The Power of Love (12 page)

“Maybe. Still good to see you do it.”

He went to scrub the back of his neck, then saw his hands were filthy. “Crap, I got Lexi dirtier.”

“Don’t worry, she’s not exactly tidied you up. Go and wash up. You want something to eat? Lexi probably will. She likes my pickled beets.”

“She what?” He felt almost faint at that declaration.

Lou’s pride was evident. “Yep. She ate a heap yesterday.”

“My Lexi?”

“Yeah, I know.” Lou smiled. “It’s good for her, coming here. Good for you too.”

“You know why Gia doesn’t want her here.”

“I do. I understand as well. That’s why he’s in his office, staying well away. He knows I’ll go crazy if he comes out.”

“Thanks. I don’t feel so bad about breaking the unofficial house rule.”

“Why can’t you tell Gia?”

“Because…” He broke off with a grunt.

“Because that would involve talking to her?” Lou shook her head. “I didn’t realize you’d be exactly like your father when the shinola hit the fan.”

“Only you’d use shinola when little ears aren’t around. You can swear. I won’t be offended.”

“You have as many kids and grandkids as I do, you get used to speaking like a nun,” she said, wrinkling her nose at him. “And don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not changing anything.”

“Yeah, that’s always been your father’s problem.” She studied him a second and murmured, “You know when you were fourteen and went to camp for the first time?”

“Yeah, I remember. I didn’t want to go.”

“I pushed you into going because your father and I almost divorced.”

“What?” Luke half barked, astonished by that admission.

“We’d come close a time or two before, but that summer was the closest. We scraped by with the skin of our teeth. You brothers had gone off on their own vacations with friends, and we had ten days to get things back on track. Or, I told him, that was it. Do you remember that year?”

“I remember you guys arguing a lot.”

“He’d come back from Japan, and I don’t know what had happened over there, but he was a different man. He couldn’t snap out of it. I was sensible and sensitive to his needs. Tried to be whatever he wanted me to be. Nothing worked.” She shrugged. “He refused to go see anyone, not a doctor, never mind a psychologist. Not that that was the thing to do back then.”

Luke frowned. “I remember the arguments but not a lot else.”

“Well, we tried to hide it from you. I don’t know what you went through over there, son, I don’t want to know either if it’s hit you so hard. But I do know that you have two people who love you, never mind a little girl who adores you and a family at your back. Don’t lose them by being muleheaded like your father was.”

Luke headed over to the soil his ma was tending and stood at her side. As a kid, he’d watched her do this often. Before they’d had the farm, they’d always had a yard filled with vegetables and all kinds of flowers.

If they’d ever needed to find her, she was usually in her potting shed, and Luke had always appreciated watching his mother work her magic in her sanctum sanctorum. Those memories were what fed his own love of gardening and the dreams he’d never quite quashed of doing something similar to his parents.

Lou was still a beautiful woman, far more loving and giving than his father truly deserved. In fact, Robert had treated every woman in Luke’s life like shit. Gia was beneath Robert’s contempt, the way Robert had treated Lexi over the years appalled him, and what pissed him off all the more was the fact the slights were so minute that not one adult had noticed, but his little girl had.

Not by one inch did he want to resemble his father.

He reached over to kiss the gentle slope of her cheek. “Thanks, Ma.”

“I’m telling you how it is, son. Nothing more, nothing less.” She jerked a shoulder. “I don’t want you to lose some of the best people that have ever happened to you. What you’ve been through, I’m not claiming that you don’t deserve to be the way you are and that I don’t hate to see you like this. I’m not saying that at all, but I know you. I know my son.

“If he gets a hold of himself, if he shakes himself off and makes it work, then work it will.”

Her faith had him choking on his words. “Oh Ma. I wish things were like that.”

“You have to make it so, Luke. You want to lose what you’ve spent a lifetime building? Josh and Gia aside, you’ve got Lexi to think about. Ignore that bullshit your father told you.

“You’re as much her dad as Josh is. Hell, I know how many hours he works. You’re there for her more than Josh is, and I’m not judging him.” She pursed her lips a second, then turned to look at him. “I don’t want you to be another statistic, son, and the way you’re acting, as justified as it may be, that’s how it looks to me. The only person who can stop that from happening is you.”

With her clear eyes staring into his, eyes that matched his, features that were similar in shape and size but with a feminine softness to them, he saw her earnestness. A part of him was angry that she’d brought this topic up when he’d made it an unofficial rule that if these kinds of things were going to be talked about, then he’d start the discussion. But moms never listened, did they?

Was she right? If he kept on like this would he lose Gia, Josh, and Lexi?

It had been a little over a month. That was all. His career was still up in the air. He’d been involved in a roadside blast where a kid had blown himself up for a cause that looked endless. And his superior officer and God only knew how many of his colleagues had helped fit him up after he’d caught the bastard raping an innocent, forever sullying her.

Didn’t he deserve to feel like this?

Wasn’t it his right to feel as though there was an internal scream in his head?

Like he was staring into the pit of human degradation, his faith in his own kind shocked at its bedrock?

How did someone overcome something like this? He’d seen the worst depravities of mankind within the shortest amount of time. How could he go about his life and pretend like that had never happened?

Almost as though she’d read his mind, his mother turned to him, her fingers loaded with dirt and stained with chlorophyll from the leaves she was tending. Her voice was gentle as she murmured, “What you’ve seen, no one should have to see. Your reputation has been called into question, and my son’s reputation is without question—everyone in this family knows that. Your fool of a father included. But from what Gia has told me, Josh is fighting that ruling on your behalf, and knowing him the way I do, I know he’ll find a way to resolve it all.

“You’ve seen a side of life that you won’t forget, but rather than focus on that, why not focus on the beauty? A relationship that gave you that little girl in there, a man strong enough to court disfavor with his superiors—and don’t you tell me he isn’t—and a woman driving herself ragged trying to patch you back together again.”

He cocked his head at her words. “You speak to Gia a lot?”

She nodded. Once.

“That’s a new development, isn’t it?”

“Since she came to the house to speak to your father, we’ve tried to make sure I get some one-on-one time with Lexi. Also, I’ve been helping out with her classes.”

He frowned at her tone, as well as her body language. She’d been open and engaging the entire time, her faith and her love for him reaching out like a metaphysical hug. But now, she was closed off, her head bowed and her attention back on the plants. “Why do you say that like I should have a problem with it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you hold a grudge against me too. I know I should have seen what Robert was doing with Lexi, but I didn’t. I’m no angel. This is the first time you or Gia have ever brought her when we’ve been alone together. When all the family is here, I’m not at my best. I’m usually cooking or trying to keep things organized.” She bit her lip, and in that one gesture, erased the years so he could imagine her as the young girl she’d once been.

In an attempt to diminish her hurt, he hooked his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “I never blamed you.”

“No?”

The worry in her gaze hurt him. “No, of course not. I know you’re busy when the whole crowd is here. I know you only have the one set of eyes, and to be honest, it wasn’t down to you. You’re not Dad’s keeper. Plus,
I’m
her father. I’m the one who should have realized what Dad was doing.

“Lexi is one topic where he’s always been cautious, but even then, he’s too opinionated to withhold his tongue completely. I should have known he was treating her differently, and reacted. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”

She sucked in a slow, quivery breath and shook her head as she exhaled. “No, it’s Robert who’s to blame. Not us. We’re not responsible for his actions.”

“No, you have that right.” He pressed another kiss to the crown of her head. “Look, I’ll have a think about what you said. It’s harder than you think…forgetting, I mean.”

She snorted. “You think you have to be a soldier to experience trauma? If you do, then you’re not as wise as I took you to be, Lucas Gray.”

“No, of course I know that,” he admitted. “I didn’t mean to say anything to the contrary, but this is a whole lot of trauma.”

“So is losing three babies, deciding to stop trying for a family, and then have your brother pop up out of nowhere. Jake was a complete surprise. A happy one, and a miracle, but it didn’t make up for the loss of those three babies. I almost carried two to full term,” she ended on a low whisper. “The last one made it into the third trimester. The doctors warned us against trying, so we stopped, and then it happened.” He didn’t realize she’d started to cry until she raised a hand and wiped along the high jut of her cheekbone, smearing a little dirt along the way.

She looked like she’d been painting camouflage on her cheeks, but he said nothing, realizing she wanted to share this story; another one he’d never heard before.

“Loss of any nature hurts, Luke. Be it a loss of faith or a person. In your case, your comrades let you down. They’ve pinned these phony charges on you. You’ve dedicated your life to the army and how have they repaid that? Three letters. OTH.” She shook her head. “It’s disgraceful, and I’m glad Josh is fighting it. If he weren’t, I’d petition the governor. The notion that you could do anything so heinous is ridiculous.”

“Thanks, Ma.” His grin was weak, but it was reassuring to know his family had his back.

Well, his mother did. God only knew what Robert would have to say if Luke started that particular conversation. It was one reason why he avoided his father unless he was with her.

For so long, Robert’s respect had been based on Luke’s exemplary record in the armed forces. Now that was obliterated to smithereens, Luke wasn’t sure he could bear hearing his father’s disappointment. Disliking the man as he did, though he didn’t respect his opinions and didn’t listen to his advice, a part of Luke was still the ten-year-old kid trying to earn his father’s attention and be in his good graces.

“You’re a good boy, Lukey, and you’re a better father, and a brilliant husband. You’ve three people who love you and a family who would do anything for you. Don’t be a statistic, get yourself in gear. Get help. Proper help, and put your life on track.”

As he sucked in a deep breath, inadvertently inhaling the lavender essence his mother wore and the faint tang that came from her work in the greenhouse, he kissed her once more. “All right, Ma. I’ll do as I’m told.”

“Good boy.” She smiled at him. “Now, pass me that manure.”

Chapter Seven

“Where’s Lexi?” Gia peered around Josh’s office door, automatically scanning the room.

Since they’d started homeschooling, Lexi had taken to reading in the oddest places. Once, she’d found her under Josh’s desk while he worked, channeling JFK Jr. under the Resolute desk, and she also had a penchant for the window seat in Luke’s office.

Had he been a regular dad, a businessman, butcher, baker, or candlestick maker, she wouldn’t have minded Lexi being in here with Josh. As it was, he was a brigadier general.

Nothing nice went on in this room.

Well, save for the moments Josh took her by surprise, made her lean over the desk, and fucked her silly.

That
was pretty nice. For the adults, at any rate.

Josh squinted up from his laptop, and she realized she’d forgotten to schedule his appointment with the optometrist last month. Spying the deepening lines gathering at his eyes, she determined to arrange it later, but he broke her train of thought by asking, “Lexi?”

She nodded, half wondering what he’d look like with glasses on. Sexy as hell, undoubtedly. Like she needed him to be sexier. “Yeah. Where is she?”

“She was with Luke in the yard the last time I heard.”

She rolled her eyes. He could be irritatingly vague sometimes. “What? This morning?”

He scanned the screen, and she could see the dull black-and-white video footage before he paused it to turn and give her his attention once more.

“Well, neither of them are anywhere in the house,” she remarked when he didn’t answer, folding her arms and leaning against the door.

Damn, when he was all somber and serious, all brigadier generalish, he got her so fucking hot. Add in the prospect of a pair of glasses and… She had to force herself not to shudder at the notion. Now was not the best time, when Lexi and Luke could be any-freakin’-where.

“Have you checked the garage? Is his car still here?”

“I hate that word.”

“Which word?”

“
Check.
I feel like he’s a junkie and I’m having to make sure he’s not found an old stash of dope hidden around the place.”

Josh snorted. “It’s not that bad.”

She sighed, and leaned a little harder against the door frame. “It’s getting that way.” The words were dragged from her, but they were the truth, and Josh needed to know what was going on in the house.

He’d been so obsessed with clearing Luke’s name that the behavior of the man himself was going completely unnoticed. Well, save for her. She noticed every slight and every shiver. Each time, she wanted to weep, and then, she wanted to rail. The ceaseless flood of emotions was starting to drive her crazy.