The Other Side of Envy: The Ghost Bird Series: #8 (The Academy) (26 page)

The car was quiet for the longest time. He returned to watching the road. His arms were straight, hands clenching the steering wheel. The muscles in his arms bulked. “What...what did she say?” he finally said, his voice low.

I repeated the events, on up to leaving Lily’s house.

“Hm,” he said, and then grunted. He sat back in his seat a little. “I didn’t think you’d find out so soon.”

“You didn’t want to tell me,” I said. It wasn’t a question, since it was obvious.

“It’s not easy to explain,” he said. “You’re not exactly telling everyone openly, either. You wanted to wait to be alone to talk about it.”

Touché. “But you’ve continued to talk with them? So you’ve had time to consider.”

“I’m not sure it’ll work,” he said. “It’s like Mr. Blackbourne says. We can’t control how people feel. And we’re sixteen.” He rolled his head back, his eyes squinting as he gazed out the front window. “But no matter how many ways I look at this, I can’t think of another way. I call to ask them things, sure I’ll find a reason why it won’t work. And there’s a million reasons why it won’t. But I don’t want it that way. Every other way just means we split up. It’s already too late for some of us.”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I said quietly. “It wasn’t what I was expecting. I only meant to ask how to join the group without the Academy asking me to join with another team.”

“That’s what we were looking for,” he said. “What we found was Lily and her team.”

“That can’t be the only way,” I said. I liked what I saw with Lily, but the longer this went on, the more impossible it seemed. Maybe I hadn’t been in relationships, but I read books, and watched movies. What they had wasn’t normal. I remembered how vehemently some girls used to talk when they discovered a boy they liked was kissing someone else. Sometimes they hadn’t started going out with the boy yet, and still they became so jealous. I imagined boys had similar feelings. I was already jealous, thinking back to Dr. Green mentioning taking girls to see the babies, when he’d really meant the nurses and old women. It’s not like I could stop them if they wanted to date someone. I had no right to ask. “Mr. Blackbourne said it might not end up exactly like that.”

“Nothing is ever exactly how we think it’ll end up,” he said. His big hands twisted around the wheel, his knuckles near white with how tightly he was holding it. “You don’t seem too messed up about the idea. You’re just not sure how it’ll work.”

I bit my lower lip and pressed myself against the back of the seat. “It feels selfish. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said. He sliced his intense eyes my way for a full couple of seconds. “If I got a hint of any of them trying to take you for themselves, I’d be the first one pulling you back to me.” He grunted, shook his head, and then refocused on the road. “Sorry,” he said. “That’s wrong. I wouldn’t drag you around like a caveman.” He made a face and then smacked the steering wheel. “This shit makes me feel like one sometimes, though. Like I can just drag you off and expect you to be happy with just you and me.”

I was flattered and warmed at the thought that he wanted me to where he was willing to fight off the others to keep me for himself. Suddenly, I smiled. “Funny how we’re trying very hard to make everyone else happy.”

He sighed. “Part of what makes us Academy. We’re not in it for ourselves. Look, what do
you
want? That’s what I want to know.”

I was going to start with explanations and excuses. I wanted to say things Mr. Blackbourne said, that Lily said. I swallowed them back. This was North; I could be blunt. “At first, I wanted just to feel like I belonged in the group. I was told to stick close to everyone. So I did.” I sat back, gazing out the side window. “I feel guilty about it, but I do like what Lily has. A cozy home with everyone she cares about around her. But I couldn’t
ask
anyone to do that. It feels horrible bringing it up.”

“Lily didn’t ask. The guys did, once they realized she cared a lot about them, and they cared about her. Mr. Blackbourne and I were actually hoping to figure out how the others felt about it and get them either on our side or not, before you found out.”

I was quiet for a long moment, watching the scenery. I was trying to envision Lily being approached by four guys she probably really cared about and discovering they preferred to stay together with her. I really was envious then. Maybe it would have been easier to handle if everyone agreed and had done the same. Lily said she’d made a lot of mistakes, too, though. Life never turns out how you pictured.

“I can’t predict the future,” North said. “Maybe you’ll get tired of us all and kick us all out.”

“North—”

“I’m just saying we’re all making choices.” He stabbed his finger at the dashboard. “All I know is, when I talk to Victor about it, he’s torn at the idea of keeping you here with us or taking you with him. If you chose to stay with us, he’d stay with you here. I’m the same way. It sounds crazy, but I’d actually prefer if we stayed together.”

“You don’t want to drag me to a cave?” I asked quietly with a small smile.

“Shut up,” he said, “or I’ll go find one to drag you into. We want to stay together as a group, and we want you in the group. This is our fault, really. Not yours.”

“It’s my fault,” I said. “I bumped into Kota, and the next thing I know, you all kept trying to help me...”

“You needed it,” he said. “But we could have called in other Academy members. You could have even been out of this school and with a girl team by now.”

Internally, I shivered at the thought. I really disliked the idea of joining a girl team. I wasn’t sure why. I grew intensely uncomfortable thinking the only way to join the Academy might be on a girl team. I blamed it on being overly fond and biased about my own team. “We can’t go on what if scenarios,” I said, repeating what Mr. Blackbourne had said.

North nodded. He turned the car off the interstate and headed onto a ramp marked Hannahan. “So we’re on the same page? We’ll work at this as long as everyone is onboard?”

“I want to make sure everyone’s happy with it,” I said. “It feels wrong for me to ask it of anyone. Gabriel seemed fine until we went to Lily’s. At first I thought he was okay. Suddenly, he’s envious of Victor and then he’s all quiet. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he’s ignoring me.”

“Look,” he said. “Right now he’s busy trying to save your ass. So he’s got your cell phone, running around with it, looking over his shoulder. It might be he doesn’t have the time to talk. And that was a lot to consider, having all that suddenly thrown at him.”

“I’d feel better if I could talk to him,” I said. “I think if I can get him on my side, he can help me convince the others.”

North nodded. “Victor’s on board. Silas...I’m not sure where he stands.”

“He knows?” I asked, surprised. He didn’t mention it at all, but then they’d been trying to keep it a secret.

“He does,” North said. “Sort of. He needs to talk with Mr. Blackbourne about it, but he’s hesitating. I think he’s waiting it out to see where everyone else is. I think he’s okay with you being with me, and some of the others, but not everyone. Maybe he’s worried they’ll drag you off to a cave somewhere when he isn’t looking.”

I smiled at that. The complicated mess ahead of us seemed daunting, but North was a strong advocate to have. “If you work with Silas, I’ll work with Gabriel?”

“That sounds like a plan,” he said.

I breathed out slowly. “You know, I’m still not sure exactly how this will work out. Even if I like the idea, what are we doing?”

“At this point, I just think we need to all be aware of the plan, but do it in steps. If we can get everyone on the same page, then we’ll figure out the details.” He shrugged. “If we try to plan too far ahead at this point, it’s doing it without the others, and we need everyone on the same page before we start taking it to the next step.

That sounded reasonable. This wasn’t going to be an instance where a guy asks a girl out, she says yes, and then they’re together.

I held on to the thought that all relationships were complicated and needed work. More than one step at a time, it would be overwhelming.

The GPS on the phone started giving more directions the closer we got to the neighborhood. Soon, we ended up on a narrow street in the middle of a small subdivision.

We found the right road and North slowed the Jeep down. I scanned the area for Gabriel’s car.

There were two cars parked in yards along the street. Only one had a for sale sign. It was a rusty two-door Buick, like the muscle cars I’d seen on television. I grimaced at the sight of it. It desperately needed new paint, and there was a wheel missing on the back.

North groaned the moment he saw it. “Fuck,” he said. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He stopped the car in the middle of the street, and hopped out, moving right to the Buick. He’d left the Jeep running, door open wide.

My heart skipped. I checked behind us to be sure we weren’t blocking the road for anyone, and then hopped out of the Jeep to join him.

I stood beside North on the side of the road, checking out the old rusty car. A back window was cracked. The muffler was on the ground under the trunk. The longer I looked at it, the more I was sure it was simply a broken, beat up old car. “It doesn’t look like it really drives,” I said. “Are we sure this is the one?”

He looked up the road. “There’s that old truck on a lawn a few doors down. Something tells me that isn’t it, though.” He sighed, putting his hands on his hips, and glared at the car. “I didn’t know Gabriel was into muscle cars.”

“He never talked about it with anyone,” I said. “Luke had to drag out the street name, but wouldn’t tell him what it was.”

North moved to the car, checking out the inside. “Mold everywhere.” He moved to get down on the ground, doing a pushup move to check the broken wheel and under the body. “The bottom’s rusted. Might still be salvageable.” He stood up, pressing a palm to his forehead. “Baby, we need to ask him straight.”

“What about?” I asked.

“Look, this thing is maybe a couple thousand dollars at most. It’s in terrible disrepair. It’s been sitting outside in the elements for who knows how long. They’d sell it cheap. He’d have the money by now if he really wanted it. I don’t think this is it.”

“He said it was on this street.”

“This isn’t Gabriel, though,” he said. He gestured toward the hood. “A muscle car? A rusted out piece of shit that hasn’t been off this yard in years? No. That doesn’t sound like him.”

“He might like it,” I said. “Maybe with new paint. Maybe he wanted an old one he could paint.”

“But he’d have to get it fixed up to drive it. He’s never shown an ounce of interest in working on cars before.” He pointed to the Buick. “Maybe I’m wrong, but we need to double check. If I know anything about Gabriel, this isn’t it.”

I glanced up and down the road. I didn’t see any other cars that looked like they might be for sale. Most cars that were in view were parked up close to the garage, looking owned by whoever lived there. “Maybe you’re right.” It was hard to imagine Gabriel wanting to fix up a car. Paint it, yes, I could see, but if he wanted some car as a rite of passage, would it be something he’d have to get North to help him with?

Still, I was reluctant to move on. The answer was on this street somewhere. “Can we drive through the street again?” I asked.

North nodded. We got back into the Jeep, and started to move up and down the street again. North checked on the truck that was parked near the road, but he said it looked like someone still used it. There was a cup in the cup holder. Someone had just parked it in the yard.

Nothing else looked for sale. “Maybe he made his deal,” I said. “Maybe he’s making payments? That’s why there’s not a for sale sign. He’s buying it already. They just keep it off the road.”

North groaned. “Yeah, that sounds like him. He won’t tell me until it’s too late.” He pulled the Jeep around and started out. “Sorry, Baby. I know you wanted to get it for his birthday, but he’s already taking care of it. You’ll have to trust him to get what he wants on his own.”

I nodded, frowning. I should have been happy we didn’t have to worry about securing his car for him. I don’t know why, but I was disappointed. Again, I felt discouraged, like when I had discovered what Silas wanted, and realized making it happen was more than what I could do. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, curling up.

“Don’t look like that,” North said. “It’s a sweet thought. He’d appreciate it, but it just didn’t work out. He’ll be happy with something else. We’ll buy him some more paint and brushes and he’ll love it.”

“Luke said to get him an art set,” I said, still disappointed, but unable to express it to North. It sounded stupid. I wanted to find out what they all wanted and give it to them? I couldn’t even find the car Gabriel wanted.

North reached out, grabbing my hand while he drove. He rested our hands on the armrest between us. “Listen, Sang Baby,” he said. “We’ll get him whatever you want to get him, okay? Just don’t look like that.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to push back looking sad. I changed the subject. “Now we have to go meet Kota and Mr. Morris?”

“We’ve got some time to kill,” he said.

He pulled into a fast food place near the school. He bought us both grilled chicken sandwiches and waters. He said he wasn’t sure how long meeting Mr. Morris would take, and we should eat a bit now before we got caught up in something. We sat in the car, eating quietly.

“You didn’t eat much at lunch,” he said.

Once I was finished eating, I sat back, watching people filter in and out of the restaurant and driving by.

North claimed my hand again, holding onto it. At first, he was sitting back, waiting, like he was going to take a nap.

I was thinking about if I should send a text to Gabriel, about how to talk to Lily when I was nervous to call her. Absently, I started rubbing my thumb just inside North’s palm.

I didn’t realize I was doing it until North squeezed my hand tighter and then sat up straight. “Stop.”

I was confused for a moment, and then started to pull my hand away.