was a phone number and a winking face. Alma shuddered. She looked at the statistics information for her blog and her mouth opened in surprise. One thousand, six hundred and thirty four hits in the last day. She scrolled back to her previous entry and reeled, seeing how many more comments had been added. There would be no way she could get through them all, but she could not resist looking at the most recent ones.

In dismay, she saw that there was an argument that started up regarding the interpretation of the term higher power. She added a comment:
Alex here. Please, people! Let’s not fight with each other. Let’s keep this a calm and friendly discussion. Let’s keep the focus on getting over and curing our crushes! Thank you!

She didn’t see how that would help, but she felt awful that people would say such angry things to one another, getting so sidetracked. She was even more upset to see that quite a few people had expressed being offended that she would use the language of recovery for something as trivial as a crush.
I’m just trying to feel better, to help myself
, she thought, blinking back tears. She shut her laptop and buried her head under the covers.

* * *

Daniel drove home through the dark streets. He couldn’t think about anything, didn’t want any distraction from the crazy, wild feelings coursing through him. Alma. That kiss. The whole night. He pulled up into the driveway of his house and let himself in.

“You are right on time,” Elsa said, putting her phone in her pocket and standing up, grinning. “That earns you serious extra points.”

“It does?” He laughed quietly.

“Sure does. You move to the top of my list if you ever want me to babysit again. Your baby rocks. He is such a cutie. We played
peek- a- boo
and
so big
and I read him that book he loves about the Rottweiler about twelve times and then he fell asleep in my arms. Just checked on him. He looks like he has a bow and arrow, he’s sleeping like this.” She put her arms and head in a position as though she had a bow and arrow.

He laughed again, and got out his wallet, paying her extra than her previously stated fee. He had never realized how expensive dating would be, having to pay for child care as well as dinner. Worth it.

Elsa thanked him, and he thanked her and then at the door, he paused and asked, “You wouldn’t be free again next weekend, would you?”

She got out her phone. “I can wait list you for Saturday night. I do get last minute cancellations. You know. Ear infections, sudden plans to divorce. The usual.”

Daniel nodded, feeling disappointed. “Sure, I understand.”

“Weirdly, maybe? Sunday afternoon? From about one o’clock to five o’clock? If you wanted to reserve that day and time, I need an excuse for getting out of a family thing.”

“Yes, please. I’ll take it.” He rubbed his chin. He had no idea if Alma would be free, or if she wanted to see him again, but he’d ask.

“Okay! Sauce of awesome. See you then!” She put it in her calendar and waved, heading for her car.

He locked up and checked on Elijah, who had both arms up over his head by then. Daniel felt the now familiar surge of feeling, that sense of love and pure connection. He crossed his arms so that he would not pick up his son. No way would he wake him up, but the wish to pick him up and cradle him close was overwhelming. He looked even younger, more babyish if that was possible, when he was asleep. His cheeks looked plumper and his face, free from animation, reverted to a newborn baby’s expression of peaceful, serious slumber.