The Publicist Book One and Two (35 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Kate read the announcement in
Publishers Lunch
; it was a highly sanitized version of what had happened. Had MD known? Yes, Mac had admitted, but they were just told to cooperate. They were deeply sorry, and MD had set up a fund to help find missing children. Refunds would be issued for
The Continued Promise,
regardless of the state of the book. According to some reports, books were being burned and then returned. Some were torn up and thrown at salespeople in bookstores. It was a horrible mess. Kate did her best to distance herself from it, but it was still hard.

She had decided that Grace and Nick were both right. She needed a change of scenery.

“I’m going to go to California,” she’d announced to both of them over dinner that night. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. And…I’m quitting my job. I’m done with publishing,” she said, her voice unsteady. Somehow, Grace didn’t believe her.

Nick grinned. “So, when are you planning on leaving? By the way, I think this is an outstanding idea.”

“Thanks, Nick. Well, I want to get Grace’s car checked out, then I’ll leave.”

Nick blinked, “Wait, you’re driving?”

Kate nodded and Grace chimed in, “I’m loaning her my mother’s car. It’s sort of symbolic.”

“What kind of car?” he asked.

“A 1963 pink Cadillac,” Grace smiled.

Nick shook his head. “Kate, listen,” he smiled at Grace, “with all due respect to your mother’s car, Grace, do you think it’s wise to drive across the US with a car that’s over fifty years old?”

Grace jutted out her chin. “It’s in perfect condition. It was hardly driven.”

“I’m sure it is,” he looked to Kate; the determination on her face was unmistakable.

“Besides,” Grace added, “she’ll need a car in California. You people have zero idea what good public transportation is like.”

“Okay,” he sighed, “Clearly you ladies have made up your minds. But let’s do this: I want to get you roadside coverage, and I want to personally check this car over before I leave here.”

Kate nudged him; it was so good to have Nick here. “I appreciate that, Nick.”

“When do you want to leave?” he asked.

“By Friday,” Kate said. Part of her felt terrified—a new city, a trip across the country. But it was a good kind of terrified; it got her mind off of other things, like the mess her career was in. The drive would also give her time to process the change and give her the distance she needed. Distance between herself and Mac.

…

Nick had run every test imaginable on the car. Kate was surprised; she had no idea he knew so much about cars.

“When I was starting up my business I could barely afford rent, let alone car repairs. I had old cars and learned to fix them myself.”

Nick lowered the hood on the pink Cadillac. He turned to Kate. “Are you sure about this, Kate? The driving I mean?”

“I am, Nick. It’ll be good.”

He hesitated. “One more thing. My place is big enough. Why don’t you stay with me? In one of my guestrooms,” he added quickly.

She smiled. “I’d love to, Nick.”

He stepped toward he, and pushed a delicate curl off of her face. “I have no false hopes of this trip, Kate. I know you need to escape and I’m happy to be that escape for you. I wish you were coming to California to be with me, but I know you’re not. I’m glad you’re coming, I really am, and I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I hope someday things will change between us.”

She kissed him on the cheek. “I know,” Kate whispered.

“I guess I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then,” he said softly.

…

Mac wasn’t about to leave. He’d followed another resident into her building and was waiting by her door. When he arrived earlier, she was just leaving. He decided to wait until she got back and then force her to listen to him. He heard someone on the stairs. It was Kate, he was certain of it. When she emerged onto the landing, she saw him.

“Mac,” was all she said, her heart pounding in her throat. It had been nearly two weeks since she’d seen him that night at MD. The night Edward had attacked her. She tried to blink the image away.

“Katie, I need to talk to you. May I come in?”

Kate walked to her door, slipped in the key, and let Mac follow her in. It was time to tell him, to officially say goodbye.

When Mac walked in, he noticed the boxes.

“Are you moving?” his brow furrowed and he felt his heart sink.

“In a manner of speaking. I’m leaving New York for a while and decided to sublet my apartment while I’m gone.”

“Where are you going?”

Kate hesitated, but he’d find out anyway. “California.”

Nick
, he thought,
of course
. “When are you coming back?”

Kate sighed; the conversation was stilted and awkward. “I don’t know. Mac, what do you want?”

“You,” he said, his eyes piercing her.

Kate looked away. She needed to hold it together. It was over, and that was that.

“Mac, please, I need you to go.”

He walked toward her. Kate noticed that he didn’t look great; in fact, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He put his hands on her arms. Kate felt herself stiffen. She stepped back.

“I get it, Kate. I know this is horrible.”

“You have no idea, Mac.”

Mac jammed a hand through his dark hair. This wasn’t going well at all. Not that he’d expected it to. “You’re right, I don’t have any idea. I have no idea how much I’ve hurt you, but I think I do have a sense of it. I was a coward. In fact, I have been a coward most of my life. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky to be able to love you, even for a short time.”

Kate felt her eyes burn. She didn’t want to cry. She’d done enough of that. She was tired of crying and feeling like crap. She was tired of all of it. She wanted to be in a place where the sun was always shining and people were always happy. She wanted to be far away from New York and Mac and MD.

“What’s your point, Mac?” she asked coolly.

Mac took a deep breath. This was harder than he’d imaged, to see her and not be able to touch her. “My point is this: I don’t deserve a second chance, and I’m not here to ask you for one. I just wanted you to know that I never meant to hurt you. If I had known about, about what Singer was doing…”

“I know,” she stopped him. She didn’t want to hear Singer’s name again, even though she knew it would be an ugly part of her life, probably forever. “It doesn’t matter now, Mac. I’m leaving, and it’s over, and it doesn’t matter. Also, I’m quitting MD. I’m sure you’re not surprised.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m only there still because, well, I can’t get into that now, but I will be leaving soon, too.”’

“Really?” she was genuinely surprised. She figured Mac would just roll with it, though MD had taken a severe blow, and despite Mac’s behavior, he was a damned good editor. He deserved to be at a credible publishing house. Although she knew that, like her own, Mac’s career may be over, too.

“There’s nothing for me there anymore.” Kate knew what he meant. “So, I’ll tell Ed once I wrap up a few things.”

“Good luck to you, Mac,” Kate said. She hoped he would leave, and part of her wanted him to stay—that small part that still loved him. No, scratch that. Most of her still loved him; it wasn’t a small part at all. Which is why it was good she was leaving. She knew if she stayed, she’d fall right back into this with him.

Mac hesitated. “I guess this is it.” His voice was low and thick with emotion. He walked past her, to the door. Suddenly, he turned to her.

“Kate, I didn’t come here to beg your forgiveness. I know I don’t really deserve it. What I came here to tell you was that I love you, more than I have ever loved another woman. I will always love you. I need you to know that. You changed me, Kate. You made me realize that my status quo is a shitty excuse for a life. I want more; you’ve made me want more.”

Kate felt her bottom lip quiver.
Go
, she thought,
I need you to go
. Finally, she said: “I hope someday you find it.”

Mac put his hand on the doorknob. “Find happiness, Katie, wherever you need to do it. Find it, grab it, and don’t let go. Be happy, Katie.” He opened the door and vanished through it.

On the other side, he stood for a moment, his palm pressed against the door.

“Goodbye my sweet Katie. For now.” He stepped into the hall and down the stairs.

From the other side of the door, Kate heard him leave. She sank into her sofa, surrounded by her life packed away in boxes, and she cried.

Chapter Thirty-Five

She’d spent the night at Grace’s apartment. Hers was cleaned up and emptied out. Being displaced felt strange. But it also felt good, like she was wiping the slate clean.

Galley Cat
had reported that the she’d quit MD, and was classy enough not to mention the scuffle with Edward or the many rumored reasons she was leaving. Kate hated that people thought she might have actually slept with MD’s CEO. The thought of letting Edward touch her made her sick to her stomach. There were comments on the blog post, of course. She tried not to read them but couldn’t help it. Some were supportive while others were, well, not particularly kind.

Grace emerged from her bedroom looking slightly groggy. “I can’t believe you want to leave at this ungodly hour.”

“It’s six a.m.,” Kate smiled. She’d been in the shower and was ready to hit the road.

Grace yawned. “Right. Six a.m. for you is fine. For an artist it’s like the middle of the night.” She walked into her small kitchen and groaned. “I think I had too much wine last night.”

“We both did.” Kate smiled. She would miss Grace horribly, but her friend had promised to come out and visit her if her time in California kept her there for more than a month or two. Kate didn’t know how long she’d be in California. Until her head cleared, she supposed, whenever that was. Frankly, right now she wasn’t sure it ever would.

Grace pulled her robe tighter around her. “I’ll get dressed and we can go get the car.”

“You don’t have to go, Gracie, it’s fine. We can say goodbye here.”

Grace shot her one of her ‘you’re kidding, right?’ looks. “Kate, you are leaving on one of the biggest adventures of your life, and in my mother’s car. I am going to walk you to the garage and see you off on your journey. In fact, I’m going to wave at you until you vanish out of sight. I might even stand in the middle of the street so you can see me better.”

Kate laughed and went to hug her friend. “This was a great idea.”

Grace wrapped her arms tightly around her friend. “Of course it was,” she said confidently.

…

Less than an hour later, Kate was sitting in the car, top down, the trunk full of whatever she felt she’d need.

As she pulled away from the curb, she saw Grace start to cry. She knew it was more than just her leaving, it was seeing her mother’s car and knowing what it would have meant if her mother had been there with her.

Dressed in yoga pants and a t-shirt, Grace watched as Kate navigated the morning traffic. And, true to her word, she stepped out into the street, ignoring the blaring horns, and waved until her friend disappeared into a sea of yellow cabs and delivery trucks.

Kate was on her way.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Mac hadn’t slept well the night before. He knew Kate was leaving, or had left.

She was gone.

He dressed in a simple white shirt and trousers. He wasn’t planning on staying at the office the entire day, and he needed to stop off at his attorney’s first.

Mac had a plan; the last thing he could do to help Kate.

…

Mac looked over the paperwork the attorney had prepared.

“It’s a tight agreement?” he questioned.

The attorney smiled at him and leaned back in his chair. “Iron-clad, my friend. Edward couldn’t slip out of that if he tried.”

“Good, that’s what I needed. I appreciate you working so fast.”

“I’m always happy to help you, MacDermott. But may I ask, why such a rush for this? There’s no way this agreement will benefit you.”

Mac feigned a smile. “It’s for a friend.” He extended his hand as he got up. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

…

When Mac arrived at MD, he found Lulu hovering near his office.

“Mac,” she began hesitantly, “can I speak with you?”

“Sure, Lu,” he nodded, “but I don’t have a lot of time. I need to go see Edward.”

“This won’t take a minute,” she said, walking into his office. “Can we close the door?”

“Okay. It sounds serious.”

Lulu nodded. “I know you’re going to leave, Mac. I can just tell. You haven’t been yourself since…” she paused, “well, the book and with Kate gone.” Lulu took a deep breath. “I want to go with you. I want to work wherever you and Kate are headed.”

Mac leaned on his desk. “Lulu, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Kate is gone. She left for California today.”

Lulu looked as if she would cry. “She didn’t say goodbye.”

“Lu, I’m sorry. She’s had a lot on her mind.” To say the least.

“I’m s-sorry, Mac, you’re right. That was selfish of me. This must be a horrible time for her. I just, I liked her so much.”

Mac sighed. “So did I,” he said softly.

“Look, it’s none of my business, but you two were good together. I hope that this works out, for both of you.”

“Things change, Lu. I don’t think they will ever be the same again.”

Lulu walked over to Mac, and in a move that surprised him, she put a gentle hand on his arm. “She’ll be back, Mac. Just give her some time.”

Mac blinked away the emotion. “I appreciate that, Lu. And I think that Kate would love it if you reached out to her, just to say hi. I think she feels like she doesn’t have many friends left in publishing.”

She smiled. “I’ll do that, Mac. Thank you.”

After Lulu left, Mac thought about what she said—that Kate would be back. It was too much to hope for, and besides, what would she be returning to?

It was time to finish this. Mac walked out of his office, and with a confidence he hadn’t felt in days, he marched into Edward’s lair.

He was on the phone. “Mac, I’m in the middle of something. Can we do this later?”

Mac closed the door behind him. “We cannot.” He stayed standing, towering over Edward’s desk.

“Fine,” he grumbled, then to his caller, “Let me buzz you later. Okay, sure, thanks.” Edward turned to Mac. “What was so goddamned important that you needed to interrupt me?”

“I have a deal for you, Edward, and it’s one you will agree to or I will go public with your attack on Kate and the fact that you knew that Michael Singer was into child prostitution.”

Edward leaned back into his chair and laughed. “As if anyone would believe it.” Edward tried to sound confident, but he failed. Mac was dangerous right now. He had nothing to lose, but Edward had everything to lose. Mac was free falling, and if Edward wasn’t careful, he’d take everyone with him.

Mac leaned on Edward’s desk. “Listen to me good, Eddie. For years, you have directed this company, and when I first came on board I admired you—your ability to pick a good book out of a sea of unsalable crap. Then it turned. I don’t know when exactly, but you got greedy and selfish and you became nothing more than a book pimp. You buried good books and good authors. You treated your staff as though they were disposable. When you got done with people, you’d toss them into the street. And if that person was female, you’d try to have your way with her like you did with Kate. But she was too smart for you. All of the other women thought it was a way for them to keep their jobs. Look, half the time authors bug the fuck out of me, but there are many good ones out there looking for a good home. They come here with high hopes only to find that they’ve been relegated to the bottom of the barrel while you push the next book by celebs who can’t stay out of rehab or kids who murder their own parents. You had an author, an amazing author, who could have continued to keep MD on the map. But, like every other non-celebrity, you tossed him in the street. Now that’s come back to bite you in the ass.”

“Who are we talking about here, Mac?”

“Allan Lavigne.”