The Other Side of Love (Forever Love) (13 page)

“She wasn’t American?” Zane sat back in confusion.

“No. She was, or rather is, from France. She moved to the States to be an au pair. She was interested in being an actress as well, so that’s why she chose California. She thought she’d meet some hot actor or director and get into movies.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “How do you know this?”

“Sorry, I’m skipping ahead. So I hired the detective, and he found her in a couple of databases. He saw the visa application and some sealed mental records.”

“Mental records?”

“I mean patient records from a mental institute.”

“She was in a mental institute?” Zane’s eyes were wide. “Oh
, God, don’t tell me we inherited some crazy gene from her. That’s all I need.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I think she suffered from depression, maybe bipolar as well. I don’t really know.”

“So she left us because she was depressed?”

“No.” I shook my head. “She had postpartum depression and she was scared she was going to harm us. I think she was close to a nervous breakdown. And
, well, it didn’t help that she was with Dad.”

“I suppose not.” Zane ran his fingers through his hair. “I always wondered if she was depressed or something. I guess I never realized that would make someone leave her two sons. So the detective told you all this?”

“No, he gave me the contact information to a man she had listed on her visa application in France. Turns out that she had listed her father on the application and he still lived at that address.”

“How do you know?” He frowned at me. “Oh, is that when you went back to France?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “I tried to talk to you about it all, but you just weren’t interested and I didn’t want to force the conversation until I knew exactly what had happened. I was so excited, you know. I thought I was going to be able to arrange this happy family reunion.”

“That didn’t exactly work out.” Zane gave me a wry smile.

“Yeah, it didn’t.” I sighed. “But everything went crazy all at once. I went to Mexico on that weekend trip with Angelique and Braydon, and I called the FBI, and then I went on another trip to France and I met her and my brain was inundated with too much information. I was mad, and sad, and angry and scared and I didn’t know if I was coming or going.”

“So you just disappeared without saying anything.” Zane looked at me with an angry expression. “I never thought you were one to just run away.”

“I thought I was protecting you.” I sighed. “I don’t know why—”

“Why did she pretend she didn’t know me?” Zane cut me off. “And why does she still call you? It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“She’s not your mom.” I spurted it out and waited for him to explode.

“What are you talking about?” Zane frowned. “Of course she’s my mom. If she’s your mom, she’s my mom. We’re brothers, duh.”

“She’s not your biological mom, Zane.” I stared into his eyes and he stared back at me with a wild expression. “She was your au pair when you were a baby. She slept with Dad, and they started a relationship. As much as he could be in a relationship. And then she got pregnant with me and she thought she’d made it. But he still treated her like the au pair.”

“Who’s my mom
, then?” Zane looked like a zombie as he spoke slowly. “Where’s my mom?”

I took a deep breath before I continued. This was the part I was
dreading the most. “She’s dead, Zane. She died from complications during childbirth.”

“You mean my childbirth?” Zane looked dazed. “She died because she had me?” He sat back and closed his eyes, his fists clenched and I could see his chest heaving up and down.

“It wasn’t your fault, Zane. I saw the records. She had a pre-existing condition that the doctors missed. She would have died whether she had had you or not.”

“I killed my mother. And you’re not my brother.” He started laughing hysterically. “Any other surprises for me? Am I really from Pluto? Are you going to tell me that Lucky is a figment of my imagination as well?”

“Zane.” I said his name loudly and with authority. “Please. I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared you would lose it. But you can’t lose it, Zane. None of this is your fault.”

“How could you not tell me, Noah?” He jumped up from his chair. “How could you keep this from me?”

“I was scared.” I jumped up as well. “I didn’t want you to be hurt. I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

“Take what the wrong way? I mean, why would I take it the wrong way? I’m not who I thought I am. My whole life has been a lie.” He paced back and forth. “I don’t even know who I am.”

“You know you’re still my big brother.” I said slowly. “You know you’re still the guy that went out of his way to find out what happened to me, and you dated a billion girls to seek revenge for my murder. You’re still the guy that promised me that you’d be by my side every day of my life. Remember that day when we pretended to camp in the backyard and you told me that as long as we both lived, I’d always have you?”

“I think I remember saying something about us being the same because we had the exact same blood running through our veins as well.
And that was a lie.” He turned away from me. “I don’t even know who half of my bloodline belongs to. I don’t even know who I really am.”

“Blood d
idn’t make us a family, Zane.
We
made us a family. Our love and undying affection and care for each other make us a family. The fact that we would do anything for each other makes us a family. You’re still my brother, Zane. My full brother. I don’t care if we only share half a bloodline.” My voice rose as I talked to him, and he turned to look at me with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He nodded. “I didn’t mean to imply anything else.”

“I have something for you.” I walked over to Sidney’s file cabinet and opened the second drawer and pulled out a folder and handed it to Zane. “This is for you.” I watched as he opened it slowly with a weary expression. “It’s everything I could find out about your birth mom and her family.”

“Oh.” He sat back down again with the folder in his lap and held it in his hands gingerly.

“Your grandfather died in World War II. He was a war hero.” I started talking when I realized that Zane was too dazed to look at the file himself. “And your grandmother was a nurse. She never remarried. She brought your mom up by herself, even supported her through college. Your mom was a teacher.” He looked up at me, and I could see tears in his eyes as I spoke. “She taught kindergarteners. She loved them and they loved her. There are two class photos in the folder. You can see what she looked like. She was beautiful. She was older than Dad by eleven years.” Zane’s eyes widened in surprise and I laughed. “I know. I was shocked as well.”

“She was older than Dad?” Zane spoke finally and opened the folder. I watched as he went through the papers and photographs eagerly, holding them carefully and studying them intently. “She was beautiful.” He stared at one of the photos and smiled at me. “She looks like she was a loving woman. Like she would have made a good mother.”

“She was really excited to have you.” I continued on. “The detective found many people who worked with her. They all said she was so excited to have a baby of her own. She boasted to everyone that she was going to call him Zane because he was her strong little man. She used to tell everyone that when you kicked she thought you were going to break through her stomach.”

“That’s not what hurt her, is it?” Zane’s expression turned bleak again and I almost cursed myself out.

“No, that’s not why. She loved you so much, Zane. You were the child she had been waiting for her whole life.” I took a deep breath and continued. “She chose your life instead of her own.”

“What?” Zane looked confused.

“When she went into labor, the doctors told her they could try and save her or they could try and save you. And she didn’t hesitate. She chose you. She had a preexisting condition and knew she was going to die anyway. So she chose your life. She wanted you to live more than anything.” I took a deep breath. “And there’s supposed to be a letter.”

“A letter?”

“I don’t know where it is.” I gave him an apologetic look. “I don’t even know if it’s true, but the detective spoke to someone that worked at the hospital when she died. She was a receptionist or something. She said that your mom left you a letter.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before, Noah?”

“Because I was scared of how you would react.” I answered honestly. “You were in a bad, bitter place, bro. I wasn’t sure that you’d be able to handle it all.”

“I understand.” He gave me a small smile. “I was in a bad place. But now that I have Lucky
, I feel like nothing can phase me. I’m really hurt and upset, but I understand your reasons for keeping it secret, Noah.”

“I love you, Zane.”

“I love you too, bro.” He stood up and gave me a big bear hug before pulling back. “And now, if you’ll excuse me. I want to go and find Lucky and tell her everything.” He laughed as he shook his head. “I can’t believe that I’ve become that guy.”

I laughed as well and agreed with him. “I can’t believe it either.”

Chapter 10

“I want to go to Aruba.” She sat at the table and looked up at me with a demanding face.

“I can’t leave Palm Bonita
,” I sighed, irritated that we were having this conversation again.

“I want to go on vacation. This shit is boring.” She looked at me
, annoyed. “No one in Aruba is going to know or care who you are.”

“I’m sorry
, but I can’t go.”

“What use are you to me?”

“I thought you liked my company.” I turned away from her, unable to look at her. I wasn’t sure who she was becoming, or maybe I just hadn’t known who she really was when we first started dating.

“Noah, it’s not that I don’t like your company. It’s that I’ll like it more if we went to Aruba.” She continued painting her fingernails and held them up to me. “What do you think?” I stared at the bright red polish on her nails and thought the color was apt. Her fing
ers looked like they had been dipped in blood and really, that was the way I was starting to think of her. She was a bloodsucker, only interested in her own needs. The fact was I would have already dumped her if there weren’t other issues to consider, other circumstances that made it more difficult. It was hard for me to walk away from her when I knew that I was possibly putting someone else at risk.

“Looks good.” I faked a smile and turned away. “If you’re wanting to be a prostitute or vampire.” I said under my breath.

“What’s that?” Her voice was shrill, and I looked over at her with a blank expression.

“What’s what?”

“What did you just say?” Her eyes narrowed at me coldly and I almost shivered as I stared at her. There was no happiness or joy in her spirit. She looked broken. Broken and distant.

“Nothing, just that I wished I could take you to Aruba.”

“Whatever.” She flung her hair over her shoulders. “I’ll figure out a way myself or with the help of someone else.”

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “You’re not going to steal again?”

“You act like that’s a bad thing.” She stood up and walked over to me. “You act like you didn’t get off fucking me in that stranger’s house after we stole the handbag.”

“
We
didn’t steal anything.” I took a step away from her, feeling my body temperature rising. It was getting harder and harder for me to disguise my feelings.

“No one would believe that you weren’t in it with me. Were you not in the house with me?” She laughed cattily, and ran her index finger all the way down my chest and to my crotch, which sat motionless. She looked
up at me with a pout. “There was a day when all I had to do was touch you and you would rise to attention.”

“I’m not in the mood.” I looked away from her.

“Do you not find me attractive anymore?” Her tone changed to one of pity and hurt, and I looked over at her. She looked distraught, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she was genuinely sad that I was pulling away from her or just because her feminine wiles won’t working.

“You’re beautiful.” I stared at her and answered honestly.

“I don’t mean to be like this, you know.” Her eyes were open and held a touch of bleakness. “I’ve just been through so much in my life. Every day I’m just in survival mode. I’m just trying to get by. I just want to be free.” Tears slid from her eyes. “I just want to get out of here and be free.”

“I know you do.” I held her hand and squeezed it compassionately
, and for one moment we were once again united in our grief.

“I hope that today hasn’t been filled with too many bombshells,” I grimaced as I got into the car with Robin. “I bet you’re wishing that you didn’t come over to the Johnsons’ today.”

“Not at all,” she laughed. “Though it has been one of those
Days of Our Lives
types of day.”

“That’s a lot of family information for you to get at one time.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing as we pulled out of the Johnsons’ driveway. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you never wanted to see me again.”

“If that’s all you’ve got, then your life is nothing compared to mine.” She grinned at me, but I saw a tinge of truth and sadness in her eyes. “But, just to clear things up: no, I do not want to not see you again. I’m actually glad that Zane and Lucky intervened.”

“So am I,” I laughed again. “Though do not tell them that. I don’t want them thinking that they can try to dictate my life, but they definitely helped me here. Especially after the other night.”

“What happened there?” She looked over at me curiously.

“I’m not sure.” I looked at her. “I got the feeling that we both weren’t ready to be in a certain place.”

“Yeah, perhaps.” She sat back and looked out the window. “I guess we’re both treading water here.”

“Would you like to go to a movie with me?” I blurted out before I could think about it too much. “I can also just take you home if you prefer.”

“What about your brother? Don’t you want to be with him?”

“I think he’d rather be with Lucky right now.” I smiled at her, happy to see that she was the kind of woman who thought about others before herself. “I’m sure we’ll be doing more talking tomorrow. Once he has time to get over the initial shock, I’m pretty sure he will have a lot more questions.”

“That was brave of you to tell him at the Johnsons’.” Her voice was light and non-judgmental, which I appreciated. “Weren’t you worried he would just lose it and go off on you?”

“Yes,” I laughed, “but Sidney is like my family. He’s known pretty much everything. He was the one who helped me find the private detective. He’s the one who has been badgering me to tell
Zane. I know this sounds crazy, but I always knew I wanted Sidney to be around when I told Zane. He’s like my support system. Do I sound like a total weirdo to you right now?”

“No, of course not.” She reached over and squeezed my arm. “He seems really nice and so does his wife. Before you and Lucky arrived, I was talking to them and they really showed a genuine interest in me. It was like they knew exactly what to say to make me feel better about myself.”

“It’s a gift that they have.” I smiled at her warmly, glad that she had taken to them both. “It’s like they can see into your soul and the worries that you have, and they soothe you with their words and care.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “When Sidney spoke to me, I felt like he knew where I was coming from and what my dreams and obstacles were. It was funny.” Her voice grew low. “It’s hard to meet people who genuinely care about you like that. Who want to know your story, rather than just talk about themselves.
”

“Yes, yes
, it is.”

“So, you were in witness protection?” She changed the subject. “How did I not know that? That’s crazy.”

“I wasn’t technically in witness protection.” I laughed. “But yes, I was helping the FBI and the DEA with a case and I had to disappear.”

“Okay, I take back my earlier statement. Your life isn’t like
Days of our Lives
, it’s more like
Mission Impossible
.”

“Not really. All I had to do was go hide out in a small town in Florida. It was Zane who was actually getting to the bottom of the case.”

“That must have been hard, though, leaving your family.”

“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.” I found myself driving back to Zane’s house instead of the movie. “The day I realized that I had to fake my own suicide and have my brother believe I was dead is still surreal to me.”

“What made you go along with it?”

“The agent who was in charge of the case told me that unless I complied, it was likely that they would come after me and my family, which, honestly, I doubted. But then he said, ‘Think of all the other innocent lives you could be saving.
The lives that get caught in the crossfire. They were drug dealers, they didn’t care who they hurt.’ And that’s when I knew I had to do it. Special Agent Waldron had shown me photographs of many of the people that they believed were killed by the cartel and there were over twenty children. I didn’t want there to be any new faces added to that pile.”

“Wow.” Robin’s eyes widened. “You’re really selfless. Now you make me feel bad for going off on you two times.”

“I just did what anyone with a conscience would have done.” I shrugged. “And I’m pretty sure you will go off on me again, at some point. I can be infuriating, just ask Zane.” I laughed.

“Where are we going?” She looked out the window as she laughed.

“I figured we could watch a movie.” I paused. “But at home, if that’s not too presumptuous. You didn’t answer earlier and so I thought this may be nice. We can relax, have a few laughs and be comfortable.”

“Sounds good to me.” She gave me a wide smile. “Are you sure we won’t be bothering Zane and Lucky?”

“Well, here’s the other part.” I made a face at her. “I was hoping we could watch it in my room? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not because I want to sleep with you. I have a king-sized bed so we won’t even have to touch. I just figured it will give us more privacy if they are already home, or if they come home while we are still watching it.”

“Don’t worry, Noah.” She giggled. “I understand.”

“Phew.” I pulled into the driveway. “I didn’t want you thinking this was another seduction move. And that all I wanted from you was a night of hot sex.”

“Don’t remind me of that last conversation.” She groaned. “I’m surprised you don’t think I’m bipolar.”

“You’re not?” I feigned surprise and she hit me in the shoulder before we both jumped out of the car.

“Funny.” She laughed. “Though I suppose I deserve that.”

“Let’s go inside.” I walked over to her side of the car and grabbed her hand. As we touched, I felt another spark jolt through me and I smiled to myself knowing that the connection I had witnessed previously was still there.

“So, are you going to tell me more about your time in Florida? Where did you go?” Robin looked up at me with a happy face, and I felt my heart start to pound. How could I tell her about everything that had happened in Palm Bonita? It was all so complicated and heartbreaking. I didn’t want to burden her with all that information. Not in the same day she had found out about all my family drama. It almost seemed too much. I didn’t want to lose her right when I was getting to know her because of an information overload. Not when I was finally getting a do-over with her. Plus, I didn’t know how to tell her about Skylar. I didn’t know if she would understand.

“There’s not really much to tell.” I said smoothly. “I stayed in a small town called Palm Bonita and basically just sat around and waited until I was able to come home.”

“Oh, that sucks.” She gave my upper arm a squeeze. “That must have been so boring. Did you make any friends?”

“Not really.” I shook my head. “I kept to myself most of the time.”

“
Aww, that’s awful. What were the people like? Did they ask you where you came from?” Her eyes were excited. “I bet they were all curious as to who you were.”

“Not really.” Which was true. The people in Palm Bonita didn’t ask questions because they didn’t want anyone to ask them anything
, either.

“So what did you do?” She looked confused. “Just sat and watched TV?”

“I did a lot of TV watching.” I nodded. “Not much else. I didn’t really have any friends, so I was by myself quite a bit.”

“So,” she paused. “No special lady friends?” Her eyes looked into mine questioningly, and my stomach churned.

“Not really.” I lied, feeling horrible as I did so. But I knew that Robin didn’t want to know about my relationship in Palm Bonita. She didn’t want to hear about all the places we had sex and how I lost myself in the relationship because I fell in love.

“Oh, wow.” She laughed. “Sorry for the
twenty questions.”

“That’s okay. What about you? When did you last date?” I asked her, honestly wanting to know the answer but also wanting to take the focus of the conversation away from myself.

“Right before I moved to Los Angeles.” She gave me a weak smile. “What movie are we going to watch?” She walked away from me and looked at some of the pictures Zane had up on the wall. “These are cool.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “They were painted by kids with cancer.”

“Oh, that’s sad.”

“Cancer is a horrible disease.” I agreed. “Zane does everything he can to support cancer research. He gives a lot of money to a lot of different hospitals.” I paused. “But honestly, I think the best part is that he goes and he visits the kids and he talks to them and plays with them, and he supports their visions for the future.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty cool.” I nodded and I felt warm inside as I once again realized how blessed I was to have him as a brother.

“Want anything to eat or drink before we go upstairs?”

“Do you have any wine?” She laughed. “Or chocolate?”

“I think we have both. And strawberries, if you want some.”

“That sounds delicious.” She followed me into the kitchen and I handed her two wine glasses and a box of Quality Street that I found in the cupboard. Zane had an addiction to English chocolates and always ordered the boxes in bulk. I grabbed a wine bottle, opener, and some strawberries from the fridge.