The Reluctant Bride (Montana Born Brides) (8 page)

As much as she wanted this moment, had craved it, and had pushed her fears aside to be standing here with her back against the wall and Monty so close to her that his body heat surrounded her and his breath brushed against her cheek with each careful exhalation he made, she knew it wasn
’t real. That fear was still there in the pit of her stomach and in her heart.

How could she marry when she didn
’t have her parents? How could she commit her life to Monty, when she wasn’t sure what her future looked like? She was still working through each day like it was some sort of existence, and not something to be enjoyed.

But, for tonight, she was glad to have back the man she
’d been dreaming of, and to inhale the scent that was uniquely Monty with each breath she took. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, felt her hair fall against the exposed nape of her neck. She moved her fingers from his mouth, felt the stubble of his beard that was just coming through and then leaned in to kiss him.

This time they were safe, not on the side of a road.
This time she felt in control, taking the sweet kiss that she’d needed from her lover. Not letting him claim a little sexual victory over her, as she had earlier. And it felt like all the things she’d been afraid to admit she wanted.

She kept her hand on his jaw and he let her set the pace of the kiss.
Let her move her mouth over his and slowly part her lips, sucking his lower lip between her teeth and fondling it with her tongue. His hips canted forward and his erection brushed against her, and still she took her time.

His hand fell to the spot where her neck and shoulder met, and he moved his finger against her in a lazy pattern that sent chills down her spine and passion pooling in the center of her body.
She went up on her tiptoes, trying to get closer to him, but he preserved the distance between them, keeping it so that only her hand on his face, his hand on her neck and their mouths were touching.

She broke the contact with his mouth and tipped her head to the side, studying him through half-closed eyes.
There was a reddish flush to his skin. It was humbling to see the effect she had on him. A part of her wanted to say it was chemistry, their bodies doing what nature intended, but another part of her felt like it was magic between them.

For tonight she wanted to forget that the past existed and that they
’d ever been apart. She wanted to pretend this was the second week they’d known each other, and everything was perfect and right in their world. But pretend…well, that wasn’t real.

And Monty was.

She put her hands on his shoulders.

“
What do you want from me?”

He opened his eyes and she felt caught in the intensity of his stare.
Felt trapped between his desires and her fears. And there was no running away this time.

“
Something I’m not sure you can deliver.”

“
I’m sorry,” she said, resting her forehead against his shoulder because she needed to escape his gaze.

“
I am, too.” The hand on her neck rubbed down her back in a soothing gesture, but the embrace was tinged with sexual desire and his touch, though gentle, also aroused.

It was uncomfortable because, in her mind, she had thought they
’d resolve their issues and then move back to being lovers. But her body, it seemed, had other ideas. She had missed sex with him. Had resigned herself to spending the rest of her days alone.

Alone.

She realized that she was getting closer to figuring out why she’d run, but standing in Monty’s arms, closer than she had when she’d been hiding and pretending she wasn’t, she wasn’t sure how to move on, now that she was alone. Her parents had been only children and her extended family was nonexistent. Without them, she had nothing.

And a part of her had no idea how to move forward like this.
She also admitted that she didn’t want to be happy if they weren’t here. How could she celebrate joy when her parents were gone?

“
You’ve stiffened up,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“
I just realized what I was running from,” she said.

“
You did?”

“
Yeah. It’s not pretty. In fact, it makes me feel small and childish.”

“
Given that your folks are dead, I’m not surprised. Whenever I visit my dad and he’s having one of his episodes where he can’t remember me, I…well, I feel very small and young and afraid.”

She hugged him close because she hadn
’t even thought to ask after his father, and it made her realize how selfish this entire act of leaving Las Vegas had been. She’d done it for herself because she was scared, and though she’d told herself it was better for Monty to hurt him a little now, she realized she’d never really thought about him or his feelings.

She
’d run for herself.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Stop saying that,”

But a part of her wondered if she
’d ever find the strength to mean it and he’d ever find the heart to forgive her.

Holding Risa in his arms filled the emptiness that was inside him and he wished he
’d never have to let her go. But talking about his father and her fears made him realize he wasn’t the same man who’d asked her to marry him. He was haunted by dreams of Afghanistan and tortured by guilt where his best friend was concerned.

He needed to be the one who was okay.
The one who was holding everything together for her. And he wasn’t sure he could be. Right now, of course, it was easy to be that guy. But in the middle of the night he knew that he’d be awake and in a cold sweat.

Some hero.

He wanted to be Risa’s hero. Needed to be the man who could protect her, but he’d already proved that wanting to save someone wasn’t the same thing as actually
doing
it.

He let his arms fall away and looked down into her face.
In his mind, when he’d asked her to marry him, he’d made promises to himself about the kind of husband he’d be. No drinking the nights away like his old man had done. No working at a job he hated and trapping his family in that endless cycle. Could he still keep them?

“
Honey bunny, you are making me regret I ever left Vegas,” she said at last.

He
’d moved on from dwelling on his own fears and he knew he had to be here, in the present with Risa, instead of in the heat of the desert where danger lurked around every corner. “Good. That’s what I wanted you to do.”

He dropped his arms and stepped back.
He could hear the band warning this would be the last dance and he was ready to go home. As much as he wanted to take Risa back to the red barn and make love to her, he knew they weren’t ready.

“
Are you going to leave me now? It’d be the perfect revenge.”

Wouldn
’t it, though. Except it would be too much like cutting out his own heart, and he wasn’t into self-harm. “Nice opinion you have of me.”

It made him realize how much work they still had to do before they even got close to pledging their lives to each other.

“I do have a good opinion of you, but I know I sort of screwed up how you feel about me.”

“
This entire situation would be so much easier if you had. And earlier tonight, when I was about to walk out the door, I would have agreed with you. But you asked me to stay. And you kissed me, Risa. That changed everything.”

“
One kiss?”

“
Just one. That’s all it took the first time, too. Remember?”

“
I can’t forget it. No matter how hard I try.” She sighed. “So what’s next?”

“
We have lunch tomorrow, like you suggested, and we take this slowly.” Tonight he felt less confident that they’d be able to find their way back to each other. At this moment, when pride had turned to fear and he finally admitted the truth that had been hiding beneath his ego. That maybe her running away had been the best thing for them. He didn’t want to have to admit to her that he was no one’s hero. Not hers, certainly not Lane’s, and he wasn’t even sure he liked himself that much anymore.

He had sought her out tonight, like she
’d said, for revenge. A chance to save his own face and to soothe his ego. Instead, he’d found that she was still the girl he’d cared for in Vegas—and a part of him wanted to be the man that she married.

But they had to find their way back to that.

“Lunch? That’s right. We did make a date for tomorrow, didn’t we?”

He nodded.

Someone turned the overhead lights on and he knew that things were going to get embarrassing for them if they were caught back here. Not because of anything they were doing, but more because of what they weren’t doing. More because she’d have to explain about her fiancé, and he wasn’t sure he could listen to any more of those stories she was so good at making up.

“
Let’s go.”

She nodded.
“I have to clean up and get the vouchers I handed out.”

“
Did you do the flowers for the event?” he asked.

“
I did.”

“
Want a hand cleaning up?” he asked.

She looked at him.
“Jane will probably ask about our engagement.”

“
We’re still enjoying our reunion,” he said.

“
Precisely.”

She told him what needed to be picked up and gave away flower arrangements to anyone who was leaving.

“Why did you do that?”

“
I’d rather someone enjoy the flowers in their home, than see them in the trash can. And I can’t resell day-old flowers,” she said. “It seems a shame to let all that beauty go to waste.”

Jane called Risa away and Monty watched her leave, thinking of beauty and shame and all the wasted moments of his life.
She thought she’d started hiding from life, but it was clear to him she hadn’t. Seeing her tonight had clarified that. He wondered if the key to catching her was to help her find her way back to it, even though her parents were dead.

He wanted that.

He wanted to figure out how she’d move past guilt into a sort of future. That’s what he needed and he was a little afraid that maybe he was holding on to this, and to her, because he didn’t want to be alone. But the truth was he was broken. Broken in a way he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge until tonight. And he hoped there was some way that being with Risa could fix him.

Risa awoke at six a.m. She lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. Last night she’d seen Monty, asked him for time. Something he’d granted her. But now what? She’d committed to getting to know him again. To trying to see if they should still get married, and she was still wearing the ring he’d given her. The gorgeous marquis-cut ring.

She rolled over on her side, tucked her hand under her cheek and looked at the picture on her nightstand of her mom and dad at Machu Picchu, taken three years ago.
They had their arms wrapped around each other and smiled out at her with such joy and love.