The Proposal (Forever Bound Book 2) (14 page)

She lowered the visor and flipped down her mirror.  Again, she practiced what she would say to him.  “Damian, I…” her words left her.  Her heart started beating quicker.  “That’s not it,” she mumbled.  She tried again.  “Damian, when we first got together, we were…I was…” she closed her eyes and tried to picture herself back in the bathroom.  She was angry she didn’t write the words down, but she didn’t expect to forget them.  “ I was in a bad place,” she continued.  “You helped me get out of that place.”  She nodded.  That was it.  “I could never thank you enough, but things have changed.” 
I’ve changed,
she thought, noting that that was the more obvious wording she should use.  “I’ve found someone.”  Her words started to echo in her mind and when they came out they were barely above a whisper.  “I wasn’t looking for it,” she continued.  “This is what I want.  Please understand that I would never want to hurt you.”  She glanced down at her clock and couldn’t believe she’d practiced that speech for longer than a half hour.  She was already late to his place.  “Damn,” she mumbled.  She started up her car and pulled away from the curb.  She turned into his driveway and took a deep breath before getting out of her car.

She hurried up to his door and knocked.  When he opened up the door, he greeted her with a warm smile.  “Come in!”  He stepped back and welcomed her into his house.

She stepped into the foyer.  “I’m so sorry I’m late, I…” her words fell off when she noticed the spread on his coffee table.  There were two bouquets of flowers adorning each side and a bottle of wine, along with two glasses in the center.  Plus there were candles throughout the living room.  “What’s all this?” she asked.  She turned to him, and he smiled.

“I thought we could both use a romantic night in.  Don’t you think?”  He moved in and his lips went to hers.

“We need to talk,” she softly whispered against his lips.

“And we will.”  He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss.  It left her heart racing and more confusion settled in.  She couldn’t interrupt him…not right away anyway.  She would be breaking it off soon enough, and that’s what counted.

Charity took another sip of her wine as she heard Damian still talking about how great it was to have her back at his place and how much he couldn’t wait to rekindle their romance.  She nearly choked on the wine.  She didn’t understand why he was suddenly focused on romance, when what they had didn’t revolve around that. She put her glass down and figured it was like taking off a band-aid.  She needed to just rip it off and worry about the pain afterward.

“Damian…we really need to talk.”  She turned her whole body so she could face him on the couch. 

He continued to grin, and she had to look away.  He was handsome…sexy…a gentleman…the perfect guy that anyone would fall in love with, but that wasn’t them.  It was time he moved on and looked for the woman to spend the rest of his life with.  “What is it, Hon?  Your facial expressions are so serious.”  He brushed a hand against her cheek, inadvertently brushing her hair back behind her ear.  “Sexy…but serious,” he replied with a slight chuckle.   She sighed, pulling back from him.  His eyes narrowed.  “Okay…that struck a nerve.  What’s wrong?”  His words were shaky, and she worried she was about to disappoint him.

“It didn’t strike a nerve,” she replied quietly.  She looked down at her hands that now formed a ball in her lap.  “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“Whoa…” he softly exhaled.  “That does sound serious?”  He paused, before laughing slightly.  “Did they announce they’re not going to have any more episodes of Master Chef?”

She looked up at him.  She couldn’t believe he was teasing her at this time when she was struggling with what she was moments from telling him.  She shook her head.  “Will you please not joke.  I’m trying to tell you something here.”

“I’m sorry.  I was trying to take the edge off things.  I’m listening.  What’s going on?”  Her eyes still lingered with his and slowly every word she had prepared to say was no longer in her mind.  She couldn’t remember a single word, and it was clear she needed to go with her gut. 

“I don’t know why I have a hard time forming the words.” 

“Just say it,” he softly replied.

She picked up her nearly empty glass and downed the last drop of wine.  Damian’s eyes widened as he watched her, but he didn’t comment.  She looked up at him, and she knew how she needed to handle it.  She just had, to be honest, and hope for the best.  “I care about you, Damian.  You are the first man that made me truly forget my broken engagement.”  He smiled but never drifted his eyes from hers.  “I will always be grateful for you.”  His face slowly started to fall, and his smile soon disappeared.

“But?” he asked.

He was perceptive.  Charity would give him that.  “You deserve a woman that you can love.  You deserve a woman that will give you everything you could ever want out of life.”

“You give me that,” he softly whispered.

She rolled her eyes and locked eyes with his.  “We’re not in love.”

He looked away from her.  “No…you mean you’re not in love with me.”  His eyes slowly went back to hers.  Her jaw dropped.

“What?  You said that you didn’t mean those words.  You said that you were asleep.  You said—.”

“I said a lot of things.  It was perfectly clear that you didn’t want me to love you.  It was perfectly clear that if I would’ve told you the truth, then you would’ve backed out of our agreement.  I wasn’t ready for that, so I lied.  I told you that I didn’t mean those words, but can you blame me?”

Charity felt sick.  She should’ve gone with her heart and run away at that moment.  She should’ve trusted that he was in love with her and not give him the benefit of the doubt.  Now they were sitting there and having an argument that she didn’t want or expect to be having.  “I don’t want to hurt you, Damian.”

He nodded slowly.  “Yet…here you are.”  She felt her chest clenching.  “May I ask what happened?” he quietly asked.

She swallowed the lump in her throat.  “I met someone else.”

“Oh…” he softly replied back.  She wasn’t sure how long she sat there with him appearing upset and hurt, but he did respond back with a question.  “Mayor Worthington?” he asked.

She lifted an eyebrow at him.  She had ever thought of lying to him, but then it hit her that she was tired of lies running her life, and she nodded to his question.  “How’d you know?”

He laughed.  “Well, for starters…I saw the way you looked at him.  I’m assuming that’s why you quit suddenly after your business trip.  Does he know?  Does he feel the same way?”

She confessed he did.  “I wasn’t looking for it, Damian and the truth is…I didn’t expect anything to come of it.”  She didn’t go further into details, just waited for him to process the information.

“So, basically, you’re saying that for you what we were doing was simply a business transaction?”

She sighed.  “You make it sound so formal.  I enjoyed being with you, Damian and I wanted it to be more.”  She hesitated, then added, “Maybe deep down I thought it was, but what I have with Derek just seems real.”

He stood up from the couch.  Pain washed over his face.  “How do you know if you don’t give it a chance?”  She leaned back against the back of the couch and listened to his intense questions.  “How do you know that what we have isn’t love?  Are you just going to push me to the side and say it’s over?”

“Damian, don’t…” she begged.

“No!”  He knelt down next to her and took her hand into his.  “You aren’t giving this a chance.”

“I have,” she softly whispered. 

“What?  Yes…this started off as something so far away from love.  I get that, but along the way my feelings changed and perhaps if you try to open your heart to it, then yours will, too.”

The more he spoke, the worse she felt.  “Don’t you want a woman that can immediately open your heart to her?”

He slowly shook his head.  “Not, if that woman isn’t you.”  He reached up and cupped her neck in his hand.  “I love you, Charity.  All I’m asking is that you consider it.”

“I have,” she replied, again, but he shook his head.

“Mayor Worthington swooped in and caused you to forget what’s important in your life.  I get it.  He’s powerful…rich…and no one can compete.”

She shook her head.  “I don’t care about either of those things, Damian.”

She grabbed his hand and pulled it from her neck.  His eyes softened.  “Is it love?” he asked.

There was a time when she was in California, she would say that without a doubt it was love, but she wasn’t at that place.  At least not yet.  “I don’t know,” she answered with honest intentions.  “I care about both of you, and I’ll admit that I’m confused.  You were there for me when I needed someone, and I can’t forget that, but I also can’t walk away from Derek, when it could very well be him that I need in my life.”

“There…that’s your answer.”

She frowned.  “What’s my answer?”

“You just admitted that you’re confused.  You can’t fully commit to being in love with him, so you need to survey all your options.”

Her phone started ringing, and she groaned at its bad timing.  Damian seemed irritated when she reached into her pocket and looked at the phone.  Tiffany’s number flashed across the screen.  She shot him an apologetic look, then got up from the couch.  She answered the phone as she reached the hallway and headed to his bathroom.  “Hello?”

“Hey, Sis.”

“Hey!” Charity eagerly answered, but she felt the nervousness in her own words and Tiffany quickly pointed it out. 

“Is everything alright?” Tiffany asked.

Charity looked in the mirror and saw a tear creeping down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and looked away from the mirror.  “Everything’s perfect.  What’s up?”

Tiffany didn’t bring up any more questions about whether Charity was doing okay, she brought up why she was calling.  “My last final is on Tuesday, then I’ll plan on coming to Buxton.  Does that work for you?”

Charity had to admit she forgot that Tiffany was planning a trip for a couple weeks, but it was exactly what she needed.  “I will make it work.  I start my new job on Monday, but I should still be able to make time for you in the evening.  You’re staying at the apartment, right?”

“Yep.  Text me your new address.”

“I will.”  Charity paused, then got a little mushy before hanging up the call.  “I love you, Sis.  I can’t wait to see you and hear all about your classes.”

“I love you, too.  I’m looking forward to hearing about everything going on in your life.  My flight arrives on Wednesday.  I’ll text you the information if you could please pick me up.”

“Great!  Get me the information and I’ll be sure to be there.  See you then!”  Charity hung up the phone and turned back around to look at her reflection and make sure she made herself presentable.  Before leaving, she did her own version of a breathing exercise.  She had come to Damian’s house knowing exactly what she wanted to tell him, but none of that seemed right for the moment.  Part of her wondered if maybe he had valid points, but then she would think about Derek and question everything again.  She left the bathroom and went back to the living room.

He looked up and smiled.  “I hope everything’s alright.”

“My sister is coming into town next week.”

He stood up from the couch and moved over to her.  “Awesome!  I’m sure you’ll be glad to see her.”

She nodded.  “Of course.”  Damian brushed the hair back from her eyes and she sighed.  “This conversation isn’t over.”

He nodded.  “Just think about it, Charity.  What I’m feeling for you won’t change if you take the time to consider it.  I love you.”

“Please stop saying that!” she breathlessly stated.  Each time Damian told her he loved her, she found herself struggling for air a little bit more.

“Will you consider it?  Or, do I need to give up this dream?”  His words were so soft, and she felt herself caving.

“I’ll consider it, but I can’t make any promises.”

He smiled.  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”  He looked down at her as his lips came closer to hers.  Her mind kept telling her it was only one small kiss.  They’d kissed numerous times before, and one teeny tiny kiss wouldn’t make a difference.  When his lips touched hers, and it remained sensual and not forced, just sweet, she didn’t stop him.  Her arms went up, and she cupped his elbow into her palms, and they just stood there and kissed one another.  It wasn’t even like a goodbye kiss.  It was more like a looking forward to what’s next kind of kiss.  When she pulled away, it was because she needed to break for air. 

“I better go,” she softly stated.

He held her in place and softly brushed a kiss on her forehead.  “I’ll call you later!”

She nodded slowly, instead of begging him to just move on.  She turned away from him and walked to the front door.  She barely made it to her car, before she collapsed in the front seat and felt herself trembling. 
Why does it have to be so hard?
Her thoughts played around in her mind, and she started the car.  She needed to get as far away from him as she possibly could.

****

Derek read over the email again from Amanda.  He couldn’t believe she was putting a time limit on him.  He also couldn’t believe she used the weekend to send him the harsh email.  Alright, it wasn’t harsh, just stated some obvious concerns, but It was his job to worry if he had an assistant and he was doing just fine without one.  Even if he preferred Charity to be there.  He scanned through the email again and read the last line.  “I’ll give you a week.  If you haven’t talked Charity back into resuming her position, then I’ll have no choice but to go against your wishes.”

He groaned.  This was ridiculous.  He reached for his phone and pulled up Charity’s number.  He’d call her, but he wasn’t holding his breath.  Despite how things have changed in their relationship, she was most likely still going to stand her ground.  She answered the call before it went to voicemail.  “Hello?”

“Hey, Charity…how’s it going?”  He decided to first start off as the typical boyfriend, or even just friend would do.

There was a slight hesitancy on the other end, and he wondered if something had changed.  He opened his mouth to move on when she responded to him.  “I’m doing well.  How are you?”

The way she responded was more stiff and rigid.  It definitely wasn’t the response a woman would give someone they liked.  They would usually discuss how great they were and maybe even talk about a few things that made them great, sprinkling in how excited they were to be starting this new relationship.  Yet, he didn’t get any of that.  She simply replied as someone would when they asked an acquaintance how they were doing.  “Um…I’m doing great.”  He sighed before continuing.  “I wanted to hear your voice.”  Again, the awkward silence ensued.  He really needed to get to the bottom of why she seemed so distant from him.  “Is everything alright?  You just seem so…quiet, I guess that’s the word I’d use.”

She immediately came to her defense.  “I’m fine.  I guess I’m just thinking about the job I start tomorrow.  You know first hand how awkward I am when I begin something new.”  She laughed nervously, and he still questioned whether that was an honest response. 

“I don’t know.  You seemed pretty comfortable when you started at my office.”