The Price of Falling (30 page)

‘Yet!’ AJ pointed out.

‘Yeah, great,’ I chuckled. ‘I'll look forward to it.’

‘Don't worry, she's married now. That's why she moved.’

‘She never liked me though,’ I smiled.

‘Yeah but no-one liked her,’ Cat laughed. ‘So it all evens out!’

We drank and talked until late. Cat went up to bed and eventually I told AJ he should get himself to bed too. When I was alone on the couch I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Chapter 12

The baby crying early in the morning woke me up with a start.

I forgot where I was for a second, then it all came back. I was pleased I'd been woken up as I'd been dreaming, flitting between bliss and nightmares. In the dream I was holding Jason again, almost solid and warm enough to believe it was real. The surge of relief I felt at holding him was huge, I gushed out apologies and explanations for everything before he had a chance to misunderstand or get upset. Then he went limp in my arms and when I looked at his face his eyes had rolled back, his skin was covered in boils like a plague, like he was dying. It was horrible. And just as that happened black figures would lurch at us and I'd have to fight them off, screaming at them and punching with my fists but nothing I did seemed to hurt them.

I rubbed my eyes, hoping to push the images away.

Maybe I shouldn't drink if it gave me such vivid dreams. Not when I was stressed out.

Cat came downstairs to feed the baby. AJ would still be asleep for a bit longer, she explained. I asked if I could help feed Kitty, and she smiled and instructed me what to do. Holding such a tiny little person in my arms made me feel better, and more optimistic. It was strange to think how a life could be created. Kitty stared at me with big hungry eyes, drinking everything in. When I smiled at her and said hello, she gurgled in response.

We sat in the kitchen until AJ rose, yawning away. I made coffee for him.

‘It's like I've got two wives!’ he joked.

I smiled at his ability to be so cheerful when he'd just woken up.

‘Guess I'm driving you into work then,’ I said.

‘Are you still drunk?’ AJ laughed. ‘Let's test, follow my finger,’ he said, holding his finger up in front of my face.

I swatted it away. ‘I'm fine,’ I smiled. ‘I'll drive slow.’

‘Alright man,’ he agreed. ‘But if we gotta go to hospital you pay the bill.’

‘Deal,’ I said, trying not to yawn.

I drove AJ right up to the garage and dropped him off. I took his address and number down before we hugged goodbye. ‘I guess I'll be back in a couple of weeks,’ I told him.

‘Oh yeah,’ he laughed. ‘Almost forgot about the patient. Well, guess I'll see you then.’

‘Take it easy,’ I told him.

It was sad to leave AJ but I was pleased I would see a friendly face when I came back.

I drove over to Trinity Hospital and parked Dad's car. Then I slowly walked down the hallway to the ward. It was only eight thirty in the morning. The nurse on duty told me that Mom and Alicia had gone home last night. I figured they'd be back soon. The nurse said there were a few updates, but they were still waiting on some results.

Basically Dad's brain had swelled such a lot that he didn't have much awareness or control at the moment. Hopefully in the next few days it would go back down some more and if he was lucky he'd at least be aware of things and possibly have the use of his face, or part of it, and maybe his hand.

I wasn't sure I'd call that 'lucky', being trapped in your own body.

On my own, I went into the ward and sat in the curtained off section just for Dad. The beeps from other places and hushed voices were the only noise. Dad was asleep. I watched him quietly. He'd always been such a powerful figure to me. Tall, terrifying as a child. Still domineering as a teenager. Now I guess I was the adult, and he seemed like a frail old man, especially like this.

It was a sad feeling but what I was more sad about was that he had pushed me away. I knew I'd upset him but I'd apologized and accepted his punishment. I'd never answered back. I hadn't answered back since I was a small child, it just wasn't me. I would have done anything to please him, anything to make him proud of me. Even when they came out to see me in New York, the model son with a decent job and his own apartment, he still didn't want to know me.

He still wanted to pretend I wasn't around, and Mom didn't try to do anything. I thought it was unfair and as I stared at Dad in his hospital gown, helpless, I realized nothing lasted forever. I had to carry on with my life. Even if they weren't happy with it.

Well, who knew what Mom thought? Regardless of what she thought, Dad had always made the decisions. Guess it was up to her now; seemed unlikely Dad would be able to look after himself let alone anyone else for a while. If ever again.

I suddenly worried what had caused the stroke, whether it was hereditary or other factors were involved. I was having a chat with the nurse about it when Mom and Alicia turned up. What the nurse had told me subdued my mood further; strokes were mostly caused by high blood pressure. Which made sense for Dad, he was a highly strung man. His doctor had been telling him to take it easy for years. Apparently bad diet and high alcohol consumption were other factors.

I didn't think I'd be drinking for a while. Not that I drank much normally anyway.

Mom and Alicia already knew Dad's updates, so the nurse left us to it. They were side by side, arms linked. They both looked tired. ‘Morning,’ I said.

‘Morning,’ Mom replied. She looked real tired actually. I felt sorry for her.

‘Did you find him?’ Alicia asked quietly.

I was a little taken aback that she asked that in front of Mom. I figured as they'd been together all day and last night Alicia must have told her what happened.

‘Yeah, I did,’ I answered, trying not to sound clipped. I kept telling myself it wasn't worth falling out over. Alicia was still young in a lot of ways, and only wanted things back the way they were.

It was a shame they'd never be that way. But I didn't want to fall out with her over this. Especially now there was hope. I realized I may well have felt differently if I hadn't found Jason at all.

‘So what next?’ Alicia's eyes were glistening.

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know what next. ‘I'll find out in two weeks. I'm going back to New York, and coming here in two weeks.’

‘Why then? And can't you stay a bit longer?’

‘I can't have any more time away from work,’ I said.

It was half true, I desperately needed something to keep my mind occupied.

‘Either Mom can get you a plane ticket or call me and I'll buy you one.’

‘OK,’ Alicia mumbled.

‘Mom, has Blake spoken to you yet?’

Mom's eyes had been drifting but then flickered back to me. ‘Oh, um, no?’

‘Well he'll call to check on Dad soon. He'll probably suggest he takes over the business as a temporary measure. He'll need to start sorting stuff out to keep it running smooth.’

‘Oh, yes, of course,’ Mom nodded.

‘Alright, well let me know if anything changes.’

‘OK,’ Mom said quietly.

I stepped forward to give her an awkward hug. I hadn't hugged Mom for years.

That made me feel sad as well.

I let go of Mom and turned to hug Alicia but she said, ‘I'll walk you out. Mom, I'll be back in five.’

Mom nodded and entered the ward to go sit with Dad.

Another day of staring at him, hoping he was going to change. I didn't envy her, not one bit.

Alicia and I walked down the quiet hospital corridors back to the front entrance.

‘Do you hate me?’ she asked in a little voice.

‘Of course not,’ I sighed. ‘I'm tired. But you and me will be fine.’

‘So what happened?’

I shrugged. ‘He's not well. I've put him in...er, like a hospital, and I'll come back in two weeks. See if he's better.’

‘What's wrong?’

‘Don't know yet,’ I answered vaguely. I was too exhausted to get into the details.

‘But, I don't understand,’ she pressed. ‘Why wasn't he already in hospital?’

‘Look, Alicia,’ I reached up and smoothed at my face, wishing I'd had a lot more sleep. ‘I'm real tired. I'll tell you another time, OK?’

‘You do hate me,’ her face crumpled, about to sob.

‘I don't hate you,’ I wrapped an arm around her. ‘But I am tired and I've not had much sleep. I stayed at a friend's house and their baby woke me up early.’

‘Are you sure?’ she sniffed.

‘Yeah of course, stop worrying. Now, go on back to Mom, I'm gonna drop the car at the house then get a cab to the airport, OK? It'll all be fine.’

I wished I could believe that.

When I got back to my old home I parked Dad's car away in the garage. As the automatic door closed I remember staring at the car as it was swallowed up by the dark.

I went up to the spare room and took out the notes from my pocket, the four year old letters Jason had given Alicia. I smoothed them out reverently, placing them on the bed as I undressed.

A shower was the first thing on my list.

It was good to get into clean clothes. I didn't really want to put my shoes back on but I inspected them all over and couldn't see anything weird on them. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see, a syringe sticking out the side?

I packed what I had into my hold-all, tucking my letters neatly into a side pocket. I also packed the photo of me in my football gear. I felt a strange attachment to that photo, and what it represented.

Then I called work to check on updates from Aaron. He sounded a little flustered, which truth be told was the reason I'd left him in charge. I knew he wouldn't be able to manage the team the same way. No point leaving someone in charge who was better than me, right?

Next I called Fulbourne and asked for an update on Jason. They patched me through to one of their nurses, who explained Dr. Harris had already done a report this morning, and currently no changes. When I asked what was happening, she advised Jason was starting to go through withdrawal symptoms which over the next few days would include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, cold sweats and cramps. If it got bad they would give him a mild dose of morphine to ease the cramps but apparently he just had to work through it.

‘Is he like, awake properly?’

‘Oh yes,’ she told me. ‘He's shouting and cursing a lot. We can hear him even with the door closed.’

‘Sorry about that,’ I mumbled.

Man, he was gonna hate me.

‘How long does this last?’ I asked her.

‘Dr. Harris said typically symptoms peak between forty-eight to seventy-two hours. It only really started this morning. The symptoms should subside in approximately six to seven days.’

‘And he'll be OK?’

‘Well that depends on him,’ she replied. ‘But I'm sure he'll be fine. We'll do everything we can.’

‘OK, thank you.’

Jeez, one week? One week of feeling like crap? I wondered if he knew I had put him there? I was going to ask the nurse to tell him that but after she told me how he was reacting I thought maybe I'd better leave it for a while.