The Promise of Rainbows (44 page)

“I’m glad they came,” Jake said, rubbing his eyes. “I wasn’t sure May would so soon after…Monty’s death, but Diane…well, that was a total surprise. She said she doesn’t blame me anymore, and I…God, I needed to hear that.”

That revelation had reduced him to tears. He’d excused himself after talking with the sad-eyed woman, and Susannah had followed him and held him through the storm.

“You’re doing a wonderful thing here, Jake,” Mama told him, patting his chest in comfort. “Not just for others but for yourself.”

“Thanks, Louisa. You’re an angel,” he added, and as far as Susannah was concerned, Mama had more than earned her wings, helping Jake like she had.

She and Jake had gone from two sessions a week to three after his last episode. Often Susannah would come home to find him working diligently on the homework Mama had given him. He’d only had one nightmare, which he’d told her about in the dark of night after being sick in the bathroom.

Her heart had shattered to see him that way, but she’d listened to him and held him until he once again fell back to sleep. She was learning how to be his helpmate each day, and he was doing the same for her by being present when they were together and sharing how he felt even when he had trouble putting it into words. His continued healing was awe-inspiring and humbling, and she felt God’s hand guiding them every step of the way.

“You’re going to do great, honey,” Susannah assured him.

“Right,” he said, breathing out deeply. “I’m trying to remember that.”

“Can Scout and me come closer to the stage, Jake?” a sweet little voice suddenly interrupted. “He can’t see very well from back there.”

Susannah looked down to see the little girl tugging on Jake’s shirt. It was hard not to smile, particularly since Annabelle was holding the pink leash for the new labradoodle she’d insisted on choosing as a wedding present for Jake and Susannah. Jake hadn’t been ready for the puppy yet. He’d spent so much time delving into the past and trying to heal lately that he was still feeling too raw to add another new element to his life. So he’d asked Annabelle to take care of Scout until he was ready to take on the responsibility, to which she’d responded, “I’m pretty responsible.”

“Scout can’t see, huh?” Jake asked crouching down and petting the cream-colored puppy. “Are you sure he won’t bark? I’m going to be singing in a few minutes.”

Susannah shared a look with her mama. Her mouth was twitching like hers was.

“He won’t!” she assured him with an emphatic nod. “I promise. We had a talk in the car like Uncle Rye does with his dogs. He wouldn’t dare misbehave. Scout knows tonight is
really
important for his family.”

The puppy wagged his tail like he completely understood every word Annabelle had said, and after seeing the little girl work her magic, Susannah wasn’t the least bit surprised.

“Okay then,” Jake said, tapping her on the nose and making her laugh. “Y’all can stay here with Susannah and Louisa.”

Susannah looked over her shoulder and gave her brother a nod that she had everything in hand. He wasn’t the kind to bolt forward and drag the little girl back like some daddy’s might.

“Get ready, Jake,” one of the stage hands called out.

Rye finished strumming his guitar in a dramatic sweep and lifted the instrument overhead and thrust it into the air. The crowd went wild.

Jake tucked her hair behind her ear and then kissed her lightly on the mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered.

“Y’all are so cute,” Annabelle said, making them both laugh.

Susannah watched as Jake joined Rye onstage. The two men hugged, and Rye pretended to lift him off the ground. Susannah knew he was helping Jake with his nerves. After waving to the crowd, Rye walked off stage and crouched down beside Annabelle and Scout.

“Good evening, folks,” Jake called out, sitting on the bar stool in the center of the stage. “Thanks so much for coming out tonight. I’ve done a lot of concerts—some of them celebrating the incredible men who are currently serving or have served our country—but tonight I’m talking about something a little closer to home. I’m talking about post-traumatic stress, something I’m still struggling with. Something many of our service men and women struggle with.”

The crowd was sitting down now, and the entire arena had gone from cheering and screaming to quietly intent.

“I haven’t talked about it much because I was ashamed of it. People say I’m a hero for serving, but honestly, you feel anything but heroic when you’re struggling with PTSD.”

He cleared his throat, and she clutched her hands, silently praying God would help him find the words to make this easier for him.

“You see, a friend of mine recently committed suicide.”

Her gaze tracked to May, who was sitting in the audience. Tears were already running down her face, and Susannah’s heart went out to her.

“We’d served together, and while he’d gotten help for his PTSD, he…just couldn’t make it. No one really knows what he was thinking in those final moments, but if it’s anything like some of the things I’ve felt, I can kind of understand it. He felt broken. Like he’d never get better. Like nothing he could do would ever fix him.”

The spotlight illuminated the tears in the corners of his eyes, and Susannah prayed he could keep it together enough to continue.

“Many of you may be surprised to hear that the suicide rate among veterans is fifty percent higher than among non-military people. That’s something I hope we can change by being more open about this horrible disorder affecting so many of our vets.”

Jake patted his guitar and bowed his head.

“I’d like to take a moment of silence for my friend, Monty, and for all the service men and women who have taken their lives.”

A picture of Jake and Monty flashed onto the screen, and Susannah held her breath, seeing Jake in his Army uniform. Monty looked young and handsome, and it hurt her heart to think about him taking his life in quiet desperation.

Susannah lowered her head, and she felt her mama take her hand. Someone took her other hand, and she noticed Shelby had sidled up beside her with Sadie on the other side. A large hand came and rested on her shoulder, and she looked behind her and saw J.P with Rye and Annabelle. Her family had formed a unit around her, and they prayed with the rest of the audience.

Susannah felt grace wrap around her and fill the entire arena, so much so that chill bumps broke out across her skin. God was here. She could feel it. And she added a prayer of thanks. She and Jake wouldn’t be together if not for God’s help, and she knew it was grace that would keep them together.

“Thank you,” Jake said quietly. “You might have heard that I recently married the most beautiful and loving woman in the world.”

When he looked over, she couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across her face. “I love you,” she mouthed.

He mouthed it right back. “I’ve been doing therapy for my PTSD for five years now, on and off, but I can tell you that being loved by the sweetest woman alive and loving her has simply changed my life forever. And I’m grateful. My mother-in-law, Reverend Louisa, has a saying that God always brings us a miracle when we need it the most. Well, I needed a miracle, and God brought me my Susannah. But he also brought me a rainbow in my greatest moment of despair, and that’s the song I want to sing y’all tonight. It’s called ‘The Promise of Rainbows.’ ”

He strummed his guitar, and even though Jake had played the song for her before, she felt tears track down her cheeks as he started to sing the words he’d written from his heart.

I came home broke.

I came home afraid.

I laughed less.

Barely said a word.

I didn’t trust myself.

I didn’t trust God.

I lost my dreams.

I lost myself.

But I picked up my guitar,

And I started to strum.

A melody flowed, and words gathered some.

I found my voice.

The promise of rainbows was in the clear blue sky again.

But I was still lost.

Still afraid.

I held my head up high during the day.

But at night, I kept a light on.

The past loomed too large.

There was no safety.

No loving voice to tell me I was okay.

I thought I’d fallen from grace,

Thought I’d never be forgiven for the things I’d done.

But love found me.

Healed me.

Saved me.

The promise of rainbows was in the clear blue sky again.

I’m not broke.

I never was.

I was only lost, adrift in this crushing pain.

I trust love now.

I trust myself.

I know who I am.

I
am
a good man.

And I’ll be a good husband,

And a fine daddy some day.

I’ll love the woman God made for me.

And I’ll love the sons and daughters she gives to me.

I was saved by grace.

Healed by love.

Life’s magic is all around me.

I’m a blessed man.

The promise of rainbows is in the clear blue sky again.

When Jake finished the song, silence hung in the arena—a living, breathing sound. Her heart was warm and huge in her chest as Jake hugged his guitar to his chest, tears sparkling in his eyes.

And then people started to clap. The roar of the crowd spread across the arena like grace had earlier. People rose to their feet, cheering now. Susannah could see thousands of people wiping their eyes like she and her family were.

Her eyes fell to Monty’s widow again in the front row. May was weeping silently, and Randy had his arm around her in comfort. Darren was on the other side, brushing away his own tears. Susannah knew it was going to take a long time for the pain of Monty’s loss to lessen.

“Thank you, friends,” Jake said in a hoarse voice. “Thank you so very much.”

He took off his guitar and walked across the stage to her. J.P. stepped forward to take his guitar, and then she was crushed in his arms.

“I love you,” he whispered fiercely against her neck.

“I love you too,” she said back, clutching him to her.

Then he stepped back and framed her face. Their gazes locked and held.

“No matter what,” he reaffirmed, speaking of his vow to always choose life, to always choose connection.

“No matter what,” she repeated.

That simple phrase was their vow to each other, their mantra, as he coped with his PTSD every day.

As Jake stepped back onstage to the crowd’s cheers, rainbow prisms flashed around him. They covered his whole body, and when he looked up, his face held both shock and awe.

J.P. whispered in her ear, “The rainbows were Rye’s idea. We didn’t tell Jake.”

She watched as Jake let his head fall back and stared above. She could all but feel him praying, and so she joined him.

Thank you, God, for the promise of rainbows.

***

To learn more about my upcoming releases like THE FOUNTAIN OF INFINITE WISHES (Shelby and Vander's story) and the next Dare Valley book, a connected series to Dare River, called THE CALENDAR OF NEW BEGINNINGS (Lucy and Andy's story), sign up for my newsletter
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Dear Reader,

Of all my books so far, the journey I took with Jake and Susannah was the most challenging. In my own life, I lost my best friend to cancer, so while Jake was grieving over Booker, I was grieving over her. Additionally, this book touched upon some of my own PTSD from my former career of working in war zones, something that, yes, does affect women too. Jake's return to himself and a faith in life moved something fierce in me. I hope it spoke to your heart as well.

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Are you wondering about Shelby and her quest to find their daddy? I can barely wait to see what happens, but I know Vander is in the mix and will shake things up in THE FOUNTAIN OF INFINITE WISHES.