The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (101 page)

“
She went to church with Roman. She said she
’
d be here a little later,
”
answers Sarah.

The room grows silent as soon as the words fall from her mouth.

I sneak a peek at Sarah to gage her feelings on the matter, but I can
’
t get a read on her. She
’
s gotten very good at masking her thoughts when it comes to Roman. I know that at one point she liked him, but I
’
m not sure if that
’
s changed over the past several weeks. I hope that it has. I think she
’
s far too beautiful and sweet and intelligent to be left pining over some guy who can
’
t see what he
’
s missing.

Yeah. That
’
s who Roman has become to me.
Some guy.

Honestly, it
’
s not his fault
—
but I can
’
t help the way that I feel any more than he can.

Apparently I was late to the party, but it was brought to my attention that
Roman
has feelings for my sister. I don
’
t blame him. In my opinion, Addison Jane Grant is a catch
—
only not
his
catch. I think for a while I didn
’
t
want
to see it, so I didn
’
t. Then one night a couple weeks ago, we were all at Cooper
’
s while he was working, and I watched Addie flirt with him. Suddenly, my eyes were opened. I happened to mention my observation of Roman to Claire one day and she confirmed my suspicions.
Granted, it
’
s not like she knows firsthand, or anything, but when she told me that Sarah saw it, too, I decided that our opinion was as good as fact.

Addie
’
s feelings, on the other hand, are not so easily interpreted. I
’
m ninety percent sure that I
’
m the only one who sees it. Call it
twin intuition.
The worst part is, I
’
m not even sure that
she
sees it
—
but I
’
m pretty sure that she likes him. I haven
’
t mentioned it to anyone, not even Sonny, but I
’
ve definitely got my eye on them. She has been hanging out with him a lot lately.

In any case, the awkward silence that fills the room right now speaks volumes. Even if Addie
’
s feelings for Roman cannot be confirmed, her growing friendship with a man who
obviously
likes her is kind of a red flag to every one of us. Not only do we have Sarah
’
s feelings
—
or, potentially, her
lost
feelings
—
to consider, but I know we
’
re all thinking of Hammy, too.

Yes
—
he broke up with her, but he
’
s still in love with her! I might not understand exactly what he
’
s going through or why he
’
s decided to walk along the path he
’
s chosen but, like Sonny, I trust him and I refuse to believe that he
’
s given up on them. On the other hand, I don
’
t trust Roman
—
which, I will admit, isn
’
t because he isn
’
t trustworthy; I just don
’
t know him well enough to trust him or his intentions. That
’
s exactly why I
’
m wondering what the heck Addie is doing! I don
’
t have much experience, but it seems to me that she
’
s treading in dangerous waters. It makes me wonder if
she
’
s
given up on her relationship with Hammy
…
I
’
m too afraid to ask. The answer has the potential to break my heart. What they had
—
and possibly still have
—
I
’
ve always admired. The way they love each other is so rare. I know, I just know, that they will never find a love like the one they have.

“
O-
kay
then!
”
says Claire.
“
I
’
m over this awkward moment, how about everyone else? Do you want to look at my ideas for bridesmaid dresses?
”

“
Do we get a say in what you
’
re going to make us wear?
”
asks Sarah as she sits down on the floor and reaches for the popcorn.

“
How about this?
”
asks Claire as she slips down to the ground with her. I join them and we all reach for a magazine.
“
If you
hate it
, you don
’
t have to wear it and I
’
ll pick something else.
”

“
Aww! I think you
’
re the nicest bride ever.
”

When I submitted my initial applications for medical school, I said a prayer. Given that I
’
m in a season of learning to trust my heavenly Father, I decided to put my future in His hands and let it go. I can
’
t see the future or what paths are the smartest to take; I don
’
t know what
’
s going to happen between Addie and me and where we
’
ll end up next year or if I
’
ll be ready to man up and ask her to marry me, but God does.
God does.
I
’
ve learned to draw comfort from that, knowing that He loves me and no matter what happens, He
’
s got my back. As I rest in that trust, I believe that I shouldn
’
t worry about what schools will want me and what schools don
’
t. Wherever it is that I
’
m meant to go, I will go. Yet, it was easier to hold onto that faith a couple weeks ago than it is now.
Now,
I feel like I
’
m holding onto it for dear life.

I never thought that my promise to stay away from the question
why
would spill into this aspect of my life, but over the last few weeks it has. Over the last few weeks, I
’
ve received rejection letters from seven schools. To be honest, I
’
m trying not to take it personally. Getting into med school is hard, but with every rejection, it becomes more difficult for me to stay objective. It also becomes more difficult for me to trust what God is doing. It becomes more difficult to steer clear of my desire to know
…
why?

I volunteered at the hospital earlier this evening and I think the timing of my shift was no coincidence. When I got home, my seventh rejection letter was in the mailbox. I only have one school left to hear from. I
’
ve been asked to provide secondary applications to only two schools
—
which, at this stage, I
’
m incredibly thankful for
—
and I
’
m beginning to think that my final rejection will arrive any day now. As my chances of continuing my education next year grow slimmer and slimmer, I can
’
t help but wonder
what next
if not school? And it scares me, a little, because I know what I want to do. My shift at the hospital came at the perfect time. It
’
s been a long week and mid-terms are right around the corner; everyone is stressed out and, for me, waiting on rejections doesn't help. But spending some time in the environment in which I
’
d like to immerse myself, it was a good reminder that I have chosen my path. Whatever setbacks I might face, I won
’
t change my mind. Even still, there
’
s this small voice inside of me that
’
s telling me it
’
s time to panic; it
’
s telling me that maybe I
’
m not good enough; it
’
s telling me that I might just fail to accomplish the one thing I
’
ve been working toward since I was a little kid.

Talking to my dad helped. I just got off the phone with him. I needed to be reminded that it
’
s not over yet
—
and even if I don
’
t get in anywhere this year, that doesn
’
t mean I can
’
t try again next year. His straight forward delivery of that possibility coupled with his encouragement grounded me in reality. He reminded me that even if I don
’
t take the path
I
originally planned, that doesn
’
t mean that an alternate route won
’
t get me there. Furthermore, if I keep my head up and my eyes open, I might just learn some necessary things along the way. I respect my dad immensely. To know that he believes in me, in spite of my circumstances, means a lot to me.

Nevertheless, it still sucks to have received a rejection today. I
’
m not really in the mood to chill by myself, but Jack and Gray are both out of town. The thought crosses my mind to text Logan
—
this day has quickly descended to a ranking of four
—
but I don
’
t really want to hang out with her, either. I
’
m not sure why until I think of Addie. As soon as the sight of her fills my head, I
’
m consumed with a need for her. I know she
’
s the only one who will be able to understand and appreciate exactly what I
’
m feeling. It
’
s one of the reasons why I love her so much
—
she just gets me. It
’
s been a long time since we
’
ve hung out just the two of us, but maybe tonight we can change that.