The Queen of Tears (9 page)

“You better not blow this one,” Won Ju said, thinking about how her brother dared her to continue this conversation in English. “I’m pretty sure she’s running out of money.”

“Don’t worry. The restaurant will be a hit.”

Won Ju didn’t believe him. That was what he’d said when he decided to open the photo studio, before he’d met Crystal. It went belly-up in a little over a year. He hadn’t known anything about photography. Won Ju rearranged some jewelry in the glass case in front of her. “What do you know about restaurants?”

“Hey, I know how to cook,” he said. “It’ll just be cheap Korean food. Like a plate-lunch place. The property is in Kailua. You know a lot of hungry Hawaiians and surfers will come to my place.”

Won Ju was worried. She’d heard that about eighty percent of restaurants go under. She resisted the urge to start in Korean. She thought before she said, “What’s going to draw them away from the places that they eat at now?”

“Good food, Sis. Good food.”

She couldn’t imagine her brother slaving over a grill for ten hours a day. Hard work never took with him. Worse, she couldn’t imagine Crystal doing the same. She wasn’t the grease-under-the-long-lavender-fingernails type. “So when’s the grand opening?”

“I’ll get the money this week and sign a lease next week. I’ll renovate for a couple of weeks, then open. Crystal put in her two weeks at Club Mirage.”

Won Ju smiled. “Does Mom know what she does?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure she suspects something. Maybe prostitution, who knows? I don’t care.”

“Well, at least Crystal will be a draw with all those hungry Hawaiians and surfers. Maybe she should wear a bikini?”

Donny laughed. “You might be on to something. Big boobs and kalbi. Like a combination plate.”

“And you could name it ‘Silicon Inn.’”

“Hey, that’s my blushing bride you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, the day I see her blush.”

Donny laughed. “Stop, stop.”

“So what are you doing here?”

Donny sighed. “I came for a business proposition.”

“What?”

“Come in with me and Crystal at the restaurant. Dump this place already.” He lifted his hands and looked around. Then he said in Korean, “There’s nobody here.”

He was right. She hadn’t sold over a hundred dollars’ worth of stuff in two weeks. What if the entire family got into the restaurant? This idea caused her to think about the fish tank again. All those different fish swimming together. In a way, it reminded her of her own family. Darian, the imported tiger-striped jack. Kenny, the indigenous kala, horned, brown, and not great eating. Crystal, the kahala, big and bold. Her son the menpachi, meek, vulnerable, but beautiful. And Donny the stingray. The bottom feeder. She didn’t know who her mother was. Then it dawned on her. She was the girl with the scuba tank who fed the fish. It never occurred to her that she didn’t think about who she was in the tank. “I don’t know, Donny,” she said in English. “I’m not like you. I have a child to think about. I can’t afford failure.”

“You know, you sound like somebody I know,” he returned in English.

He was talking about their mother. “In some ways, she was right about how she raised us.”

Donny grinned. “She didn’t raise us. I’ll tell you something. More than financial support, your son needs you there. I mean think of the options. He could work with us on weekends.”

Won Ju had resolved her ill feelings towards her mother long ago. Donny hadn’t. She thought about her own son. He was beyond the age of needing an affectionate love-giving mother. In fact, as a teenager, this love embarrassed him. Won Ju disagreed with Donny. Brandon needed a mother who could provide him with money. One who could buy him a car when he turned sixteen. One who could help pay for his college tuition. She had given her son affection, in fact made sure of it, because of the lack of affection she and her brother lived through as children. But a new type of parent was now needed. One who wouldn’t close down and reopen businesses on a whim. “Donny, I can’t. Brandon needs stability backing him.”

Donny sighed. “Stability? Is this what you call this shop?” He looked around. “I think the word you are looking for is stagnation. In fact, it’s worse. Listen, in the restaurant, Brandon could learn about work. He could make his own money.” He smiled. “Look at me. I’m living proof of what happens when a person doesn’t learn work ethic early.”

Won Ju was surprised. His command of English was still growing. Words like “stagnation” were beyond her spoken vocabulary. He’d always been a better English speaker. She knew what the word meant, but she would’ve been afraid to try to say it. She felt a current of pride and envy. “You win,” she said in Korean. “Do you remember Las Vegas?”

Donny smiled. “I’ll never forget how you took me with you.”

The memory of Vegas haunted her. Donny didn’t know. He didn’t see the sacrifice their mother had made. She switched her concentration to the early, good memories of Sin City. “Remember how we refused to speak to each other in Korean so that we would learn English faster?”

“I remember.”

“I don’t know about this restaurant idea.”

“It’s my turn, Won Ju. You did it in Vegas. Now it’s my turn to take the lead. I will not fail.”

“What about Mom and everyone else?”

“I send the open invitation for anyone who wants in.”

A new beginning, Won Ju thought. If it worked, she would not have to depend on Kenny. If it worked, Brandon would get the things every American teenager craves. If it didn’t work... Life would get hard fast. She thought about her mother. Her mother knew hard. The story of how she had ended up in Seoul at fourteen was awe-inspiring. Courage won over better judgment, and Won Ju said, “O.K., Donny. But if it doesn’t work, I’ll kill you.”

Donny hugged his sister. It was an odd move by her brother. Though she knew he loved her, he almost never showed affection, except when he was drunk. Her son was the same, though not as bad. Instead of thinking about the turmoil that the restaurant’s failure could bring, she tried to enjoy the moment. Hugging was such an American gesture. How people hugged strangers, acquaintances, and enemies was beyond her. But it felt good sometimes. She squeezed back hard.

-5-

So Mom and Dad really had it out last night. It was about
money again. While I was playing Everquest, and my
druid was about to level up to twenty and I was about to
go to Lake of Ill Omen, and while I was enjoying my
apple, I heard Mom slam the door and start screaming. It
was kinda weird. She’s usually pretty quiet, even when
they argue. But not last night. Then Dad started yelling.
Man, talk about ruining the moment. My druid about to
level up and all. He kicks ass.

So here I am at school. IPS. Making NaCl. Sodium
Chloride. Why is “Na” the chemical symbol for salt? I don’t
know, they never seem to tell you the interesting stuff at
school. Even this sodium chloride stuff. Is this stuff even
used for anything? I guess it’s supposed to show us that
some things mix and some don’t. Or that if you have something
mixed, and you heat it, well one of those things will
evaporate. Mom and Dad are probably going to get a
divorce. Some of the kids in this class have divorced parents.

Brian Kelsey. Thinks he’s hot shit because he’s a
freshman and he plays varsity football. I don’t know what
the big deal is. I mean, Punahou has a decent team, but
everybody knows Saint Louis is going to be state champs
yet again. Well, maybe it’s not only because he plays varsity.
He’s also one of the only freshman with a car, a
Mercedes to boot. His dad bought it for him. His dad’s a
member of the Club, too. Brian’s parents got a divorce
last year. But you should see his dad’s new wife. She’s
pretty killer. I think she was a student at UH right before
they got married. I think she dropped out of school when
they got engaged. Sometimes I hear some of the old people
at the Club talking smack about it.

Mary Keller. Cool girl. Hot. She’s lighting the Bunsen
burner right now, acting all scared, like the room will
blow up when the sparks from the clicking thing hits the
gas. I wonder how girls learn to get that scared look and
look all cute and all. Do they practice in the mirror? I
mean, it’s obvious that she’s not really scared. It’s like,
just ask Brian to light your Bunsen burner for you. I think
her mom was married three times. Her mother’s a Club
member, too. It’s like you have to have parents who are
members of the Hawaiian Canoe Club to go to this school
or something. Mom screamed something about her paying
my tuition last night, when Dad yelled something about
paying the lease and utilities. I don’t even know what a
lease is. I don’t want to know.

My NaCl is starting to boil. I guess the chlorine is
supposed to disappear, and leave behind the salt, and I’m
supposed to “oo” and “ah” about it. Like I don’t know
what’s going to happen.

It’s not like Brian and Mary told me about their parents.
I don’t even really know them too well. It might be
because I only just started going to this school. It might
be because it’s like all the white kids hang out with each
other, just like all the Japanese kids hang out with each
other, and the small amount of Hawaiians hang out with
each other. There’s pictures of some seniors in the glass
case at the Wo International Center, if anybody needed
proof. White, white; Asian, Asian; Hawaiian, Hawaiian. I
guess I can pass as either Asian or Hawaiian. But I usually
just keep to myself. I’d much rather play Everquest
than hang out with these people at the beach or the mall
all weekend long. Sometimes I wish my brain had an on-and-
off switch.

I wonder what Dad would say if he knew I wasn’t popular
at school. He probably was. You can just tell. I bet
Kaipo and Crystal were popular, too. But they went to
Waianae High, and Dad went here. Kaipo must’ve played
football or something. Crystal, cheerleader? Nah. She was
probably one of those hot girls who always got busted for
smoking. Kaipo probably threatened her boyfriends and
stuff. Now look at them. Just like the other adults. Talk,
talk, talk. Do they ever have anything important to say?

Just like I thought. Just salt left. Now I have to weigh
it. Not that I couldn’t listen to Crystal all day long. I have
a feeling she might have just been acting last night. I bet
she can talk about real stuff. I mean, if I were alone with
her, I wouldn’t talk about computer games and stuff. Just
about life or something. God, when the limo dropped me,
Mom, and Dad off, and she started kissing me? I know I
could talk to her. I still can’t believe she married the loser.
His weak Elvis impersonation after he takes his vows.
God, what a loser.

I can tell Grandma doesn’t like the loser, too. I guess
she has to do stuff for him because he’s her son and all,
but she doesn’t like him. But it’s almost like she doesn’t
like anybody else, either. I mean, really, I don’t even think
she likes me. I mean, I know she’d do anything for me,
and she always talks about me and worries about me, but
does she like me? I mean, she doesn’t even know me. It’s
not her fault. I mean, it’s not like I know her either. It’s not
like I sip tea with her and ask her, “So Grandma, tell me
about your life?” I mean, I know about some of it, how it
was tough and all back in the day, and how she was like
famous and all in Korea, but I don’t know what she’s
thinking, and I doubt she knows what I’m thinking.
Besides, there’s the language thing and all. But it’s more
than that. I doubt Brian and Mary know anything about
their grandparents either. Look at them. They’re always
lab partners. I like not having a lab partner. I can do this
quicker. Their NaCl didn’t even boil yet. I’m already
weighing my salt. Mr. Cooper lets me read my gaming
magazines when I finish early, but today I feel too tired to
read, not sleep tired, just veg tired.

Grandma. I don’t know anything about her. It’s like
she’s the chlorine that evaporated. I can’t even see it. But
I guess right now it’s all around me in the air.

THE QUEEN OF TEARS

chapter four