The Portable Roman Reader (Portable Library) (7 page)

SOSIA: If she speaks true she’s innocence itself.
AMPHITRYON: I am bewitched; I know not who I am.
SOSIA: You are Amphitryon surely; see that you
Don’t let another man your name usurp
And take it to himself (men change so much),
Now that we have at last arrived at home.
AMPHITRYON: I’ll probe this matter to the very bottom.
ALCMENA: That as you choose.
AMPHITRYON: What say you? Answer me.
What if I bring your kinsman Naucrates,
Who sailed on board with me, and he denies
That what you say is true, what would be fair?
Can you say aught why I should not divorce you?
ALCMENA: Naught if I so have sinned.
AMPHITRYON: ’Tis settled then.
You, Sosia, bring these in; and I will fetch
This Naucrates from off the ship with me.

(Amphitryon departs towards the harbour)
SOSIA: We are alone; now tell me seriously,
Is there another Sosia still inside?
ALCMENA: Leave me, thou slave, who such a master fits.
SOSIA: I go if so you will.
(Goes into the house)
ALCMENA (to
herself)
: It is too strange
That to my husband it should now occur
To charge me falsely with this grievous sin;
But still my kinsman Naucrates will tell us all.
(Alcmenagoes inside.)

(Enter Jupiter)

JUPITER
(to the audience):
Friends, I am still Amphi
tryon whose slave
Is Sosia now, but when occasion serves
Is Mercury again; I live above
In the top attic; when it pleases me
I Jupiter become. At other times
When I come here I am Amphitryon,
And change my dress. Now for your sake I come,
Lest I should leave the comedy unfinished;
I also come to give Alcmena help
Who by her husband is accused of sin,
Being innocent herself; for ‘tis my blame
If all the trouble I have caused should fall
On innocent Alcmena’s head. And now
I will pretend to be Amphitryon
And in this family will introduce
The greatest mischief; then at length again
I’ll make all clear, and to Alcmena bring
Assistance, and secure that she bring forth
Two children, mine and his, at a single birth.
I ordered Mercury to attend me close
If I should want him; now I’ll speak to her.

ALCMENA (to
herself):
I cannot rest within the house,
accused
Of wrong, adultery, and foul disgrace,
By my own husband; he declares these things
Which happened are not so; what never was,
Which I have ne‘er admitted, does affirm;
And thinks that under this I will sit down,
Nor care at all, but that’s impossible.
I’ll not endure to be thus falsely charged.
Either I’ll leave him, or he makes it clear
And swears as well that he is sorry for
The charge which he has made against me thus.
JUPITER
(aside):
I certainly must do as she demands
If I would bring this mad woman to herself.
Since what I did annoyed Amphitryon,
And this poor lady’s come in grievous trouble
By reason of my love, I must expect
His anger and ill feeling against her
Will turn on me.
ALCMENA
(aside):
Ah, there he is, the man
Who accuses me of immodesty and shame.
JUPITER: I wish to speak with you. Why turn you from
me?
ALCMENA: It is my nature; I have always loathed
To look upon my foes.
JUPITER: Your foes!
ALCMENA: Yes, so it is—
Unless you argue that is false as well.
JUPITER: You are too angry.
ALCMENA: Nay, keep off your hands.
For surely if you’re wise or know at all
The woman whom you say and think immodest,
With her you’d have no conversation, or
In joke or earnest, unless indeed you are
The greatest fool that lives.
JUPITER: And if I did
Say so, it surely does not make you so
A whit the more, nor do I think you such.
And I returned to clear myself of this;
For nothing ever did annoy me more
Than when I heard that you were vexed with me.
“Why said you so?” you ask. I will explain.
I did not think that you were e’er immodest;
I tried your disposition, how you’d bear it;
I said those things in joke for a little fun.
ALCMENA: But why not bring my kinsman Naucrates,
As you did promise me, to prove you were
Not here?
JUPITER: If aught were said by way of joke,
It is not fair to treat it seriously.
ALCMENA: I know how much those words have grieved
my heart.
JUPITER: By your right hand I pray, Alcmena dear,
Forgive me—pardon; be not vexed with me.
ALCMENA: My virtue makes your words of none effect;
And now, since I abstained from unchaste deeds,
I wish to avoid all unchaste words as well.
Farewell; keep all you have; return me mine;
And bid these women to accompany me.
JUPITER: But are you mad?
ALCMENA: I’ll go, at any rate;
My chastity shall bear me company.
JUPITER: Oh, stay! At your discretion I’ll propose
This oath: that I do not believe my wife
To be immodest; if I fail in that,
Then, mighty Jupiter, I pray that you
Will on Amphitryon let your anger fall.
ALCMENA: Propitious rather may he be!
JUPITER: I trust he will.
For I have sworn a sincere oath to you.
You are not angry now?
ALCMENA: I’m not.
JUPITER: ‘Tis well;
For in the life of man there often happen
Things of this sort; they meet with pleasure first,
And then with pain; quarrels occur ofttime
And reconciliation takes their place;
And if perchance angry disputes occur,
There comes return of kindly feeling; so
They’re greater friends than e’er they were before.
ALCMENA: ‘Tis well at first to avoid such words at all;
But if you so apologise for them
Then I must be content.
JUPITER: Now bid, I pray,
The sacred vessels here to be prepared
To celebrate with fitting rites the vows
Which I when with the army vowed to pay,
If I returned home safe; I’d pay them now!
ALCMENA: I’ll see to it.
JUPITER: Call Sosia hither now.
And let him summon Blepharo the pilot,
Who was on board with me, to dine today;
(Aside) But he himself, undined, shall be befooled,
And I will take Amphitryon by the neck
And put him out.
ALCMENA
(aside):
’Tis strange he speaks apart.
But the door opens; Sosia arrives.

SOSIA: Amphitryon, I’m here; and, if you will,
Command me what you want.
JUPITER: I’m glad to see you.
SOSIA: And peace, I hope, is now restored to you?
I’m glad to see you happy and rejoice.
It is a servant’s place to conform himself
To what his master is, to arrange his face
According to his master’s; is he sad,
Let him be sad as well, and is he merry,
Let him rejoice. But come now, answer me,
Are you once more in amity again?
JUPITER: You laugh; you know I only spoke in joke.
SOSIA: A joke was it? I thought, indeed, you were
In sober earnest.
JUPITER: I’ve apologised,
And peace is made.
SOSIA: That is the best of news.
JUPITER: I’ll make an offering within, as I
Have promised.
SOSIA: Yes, I think you should at once.
JUPITER: And call the pilot Blepharo from the ship,
That, service over, he may dine with me.
SOSIA: I will be there before you think me gone.
JUPITER: Return at once.
(Sosia departs)
ALCMENA: Should I not go within
In the first place, and see that all is ready?
JUPITER: By all means, go and bid them be prepared.
ALCMENA: Come when you wish inside; I’ll see to it
That there is no delay.
(Alcmena goes into the house.)
JUPITER
(calling after her):
Rightly you speak,
And as a good and careful housewife should.
(To himself)
These two, both slave and mistress, are mis
taken
In that they think that I’m Amphitryon.
(To the absent Mercury)
But thou, my Sosia in godlike
form,
Be here; hear what I say though you’re not present;
And, when Amphitryon comes, see that you keep
Him from the house, whatever way you can.
I wish him to be mocked, while I amuse
Myself a little with this borrowed wife.
Have all things done according to my wish,
And help me while I offer to myself.
(Jupiter goes into the house.)

MERCURY
(to imaginary passers-by):
Out of the way,
out of the way, all you good people, out of the way!
He’s a bold man who’d venture to stay
When I bid him to go; I’m a god, and can threaten
The people as much as a slave who is beaten,
In comedies often; they come in and tell
That the ship has arrived in port safe and well;
Or some angry old gentleman is come on the scene.
I am the servant of Jove, and so long have been;
I obey his behests, so why shouldn’t I make
All you people depart to make room for my sake.
The father, he summons, I come at his call,
As good son should do, I obey him in all;
I flatter and fawn, assist, humour his whim,
Give advice and joy with him; what’s pleasant to him
Is always the greatest of pleasures to me.
Does he love? He is wise and as right as can be;
And wherever he follows his own inclination,
As all men should do if within moderation,
He does well; he would like this Amphitryon to gull,
And gulled he shall be, in your sight to the full.
A wreath now I’ll wear on my head, and pretend
That I am quite drunk; and then I will wend
Upstairs, and will watch him and see what I see.
I’ll make him as drunk as a lord although he
Has not tasted a drop; and, if Sosia appear,
Most certainly he will the penalty bear
Of all that I’ve done; and he’ll say it was he
Who has done all the mischief that rested with me.
What matters to me? I must always obey
My master’s commands, and fall in with his way.
And, look here, here’s Amphitryon; now for the fun,
If you’ll only wait here, you’ll see how it’s done.
And now I’ll go in, dress myself as I should,
And forbid him to enter his house if he would.
(He goes into the house)

AMPHITRYON (to
himself):
This Naucrates I wished was not on board;

Nor in the city could I find a man

Who’d seen him, nor within the house; I’ve scoured

The squares, gymnasiums, the barbers’ shops,

The mart, the shambles, and the wrestling school,

The forum, and the street where doctors dwell,

The perfume-sellers, all the sacred shrines,

I’m wearied with the quest, but Naucrates

I cannot find. Now I’ll go home and try

To find out from my wife who it has been

Who has dishonoured her; I’d rather die

Than not pursue this matter to the end.

The doors are closed; ‘tis just like all the rest.

I’ll knock. Pray open! Open now the door.

MERCURY: Who’s there?

AMPHITRYON: Why, I.

MERCURY: What I?

AMPHITRYON: Well, I who speak!

MERCURY: Well, Jupiter and all the gods are vexed with you

For breaking thus the door!

AMPHITRYON : Pray tell me, how?

MERCURY: That all your life you’ll be a wretched man.

AMPHITRYON: Now, Sosia!

MERCURY: Yes, I am he, unless You think that I’ve forgot my name.

What do you want?

AMPHITRYON: You villain, do you ask Me what I want?

MERCURY: I do indeed; almost You’ve broken off the hinges of the doors. D‘ye think we get them at the public charge? Why look at me, fooll Tell me who you are, And what you want!

AMPHITRYON: You ask me what I want, You scoundrel, you who have destroyed more rods Than Acheron souls; and for those words of yours This very day I’ll warm you with the scourge.

MERCURY: Ah, yes, in your young days you must have been

A prodigal.

AMPHITRYON: How’s that?

MERCURY: Because ev’n now In your old age you ask a thrashing from me.

AMPHITRYON: These words you pour so glibly forth will bring

A heavy punishment on you today.

MERCURY: I’ll pay my sacrifices to you.

AMPHITRYON: Why?

MERCURY: Because I’ve cursed you with bad luck today.

 

BLEPHARO: And now arrange yourself in parties as You choose; I go; my business is done. Nor have I ever seen such strange things happen.

AMPHITRYON: Nay, Blepharo, do not go; assist me now; And be my advocate.

BLEPHARO: What use of me, Who do not even know which side I’m on!

JUPITER: I go within; Alcmena’s taken ill.

(
Jupiter goes inside)

AMPHITRYON (to
himself):
Ah! Woe for me, when all
my advocates
And friends desert me; never sure will I
Be mocked by this man, and be unavenged.
I’ll go direct before the king, and tell him
All that has taken place; yes, I will punish
This sorcerer of Thessaly, who has
Unstrung the mind of all my family.
But where is he? He went in to my wife;
Was ever there more wretched man at Thebes,
Whom every one at will ignores and laughs at?
I’ll burst into the house, and there straightway
Whoe‘er I see, or maid, or slave, or wife,
Sire, or grandsire, or this adulterer,
I will destroy; nor Jupiter nor all
The gods ev’n if they will will hinder me
In what I am resolved. And now I go!
(As he rushes to the door, there is a peal of thunder;
Amphitryon falls motionless)