The Rocker That Holds Her (The Rocker...) (4 page)

I was convinced we were smothering her by the last day before we were due to rejoin the tour in Oklahoma. We hadn’t really let her out of our sight to do more than use the bathroom. I think we all had an irrational fear that someone was going to barge in and steal her away from us if we didn’t have our eyes on her at all times. Emmie, however, didn’t seem to mind it at all. She was just as glad to see us. For the first time since I had met her, she was smiling more often than not. There wasn’t any fear in her big green eyes. With her mother gone, she had no one to fear.

Of course that didn’t mean that people didn’t have to fear her. As soon as we rejoined the tour, our manager, Rich Branson, ripped into us. As soon as greedy eyes landed on the newest addition to our group, his eyes narrowed on her. “You are nothing but trouble, you know that, princess?”

Green eyes burning with fire, Emmie said, “Don’t call me princess, fucker.”

“
Nice. What a sweet little girl you are.” Rich threw his arms in the air. “I can already see this is going to be fun.”

“
Back off, dude,” Jesse told him. “Mess with Em, I’ll fuck you up.”

Rich walked away after that, muttering under his breath.

From Baby Doll To…GODS, She’s Beautiful!

It took us a while but we settled down. We got a new bus, one that didn’t smell like Jack Daniels and sex so much. The guys and I had already agreed that there would be no sex on the bus. Emmie wasn’t to be exposed to that at all. She had witnessed shit like that all her life with her mother. Our lifestyle wasn’t going to be another whore house for her to have to deal with.

For the first few months we didn’t let Emmie meet any of the other bands that were touring with us. The tour that we had been doing when her mother had died was already over and another one was just starting when Axton met Emmie again for the first time. To say I was on edge when Axton Cage hugged her close, like she was another one of his groupies, was an understatement.

“
Little Emmie is growing up,” Axton told her with one of his shitty grins that I knew got him laid on a daily basis. “Someone is going to be a hottie when she’s legal.”

My hands fisted at my sides. He didn’t have to tell me that she was beautiful. Fuck, now that she had gained a little weight, she was even more stunning than when she first came to live with us. I hated how much I noticed the little things that made her so beautiful. So… female.

Thankfully Emmie took Axton’s praises in her stride, putting him in the same category as the rest of us. Friend. She was just as comfortable with him as she was any of us. It was almost funny how she teased the rock god at times, and even I found myself laughing at it. Of course they were the times I could actually stand to be in the same room with Axton and Emmie.

By the time she was sixteen, none of us could deal with how gorgeous Emmie was. She was becoming sassier and that, on top of being beautiful, had guys coming out of the woodwork to just get her to notice them. Of course, she didn’t. She was immune to any attention, good or bad. That didn’t mean we didn’t stress over it.

Jesse was the worst of the four of us. When he caught one of the sound guys talking to her, the guy’s eyes eating up the sight of Emmie in her tight Demon’s Wing tank top, skin tight jeans, and stiletto boots, Jesse had made sure the guy knew just how dangerous even thinking about Emmie like that would be to his health. A few loose teeth later and everyone that worked with us knew that she was hands—and eyes—off.

I was slowly going out of my mind. I was fighting my reaction to Emmie, which had only grown stronger and stronger with each passing month. I was a sick fucker. I hated myself in almost every way because I was feeling things that I had no business feeling for the girl that had once been my little baby doll.

It was a struggle to still be close to her, but the alternative was to give up the friendship—the connection that for me went soul deep. To do that would destroy me, so I learned to hide my sickness. To try and curb my needs, I found girl after girl and got lost in her, trying my best not to let Emmie sneak into my mind.

Seventeen came and slowly went by. I was sure that my desire would fade soon.

Right?

Wrong. So, so, so wrong!

--

“
Happy birthday, Emmie!” Drake exclaimed.

“
What is the one thing you want more than anything in the world?” Jesse asked.

We were all sitting in the back of the tour bus, which was parked in the parking lot of the arena we would be performing at tonight. But that was hours away, and we had dedicated the entire day to Emmie. Legal, eighteen Emmie.

She was cuddled between me and Shane, her head on my chest as Shane rubbed her feet that he had put in his lap. It was a bittersweet hell for me having her this close, smelling her shampoo and lotion that was subtle but no less seductive to my senses.

“
I have everything I want right here,” she told Jesse with a grin.

I tortured myself by running my fingers through the ends of her silky soft, auburn hair. “Don’t be rotten, baby girl. What do you want to do?”

She shrugged, making her breast brush against my bicep. “I don’t know. Can’t we just veg out? Watch movies, eat junk food? I want pizza and Chinese food, and lots of ice cream and a cake. A huge cake.”

“
I’ll have to run a marathon to get all of that off later,” Shane laughed. “But if it’s what you want, it’s what you’ll get.”

“
Okay, who’s getting what?” Drake asked, already sucking on a bottle of Jack Daniels at barely ten thirty.

“
I’ll order the pizzas,” I offered, picking up my cellphone from the table beside the couch I was sitting on.

“
I’ll go pick up the dessert and some movies. What are you in the mood for, sweetheart?” Jesse asked, getting to his feet.

“
I want chocolate ice cream, and I don’t care what the cake is. Just birthday cake. And toppings. I want lots of toppings for the ice cream. No nuts though.” She kicked at Shane’s legs when he tried to tickle her toes. “Jerk! Just for that I want to watch gore. Lots and lots of gore.”

Shane groaned. “No. I’ll throw up and then how am I going to play tonight?”

“Then be good to me!” She squealed when he grabbed for her feet again, already starting to tickle them. “No, no!” She kicked him hard in the side, making him release her. Of course she scooted back onto my lap, seeking the safety of my arms. “Don’t let him, Nik!”

Good lord, the agony! Having that tight little ass brush against my groin was torture. Having her holding on and giggling so adorably only added to the pain. But it was a good pain. So fucking good!

With one arm I held onto her, keeping her against me. The other arm I warded Shane off, not wanting him to disrupt my lovely burden anytime soon. “Mine!” I claimed dibs on her teasingly while my heart screamed that it wasn’t a joke. “Get your own.”

“
Right, so… chocolate, birthday cake, and the full collection of Full House it is.” We all groaned and Jesse gave a wicked grin. “Unless the birthday girl has a better suggestion.”

“
Comedies. I want to laugh today.”

By the time we were supposed to take the stage my stomach hurt. Half the pain was from being so full after all the junk we had gorged on all day. The other half was from laughing with Emmie and my band brothers so much. I was still grinning like an idiot when we closed the concert that night.

When I got back to the bus all I wanted to do was continue the way we had been all day long. Eat some cold pizza and stuff my face with another piece of the cake Jesse had produced that said:
Happy Birthday Emily
. The drummer had still been cursing about the bakery’s mistake right before the show had started. Then I wanted to settle down and watch another movie with Emmie while the crew packed up and we headed out for the next city on our countrywide tour.

As soon as I stepped onto the bus I could hear Emmie giggling. The giggles were joined by a deeper chuckle, and my gut twisted with something close to jealousy. I didn’t know why it bothered me that Jesse was already getting comfortable and doing the same things I had been planning on doing. Really, I hadn’t even thought of my best friend in the whole scenario for tonight. With Drake and Shane off doing only Lord knew what, I had assumed he would be too.

I had wanted some alone time with Emmie. Alone time that may or may not have ended with her on my lap once more.

Pissed, I stomped through the bus like a kid that had been told he couldn’t have a desired toy to play with. When I got to the back where our living room was, I found Jesse in the spot I had sat in most of the day… with Emmie snuggled up to him. Her head was on his chest, her arm wrapped across his waist. Her favorite blanket was tucked around her legs, and she was grinning in a way that made her soul shine through.

“I didn’t think you would be back tonight,” Emmie said without looking over at me from where I stood in the doorway.

I grimaced, a little sick to my stomach that she was so familiar with my normal routine after a concert. “There was something better waiting for me here,” I told her honestly.

Her head turned then and she smiled up at me with that sassy tilt to her lips. “There’s plenty of room on the couch for you.”

I wasn’t about to turn the invitation down. Sending Jesse a smug grin, which he rolled his eyes at, I sat on the other end of the couch. Once I was comfortable, I did something that I had wanted to do all day. I pulled her away from Jesse, tucked her into my side, and kissed her forehead. “Happy birthday, baby girl.”

--

I woke with a warm weight on my chest. Something soft brushed across my cheek, and I blinked open my eyes to find Emmie sleeping soundly on top of me.

My body grew harder, because yeah, I had woken with my usual hard-on after dreaming of this beautiful girl. Her sweet smelling hair caressed my face, tickling me a little, and I just barely bit back a groan. With a soft sigh, she shifted, not disturbed by my slight movements. She had fallen asleep with one or the other of us over the last few years so this was nothing new to her.

For me, however, it was a mixture of Heaven and Hell. But I chose to enjoy this moment rather than let it make me miserable.

The last thing I remembered was Jesse turning in for the night around three o’clock. The bus was about to leave, and Drake and Shane had been in bed for more than an hour by then. With both of us getting tired but not ready to head off to bed just yet, I had turned on another movie and stretched out on the long couch. Emmie hadn’t even asked before lying down beside me. As tiny as she was she didn’t take up much room, and I had held onto her tight as the bus had pulled out into traffic and the opening credits started.

The movie hadn’t been over before I had drifted off, still holding her close. She must have done the same, and then rolled on top of me in her sleep. Content for the moment, I ran my fingers over the soft skin of her bare arm, loving how silky it was. Goose flesh popped up as I continued the slow caresses.

Knowing that, at least in her sleep, she liked my touch thrilled me on a dark level, and I hated myself all over again. I couldn’t do this. She trusted me, loved me as a friend and nothing more. She deserved better than what I could ever give her. I knew how hard it was to keep a meaningful relationship going when you were a rocker. I had watched the friends I had made over the years go through one horrible breakup after another.

Any stupid ideas that I might have harbored the day before were just that—stupid. Besides, I was sure that she didn’t want the same thing. She hadn’t so much as hinted that she even liked me as more than a friend.

Deflated, I moved so she was lying beside of me on the couch instead of on top of me. Emmie’s big green eyes snapped open and she frowned up at me. “Are you okay?”

My lips lifted in a half smile. “Yeah, baby girl. I’m fine.” I pulled her close, tucking her head under my chin. “Just fine.”

Sleep Aid?

Fighting something mentally is probably a million times harder than fighting a physical being. I’ve been in fights before. Some I’ve won, some I’ve lost. But once the fight was over, I walked away stronger, sometimes a little more proud, and that was that.

Fighting these feelings I had for Emmie?

Fuck that was hard. I couldn’t just walk away from that. It didn’t stop hurting, didn’t stop eating at my mind and soul. I became a walking hard-on even after a night of anything-goes sex with some random groupie. It was getting to the point now that I didn’t even see who I was having sex with. They all looked like Emmie, even when they were her complete opposite in appearance with big tits, curvy hips, and dark hair. When I was deep inside of them all I could think about was
her
.

Last night, as I took another girl against the bathroom stall in the bathroom backstage, I had even cried Emmie’s name as I had come. The girl didn’t seem to care, mostly because she was drunk and probably a little high. Still it had hit home that I couldn’t keep going on like I was.

My desire wasn’t the only thing growing stronger day by day. My feelings of possessiveness and jealousy were getting to the point that others were starting to notice. Not Emmie, of course. She wouldn’t even think to question how I felt about her. She was blind to that. But Jesse and even Shane at times, had stopped and questioned me about how I was acting.

I wasn’t in a good place. Our Australian tour had just kicked off, hot on the heels after the three months of being in Europe and six weeks in New Zealand. The stress of everything was piling up on me. Between being in a new city almost every other night, being unable to sleep without Emmie haunting my dreams, and trying to hide from my band brothers how fucked up I was, I was bone tired.

The only peace I had was when she fell asleep beside me. Thankfully she was doing that a lot lately. Emmie might not have realized that I was crazy about her, but she did see how exhausted I was. She was worried about me, and on top of taking care of everything else that we happened to need, she was making it her job to make sure I got enough sleep.

“
I brought you some home remedy sleep aids,” she told me as she dropped a bag at the end of my bed and flopped down beside of me.

I was stretched out on my bed, in yet another hotel, wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers. I was comfortable for what felt like the first time in months, happier than I had been in longer than I could remember. Why? Because Emmie was camping out in my room tonight. She had promised me all kinds of innocent things that to me were going to be sweet torture.

Pushing her hair back from her face, she opened the bag. “Tea. Milk which we can warm in the microwave. Massage oils that are supposed to help you fall asleep. What I paid for them, they had better induce a coma.” She pulled her iPhone out of her hip pocket. “And some soothing music. I’ve been listening to ocean waves a lot lately. Want to give them a try?”

I shrugged. “Whatever you think is best, baby girl.”

I watched contentedly as she made me a cup of some kind of herbal tea. It was bitter, even with sugar, but I didn’t complain as I swallowed half the contents. My taste buds stopped working anyway when Emmie pulled her sleep pants off and tied her hair back with a black band.

“
I don’t want to get oil on my pants,” she said as she turned on the ocean waves soundtrack and placed three different bottles of massage oils on the bedside table, not knowing that the sight of her in only a T-shirt and panties made my mind go blank of everything but the thoughts of doing things to her I had no right to think.

“
Okay, roll onto your stomach,” she commanded.

Oh, fuck! How was I supposed to lie on my stomach
and
let her touch me? Was it really possible to break your dick? Well, I guess I was about to find out!

Rolling over, I bunched my pillow up and hugged it while she climbed on top of me. When her panty clad pussy settled on my hips, I had to bite the pillow to keep from growling. She felt so warm even through two layers of clothing. All I wanted in the world in that instant was to roll her onto her back and discover if her hot little pussy smelled and tasted as good as it felt against my ass.

Emmie shifted to pick up the first bottle of massage oil. The scent of lavender and vanilla filled the air as she poured some of the oil into her hands. The scent set me at ease since those were the scents that I normally associated with Emmie. Even with my cock throbbing, drilling a hole into the mattress as it grew harder, my heart rate slowed a little. Breathing a sigh of contentment, I closed my eyes.

I could hear Emmie rubbing her hands together to warm the oil and then her soft hands touched my bare back. It was like being electrocuted, only in the best possible way. My blood started to heat, goose flesh popping up wherever she touched. Those wonderful hands of hers stroked firmly up my back and gently down over my spine.

A groan I was helpless to contain slipped free and Emmie giggled softly. “I’m glad you like this.”

Each touch of her fingers and the flat of her palm were both soothing and distracting. My body was at war with itself, wanting to both relax yet ready to play. But I was greedy for her touch and didn’t so much as move or speak as she worked those incredibly magical hands over my back for nearly an hour. The room began to fill with the scent of the oils, and I found that I was becoming addicted to the smell of lavender mixed with sweet vanilla.

“How are you feeling?” Emmie asked as she put the lid back on the last bottle of oil. “Feeling sleepy?”

I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “Something like that,” I muttered. While she still had her back to me, I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. “Be right back,” I called over my shoulder.

If there was any hope of getting any sleep tonight I had to take care of the pain in my dick. I closed the bathroom door and flipped the lock just to make sure that I had the privacy I needed. Leaning back against the door I pulled my throbbing cock from my boxers and squeezed the shaft.

It felt so good and I had to grit my teeth to keep from groaning in pleasure. My head fell back against the door, and I closed my eyes as I stroked myself. The fresh memory of Emmie’s hands all over my back gave me all the visual I needed as I jacked off. I pretended it was her hands on my aching flesh, stroking me toward completion. My heart rate took off as my balls tightened, and I knew it was going to be over sooner than I had anticipated. Muttering a curse because I didn’t want it to be over yet, I reached for a hand towel and wrapped it around the head of my dick as my release exploded from the tip.

When I could breathe evenly again I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, knowing that Emmie would bitch at me if I didn’t. Opening the door, I found her already under the covers, her head on one of my pillows and a cup of warm milk ready for me on the bedside table. For a moment I just stood there in the doorway of the bathroom. With the lights dimmed it cast a soft glow over the bed and Emmie’s skin. Her hair was spread over both pillows, and I pretended for a moment that we were a couple and I had every right to climb into bed beside her and make love to her until dawn.

“
How are you feeling?” she asked with concern.

I moved away from the door. “I feel…” Like my heart is going to burst from my chest if I don’t tell you how much I care about you. “…better.”

“We can do this again tomorrow night if you want to,” she offered, cuddling close when I crawled under the covers with her. “If you don’t find something that will keep you busy after the show.”

My gut twisted. She was so nonchalant about it, as if it wasn’t a problem for her that I slept with random girls so often. Meanwhile I was left with a ball of guilt, as if I had cheated on her, after I fucked those girls. It was becoming more than I could handle, and I was getting to the point that I rarely sought out a girl to keep me company at the end of each show anymore.

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close, tucking her head under my chin. “Tomorrow night it is, baby girl.”

Emmie’s Enemy

“
I hate her!”

“
Why?”

“
Because …” Emmie broke off. “Just fucking because.”

Jesse sighed. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t need you to fucking fix it. Just let me be pissed, okay?”

I heard the raised voices coming from the bus before I even opened the door. When I heard how upset Emmie was I had a sudden urge to run for the hills. A pissed off Emmie was not something I wanted to deal with today. Three weeks into the Australian tour and I was ready for a break. Not just a few days, but a month long break from everything.

“I don’t like it when you’re pissed. Just tell me what happened,” Jesse commanded.

Hearing my best friend consoling her made up my mind for me, and I opened the door to our tour bus. More and more I saw how close Jesse and Emmie were. Part of me knew that they were just friends, that Jesse would only ever think of her as his sister. He was a better man than I was, after all. But another part of me, the irrational part of me that was associated with Emmie and all my crazy feelings for her, didn’t see it that way. That part saw every little thing my friend did as romantic, lover-like. I hated for them to be alone for even a moment. Hated to see him cuddling with her or see her laugh with him when I wasn’t around.

Stepping onto the bus, their conversation became even clearer, and I stopped at the front to listen for another moment. I had no idea who
she
was that Emmie hated, but there weren’t many
shes
to choose from. Other than Emmie, there was only about ten other females touring this go-round.

“
I was just minding my own business, making sure that everything was ready for you guys tonight. I didn’t even look in the bitch’s direction. And she had the gall to come up to me and…” Emmie stopped and let out a high screech, venting some of her anger. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I hate her, that’s final.”

“
She’s a little hard-core, I’ll give you that, Em. But I hadn’t gotten that vindictive bitch vibe from Gabriella before.”

I frowned. Gabriella Moreitti? Emmie was having problems with the opening act’s vocals? Why would they be arguing? It didn’t make sense.

Unless… OtherWorld was also headlining our tour, and I had seen that Axton and Gabriella were sparking off of each other. Could the two girls be arguing because they both wanted Axton and were jealous of each other?

Not sure if I wanted to know the answer to that particular question, I moved to the back of the bus were Jesse and Emmie were still talking. “What’s all the commotion about back here?” I demanded as I entered our living room.

Jesse shrugged. “Emmie and Gabriella got into it pretty heatedly backstage a while ago.”

Emmie’s eyes glared at me for a moment before she turned her head away, hiding her eyes from me. But not before I caught a glimpse of hurt and pain in those big green eyes. What had I done? I couldn’t help but wonder because she had looked accusingly at me for that brief moment.

“Emmie doesn’t get along with other members of her sex,” I excused, frustrated with Emmie’s sudden snub. “It’s not exactly a surprise, Jess.”

“
I don’t really give a fuck either way. But she started it with Emmie and now Emmie is upset. So something needs to happen here, bro.”

I thrust my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “Emmie is almost twenty years old now, Jesse. She can handle a little female squabble on her own.”

I wasn’t expecting the coffee cup to go flying by my head. I yelped and looked at Emmie. She was standing there with another coffee cup ready and waiting to be hurled at my head. She was almost shaking with her anger. “Fuck you, asshole!” And she threw the cup.

I had time to move out of the way this time. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded, shocked by this sudden rage coming from her. “I didn’t do a damned thing to you!”

“Just leave me alone, Nik. I’m done with it all anyway.” She pushed past me and practically ran from the bus.

I turned to follow her because I was sure she had had tears in her eyes. I couldn’t stand her tears. They were like acid to my soul. A big beefy hand caught my shoulder, stopping me from taking another step. “Don’t. Just give her a little while to calm down.”

My head drooped. “What just happened?”

Jesse sighed. “A bunch of idiots that refuse to open their eyes happened,” he muttered.

Confused and not for the first time in as many minutes, I raised my head to ask him what he meant but he was already leaving me to follow after Emmie.