The Portable Roman Reader (Portable Library) (5 page)

SOSIA: Amphitryon’s slave.
MERCURY: Therefore, the more you shall be beaten for
Your idle talk; ‘tis I am Sosia.
SOSIA: I wish you were, and I was beating you.
MERCURY: And are you murmuring?
SOSIA: I will be quiet.
MERCURY: Who is your master?
SOSIA: Any one you like.
MERCURY: What then? How are you called?
SOSIA: As you may bid.
MERCURY: You said you were Amphitryon’s slave,
And Sosia called.
SOSIA: ’Twas a mistake I made.
I meant Amphitryon’s associate.
MERCURY: I knew that none but I was Sosia.
You made a slip.
SOSIA: Would that your fists had, too.
MERCURY: I am that Sosia that you said you were.
SOSIA: I pray you let us have a truce between us
And no more blows.
MERCURY: An armistice be it,
If you have aught to say.
SOSIA: I will not speak
Unless there be a peace; for you are stronger.
MERCURY: Then call it what you like; I will not hurt
you.
SOSIA: But can I trust you?
MERCURY: Me?
SOSIA: What if you fail?
MERCURY: Then Mercury will revenge himself on Sosia.
SOSIA: Now, sir, observe, since I may freely speak,
I’m really Sosia, Amphitryon’s slave.
MERCURY: Do you repeat that?
SOSIA: Yes, I made a truce,
The peace is signed, I speak the very truth.
MERCURY: Take that then.
(Striking him again)
SOSIA: Do just as you please to me,
Your fists are stronger; but whate‘er you do
On this I’ll not be silent.
MERCURY: While you live
You will not make me any one today
But Sosia.
SOSIA: And you will never make
Me other than myself. Nor is there here
A slave save Sosia, who went from hence
To join the army with Amphitryon.
MERCURY : The man is mad.
SOSIA: Nay, that disease is yours.
What the plague, am I not Sosia the slave,
Amphitryon my master; did not the ship
Which came to port tonight bring me with it?
Did not my master send me? Did I stand
Before the house, a lantern in my hand?
Do I not speak? Not watch? Did not this man
Attack me with his fists? He did indeed;
And even now my cheeks smart with his blows.
How can I doubt all this? And why not go
Into our house?
MERCURY: Your house?
SOSIA: ’Tis so, indeed.
MERCURY: In what you said just now, you lied, you know.
I am Amphitryon’s Sosia; our ship
This night returned home from foreign lands;
And where King Pterela reigned, we took the town,
Destroyed by force the Teloboan troops:
Amphitryon himself in savage flight
Cut off King Pterela’s head.
SOSIA
(aside):
I scarce believe
Myself when thus I hear this fellow talk.
He knows by heart the deeds that were done there.
(Aloud)
But say; what was the Teloboans’ gift
To King Amphitryon?
MERCURY: The golden cup
King Pterela used.
SOSIA
(aside):
He’s right.
(Aloud)
Where is the
cup?
MERCURY: It’s in a chest, stamped with Amphitryon’s
seal.
SOSIA: What’s on the seal?
MERCURY: The sun arising, with
Four horses in his car. Why do you try
To trip me up?
SOSIA
(aside):
He wins in argument;
And I must seek another name myself;
How has he seen these things? Now I will catch
Him nicely; what I did was within my tent,
Alone, when no one else was there to see,
That, anyhow, he cannot say.
(Aloud)
If you
Are Sosia, tell me what took place the while
The battle was going on, within my tent.
If you can say, you win.
MERCURY: There was a cask
Of wine from whence I filled myself a jug—
SOSIA
(aside):
On the right road!
MERCURY: And that I drained it
pure,
As it came from the grape.
SOSIA
(aside):
A wondrous tale,
Unless himself was hid within the cask;
‘Tis true I drank it pure, without a drop
Of water in it.
MERCURY: Now is’t true that you
Are not our Sosia?
SOSIA: You deny I am?
MERCURY: What else to do when I am he myself?
SOSIA: I swear by Jove I’m he, and that’s no lie.
MERCURY: And I by Mercury declare that Jove
Does not believe you. He would rather trust
To me unsworn, than you upon your oath.
SOSIA: Then if not Sosia, who the deuce am I?
MERCURY: When I’m not Sosia, you, of course, are he;
Now when I am, unless you go, you wretch,
You will be beaten.
SOSIA
(aside):
When I see this man
And contemplate my own appearance too
(I’ve often done it in a glass), I see
How like he is to me. He has on him
A hat and coat like mine; as like to me
He is indeed as I am to myself.
His calf, his foot, his stature, beard and eyes,
His nose, his cheeks, the way he wears his hair,
His neck, the whole—what need of further words?
If but his back is scarred, then nothing can
Be more alike than he; yet when I think
I really am just what I always was.
I know my master; know our house; can think
And feel; I won’t mind what he says; I’ll knock
Upon the door.
MERCURY: Where are you off to now?
SOSIA: To home.
MERCURY: Ev’n if you take Jove’s car itself
And fly from hence, you shan’t escape from ill.
SOSIA: May I not tell my mistress what my master
Bids me to say?
MERCURY: Your own tell what you like,
But not to mine; if you provoke me further,
You’ll take a broken back from hence today.
SOSIA: I’ll off.
(Aside)
Ye gods immortal, give me help!
Where did I lose myself? Where was I changed?
Where did I lose my shape? Did I forget
Myself when going to the war abroad
And leave myself at home? For sure this man
Has all the appearance that I did possess.
I’ll to the port, and tell my master all.
Ev’n he, perhaps, won’t know me; grant he mayn’t,
That I today with head all shorn and bare
The glorious cap of liberty may wear.

MERCURY:
(to himself):
With all good luck this day has
passed for me;
This piece of work’s proceeded splendidly;
I have removed the greatest obstacle
That could prevent my sire’s illicit joys.
For when this fellow comes before his master,
He’ll tell how Sosia drove him from the door;
His master straightway will believe he lies,
And that he never went as he was bid.
I’ll fill them both with error and mistake
And all Amphitryon’s family beside,
Until my sire has tasted to the full
The joys he wishes; after, all will know
What’s taken place; and Jove himself will bring
Alcmena into favour with her lord.
For sure Amphitryon will have a row
With her, accusing her of doing wrong;
And then my sire will end the strife between them
And bring back peace.
(To audience)
Now, as I left
unsaid
A while ago, Alcmena will bring forth
Today two sons, the one a ten months’ child,
The other seven: one Amphitryon‘s,
The other Jove’s; the greater father to
The younger boy, the lesser to the other,
You understand. My sire has taken care
That for Alcmena’s sake both should be born
Together, so to hide the secret wrong.
Yet, as I said, in the end Amphitryon
Will know the truth. What then? Does any think
The worse of poor Alcmena? The god will not
Allow his sin and fault to fall upon
A mortal’s head. And now I’ll end my speech,
The door has creaked; the false Amphitryon
Comes out, and with him comes his borrowed spouse.

JUPITER: Good-bye, Alcmena, look well to the house,
As you are wont, and of yourself take care;
I must go hence; do you bring up the child.
ALCMENA: What is‘t, my husband, that you haste away
So soon?
JUPITER: ’Tis not because you weary me.
But when the general is not with the force,
What should not be, comes quicker than what should.
MERCURY
(aside):
He is a clever rogue, and ‘tis no won
der,
Since he’s my father; watch how he will coax
The woman.
ALCMENA: Now I clearly see how much
You value me.
JUPITER: Is’t not enough there is
No other lady that I love so much?
MERCURY
(aside):
But if your wife should hear of these
proceedings,
You’d rather be Amphitryon than Jove.
ALCMENA: I’d rather taste your love than hear of it.
You’ve hardly come; you came at mid of night,
And now you go; pray, is it kindly done?
MERCURY (
aside
): I’ll go and talk to her and back him
up.
(To Alcmena)
I do not think that any man e’er loved
His wife to such distraction as he does.
JUPITER: Do I not know you, wretch? Out of my sight!
What care of yours to interfere with me,
Or even mutter? With this staff of mine—
MERCURY: Oh, don‘t!
JUPITER: One word and—
MERCURY (
aside
): So my first ap
pearance
As flatterer has turned out rather poorly.
JUPITER: As to your words, dear wife, you must not be
Angry with me; I left upon the sly;
I stole these moments for you, so that you
Might learn the progress of affairs; I’ve told
You all; unless I loved you very much
I could not do it.
MERCURY (
aside
): Just as I did say:
He soothes her fears and pets her.
JUPITER: Lest the troops
Perceive my absence I must now return.
Let them not say that I preferred my wife
To state affairs.
ALCMENA: Your going leaves your wife
In tears.
JUPITER: Nay, nay, don’t spoil your eyes, my dear,
I’ll come again, and soon.
ALCMENA: That soon is long.
JUPITER: I do not leave you gladly.
ALCMENA: So it seems,
For the same night sees you both come and go.
JUPITER: Why keep me thus? I wish to leave the city
Before the dawn. And now this cup which they
Have given me for my valour, which the king
Did use himself, the king my hand has slain,
I give it to you.
ALCMENA: You do as you’re wont.
In truth a noble gift, like him who gave it.
MERCURY: Indeed a noble gift, worthy of her
To whom ’tis given.
JUPITER: Will you not depart,
You wretch? And can I not escape you yet?
ALCMENA: And don‘t, my dear Amphitryon, be vexed
With Sosia for my sake.
JUPITER: That as you like.
MERCURY
(aside):
Though he’s in love, he can be pretty
cross.
JUPITER: Hast aught you wish?
ALCMENA: Yes, that you love me
well,
Ev’n when I am away.
MERCURY: Amphitryon,
’Tis time to go. The day begins to dawn.
JUPITER: Sosia, go first; and I will follow thee.

Want you aught more? ALCMENA: Yes, that you soon return. JUPITER: I’ll come before you’ve time to think of it. Be of good cheer.
(As Alcmena goes into her house)
Now, Night, who stayed your course To speed my plans, depart; give place to day, That men may have its bright and shining light; And by how much this night was longer than The last, by so much shall the day that dawns Be shorter; so there’ll be equality, And night succeed to day even as it’s wont. Now I will go and follow Mercury.

 

AMPHITRYON: Go you behind.
SOSIA: I follow close to you.
AMPHITRYON: You are the greatest rascal I have known.
SOSIA: And why?
AMPHITRYON: Because what you tell me is not,
Nor was, nor will be.
SOSIA: Sure, a pretty state!
You won’t believe your servants when they speak.
AMPHITRYON: What is’t? I will cut off that wretched
tongue
Of yours!
SOSIA: I am your slave, and I suppose
That you will do exactly as you choose.
Yet you shall not deter me; I will tell
Things as they are.
AMPHITRYON : You rascal, do you dare
To say you are at home, who‘rt here with me.
SOSIA: I speak the truth.
AMPHITRYON: The gods will punish you
For this: and I will do the same today.
SOSIA: That’s in your hand; for me, I am your slave.
AMPHITRYON: And do you dare to mock your master
thus?
You dare to say what no man ever saw,
Nor yet can be, that at the selfsame time
A man may in two places be at once?
SOSIA: It was as I have said.
AMPHITRYON: The gods destroy you!
SOSIA: What harm through me has happened your af
fairs?
AMPHITRYON: D’ye ask that even when you’re mocking
me?
SOSIA: Blame, if you like, if matters are not so;
I do not lie; I speak things as they are.
AMPHITRYON: The man is drunk.
SOSIA: I only wish I were.
AMPHITRYON: You need not wish; you are.
SOSIA: What, I?
AMPHITRYON: Yes, you.
Where did you get it?
SOSIA: I’ve had none at all.
AMPHITRYON: What can I do with him?
SOSIA: A dozen times
I’ve said I am at home; d‘ye hear me now?
And also I am here, the selfsame man.
Now is that clear, and have I spoken plain?
AMPHITRYON: Off with you!
SOSIA: What’s the matter?
AMPHITRYON: You’ve the plague.
SOSIA: Why say you that? I am alive and well.
AMPHITRYON: But I, today, will give you your deserts;
Make you less well, more full of misery,
If I return home safe. Now follow me,
Who mock your master with such idle tales.
You have neglected my express commands,
And now have come to laugh at me besides.
Things which could never be, and which no one
Has ever heard of, these you now put forward.
You wretch, your back shall pay for these your lies.
SOSIA: Amphitryon, the greatest trouble that befalls
An honest servant when he speaks the truth
Is, sure, to find that truth rammed down his throat
And disbelieved.
AMPHITRYON : How can it be, you wretch,
That you’re both here and yet at home as well?
Argue it out, I want you to explain it.
SOSIA: I am both here and there. It may seem strange
And ’tis as strange to me as any one.
AMPHITRYON: But how?
SOSIA: ‘Tis not a jot more wonderful
To you than to myself; nor by the gods
Did I, this Sosia, believe the tale
Until that other Sosia made me do so.
In proper order all that happened when
We met the enemy he did disclose;
And took my very shape, my name as well.
Milk’s not more like to milk than he to me.
For when before the dawn you sent me home—
AMPHITRYON: What then?
SOSIA: Why long before I ever came,
I stood before the house.
AMPHITRYON: What silly nonsense!
Say, are you sane?
SOSIA: Just as you see me here.
AMPHITRYON: Some wizard has bewitched this wretched
man
After he left me.
SOSIA: That is true enough;
I’m bruised all over.
AMPHITRYON: Who has beaten you?
SOSIA: Why, I myself, the one that’s now at home.
AMPHITRYON: Just answer what I ask. And first of all
Who is this Sosia?
SOSIA: He is your slave.
AMPHITRYON: It seems I have more Sosias than I need;
Yet since my birth I never had but you.
SOSIA: And yet, Amphitryon, I warrant you
Will find another Sosia waiting there
When you arrive; born of the selfsame father,
Same form and age as I. Need I say more?
There is a double Sosia born to you.
AMPHITRYON: These things are strange. But did you see
my wife?
SOSIA: I was not even allowed to come within.
AMPHITRYON: Who stopped you?
SOSIA: Why, this other Sosia,
Who used his fists upon me.
AMPHITRYON: Who is he?
SOSIA: ’Tis I, I say. How often have I told you!
AMPHITRYON : How can it be? Pray did you go to sleep?
SOSIA: No, never in the world.
AMPHITRYON: I thought perhaps
That you had seen this Sosia in your dreams.
SOSIA: I never sleep when following your behests;
I was quite wide awake as I am now
And as I speak to you; and wide awake
I was when he attacked me with his fists.
AMPHITRYON: Who did?
SOSIA: This other Sosia, can’t you hear?
AMPHITRYON: How can one when you prate such silly
tales?
SOSIA: Well, soon you’ll know.
AMPHITRYON: Know whom, d‘ye mean?
SOSIA: That other Sosia.
AMPHITRYON: Then follow me, for first
I must enquire. Let all be disembarked.
SOSIA: I will take care that all you wish is done.
I have not swallowed your commands
As they were wine.
AMPHITRYON: May the gods grant to me
That nought of what you say has come to pass.