The Promise of Rain (15 page)

“Mom, I work in Kenya. I live there,” Anna said.

“But you could change that.”

“No, I can’t. I need to be there.” Anna had no energy left. Moving her Mom to Kenya wasn’t an option, either. She’d suggested it once, out of desperation, but Sue had never left town, let alone been on a plane. And planes, especially with all the threats and tragedies in the news, scared her.

But even with a bottle of antianxiety drugs, ripping her away from a society and lifestyle she understood and was comfortable with wasn’t wise. It could backfire. Anna couldn’t even begin to picture her mom roughing it at Busara. If she ever saw the camp in person, she’d drag Anna and Pippa back to the States and make sure National Security never let them leave again.

“A camp surrounded by hyenas and lions is hardly the right place for a little girl.”

“The right place for a little girl is with her mother. Pippa is well-adjusted, loves books, can stand up to anyone and has an appreciation for all living things. She’s a happy kid.”

Anna’s mom sat back down and set her glass on the coffee table. “I just want to make sure you don’t make the mistakes I made. I didn’t have a choice, of course. Times were different. I was starry-eyed. He wasn’t. Your dad did the right thing marrying me. His only mistake was regretting it. I’m not sure where I went wrong. Who I was wasn’t good enough for him, I guess. You’re stronger than I was. Smarter. Make sure Jack pays child support, but that’s it. If he fights you for custody, I’ll help pay for a lawyer. In fact, you should see one while you’re here, for advice. You know, just in case.”

Anna raised her brows. Her mom was seriously antimarriage. Where had that attitude been when she’d raised her? Before the tragedy? She’d filled Anna’s room with books, from Cinderella stories to modern-day clean romances to every volume on animals Anna wanted. Unless she’d done it because, all along, she thought books were the only place Anna would ever witness true love.

Jack certainly wasn’t romantic. However, Anna had seen into the man’s heart. It existed. It certainly was pure—especially since everything that came out of it went through a logic filter. He just didn’t love her. Not that way, at least. And perhaps, Anna realized, he’d never be able to love anyone that way.

She was certainly a skeptic now, but hearing her mother’s attitude made Anna’s hair curl. She wanted to argue and defend marriage, love, romance and all that she’d grown up believing. Even if she knew it had all been a fantasy. Even if she’d been her parents’ last straw.

Maybe if little Ricky had woken up under Anna’s watch, their marriage would have survived. Maybe if she’d checked on him one more time, she’d have discovered he’d rolled over onto his belly. Instead, she’d fallen asleep halfway through studying for her history midterm. Technically, no one was to blame, but she blamed herself.

“Jack did try stepping up to the plate, but I’m not marrying anyone. We’ll work things out regarding Pippa, but that’s between us.”

The sound of a door creaking let Anna know that Pippa had woken up.

“Mom, give me a minute and I’ll bring her out.”

She hurried to sleepy-eyed Pippa and redirected her to the bathroom for a potty break. Anna needed a quick break, too. She needed to process what her mom had said. Mrs. Harper had always been sweet. What was going on with her? Couldn’t she have at least asked Anna last night before tweeting to the world?

She lifted Pippa up to the sink and let her wash her hands, then wiped the dried drool from the corner of her daughter’s mouth before walking her out. Anna didn’t miss the way her mom had wrung her hands pink, stopping only when the two of them appeared.

“Pippa, this is your grandma Sue.”

Pippa rubbed her eyes and frowned. “What happened to Gwandma Nina? You look scary.”

Grandma Sue’s eyes widened, which only emphasized the whole mascara-gone-wild look.

“Makeup,” Anna said, trailing her finger down her own cheek to explain. Her mom mouthed an
oh
and smiled. “Nina is your other grandma. Your dad’s mom,” Anna added. “Grandma Sue is my mom.”

Pippa thought for a minute, rubbing her puffy face against Anna’s shirt, then peering sideways at her grandma. “Did you get me a p’esent, too?” she finally said.

Anna winced. Spoiled in one night. Her mom had always taught her never to ask for gifts, and what’s the first thing Pippa did? Insult her, then ask for a present. Great. It did nothing to prove Anna could raise a child properly.

Sue actually slipped off the couch and onto her knees in front of Pippa. New tears freshened up the already smeared mascara tracks. Anna didn’t recall her ever being so emotional, at least not before that graduation day, when she’d vented like a steam engine over her divorce.

“Pippa, we don’t ask for presents,” Anna said softly. In her defense, she hadn’t had that many opportunities to reinforce certain social rules. Stuff like this didn’t come up much at Busara. Maybe Pippa did need more exposure.

“Nonsense. I didn’t bring a present because I thought it’d be more fun to go to the toy store and let you pick.”

Pippa looked up at Anna. “She’s not a stwanger anymore, right? I can go?”

“We’ll go when your dad gets here. He has the car seat. But you don’t have to do that, Mom.” Savings or not, without a job, Grandma didn’t need to be spending on toys.

“I want to,” she said, standing up. “And don’t you stop me from filling the cart. Now, I’m going to borrow your bathroom to freshen up, if that’s okay. Grandmas shouldn’t look like ghouls,” she said, poking Pippa playfully in the belly.

Pippa squealed. The tummy troubles were gone for sure.

“Do I have another gwandpa, too?” she asked her grandma.

Sue’s eye’s brimmed. “Yes, you do,” she said, without elaborating, and in that moment, Anna realized she’d hurt her mom as much as her father had.

* * *

T
HE
TOY
STORE
visit was pure insanity. Total child indulgence. Trying to get her mom to understand that they could not take half the stuff she’d bought to Busara was futile. Jack squeezed a doll house into the last remaining space in his trunk, while Anna got Pippa buckled in. Sue sat next to her, opening a box with miniature dolls meant for the house. The situation was getting out of control. And to top things off, after the “surprise” way her mom had heard about Pippa, Anna had to make sure her father heard about his granddaughter firsthand. So while everyone else was browsing toys, she’d gone off to a quiet corner and tried calling his office. Just like old times, almost sensing he wouldn’t be available. Only this time wasn’t quite the same. His secretary informed her that her father had been admitted to the hospital and that as far as she knew, Sue hadn’t been told. Needing to see her dad, Anna had confided in Jack.

She shut the passenger door, leaving her mom and Pippa occupied in the back seat, and headed around the car.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Jack said, clicking the trunk shut. “It all fits in her room at my place. I’m sure everyone will tone down the gifts soon. They’re just excited.”

“But this isn’t good for her. And what happens when she goes home—to Busara—and has her shared tent and basic toys? You don’t mind filling her room here, creating a wonderland, because it’s all a competition, isn’t it? Where do you think she’ll want to stay? It’s not rocket science. This is brainwashing. It’s like one divorced parent buying a puppy when the other can’t.”

“You have elephants. That’s kind of hard to compete with.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“I see. Forget ‘not good for her.’ What you’re really saying is that it’s not good for
you.
”

Anna glared at him. “That’s not fair,” she hissed.

“What’s not fair is assuming I conspired with your mother to manipulate my daughter with toys. Stop for one minute, Anna, put your insecurities aside and see how ridiculous that is.”

“I am not insecure and I didn’t mean to imply that you were conspiring.”
But Pippa is the only person in this world who’ll ever love me unconditionally, and I can’t lose her to any of you. I need to keep her close, safe and loved.

“Then what has you on edge? The hospital?”

“Would you lower your voice?” Anna glanced at the car’s rear window just to be sure her mom was still preoccupied.

“If you don’t want to stop there, then don’t, but I think you should. He’s your father. You don’t want to leave with any regrets.”

The double entendre gouged her like an arrow in the gut. She had so many regrets already. Like not checking on her brother one last time. Like breaking a vow she’d made to herself to wait for her one true love. Like not telling Jack. She had regrets, and no, she didn’t want any more. She was tired. So tired.

“I don’t need your warnings, Jack. I’m a big girl and I can deal with my father. We’ll drop my mom at her car, stop at the hospital, and after that I need to borrow your computer or get ahold of a satellite phone at the lab. I want to see how things are at camp.”
I need to feel in control again. Back in my world.

“Not a problem. But just so you know, Anna, no amount of toys will ever replace you. Novelties are like puppy love. They don’t last. They’re not the real thing. In spite of everything that has happened, I know you’re a great mom. The values you’ve instilled in her, no matter what detours she takes, they’re what she’ll always fall back on. We all come full circle...you included.”

He’s right. All you had with Jack was one-way puppy love, and it didn’t last. It wasn’t real, any more than what your parents had was, or the fairy tales you put stock in, once upon a time. And now here you are again.

* * *

J
ACK
GAVE
A
QUICK
WAVE
as Mrs. Bekker drove off, then told Anna he’d be right back. He ran up to his apartment and grabbed three water bottles and his laptop. Anna wasn’t going to relax until she made sure everyone was okay back home. She could do that from the car. No point in waiting if it brought her stress levels down.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out. His mom. Boy, she had some explaining to do.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Jack, is Anna there?”

“She’s waiting in the car. I think it’s a little late to check with her before calling Mrs. Bekker.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was afraid Sue had already come over by now. That’s why I need to apologize to Anna. You didn’t tell me she hadn’t told her parents she’d be here. I assumed they knew, and Sue called earlier, so I congratulated her on becoming a grandparent. You can guess the rest. I tried calling you right away, but you didn’t pick up. You never pick up, Jack. What’s the point in having a cell phone?”

He remembered his phone vibrating on the table, but he’d been so caught up with Anna he’d ignored it. Then her mother had showed up and he’d forgotten to check his missed calls.

“It’s been a hectic day, Mom. In any case, what’s done is done. We’re headed over to the hospital so she can see her dad.”

“Sue didn’t mention him being ill. Is he all right?”

“She didn’t know. Apparently, they haven’t spoken much since the divorce. Anna called his office and found out from his secretary that he had a minor heart attack earlier this week. He’s being monitored, but he’ll get released soon. Listen, I’ve gotta go. They’re waiting in the car.”

“Can you all come over for dinner tonight?”

Jack paused. Anna would hate him if he said yes. He needed an evening to recover as much as she did. Well, maybe not quite as much, but he did.

“Let’s pick another night, Mom. We already have plans.”

“Okay, I understand. But Jack...please...be careful. Open your eyes.”

* * *

A
NNA
BLINKED
AT
the woman holding her father’s hand as he lay propped up in his hospital bed. The new Mrs. Bekker. Anna had a stepmother.
A stepmother.
The shock of their email announcement almost a year ago didn’t compare to seeing her standing by her father’s side, where her mother should have been and would have been if he’d given her the chance. If he’d made the slightest effort to heal her heart rather than leaving that to a teenage girl. Anna wondered how much news of his remarriage had impacted her mother’s decision to quit therapy. Had she been trying to prove she was just as strong and together as his new wife?

Anna looked down at the bank papers he’d handed her. Funds designated for his granddaughter’s expenses. Her father who, except for his wedding announcement, had rarely taken the time to return her messages or calls. He’d washed his hands clean of his past life with them and had probably gotten sick of Anna asking him to check on her mom. He didn’t want the responsibility of them anymore. He couldn’t take the time to contact her, but now he expected her to take his money? Was everything about money and business with him?

How ironic that he had someone to stand by his side. Of course Anna wanted him cared for, but the child in her could still hear the dial tone after begging him to come home on time, because although she’d tried fixing dinner, she couldn’t get her mom out of the deserted baby’s room, where she sat staring at the wall. He always had work excuses and never came.

Of course, Anna was now old enough to understand that everyone mourned in their own way, but he still should have helped his wife through, not to mention his remaining child. She remembered the helpless, desperate and guilty feelings that had left her crumpled in the corner of her bed after her brother died. She’d needed her dad to be her pillar. To hug her and tell her he still loved her. To help her with her mom. But he’d closed himself off—probably blamed the two of them for his loss.

Now Anna didn’t need to rely on anyone. If her father had done anything, he’d made her stronger and had taught her that time did not heal everything. Money didn’t, either, but it seemed to be the only way he knew how to give.

Hearing her dad had had a heart attack had scared her. She cared. She wished he could see that and care back.