The Right Time (56 page)

“But you have to take her feelings into account—”

“We’re together, Townsend. That means I will always be faithful to Kate, but I have to be myself. It feels right to hold you, so c’mere if you still want to.”

Townsend shrugged her shoulders and lay down again. Hennessy immediately wrapped her arm around her and cuddled her close. “Comfy?”

“Yeah. When I’m close to you, I’m able to control my sharp tongue.”

“It’s not so sharp,” Hennessy said.

Townsend stuck it out at her, and she chuckled.

“Okay, here’s the rest of the story.” She took a breath and ordered her thoughts. “Over time, Kate did help me come to terms with claiming a lesbian identity.

“We spent a lot of time together over Christmas break. It was so nice to see her with her parents.” She sighed, thinking of that time. “That’s when I realized how important it was to me to be with someone who’s close to her family.” She swallowed at the hurt look Townsend gave her, but couldn’t take back what she’d said. “The Brills are a nice group to be around. Her younger brother came along, too, and even though he’s my age, single, and as cute as a bug, I realized I had to be a lesbian because the only Brill I was interested in was Kate.”

“Uh-huh,” Townsend said quietly. “What did you do about that discovery?”

“Nothing. Well, nothing at first.” Shifting slightly, Hennessy reached over and tilted Townsend’s head up so she could see her eyes. “Part of what attracted me to her is that Kate’s kind of…in charge.”

“You mean controlling?”

“No. It’s different from that. I want to act my age for a change, and I can do that with Kate. I don’t have to be the adult—like I do with my parents.” Townsend rested her head back on Hennessy’s shoulder and nodded. Neither woman mentioned the fact that Hennessy had been the adult in their relationship. Neither had to. “She takes care of me, and only my grandparents have ever done that. She doesn’t boss me around or anything; she just helps me figure things out. She guides me.”

“That must feel wonderful for you,” Townsend said quietly.

“It does. It truly does.”

“So, did she guide you to bed?”

Hennessy flashed on the talk they’d had when Townsend told her about Jenna. What a pain in the ass she’d been. Now she was getting it back, and it sucked. “She’s not like that. I swear. I…” She let the details of their story unreel in her mind.

It was
their
story. For them.

Sharing it with Townsend just wasn’t right.

Taking a breath, Hennessy condensed the story, telling only the vital parts. “We moved pretty slowly, but finally got together on Easter. Within a short time, I knew I loved her.” She blinked. “And she loves me.”

Townsend patted her gently and pursed her lips, as if she had to keep them together to avoid bawling. Hennessy hurt like she’d been pummeled, but it was out. She’d told the truth, the part that mattered.

Wordlessly, Townsend slid out of bed and stretched a little, then walked over to the mini-bar, took out another diet sode, and held it up, silently asking if Hennessy wanted one. After Hennessy shook her head, Townsend sauntered over to the window and stared out at the New York traffic. “God, I wish it could have been me.”

Hennessy’s breath caught in her chest. This was
so
hard. “I do too. I’m in love with Kate, and I plan on being with her for the rest of our lives…” She bit down on her lip to keep from crying. “I still wish it had been you.”

Townsend turned, gazed into her eyes for a moment, then walked over and sat down on the upholstered chair. “Missed chances, bad timing, way,
way
too much immaturity. That’s a recipe for failure.” She pulled her hair back, then draped it across her shoulder.

It wasn’t until that second that Hennessy realized part of the reason she’d been so attracted to Kate were the startling similarities to Townsend. How had she missed them until just this minute? Their hair was almost the exact same color, even their skin tone was similar. If Townsend had been a few inches taller…

“So…? What’s the plan?” Townsend asked, pulling her from her daydreaming. “If she’s starting her residency in Boston, why was she leaving today?”

“She’s just dashing home for a visit. I’m going to camp, as usual, and she’s going to come to Hilton Head for a couple of weeks.” She took in a breath, already nervous about their plans. “Then we’re going to Beaufort to meet everyone.”

“You’re telling your family?”

“I’m not planning on it, at least not right now. But I will tell them. Soon. I can’t love Kate and hide it from the people I’m closest to. That’s not fair to any of them.”

“What about next year?”

“Well,” Hennessy said, “Kate’s going to Boston after her visit, and I’ll join her when school starts. We’re going to get an apartment.”

“Serious stuff,” Townsend said, her voice flat.

“It is. Then I’ll finish up and try to get into grad school, while Kate works herself silly.” She trailed off. “Lots to do.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“How about you?” Hennessy asked gently.

“I don’t know how I’m going to handle Jenna leaving. I’ve never had my heart broken…except by you.” She dropped onto the bed and started to cry again, her sobs so forceful that Hennessy knelt in front of her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. As soon as their bodies were pressed together, Hennessy started to sob too, her tears sliding down her face and into Townsend’s golden blonde hair, so much like Kate’s it freaked her out a little. This was too, too dangerous.

As soon as she could, Hennessy let go of her rabid hold and moved to the chair and sat down. Townsend’s pitiful cries slowed, then finally stopped. Neither one spoke, both in their own private misery. Hennessy had never had so much to say, and been so unable to say it. They were beyond words. There wasn’t a thing either could say to fix the past.

The room was a little warm, and Hennessy was overheated from crying. After they’d been sitting there for a long time, her body jerked a few times, her head hitting the wing that protruded from the back of the chair. “I’m afraid I’m gonna nod off,” she mumbled.

“Go ahead,” Townsend said, her voice raspy from crying. She didn’t offer to cuddle again. That was wise. No matter what Kate thought, it was wrong to cuddle when you couldn’t be sure you weren’t doing it for more than simple comfort.

When Hennessy woke, Townsend was typing away on a laptop. “What’s going on over there?” Hennessy asked sleepily.

Townsend looked up and showed a half-smile. “I’m groveling.”

“Huh? To whom?”

“To the person who runs the junior year abroad program at Larkspur.”

“Uhm…wanna run that by me again?” She stood, stretched, and moved over to sit next to Townsend, craning her neck to take a peek at her computer.

“Both Jenna and I were going to go to England for our junior year abroad. I thought it would be good for her to get out and experience a different country—one with fewer Mormons,” she added.

“Yeah? I didn’t know…”

“There’s a lot you don’t know. Not communicating for nine months has that effect.” She reached out and ruffled her hair, showing she was, at least partially, teasing. “I was accepted, Jenna wasn’t. So I told them I wasn’t going to go. Now…” She locked her gaze on Hennessy. “I think it might be good for me to get away.”

Hennessy chewed on that for a minute. “Uhm…is it a good idea to be away from your psychiatrist? Your sponsor?”

Townsend stared at her for a few seconds, trying to keep the sting from her words. Hennessy hadn’t been around to see how hard she’d worked. How much progress she’d made. She might still think things were close to how they’d been on the Vineyard. Townsend gentled her voice and told her truth. “It’s been two years since I’ve had a drink. That’s enough time to make not drinking be the only focus of my life.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Hey,” she said, narrowing her gaze. “I’m not cocky enough to think I’ve got this nailed. I’m sure I can find a therapist in England I could work with. And I can Skype with Art. That’s what I did when I went to…” She swallowed. “Italy over Christmas.”

“I didn’t know you did that,” Hennessy said, her lower lip trembling. “You were so close to France…”

“I was with Jenna and her mom and her little sister. Not an ideal time to sneak over to Paris to see you, baby girl.”

“Right. Of course.” She got up and headed for the bath. “Be right back,” she said, closing the door quietly.

Hennessy leaned against the sink, thinking of all of the times she’d been desperate to reach out to Townsend, how she’d craved contact. Her need to know anything—the slightest bit of news—had gnawed at her for the entire year. But Townsend’s therapist had said it best: try to avoid doing the things you’re compelled to do. Damned good advice. She stared at herself in the mirror for a minute, reminding herself to be supportive. That’s what friends did. They let each other make their own choices, staying in the background, offering total support.

When Hennessy returned to the bed, she sat down and gave Townsend an encouraging smile. “If you go to England, I know you’ll do well. You’ve got your system down—obviously.”

“I’ve definitely got a system. And it’s worked so far.” Her voice grew quiet, and she looked Hennessy directly in the eye. “But I’ve been at enough meetings to hear people who’ve had five…ten…thirty years of sobriety go down the drain because something caught up to them. I’m always going to have to be vigilant. Always.”

“I know that’s true, and I know you will be.” She grasped Townsend’s hand and held it over her heart. “Even if you have a slip or two on the way, this disease is not going to kill you. I’m one hundred percent sure of that.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” Townsend said as her eyes filled with tears. “Not many things feel better than knowing I have your support.”

“And my respect…and my friendship…and my love. Always.”

“But you’ve given your heart to Kate.”

“I have. And I’m very careful to keep my promises to her. Relationships don’t mean a thing if they aren’t built on trust.” She composed her thoughts and asked the critical question. “Are you going to hang in there with Jenna?”

“I am.” She got up and moved to the window, where she spent a few minutes staring out. Hennessy watched her closely, observing her sharp, perceptive gaze move around while she stared down at the busy street. She was still the same feisty girl she’d met three years earlier, but she truly had matured, in the nicest ways. “I wish I could let her go…” She turned and looked at Hennessy for a moment. “But you don’t stop loving someone until you’re sure there’s nothing left. I’m not sure of that yet.”

“Maybe she’ll get sent to England,” Hennessy said, trying to look hopeful. “Everybody wins.”

“Probably Saudi Arabia, given how our luck has gone recently. But wherever she is, I’m going to wait for her—if she’ll give me even a glimmer of hope.”

“Where does that leave us?”

Townsend moved back to the bed, sat on the edge of it and put her hand on Hennessy’s cheek. “I think…” she said slowly, “that we need to concentrate on our girlfriends. Whether or not Kate’s the jealous type, she’s not going to want me to have a place in your heart that should be hers. And I know Jenna doesn’t want that.”

“You’re probably right, about Kate, that is. She’s not jealous, but I know she wants to be the one I share things with. She’s pretty private about some things, and I have to respect that.”

Townsend’s gentle fingers slid from Hennessy’s cheek, then she leaned over and kissed it. Just once…tenderly. When she sat up again her eyes were watery, but that determined expression Hennessy had come to love had settled on her face. “It’s time for us to move on…apart.”

Desperation tore at Hennessy. “No! We don’t have to do that!” She fell into Townsend’s arms, crying like a lost child. The thought of losing her again was unfathomable. But Townsend was right. Damn it, she was right.

“I don’t want to either,” Townsend soothed, tenderly running her hand through Hennessy’s hair. “But I know you, baby girl. This isn’t a trial run for you. You’re all in with Kate, and I’m going to step aside and let you live your life.” She pried herself away from Hennessy’s desperate grasp and moved over to her discarded jeans. As she slipped them on, she was clearly struggling with her emotions. But there was a strength there, a steely resolve that Hennessy envied.