The Quest (8 page)

              Most days when I run I don’t run into anyone, besides the normal dog walker lady who is being dragged by the four leashed hounds but today was an exception to the rule. Today of all days, why I don’t know, I was toe and heel beside this dude. I say dude only because he isn’t your typical runner, if there is a typical. He has a blond ponytail, spandex short shorts that barely keep his John Thomas in place and he’s shirtless. His shoes are bright yellow, which I‘m kinda fond of, and he’s wearing a reflector headband. Why? So he can be seen of course. The only problem I had with that is it’s not nighttime. No, it’s bright, sun shining daytime and I, out of all the running Huntsvillian’s, am side by side with this character as if we were running partners. He’s messing up my concentration; My mojo. He’s invading my circle. He’s almost as short as I am so lucky me his pace is almost the same as mine.

              “Hi-eye.
”
He breathes at me.

              I turn my head in his direction not wanting to be rude. “Hih.”

              “Dom-Dominick. Dominick’s my name. What’s what’s yours? Yours?”

              “Sadie.”

              “Ni-i-i-ce to meet you,” he huffs.

              Poor guy needs to stop talking and concentrate on breathing while he runs. So he was nice enough I guess. No harm in the way he spoke. I mean he was just running with me. He seemed a little lonely and eager no doubt wanting a running partner so I guess when he saw me he figured why not join me. But I’ll tell ya, I don’t like running with sweaty shirtless strangers when I run even if their shoes are dazzling. I prefer to run alone. So I took off in a sprint in an effort to outrun him and lose him. And it worked. Or at least I thought I lost him when I rounded the corner until I heard his footsteps trailing me. Soon he was right back beside me glistening in the sunshine blinding me with all his bare-chested whiteness.

              “Yeah, yeah I like sprinting too. Gets the blo… blood flow…” gasping for air, “flowing.”

              “You don’t sound too good, you all right?” I asked being the nice gal that I am. I mean I wouldn’t want to do CPR right here on the streets of Providence. It would be all my fault too if he passed out. I was the one that caused the poor guy to run a sprint. “You might want to slow down, start walking maybe.” I looked hard at the little guy.

              “No, no I’m good. Just a little,” and he wheezed scaring the crap out of me, “winded.”

              His face was flush red and his eyes didn’t look right. I kept my jogging pace slowing it just enough to not run the poor guy ragged. He didn’t need to be running much less running with me. I figured he was lonely too or why else would he be out here looking for someone to tag along with. Not a great way to meet women though. Not a good thing to do if you’ve never done it before either. Running is for runners not for guys just trying to impress a girl. He didn’t think this through. I was feeling sorry for the poor little guy, like a big sister would with a little brother, with every step he took. I realized he wasn’t going to stop running as long as I was running. No, he was going to be right there trying to keep up with me. Crazy nut! Ever have this happen to you? Strangest thing I’ve seen thus far. And this tops the blinking mole.

              “I think I left my stove on,” I blurted and did a U-turn on the pavement. I ran faster making a beeline to my apartment, up the stairs, and back inside behind my door, with it double locked and dead bolted before the poor guy knew I left him. I peeked out the window in search of him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Strange. One minute he was right there, now he’s gone. Did I imagine him? Surely not. My mind isn’t that crazy these days. Dominick, I repeated to myself just to be sure I wasn’t dreaming that he told me his name.

              I slipped into my bedroom and peeled the sweaty layers of clothing off my body one by one. I strap the girls down pretty tight so as they don’t move during my run. Sometimes it’s two bra tops and sometimes three bra tops are called for. Just depends on the amount of support in the layers of each one. I slipped off my tennis shoes and sat them on the dryer to dry. Since I had to cut my run short today, I was hoping I’d have a chance to run again in the morning. Maybe get an early start too so not to be bothered by anyone. Anyone such as the guy named Dominick.

***

T
oday I had agreed to meet another man I had met online. Are you keeping count? This is number three. His profile was nice, his picture was handsome. Of course, I couldn’t tell if he was truly tall, or fit, or much anything else from his pictures. I had to take his word for it. The pictures were taken so far away even when I blew them up, they were still fuzzy. I had learned from past experiences most of them lie, though. They post old photos, sometimes as far back as high school, and they never admit they are balding.

              Yes, I know, I dated a bald guy once, but he was an exception to the rule. I loved his old shiny bald head! I loved rubbing it down with oil too. He loved it just as much as I did. Oh how I remember those playful oil fights.

              Once I thought I’d surprise him and I bought a plastic cover for our mattress. I slipped it on tight making sure all corners were tucked, and then I pulled out two bottles of baby oil and squirted the plastic mattress pad good. I slipped off my clothes and tied my hair back pinning my locks onto my head so I wouldn’t get too much oil in my hair. When he came through the door that evening after work, I was ready for him. I made little arrows leading from the foyer back to our bedroom. Each one with little instructions like, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AND TIE, LEAVE YOUR SHOES HERE, LEAVE YOUR PANTS WHERE YOU STAND, DROP THOSE DRAWERS, and the arrows went on till he was buck naked standing in the doorway of the room where I laid bucked naked across a very slicked down bed. His smile was wide when he saw the slippery slideable me. He took a flying leap in the air like superman landing beside me but his body didn’t stop there, no he continued to fly off the mattress and onto the other side landing on the floor.

              When he stood to his feet his body was shining with oil which made things that much funnier when he joined me on the oiled sheets. Our time together was intense taking turns pouring what was left of the oil on each other. It was a challenge to stay on top without sliding off of him. I was, of course, trying to stick to the golden rule of a lady riding high if you want to look your best. Yeah, it wasn’t working too well in this particular event. But the oil made some positions easier, slipperier, and sexier so it was all worth it. And once his bald head was slathered, covered, and smoothed all over in oil, he rubbed it against my naked body just to make me even more crazy. It wasn’t hard to be crazy about him. He had it all. His smile was infectious, I remember, his eyes very passionate. He was amazing fun! Always! There are days I miss him badly, but today couldn’t be one of those days, I reminded myself.

When Pigs Fly

S
o back to the date that I am supposed to be having today, date number three. We had plans to meet on the streets of Providence and then ride together to eat at a local sushi restaurant. Why on the streets? Well, due to the last incident of the little man with combed over hair and Radley appearing out of the blue at my door, I felt this was a much safer place to meet. Plus if it turned out he was a little creepy, I could bolt and he’d never know where I lived. The guy seemed very nice so I really doubted I would be running though. He had always been polite with his correspondence, in depth with his conversations, and quite the gentleman. I couldn’t tell much about his appearance by his pictures so I wasn’t as excited to meet him as he was to meet me. You know those types, the ones that don’t take good snapshots of their face or they are taken from way far away. He seemed to be the over-zealous type too and anxious to have a date. Yes, immediately red flags were flying. And I just wasn’t that keen on eating sushi either. Oh, I love sushi, just not for a first date. What if he turned out to be really hot? I didn’t want to be smelling of raw fish when or if we kissed! But nothing else came to mind when he suggested sushi so I didn’t veto it.

              His name was Mike. Nice normal name right? He arrived on time; I was not quite ready when he arrived. Yeah, the procrastination vibe set in and I was dragging my feet getting ready. I gave it my best shot to talk myself out of it too. When he messaged me from the corner, I sent him a quick message apologizing for being late and told him I’d be there soon.

              It wasn’t long before I was standing on the corner of Providence and Main next to a guy that was very handsome. A very handsome black man that is. No, he was not disappointing at all just the opposite, really cute, a close shaved beard and a trimmed mustache, nice stocky build, muscles edge to edge no doubt, dressed nicely in pressed colorful clothing. What a relief that he was all he said he was, except, he didn’t tell me he was African/American. Nor did he look it in his pictures. I had never gone out with a black man before. Not that I find anything wrong with them, I’m just usually not attracted to them.

              Only once in my life had I met a black man that made me drool. He was a customer in a shop I worked in when I was younger. Every time that man came in and batted those long black eyelashes at me, I would melt. He was so smooth with his lines, too, always knowing what to say to make me crazy, but I always turned him down. I don’t know why I turned him down. I suppose the old saying, “Once you go black you never go back” scared the crap out of me! No doubt he would have been an amazing experience, but I was sure his mother wouldn’t have approved of this little white girl. So I spared me the fun and him the grief. And now the man at the corner comes a close second to the beastly black man that I once adored.

              His tone was mild when he said hello, nothing spectacular, and he had a nice big smile, beautiful white teeth of course. He pointed the way to his vehicle and followed behind me.

              “So you mind if we stop by my house before we eat?” he asked hollering over the hood of his car. His house? Why? I wondered.

              “Sure,” I answered reluctantly. He assured me his Mother was there and it was a perfectly safe environment. He added I could sit in the car and wait if I chose too. I slid in sideways and quickly buckled my seatbelt. Normally I take a quick look in the mirror to check my makeup but this time I stared blankly with thoughts running wild through my head. When his car rolled out of the parking lot, the automatic locks clicked. I jumped. He glanced at me oddly but didn’t say a word. Neither did I.

              His house was on the other side of town in a nice and neat neighborhood, with nice manicured lawns and wooden fences. A few cars were parked in his driveway when we arrived. I didn’t think much about those. He asked me again if I felt comfortable coming inside and assured me he would only be a minute. I hesitated for a moment then exited the car. As we walked in the door we were greeted by his family. Hands came out of nowhere shaking mine and the arms of an unknown lady grabbed me squeezing me tight and began introducing me to Momma, Grandmomma, Auntie Rose, Cousin Ruthie & Rufus, they were identical twins I was told but looked nothing alike; Carl Jr., George, and are you ready for this? His daughter Sashonda. The three foot something little girl looked just like him but with pink beaded braids all over her head. I looked around for the baby momma, didn’t see her. She said
,
“hi” to me then followed that “hi” with “why you a white gurl? My Daddy’s not allowed to date white gurls!”

              I’m usually not very shocked by what comes out of the mouths of babes and this case wasn’t much different. I’ve dealt with attitudes, snotty nosed brats during photo shoots, and unruly children before. I was once cursed out by a six year old, so I knew how to handle little disrespectful munchkins. The trick is you don’t allow them the upper hand. Always be on your witty toes. Especially when you are in no position to discipline them. “Since when?”

              “Since now!
”
Her pink pointy head was now cocked sideways.

              “Says who?”

              “Says me!”

              “Oh Yeah?”

              “Yeah.”

              “So. I don’t care what you think Sassy. I’m his date for the evening. Get over it.” I continued being quick on my game, proud of myself for being so witty, and as smart as the smart-ass child who couldn’t be a day over five staring at me. I wasn't going to be intimidated by a little girl’s words, nor by the room full of his folks that were eager to meet me. I thought only his Momma was home? Yeah, I was out of my comfort zone with everyone staring at me and making comments about what I just said to the pink ponytailed munchkin but I didn’t care.

              “Names not Sassy it’s Sashonda! And no you not!
”
Sashonda didn’t miss a beat either. I was beginning to like this child. She was my kind of little woman watching out for her Daddy like she should be. Like I would imagine I would be if I was in her shoes.

              “Yes. I. Am.”

              “Wanna bet?”

              “Watch meh.” My mouth was wide mouthing those words and my head did a notorious roll I had learned in my early years.

              “Gurl, you won’t if you know what’s good for you, gurl, he’s my Daddy and what I say goes, gurl, he always minds me, gurl, and If I don’t like you he won’t like you, gurl, just like the last one I’ll get rid of you too just you wait and see, gurl, you gonna go too.” She stood even closer with her little height waving a finger at me adding, “And you smell bad!”

              “I smell good,” I stated matter of factly because I did.

              “No, you don’t.”

              “Yes. I. Do.
”
My head did another roll or three.

              “My pig smells betta.”

              “Your pig must smell like roses and clean fresh soap then!”

              “Most roses don’t smell.”

              “True.” She was right. Not every rose has a smell.

              “So.”

              “So what?”

              “You still stink.”

              “You like it. Don’t lie.”

              “Maybe. What’s the name of it?”

              “Jessica Mclint…” I turned my eyes back to the crowd gunning me down with their snarls. I figured this was routine for them based on the looks. Where was the respect? Where was the scolding to this child for behaving as such? Most importantly where was Mike? This was turning into a much longer visit than I expected. My attention went back to the child. After all she was the most entertaining thing in the room and she never took her eyes off of me.

              Her eyes were wide, her lips puckered, and her head was bobbing in a circle now that I found myself unknowingly rocking in unison to. Like I mentioned the learning of those neck rolls years ago was coming in mighty handy now. “You,” she pointed her finger sharp at me again, “need to go!”

              “As a matter of fact, I do! Where’s the bathroom?”

              “Ugh. Dadday! Dadday! She gotta go!

              “Mmmm hmph hrmmm haaapmmmm,” was the mumbled voice I heard coming from the back room that may have been Mike’s.

              “Fine. Come here, gurl. I’ll show you. Don’t be stealing nothin. I’ll be watching you!”

              I gave her a high five. She half-heartedly returned the gesture and led me to a door down a hall. I walked in and closed the door behind me making sure I locked it first, and then prepared myself to pee. As soon as I sat down on the toilet my eyes drifted to the right. Right there not three feet from me, in a puke green plastered bathtub, laid a pig with his feet up, tied to a pole, on his back, with his head tilted my direction, smiling wide right at me. I jumped up, barely getting my ass back in my jeans before I bolted out the door. Mike met me in the hall just as I was flying out of it. He could see I was white as a ghost.

              “What’s matter?”

              “There’s a pig in there!” I whispered hard with wide eyes not wanting all the kinfolks to hear me.

              “Yeah, I know. It’s too hot to have him outside, he’ll spoil. Gotta boil the hair off t’mrrow. for da pig roast.” His smile was happy and wide.

              “Boil his hair off for a
pig
roast?” I asked matter of fact.

              “Yah, ain’t you never done a pig roast before?” I saw Sashonda’s eyes dart to her father in horror over his shoulder. How could she not know? Surely she knew there was a pig in the tub. Her face was full of fear and questions.

              “Dadday where’s my pig?”

              “Shush, girl!”

              “Where’s Sassy?”

              “Sassy? That’s the name of your pig?”

              “Yeah what of it? Named her after me! It’s just like my name.”

              “That ain’t your pig. She names everything. Calls everything hers.”

              “Yes, it is my pig and her name is Sassy! You better not be cookin’ her up either, Dadday!”

              “I think it’s her,” I blurted out in my Elvis looking face with one lip snarled up in disgust. Oh my! What was I thinking! I was finding myself right in the middle of a pig argument between a man and his zealous daughter. Not a fun place to find yourself in. Especially in a room full of strangers that weren’t receiving of your conversation with one of their own prize offsprings.

              She stomped her little feet toward the bathroom. Out of the corner of my eye I saw kinfolk diving for the door to close it shut. One young fellow picked up Sashonda and threw her over his shoulder and carried her out the back door. All the while I could hear the child screaming for her pig. Mike mumbled something at me under his breath. All the more reason to want to be a vegetarian, I thought as I bolted out the door slamming it behind me.

              I sat silent as he drove away trying to find my way out of the moving car and out of our dinner date. Mike took bug-eyed glances at me like I was a crazy person. I suppose he didn't like me being chatty with his little daughter, telling her about her pig, or the way I ran out of there not even saying goodbye to his kin. But I couldn’t care less. I didn’t want to be in that house one minute longer with that disrespectful child or that pig lying in that tub like it was. Like it was a normal thing to have in your bathtub. It just wasn’t right! All wrong, I tell ya. All wrong!

              “Look, Mike, my stomach is really messed up now after seeing that pig in your tub and I don’t think…”

              “It was just a pig. You act like you ain’t never seen a piece of meat before. You goody two shoes. Too good for us folks and da way we cook. You actin all fancy now ain’t ya? You one of dem fancy city girls from da city who don’t know how to cook and don’t know no good cookin’ when they see it. Thought you said you were raised in the country? Thought you iz a country girl?”

              “No…I just…”

              “You don’t know what yer missin. Dat pig is some good eaten. Mighty, mighty delicious!
”
He was screaming. “You need to have you sum of dat pig, if you did we wouldn’t be haven this conversation. We’d be eating sushi right now. We’d be all up in anothah not fighting over a damn pig! Maybe even smooching about now, Lord knows I’s a damn good kisser but naw…naw! You had to go an insult me, insult my family, and my youngun’s pig! Dat’s good eatin! Good eaten I tell ya! But naw, naw. You crazy dats what you are! Hmph!”

              His body was twitchy and angry. His forehead was all beady with sweat. He was offended. I was appalled. He quickly stereotyped me without giving me the benefit of the doubt. He had no idea I had been a vegetarian for five whole years when I was younger. Mainly due to the fact I was grossed out with the texture and the treatment of animals to get said meat. And now, I had been in his bathroom staring eye ball to eye ball at a smiling pig! I was not gonna apologize for being appalled by the scenery or the disrespectful child not to mention the meeting of all of his kin on the first date! Nope not me!