The River Leith (2 page)

Leith tried to appear sympathetic. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you, but Arthur says that we’re good friends? If that’s the case, I’m sure I’ll like you again…when I get to know you. Again.”

It was awkward dealing with people who had emotional attachments to him that he didn’t know how to return. He wasn’t even sure if what he said was true. He assumed it was, because he’d generally picked good friends in the past. Why this guy was so special
—
why he warranted the title “best”
—
Leith didn’t know, but if he’d given it to him once, then surely Zach would earn it again.

Zach’s eyes drew Leith’s attention. He studied them, trying to decide if they were green or blue, or something in between. But the color was only part of it; he didn’t look away because there was something in Zach’s eyes that made his throat ache.

Suddenly he remembered being twelve years old, playing in a field behind the house and stumbling across a green and yellow bird, a golden-crowned kinglet, sitting motionless in the grass. It was beautiful, and delicate, and broken. Its wing was twisted out from its side, and Leith’s heart had ached when the beautiful bird fluttered into a screeching and pained flight into a nearby bush, hiding itself from him.

“So,” Leith said, swallowing hard and releasing the memory of the bird. “Um, how have you been?”

Zach ignored the question and held up the basket. “I brought your favorite.”

“Oh yeah? Give it here.” Leith made grabby hands, hoping that a show of friendly charm would make the moment less tense. “What’s in it?”

“Food,” Zach said. “As I recall, you’re quite fond of it.”

Leith noticed his soft, Southern accent. A small burble of laughter began in Leith’s chest, and his mouth relaxed into a natural smile. “A big fan,” he agreed, indicating again that Zach should give him the basket immediately.

Zach drew closer to the bed, dropped it next to Leith’s leg, and then stood to the side, one arm over his chest and the other hanging down. Leith could feel Zach’s eyes on him as he flipped back the napkin covering the food. Zach’s gaze made Leith think of the time when his mother had been in the hospital right before her death. He’d stood by her bed, afraid to leave her side, trying to memorize everything about her.

“This looks amazing.” Leith lifted up a loaf of sweet Easter bread. “My favorite! I haven’t had this in
years
. My mother used to make this every…” Leith trailed off and glanced at Zach, who was nodding very slowly, his face blank in a way that seemed intentional, his eyes focused on the bread. “Did you make this?”

Zach’s mouth twitched, and he drew closer to the bed, leaning his thighs against the edge of it. The tips of his fingers rested on the mattress next to Leith’s leg. “No, I’m not much of a baker. Ava made it.”

Leith took the information in with the feeling of resignation that was becoming his daily norm. “Ah, so Ava remembered that I liked it. That’s sweet. Thank her for me.”

Zach shifted slightly, and his movement alerted Leith that he must have said something unkind without even knowing it. “I’m sorry?” Leith said again, lost and worried, looking up into Zach’s eyes, which were shining with feelings that Leith couldn’t begin to sift through.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t know what you’re sorry for,” Zach said, forcing a smile. “There are other things you like in there too. Dates, Turkish figs, and that cheese you once told me you’d marry if it was legal.”

“Is it Swiss?”

Zach shook his head, seeming to vibrate with anxiety. “You buy it at Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket usually. Do you remember that?”

“Yeah.” He’d gone there with Arthur when he’d visited Park Slope as a teen, before…well, before everything, actually.

“You’d buy it and get some fresh bread from Daggi. She’s a little old German lady that flirts with you. And here are some fresh blueberries for the yogurt
—
”

“Zach?” Leith interrupted.

“Yes?” Zach’s voice was breathless and edgy.

There was something he should say or do, and it was right there just out of his reach. It was something to do with the bread, and something to do with the way Zach had moved back ever so slightly. “Did you ask Ava to make the bread because
you
knew I liked it?”

Zach smiled. “Sure, I know you like all these things.”

It was a nice enough smile, but somehow Leith knew it wasn’t the real thing. “Well, then…thank you.”

“If there’s anything else you’d want
—
”

“No. This is good. This is amazing. I’ll have it all eaten
—
”

“By noon.”

“Probably,” Leith agreed, tearing into the bread. It was good
—
exactly the way his mother’s had tasted. He chewed slowly and then reached for the water he kept by the bed. Leith swallowed and pointed toward the soft fold-out chair in the corner, the one that Arthur had slept in for a few nights when they first moved him to this facility. “Pull it up and have a seat. We’ll talk.”

Zach seemed to consider this for a moment, and Leith wondered if his friend was simply so uncomfortable with the situation that he was going to leave. Instead, Zach pulled the chair over very close and perched on the edge of it. He closed his eyes, and took some slow deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again he looked much more relaxed.

“That’s better,” Leith said.

Zach let out an even deeper breath. “By the way, Marian asked me to tell you hello.”

“You know Marian?”

Zach nodded, his eyes on his hands. “I live in the apartment.”

“Our apartment? With me and Marian? And that girl, um, Ava?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t anyone mention it before?”

Zach shrugged. “The doctors thought we shouldn’t rush you by all of us swarming in right from the beginning. Besides, they said you might remember on your own in time.”

“Time.” Leith sighed. “I feel like all I hear about now is time. ‘Give it time.’ ‘Have some patience.’ ‘In time.’ It’s endless.”

“Time is just about the only thing I want to think about right now, honestly,” Zach said, sinking into the chair.

Leith really had no idea what Zach meant, and he didn’t get the impression that Zach wanted to clarify. Leith took another drink of water, and waved the bottle toward Zach in an unspoken offer. After shaking his head, Zach relaxed into the chair, resting his head against the back. The angle emphasized the dark circles under Zach’s eyes.

“You seem pretty tired,” Leith said. “What do you do for work?”

“Oh, it’s not my work. I’ve just had a hard time sleeping lately.”

Leith let that response sink in. “It’s hard to sleep here too. Someone is always checking in on you or stabbing you with something sharp.”

Zach’s face softened with a smile.

“There, you’re relaxing now,” Leith said, taking another bite of bread. “When you came in, you reminded me of this bird when I was a kid, a hurt bird, right before he took off flying.”

Zach’s eyes flashed. “Leith, I’m not going anywhere.”

Leith stopped chewing his food. The intensity of Zach’s voice was unexpected, sudden, and full of something that made Leith’s stomach clench and his breath draw in sharply. He drank some more water, washing it away.

He tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t upset Zach. “So, how did I meet you?”

Sitting up straight, Zach said with false lightness, “I was on a cruise ship
—
”

“We met on a cruise ship?”

“No.” He laughed.

It was a really nice sound that made Leith feel warm and calm.

“I worked on a cruise ship as a steward for five years. When I decided to settle in one place and stay for good, my sister suggested I come to New York and move in with her.” He chuckled again. “Well, let’s just say that we’re great siblings but terrible roommates. That didn’t last long. Once I had a steady job, I started looking for a new place to stay. You and the girls were renting out the den as a bedroom. I answered your ad.”

“This was before my father died?”

“No, it was a while after that.”

Leith looked down at his hands. He hated thinking of his father’s death. He felt impotent, and angry, and most of all like he’d drown in a river of regrets if he let himself really feel it. “I went to stay with Arthur in Brooklyn instead of going home to my dad when I got out of prison,” Leith said, trying to understand it again. “I wasn’t there for him.”

“Leith,” Zach said, his voice smooth and calm. “Your father knew how much you loved him.”

Making a soft sound, Leith shook his head. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” But he wasn’t sure at all. “Do you…did I tell you why I was in prison?” It was years ago to everyone else, but he still expected to wake in his cell with old Hal snoring in the bunk above.

“A third degree felony. You were involved in an illegal underground MMA fight with unfortunate consequences.” Zach’s expression remained neutral.

It was strange how clearly he remembered
that
night
—
the make-shift cage, the adrenaline rush, the fear, and the blood
—
but he couldn’t remember the entirely legal boxing match that had landed him here.

“I know I’m right. Your father knew you loved him.”

Leith’s chest tightened. “How?”

“Because you told me the two of you made up before he died.”

“We did?”

Zach nodded.

Leith’s throat tightened and he stared down into the basket of food, trying to get control. He just wished he could have seen his father one last time. Though from what Zach said, perhaps he had. Maybe a picture would help.

“Zach,” Leith said, turning and looking him in the eye. “You asked if there was anything else you could bring me.”

“Yes.” Zach leaned forward. “Anything.”

“Can you bring some photos?”

“Of your father?”

“Yes, and some from my life these last three years or so? I got a card from a girl. Naomi? An ex-girlfriend, Arthur said. I don’t even know what she looks like. Maybe if I saw her picture…”

Zach pressed his lips together and nodded slowly, his eyes flickering. “Sure. I’ll bring them tomorrow.”

Zach’s eyes made Leith think again of the kinglet’s wings as they’d shimmered in the sunlight. “Thanks.” The air in the room felt heavy. He grabbed the item on top of the basket, keeping his tone light. “This is the cheese I want to marry, huh?”

Standing up, Zach clapped his hands lightly in an almost effeminate manner, and the sound broke the moment. The question seemed to bring about a change in Zach, who said, “Yes, it’s your true love. Or so you declared to me a few months ago.”

Zach’s eyes smiled, filled with amused affection. Leith liked it. He wondered what he could say to make Zach smile like that again. It looked much better on him than the tense sadness he’d come in wearing. Then, just as suddenly, the smile was gone.

“I guess I should leave now.”

Leith’s surprise must have shown on his face. “But you just got here.”
And I was just starting to feel comfortable with you
.

“I wish I could stay, but I…really can’t.”

“You don’t want to share this cheese?”

“Polyamory was never your style,” Zach countered, and then smiled warmly again.

His teeth were very white, and his lips a reddish pink. Leith thought Zach came across as a little prissy, a little uptight, but something about it made him feel like laughing inside. He must have found him amusing before. Obviously, or else they wouldn’t be
best friends.

“The thing is, I have a business to run,” Zach went on. “Unfortunately I need to go.”

“What kind of business?”

“A bar.”

“Oh, my brother owns a bar. On Fifth Avenue in Park Slope. Or so he tells me. Supposedly I used to work
—
” Leith let the sentence hang. “Right, so you know that, don’t you?”

Zach spun around, moving the chair back into its original position. But Leith had seen his face twist like he was fighting tears.

He faced Leith again. “Believe it or not it’s the same bar. Arthur’s my business partner. I’ll tell you all about it another day, okay? The doctors say it’s time to start introducing you to some of your history, now that you’ve dealt with
—
” Zach stopped short.

“My father’s death?”

“It takes some time.”

“Time!” Leith said, and threw his hands up.

“Yes.” Zach stiffly lifted his right hand in a flat-palmed wave. “Well, see you.”

“When? Tomorrow?”

Zach nodded, smiling softly. “Sure, if you want.”

“You’ll bring pictures?”

“Sure.” Zach stood there a long moment, and then turned.

Leith noticed there were multiple decorative zippers on the back pockets of Zach’s jeans, drawing attention to his ass. When Zach looked back at the door, Leith jerked his head up.

“All right then. Goodbye.” Zach’s voice was tight, and he seemed as tense as he’d been when he came in.

Leith remembered what Arthur had said, and he called out just as Zach’s hand touched the door knob. “Zach?”

When Zach turned, his eyes were a hot green, and his lips trembled a little. “Yes?”

“Hey, uh, before you leave…?” Leith held out his arm to indicate the offer of a hug.

Zach hesitated, lower lip in his teeth, but then crossed over to Leith solemnly. When Zach bent down to hug him, Leith felt him relax in his arms. Leith closed his eyes, surprised when his left hand cupped the back of Zach’s neck in an unplanned motion, his fingers tracing the soft hair there. He took a deep breath. A sweet, spicy scent filled his lungs, and suddenly he was warm all over. His heart jolted. He’d smelled that before. Somewhere. He took another deep breath.

“Don’t forget
—
I’m not going anywhere,” Zach whispered fiercely.

“I thought you were going to work,” Leith whispered, turning his face toward Zach’s ear, having an odd urge to taste the cologne he smelled.

Zach pulled away, his eyes laughing. “You always think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

For a moment Leith thought something else was about to happen, something that made him lick his lips and hold his breath. But then it passed, and he felt like he’d missed something important.