The Price of Falling (36 page)

‘Please, Jason,’ I had tried to coax him out. ‘It's no big deal, but you're gonna have to get used to having these done.’

When the door had opened I almost expected to get his sample sloshed in my face but thankfully he did relent and handed me the closed pot. He stayed shut in the restroom long after the Doctor went, but I figured might as well let him do what he wanted.

I noticed he showered a lot, literally every day. Sometimes twice a day. I was worried he was getting obsessed over silly things. Which was probably why he was making an issue out of me not sharing the bed with him.

‘As long as you're OK with it,’ I said now, getting into my own bed. ‘Then I'm great.’

‘Yeah, fine,’ he grumbled as he laid down, pulling away most of the duvet and leaving me with virtually nothing. I had just known he'd be like that to sleep next to.

So as soon as we starting sleeping in the same bed I spent pretty much all my time sexually frustrated. At least I was sleeping better, I didn't have as many nightmares. I still had the odd one but thankfully not often. I was dreaming about other things entirely.

The last few years, when I woke in the morning sex had been pretty far from my mind. I'd ignore that warm feeling of the blood thrumming in my cock, the first thing I normally thought about when I woke up. I'd go have a cold shower. On my own, I got quite good at ignoring it.

Now I was waking up, feeling horny and the first thing I saw was Jason. Often not wearing much; we were both so hot that sleeping in the same bed made us shed clothes. I'd been so used to having my big bed to myself that I kept rolling closer to him, not realizing I was reaching out for him in my sleep until he pushed me away. I'd wake up apologizing and shuffle back to the edge of the bed.

Four years of pent up longing was just itching to break free, and not being able to do something about it was starting to get to me.

The first couple of weeks I'd not been to the gym, gone out or done anything except rush home to check on Jason. He was still doing nothing, either watching TV or listening to music, or both at once. He gave me shopping lists of CDs he wanted. I'd scan through the bands he scribbled down, none of them made sense to me. He had no interest in going out. I tried to persuade him but after a while he'd tell me to quit bugging him.

So here I was, trying not to annoy him. I started going to the gym again with Aaron after work. I tried to burn off as much excess energy as I could, but I didn't dare go to the gyms I went to with Ryan. I didn't mind waiting for Jason if we had any chance together, I really didn't. But it was harder than I thought it would be. In every sense of the word.

Ryan called me one evening.

‘Where have you been?’ he chided. ‘I haven't seen you in like, three weeks!’

Jason was in the bedroom but I was suddenly nervous about him over-hearing me. Alicia watched me as I got up and walked through to the kitchen.

‘Yeah, sorry,’ I said. ‘It's been like, so hectic here.’

‘Mm-hmm,’ Ryan was obviously not convinced. ‘You've got someone there. I can't believe you've met someone and not told me!’

‘Wha-? No...’ I lied. Badly, as I could hear Ryan's breathy laughter down the phone.

‘Then why are you whispering? Or have you got relatives over? Are you still in the closet with them?’

I opened my mouth but wasn't able to speak for a moment.

Ryan was quick to fill the silence. ‘Oh my god, you're not ditching me, are you?’

‘No!’ I said, finally finding my voice. ‘Look it's...complicated.’

‘Ohh?’ he replied. ‘Complicated in a good way or a bad way?’

I found myself glancing around the wall, through the apartment. Alicia was still on the couch watching TV, while Jason was in the bedroom, doing whatever he was doing. Ignoring us, mostly.

I sighed. ‘I don't know yet. My er, friend has come to stay.’

‘Uh huh, and this is why you're suddenly a recluse?’

‘Er...yeah.’

‘Well come out tomorrow and tell me all about it!’

‘I can't...’ I tried.

It was no use though. Ryan was determined. I agreed to go to the gym with him the next day after work. When I met him there and he hugged me, as he normally did, I rather embarrassingly got a boner. I turned quickly and tried to will it away. I was so damn frustrated all the time.

I hoped Ryan wouldn't notice but of course he did.

‘Miiike,’ he smirked. ‘We can go back to my place, you know. Marty isn't there.’

‘No, I can't,’ I said, forcing myself to focus on something else. ‘I told you that was weird anyway.’

Ryan laughed lightly. ‘Yeah, but you're the only one who thinks that. Marty sees other people too. It's totally fine.’

‘It would still be weird. And,’ I breathed in as I added, ‘I can't now anyway.’

I jumped onto one of the step machines and tried to ignore another guy to my left who was giving us a look. I concentrated on the machine, adjusted the settings and started pounding away at it. I was pretty good now at ignoring my urges if I focused on something else.

Ryan started on the machine next to me, not going nearly as fast. ‘Mike, you look tense. Why don't we go in the sauna?’

The suggestion broke my concentration and a pleasurable shudder ran down my back. I did my best to ignore it and shook my head. ‘Maybe another time.’

‘Hm, Ok,’ Ryan gave in. He glanced at me and after a few moments said, ‘So, what's up?’

I didn't answer at first. I wasn't entirely sure how to put my current situation into words or how he'd react.

‘If you want to know, I'll tell you but I'm totally serious. I don't want you to make fun of me or anything.’

‘OK,’ he said easily. ‘You're not turning straight on me, are you?’

‘No,’ I almost laughed. ‘I'm waiting for someone.’

‘Right. And?’

‘And,’ I shrugged as best I could whilst holding onto the machine. ‘I'm waiting.’

‘Oh.’ Ryan frowned. ‘Riiight. You mean, you're taking yourself off the market?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘For how long?’

‘I don't know,’ I said honestly. ‘I guess I'm waiting for him to tell me.’

Ryan glanced at me, smirking again. ‘OK, well when you're back out there you let me know.’

Alicia asked to meet me after work for a coffee. I knew that spelled trouble. When I met her, she explained that she was going to move in with Will.

I was upset, and tried to convince her to stay. 

‘Mike, it's fine, really it is,’ she said, holding my hand. ‘Will is sharing a big place with a couple of our friends. He offered, and it'll be good for me to share with my class mates. It's a friendly apartment.’

‘I don't want you to feel pushed out,’ I said, feeling frustrated.

‘Yeah but, three's a crowd. Honestly, if you two want to be a couple then you need your space. I can tell he doesn't like me being there.’

‘He'll get better,’ I said, still hoping that was true.

Alicia smiled at me. ‘I'm sure he will. This is really for the best. I'll still come visit, I won't be far away. We can meet up for lunch, do a double date?’

I raised my eyebrows slightly. ‘You've changed your tune,’ I stated.

‘Yeah, well,’ Alicia got that dreamy look on her face again. ‘Will said that we should accept people for who they are, life's too short to worry about the little things.’

I almost felt like rolling my eyes. Good old Will and his philosophy.

‘OK, then,’ I reluctantly agreed. ‘We'll still keep your room as it is. You can come back any time.’

‘Sure,’ she smiled.

So Alicia moved out the following weekend.

I paid for a large rental car to come and collect her when I saw the amount of boxes and bags she was piling up. I'd had no idea how much stuff she had crammed into that room. She took most of her clothes but left some things there.

Will came to help her move, naturally. I still wasn't sure if I was keen on him, I found him a little annoying at times. He was pleasant enough, and he obviously doted on her.

That was the main thing, I guess.

I figured Alicia must have told Will about the whole situation, as he seemed over-friendly that day. He especially seemed eager to introduce himself to Jason, who only stalked out of our bedroom once to get a drink. Will was enthusiastic while Jason was typically rude in response, speaking in clipped tones and doing that haughty look he gave people he didn't like.

Poor Will, he persevered. Either he was totally oblivious or simply determined to get on with Jason no matter what, maybe to prove a point to Alicia.

I had to suppress a smile.

When I had loaded Will and Alicia into the car downstairs and said goodbye, I came back up to my apartment. In the elevator one of the neighbors, Mrs. Pennington, a lady who probably thought of herself as more important than she was, struck up conversation.

‘Is your sister moving out?’

My neighbors only bothered talking to me when they were being nosey, I guess.

‘Yeah, she's gone to live with her boyfriend,’ I told her.

‘Oh!’ Mrs Pennington exclaimed. ‘Are you all on your own then?’

‘No,’ I smiled back. ‘My cousin's staying with me.’

‘Oh good,’ she said. ‘My daughter is about your age, you know. If you would like to meet her, just say. I'm sure she'd love to meet an eligible bachelor.’

‘Er, sure, maybe some time. See you later,’ I waved at her, getting off a floor early.

Hell, I could walk up the next few stairs.

So it was just me and Jason.

Credit again to Alicia, she was right, he did seem a lot better once she had gone. Jason was less sulky, like his dark mood suddenly lifted. I was over the moon and relieved all at once.

It was the perk I needed. Aaron commented that I seemed happier. I had to agree, I was. Work was easier now I could relax a bit. Some evenings I went to the gym but I always came home to Jason. It was what I'd wanted for so long and yet I still felt frustrated, like we were stuck in some sort of limbo. I wondered if he felt anything for me but I didn't want to push or upset him.

One thing that surprised me was that Jason got on really well with Maria, who still came in the afternoons to clean the apartment. Jason was worse than Alicia for leaving a mess, so it was more than necessary. Sometimes Maria would still be there when I got home, and they'd be chatting.

It was surprising, and I wasn't quite sure what they found in common. I mean, everyone loved Maria, she was bolshie and funny. A comedienne without realizing. But I was surprised that Jason liked her so much.

When I came home one time after not bothering with the gym, I could hear them laughing. I hadn't heard Jason laugh, not for years. It was encouraging, although I felt jealous of their relationship. He seemed very relaxed in her company, maybe because she was so maternal. I knew it was childish but I couldn't help feel left out.

When we were alone one evening, watching TV, I got a call from AJ.

I'd sent them some more toys and baby clothes for Kitty, he was calling to say thank you. We had a quick chat but AJ could tell I wasn't talking as freely as usual.