The Quest (3 page)

              “I know right!” We giggled and laughed like two school girls on a playground then when he hollered my name, we busted out laughing harder. We laughed till tears were streaming down our cheeks. We needed that laugh and those crazy tears before her heart sunk deep into the story of what was unfolding before her. It was unimaginable and something I really couldn’t help her with.

              I stared at her hopeless and at a loss for words as she counted out the last several weeks, months, and years of her life to me. I had no idea. What do I say? How was I supposed to respond with this kind of news? I had never been this close to someone that was living in this kind of horror. I was speechless. I was shocked. My heart was breaking for her at every word she spoke and I had no advice to give. None. Just prayers only prayers for her.

              I managed to slide the rock in my throat out of the way and say something other than OMG, “How can I help you? What can I do for you?”

              “You can’t. Nothing,” she said matter of fact. “Not sure anyone can. That’s why I’m here. I need to figure this all out myself. Make some decisions you know? The kids deserve better.”

              “So do you, Sofie. So much better,” I cried.

              I handed her the box of Kleenex sitting next to me and put my arms around her again. I was glad now that I hadn’t let Radley in. She needed me and this moment alone with me to share her story whether there was anything I could do or not, at least she knew she had somewhere to go, someone to run to, and I felt blessed she had chosen me. Even though I felt helpless sitting next to her.

              Sister friends have a deep understanding. They are planted in your soul to live there forever. Whenever they are in need, they long to be near you to share their grief. You are their rock. Just as they are always yours.

The Long Road Ahead

I
found myself out the door and down the stairs before I realized I had forgotten my keys. I trekked back up the three flights of stairs and there they were in the door where I had left them the night before. I scolded myself then realized Radley could have come in if he had really wanted to. I praised him in my mind for not. He was doing the right thing by not barging in again. Surely he knows he’s not welcome back in my heart, but maybe he doesn’t. Maybe Sofie was right. I’ll never be rid of him. Okay, I admit there are times I wish I had the whole fairy tale, with him included. But then days like today, I just need some me time. No drama, no romance, no working, no sex… maybe some shopping, self-loathing, and something fattening. Yes, something drowned in chocolate and topped with whip cream was coming to mind.

              Sofie had left to visit her family saying she would check back in with me in a day or so. She needed some alone time too. This I understood so I let her go with promises that I’d see her again while she was here visiting. I still had no answers for her. I was angry. My heart was broken for her. If only I had known, or seen it coming, I could have warned her or helped her escape before things got this bad. But I didn’t. She was too ashamed to even tell her best friend that was miles away. That alone broke my heart again. What do you do when you're hit with news like this? Again, I searched for answers and got nothing.

***

M
y name is Samantha Jade Nelson. I have days that I have no idea why. I go by the name of Sadie or at least everyone on earth calls me that except for my dear Mother. That’s okay, though, she insists that I’m Samantha, so Samantha I am! I learned long ago not to argue with the woman who named you.

              I used to be this poor pathetic broken woman who couldn’t get off my floor. But it’s been a while since I’ve seen the view from that low. I am healed. I am strong. I am woman, sometimes you can hear me roar; other times I just sit over here like, “meow!” I live in Providence on the outskirts of Huntsville, Alabama. I love it here. There’s a lot to do within walking distance and since Huntsville has become the craft brew capital of Alabama, I am learning my way into the craft beer world. It’s a win-win for me. It means a different crowd to get to know and new yummy beers to try that are constantly being tapped. Plus, as I’ve learned since I’ve been on this quest to find a man and replace the last two losers that blew holes in my heart, there are some pretty hot guys that frequent the breweries. I’ve even signed up for the organization Free The Hops just to feel a little more connected to the world of craft brew. Have I attended a meeting? Well, no but I have every intention of attending, does that count?

              I trailed down the street and stepped into a local coffee shop before heading out for the day. The pumpkin latte at home wasn’t appealing to me anymore and I had nothing else in my apartment. I was standing in line behind a lady in a business suit and standing behind me was a rather tall but coifed looking fellow. I noticed him outside before I walked in but I was careful not to stare. His cologne was intoxicating circling around my shoulders, a very nice sweet fresh soapy smell, and I could hear his voice chatting away to someone on the other end of his phone. Nice voice. I listened intently as the line moved forward trying to guess whom he was talking to, co-worker, friend, girlfriend?

              “Excuse me.” The voice bumped my feet then returned to its conversation. Perfect opportunity I thought to turn around and make eye contact. Why? Why was I wanting to make eye contact with a handsome stranger on a day I was clearly warding off all men and crazy worried about my bestie? Opportunity! And besides he smelled nice.

              “No worries,” I said turning around quick and locking eyes with him. He stopped talking briefly and smiled. It was a nice warm welcome smile. A smile you could wake up to every morning and go to bed every night craving. The kind of soft dimpled smile that spread easy across his face with pretty white teeth. I turned back around with an embarrassed grin hoping he didn’t catch a glimpse of my flushed red face and scooted forward.

              “Caffè mocha Grande half shot of coffee,” I shouted. “Skinny, but add whip cream please.” The lady looked at me as if I couldn’t have both and I smiled as if I knew I could. She hesitated then shook her head and passed the info onto the cup with a marker. “Name please.”

              “Sadie.” I pulled out a twenty and proceeded to pay.

              “Let me get that for you. It’s the least I could do for stepping on your toes.” He was no longer on the phone and was now offering to pay for my latte. Should I refuse? I stood at a loss for words. I didn’t mind him tapping my toes, actually didn’t feel that he did but he was insisting on buying my coffee to make amends.

              “No, it’s all right really.”

              “I would really like to if you don’t mind. I feel terrible stepping on you with my big feet.” He made a motion to the floor and tapped his toes sideways. “I’m David,” he added holding out his hand. “David Barnes.”

              “Sadie. Sadie Cole. Nice to meet you, David.
”
OMG! I said Cole. My last name wasn’t Cole! It just snuck out of my head like a serpent. Darn, that Radley! I swear he has a permanent rental home in the crevices of my brain. He appears at the darndest times too. Crap! Crap! Crap! Now I can’t take it back! And he’s staring at me like I have the plague of the tongue. Geez! No, I’m not crazy. I just had this crazy memory of this good-for-nothing guy that won’t go away and he pops up when I don’t want him too. Like now
.
“I mean Sadie N…” I stuttered trying to cram my
real
last name out of my mouth.

              “Five-sixty-two,” the barista said to both of us unsure which one was going to pay. We were holding up the line with our conversation. We both handed her money at the same time.

              I surrendered laughing as our hands bumped with bills, “Well, okay if you insist. Thank you, David that’s very nice of you.” I scooted to the other end of the counter out of the way and watched him order his coffee as I waited for mine. From this point of view, I could get a clear look at him. He was dressed well in polished shoes, nice manicured hands, and nice build. Not a big muscle type like I like but not a skinny guy either. He looked fit like he ate his veggies and ran for fun. I couldn’t help but think something was wrong with him, though. I mean, it’s not often men are so nice they buy my lattes much less appear to have the whole beautiful man image on display for me to gawk over.

              When the barista called my name, I took my latte and headed out the door. Should I have stayed? I wondered. If I did what would have happened? Would he turn out to be married? Maybe he had a crazy ex-girlfriend that stalked him and called him all hours of the night. He looked like a man that probably had ten kids with ten different women too. Okay, maybe not ten different women but you see where my mind was. My how-to-spot-a-decent guy-dar was broken and I had no control over my thoughts. So no, it was best that I go and begin my ‘me’ day without any distractions from a guy with big feet in a coffee shop. I had a full day planned with shopping and lingering in and out of stores alone. I seriously could not wait to walk the halls of the mall mindless. It was something I so seldom get the chance to do anymore. And today I needed mindless wandering to get my mind off my Bestie. My eyes began tearing at the thought of her again. How could she not know how beautiful she is? Doesn’t she know she’s worthy? She deserves to be someone’s forever Bride, not someone’s punching bag! How could someone hurt someone so beautiful? Not to mention when they promised to love, honor, and cherish them till death they do part. Hmm. I was beginning to not like the words of my own thoughts.

              My afternoon went by quickly and my evening settled in without any surprises, any rain, and without Sofie stopping by of course. Although I knew she wouldn’t be coming back today, I still hoped she would have changed her mind. I wanted to talk more, hang out, and spend as much time with her as I could. I wanted to be selfish too and have her all to myself, but I knew I couldn’t. I was finally feeling I could make a difference, maybe say something that would resonate with her, help her get out of the mess she was in. But I knew I couldn’t do that either without her here.

              One, Sofie wasn’t ready to hear anything negative like that. She still defended him even though she said she needed to leave him I’m betting he doesn’t know the real reason she is here. I bet she is afraid of the I told ya sos and the shame of it all. I’m sure the shame alone and the burden she bore with it all these years was overwhelming. I just couldn’t imagine how she could allow him to do this to her. Yes, I said allow even though in my mind I knew she had no choice. Sofie wouldn’t have been strong enough to fight him off or hit him back hard enough for it to matter. Of course, I thought about several choice things she could have done like grabbing a handful of his balls and dropping to her knees; Awaken him with a twenty-two right between his eyes; call the police. None of these I’m sure would have worked if I was in her shoes with three little babies at my feet. Where were they? I wondered. Where were they when all of this was going on? The horror of them witnessing such a thing sent chills up my spine.

              My mind was full of questions. Questions I wanted answers to now that she wasn’t here to answer them. When she shared with me all she had been going through I was just mortified. All I could do was cry with her. I had no words, just prayers. Now as I sit here and think of it all it makes me angry. That’s what a mindless shopping day does to you. It makes you think. And I have run every scenario in my head trying to get her out of my head and not think about it. I concluded that unless you have been in that situation, you just don’t know what you would do. Now she’s home where she belongs but what now? How long will she be here? Will she go back home to Chicago? Will she forgive him again? What about the babies? Are they okay? Does he abuse them too? I didn’t have any answers.

              After changing into my lounging pants I poured myself a glass of the fine wine I had snatched from the little man. It was surprisingly good. I wondered if he knew he had great taste in wine. I sat in front of my computer and checked all the dating sites I had grudgingly signed myself up for to get my thoughts off Sofie for a moment. Nothing of interest appeared. I scanned back again over the guys on my favorite site just to see if there were any messages or anyone new on there too. Of course there were none and no one worth mentioning. Before I could log off a little message popped up on my screen.

              “Hello.”

              “Well, hello, Carl.” I answered back hesitantly.

              “You looked pretty.” He typed in his little small voice. Of course, I really don’t remember what it sounded like. It was all such a blur. All I remembered was Radley kissing me and wine.

              “You have good taste in wine.” I typed but also afraid of his response. I kinda felt bad for snatching his wine and slamming the door in his face. He had no idea I was having a hard time dealing with him at my door. But of course, he was all that his profile said he was, short, nice, a gentleman. I, on the other hand, was not anything like I claimed to be I was mean, wine grabbing, flower stealing. And those Radley lips that had touched mine just moments before he arrived, still had me frazzled when I opened the door to him, so that was my excuse. Seriously not accountable for my actions when stuff like that happens. And I just don’t get how Radley does that. And why after all this time? How is it possible he can still make the hair on my upper lip curl?

              “Thank you. Hope you enjoy it.”

              Poor guy. I didn’t answer back. I was enjoying the wine in fact at that very moment. I didn’t want to tell him that in fear he might invite himself over. I’d have a hard time being mean to him a third time and I’d probably let him in. I just wasn’t up for the company. I know I promised to be his friend. I mean I’m really this very nice person; it was just bad timing for him. I grunted as another message appeared from him.

              “What color are your nails? Do you always paint your nails? I bet they are a pretty pink.”

              “Red,” I lied. Why is he asking me that?

              “I love hot pink. You get your toenails done too? Same color? What color are they? You got good long scratching nails. I like that!”

              Umm, what’s up with the nail questions? Is he seriously asking me about my toenails too?

              “They are pretty. Very pretty. I like long nails. I love your nails. I bet you give good back scratches huh? Will you scratch my back, please? Can I come over now? We can open the bottle of wine and share it. It came from Italy ya know.”

              I glanced over at the bottle and read the label, he was right. But no, I’m not scratching his back! “No thank you. Busy.”

              “Busy with what?”

              “Stuff.”

              “I love nails. I just want to see yours. And your toes. I love toes. Toes are my favorites!”

              “No.” Why was I still having this conversation? “I’m busy right now.”

              “Doing what? Come on. I need to be scratched all over. It won’t matter if you hurt me, I like it. Do you sharpen them? Are they pointy?”