The Reckoning (64 page)

‘
I don't want to go,' Minnie said quietly.

Polly looked despairing. If Minnie didn't go, she would not
be able to, and she couldn't bear to miss it. The one chance
she had of getting out of this house, and seeing a little life and liveliness and cheerfulness — the thought of missing it was an
agony.

‘
But you must! You can't stay shut up here for ever, it isn't good for you. It would do you so much good to have a change
of scene. It would take your mind off things. You've been
brooding too much — Harvey, speak to her.'

‘
Why don't you want to go, love?' he asked quietly. 'You
know I've come down specially to take you.'

‘
Have you?' she said, looking at him blankly for a moment,
and then away again. 'Well I don't want to, that's all.’

‘
But Minnie —!'

‘
Leave her alone,' Harvey said suddenly. ‘If she doesn't
want to, that's all there is to it.’

Polly drew breath to protest, but let it out without
speaking. Beneath her piercing disappointment was a sense
almost of panic. She really felt that she might go mad if she
didn't get away from this place — yet what could she do? She
was helpless, dependent on other peoples' wills. 'Very well,’

she said at last, and her voice quivered perilously. 'If that's
your decision.’

Minnie looked up from her perpetual study of her hands in her lap, and her eyes had that same blank, impenetrable look.
‘You needn't miss it. Harvey can take you. I don't mind.’

Polly was bewildered. 'But the servants will be going. You
can't stay here on your own. Or do you mean to stop them
going?'

‘
Of course not. I shall be quite all right. You go with
Harvey,' Minnie said.

‘I can't leave you here alone,' Polly said uncertainly.

‘
I don't want you,' Minnie replied, and suddenly stood up, seeming agitated. 'I wish you would leave me alone! Always
telling me what I can and can't do. I'm not a child, I can
choose for myself.'

‘
Of course you can,' Harvey said soothingly. 'And if you
want to stay here by yourself, you shall.'

‘
But Harvey –' Polly began, but he silenced her with a
look.

Minnie hesitated a moment. Then, 'Very well,' she said,
and went out.

‘
It's all right. What harm do you think can come to her,
here in her own home?' Harvey said when he and Polly were
alone.

‘
But it isn't right that she should be completely unat
tended.'

‘
If it's what she wants, why shouldn't she? Besides, there'll
probably be someone about. I don't expect all the servants
will want to go.'

‘
They will – you don't know! It's the greatest day in the
year for them – and God knows,' she added bitterly, 'there's
little enough fun for anyone in this place.'

‘
Any more objections,' Harvey said with a smile, 'and I
shall think you don't want to come to the fair with me. It's
the perfect opportunity to spend the whole day together – and
with Minnie's blessing! What could be better?’

Polly still felt uneasy. 'It's not right,' she said, but with less
conviction; and then, 'She'll probably change her mind when the moment comes. She's never been entirely alone since the
day she was born. She'll change her mind.'

*

’Oh my lady, I wish you'd change your mind,' said Hill. She
stared anxiously at her mistress, who was sitting in the big
chair in her bedchamber, staring out of the window. It was a
warm, overcast day, but for once the blind grey-white sky was
high enough not to threaten rain. 'You'd enjoy it, I'm sure
you would. Look, there might even be some sunshine later.'

‘
I don't want to go,' Minnie said again, as if that was all
there was to it.

‘Then let me stay with you. I don't want to go either.’

For once Minnie shewed a flash of spirit. 'You'll do as
you're told.' Then she seemed to regret it. 'Please, Hill, just
leave me alone.’

A scratching at the door prevented Hill from arguing
further. It opened to reveal the under-housemaid in her best
mantle and bonnet.

‘Yes, Betsy?'

‘
If you please, my lady, the brake's here, and they're
waiting for Mrs Hill.'

‘
Very well. Off you go, Hill. I hope you have a pleasant
day.’

Hill looked as though there were many more things she wanted to say, but in the presence of Betsy she could not descend so far. She gave her mistress one last, keen look,
bowed her head, and went.

Half an hour later, Harvey came in, leaving the door open
behind him. Beyond it the house was already unnaturally
quiet: even well-trained servants make a background of
sound in a house, simply by being there.

‘
Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?' he said
without preamble. 'There's going to be a troupe of acrobats,
and a man with a tame lion. He puts his head in the lion's
mouth, and the lion never offers to bite him. You've never
seen a lion before, have you?' he coaxed.

Minnie went on looking out of the window, seeming hardly
to know he was there.

‘
You don't really want to stay here all alone, do you? You'll
want your dinner, and there'll be no-one to get it for you. You
don't want to go hungry all day, I'm sure. Come with us, and
we'll have dinner at the Crown, and you can order anything
you like – sweet ginger pudding, and ratafia cream –’

She looked at him now, a sad and stern look, as though his
last words had provoked her. 'I'm not a child,' she said.
‘No,' he agreed. 'But you're my wife.'

‘
Oh, you remember that, do you?'

‘
Minnie, what is it?' he said suddenly. 'Is it just losing the
babies? I'm sorry about them too, but we can have more
children –'

‘
Oh you liar,' she said softly, but with deadly force. 'I know
what you thought about them, and what you think about
them dying, and what you think about me. I don't want your
lying promises. Just leave me alone. Go to the fair, and let me
be.’

She turned her face from him, and he hesitated a moment,
and then shrugged.

‘
So be it. It's your decision. Sulk here alone, if that's what
you want.' And he went away and left her.

*

Polly didn't enjoy the fair as much as she wanted to. It was wonderful to get away from Stainton, to get out from under
those crowding trees, to leave the wet greenness behind and
enter a town again. She feasted her eyes on the cobbles
underfoot and grey stone buildings to either side, and the
delicious colours of bunting and stalls and fete-day clothes
everywhere. It was wonderful to have people around, and
noise and bustle, dogs barking and whistles blowing and
traders shouting their wares, spectators talking and laughing
and calling to each other and cramming their mouths with
sweetmeats and hot pasties and baked apples.

But she suffered from a nagging sense of guilt over leaving Minnie alone to brood in her misery – even though, as Harvey rightly pointed out, Polly's staying at the house wouldn't have
altered the brooding and miserable parts of it. And Harvey
himself was in a strange temper, not fit to enjoy himself to the
full. He seemed nervous, almost irritable, his mood changing
rapidly; silent and withdrawn one moment, laughing too
loudly the next. Several times he snapped at Polly, seeming
almost to want to pick a quarrel with her, and when she chal
lenged him with it, he laughed at the notion in a brittle
manner and avoided her eyes.

Altogether, there was no day-long delight in being in his
company to compensate for the feeling that she shouldn't
have come in the first place. She began to feel very tired, and
pushing through the crowds from one stall to the next began
to seem like too much effort for too little reward.

‘Can't we sit down somewhere?' she asked at last.

‘
Are you hungry yet?' he asked. 'We could go and have
dinner. It's early, but it might be as well to eat before
everyone else. The decent places will be very crowded later.’

‘Yes, all right, let's do that,' Polly said. Anything to be able
to sit down.

‘
Come on then. I've booked a private parlour at the
Crown.’

When they arrived at the large, handsomely-appointed inn,
there seemed no surprise on the part of the landlord that they
were so early, nor any delay in putting a meal before them. ‘I ordered the food when I booked the room,' Harvey said in reply to Polly's question. 'I thought it would be as well. I
hope you like what I've chosen?'

‘
It all looks very nice,' she said vaguely.

‘
Yes, very well, you may go,' Harvey said to the servant
who was hovering, waiting for them to take their seats. 'We
can wait on ourselves, thank you. And I'm perfectly capable
of pouring the wine.’

When they were alone, Harvey seemed to recover his
normal spirits, and became very chatty and gay, plying her
with food and wine and so obviously trying to amuse her that
she felt obliged to make the effort and be amused. The wine
stimulated her, and she ate with a good appetite. The food in
turn made her thirsty, and she emptied her glass, which
Harvey quickly refilled. Soon she was responding to his chat, even laughing at his little jokes; and the part of her mind that
wondered how she could, and offered her the image of Minnie
sitting alone in her room and staring out of the window,
shrank to a small and distant voice which it was quite possible
to ignore.

It was when he started to talk about the future that she was
brought back to earth.

‘
Don't, Harvey,' she said. 'Don't talk like that. We don't
have any future together. You know that as well as I do, and I
hate to hear you pretending.’

He grew suddenly serious, reaching across the table. 'I
won't let you say that,' he said, pressing her hand painfully.
‘My God! How can you even contemplate the future if you
don't think we'll be together? I tell you, I can't.'