The Other Side of Envy: The Ghost Bird Series: #8 (The Academy) (22 page)

W
hen class was over, I walked beside Nathan to the next class.

“I have to take you to the music room,” Nathan said.

I stopped mid-step, surprised, and then slowly began walking again. When Mr. Blackbourne had said ‘tomorrow’, I didn’t realize he meant during our class.

I followed Nathan down the hallway, terrified.

“It’s been weird not having you at the house,” Nathan said. “And now you’ll be staying at a hotel.”

“I think staying at the hotel will be weird,” I said, mostly repeating him. I didn’t mean to be dour, but my thoughts weren’t on the hotel. I might have been excited about a stay at a hotel, but if Gabriel was upset, I wasn’t happy. Now I had to face Mr. Blackbourne and have a discussion I wasn’t sure I’d get through.

“It’s only for tonight,” Nathan said. We got to Music Room B’s door, the small hallway giving us some cover. He moved in, his face low and near mine. “It’s hard to sleep without you around.”

I smiled a little. For him.

It didn’t seem right that Nathan was in the dark; I needed him as much as I needed Gabriel. It wasn’t right to be down around him.

I summoned up as bright a smile as I could, and then as a bonus, I leaned in for a quick kiss.

His eyes went wide and he looked around, but then he grinned at me. “You shouldn’t do that in school,” he teased.

“I did miss you,” I said. “I didn’t sleep much last night, either.”

“I heard,” he said. He caught my hand, brought it to his lips and then gently bit the knuckle. “Be good, Peanut,” he said before he walked off toward class.

If only I could get Gabriel to smile and tease like that again.

I took in a good, long breath, holding it as I walked into Music Room B. I drew in strength, ready for whatever Mr. Blackbourne might have in mind.

Mr. Blackbourne was alone in the room, sitting at the piano. Music played, but his shoulders were still from what I could see.

Only when I moved closer, did I catch his eyes darting around the keys. He didn’t sway like Victor did when he played piano. His face was relaxed. He was still.

The song was fast-paced, with a strong crescendo.

I held my position, not daring to move and interrupt his song. I recognized it from classical music collections I used to download on the Internet and sorted through my mind what the title was.

He got to the end, the last notes fading when the bell rang. I said his name, walking deeper into the room to put my book bag down. “Requiem for a Tower?” I asked.

Mr. Blackbourne stood from the piano, coming around it. He was in his usual gray suit, maroon tie, and looking finely polished. His steel eyes, however, were wary.

I eased myself from one foot to the other, second-guessing everything I’d done, from finding Lily, to kissing Gabriel, to what I was wearing today.

I’d told Mr. Blackbourne I’d met Lily. I studied him cautiously now, looking for evidence of disappointment.

The song, the requiem, had charged me up a bit. The tune played in my head, but the violin version I was more familiar with. It made me think he was preparing for a fight.

He approached quietly. He pulled a seat around, and gestured to it. He wanted me to sit.

I placed my book bag quietly on another chair and sat on the one he’d pointed to. My heart thundered, filling my ears, rattling through my bones.

My lips pursed. I waited.

Mr. Blackbourne took a seat across from me. He peered at me through the black-rimmed glasses, studying me quietly.

Moments passed. The longer I was quiet, the harder it was for me to start talking. Was he mad? I feared if I said anything at all, he’d yell. Not that he usually did, but sometimes he voice got so sharp, he might as well yell.

Or worse, admit that I’d disappointed him.

Mr. Blackbourne breathed slowly, his eyes remaining on me, unrelenting. Finally, he spoke. “I know you have a lot on your mind,” he said.

A challenge. No...I was wrong. He wasn’t trying to fight. He was bracing himself for something else. Bad news? That I was upset? He was inviting me to talk about what was most important to me and was maybe worried he wouldn’t like what I had to say.

I was upset, but not for the same reason we’d discussed when last we spoke.

I straightened in my seat. “I spoke to Lily yesterday afternoon. Gabriel and Luke took me to see her, and her team.” I paused there, waiting out his reaction. He knew this part but I wanted to know his feelings on it.

His steel eyes flashed. His lips parted for a moment, though he stayed quiet. He was considering a response.

“You’ve spoken to her before?” I asked, although it was more a statement than a question.

He nodded slightly, warily. “What did you learn there?” he asked.

“About how her team managed to stay together, despite the Academy testing them and asking them to do something else. She kept her team, her and four other guys. They are still together.”

Mr. Blackbourne inclined his head. “What are your thoughts on this?”

I sucked in a breath and my lip trembled. I couldn’t stop it. I’d bottled up so much around the others, and had had to suffer through class.

Lily had said to talk to him. I needed to confide in someone. Someone who was level-headed and could tell me if what I was doing was the right thing.

Before I could answer his question, Mr. Blackbourne leaned in. He placed one gentle finger on my chin, directing my attention to him.

It was a small touch, meant only to make me focus.

It warmed me, soothing my whirlwind of thoughts.

Mr. Blackbourne wasn’t against me. He was
with
me. Right now, he needed to know where I stood.

“While I was there,” I said, “I wanted to try things her way. I...I liked it. The thought. I’m not sure if I should...” I didn’t know how to express it. “It’s not normal. The Academy doesn’t like it.”

“The Academy wants us to be happy,” he said quietly.

“We’re not all happy,” I said.

His eyes flared. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice sharp, cutting through me, making me startle.

“It’s too difficult,” I said. I moved my face away from his finger, needing a release. I blinked back my nervous tears and swallowed the thickness developing in my throat before it waivered my voice. “Luke’s unsure. Gabriel’s upset right now. He might have been okay with me joining the Academy, but I don’t know. He seemed okay with Lily’s way of doing it yesterday, but then last night he was upset with Victor.”

“What did Victor do?” he asked.

“Nothing!” I said, and then pulled back, immediately sorry for speaking so loud. “When he picked us up, he was just being nice, talking about going to the spa. Gabriel said he spent too much money on me. When he was asked to go out and let McCoy chase him around, he left angry. This morning he was really quiet. I can’t tell if he’s still angry.” I dropped my head, my hands moving toward my face to cover it. “We shouldn’t have gone. It would have been better if we’d never gone. It’s too hard.”

Silence filled the room. I rubbed my forehead and temples with my fingers, pain radiating from my heart. I was sure this was the reason the Academy would ask us to separate. It was inevitable. The flicker of a headache pulsed in my head. I thought of claiming I was sick, so I could have a day in bed. Maybe I should have taken Silas up on his offer to grab cots in the nurse’s office.

My thoughts were out of control. Unanswered questions spiraled around.

“Can I ask you something?” Mr. Blackbourne’s voice was as soft as I’d ever heard it. But even as soft as it was, it was powerful, drawing me up from the well of despair I’d sunk into.

I summoned some courage to look up. I caught his steel eyes, softened into something more silver. His face was calm, yet otherwise hard to read.

I placed my hands in my lap, clutching them together for some control. “Yes,” I said.

“Did she ever mention how difficult it was for her to get to where she is today?”

“Of course,” I said. “She said the Academy was against it.”

“I mean about how the boys reacted,” he said. “They weren’t all happy with it in the beginning.”

I tried to recall what Lily had said. “She wanted me to stay in contact, to perhaps help avoid making some of the mistakes she’d made.”

“That’s kind of her to offer,” he said. He sat up more, touching the knot of his maroon tie briefly. “Miss Sorenson, relationships are never perfect. A boy and a girl who fall in love face insurmountable odds at times. We all had parents who, I presume at one time, were in love enough to get married.”

That was true, although it was hard to picture my stepmother ever having loved anything, or my father loving her enough to marry her. They were so angry with each other now, that it was hard to think they hadn’t always been that way.

“If a normal relationship is hard work,” he said quietly, “would you expect any other relationship to be different? Friendships need work. Sibling relationships need work.”

My head inclined, agreeing with his point. It made sense.

“If all we’re ever going to be are friends,” he said, “then even at that point, we’d have to work to remain that way. It’s give and take on every side. It’s honesty and trust.” He leaned in a little, until his head was level with mine, his gaze steady, keeping my eyes fixed on his. “When you visited this team and saw what they had together, did it draw you in? Did you want something like that?”

I nodded quickly. I did. “At the time...” I said.

He held up a quick finger, silencing my thoughts. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, to want something, even if it’s out of reach or impossible. It may not happen exactly how you pictured, but we can’t control outside events and how others feel. That doesn’t mean we give up just because it might be difficult.”

“Gabriel is angry, though,” I said. “And I don’t know how the others would feel.”

“I understand your response,” he said. His steel sharpened. “From what I’m hearing, though, your concern is more how
they
feel.”

I nodded.

“What I’m trying to understand is, if everyone else agreed to such an arrangement, would you consider it? Would you try it out?”

Slowly, I nodded. “If it doesn’t...”

He sliced his hand through the air. The power behind his voice cutting off my words. “I want to know what
you
want, Miss Sorenson.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I want to believe it. When Lily talked about it, I liked the idea.”

“Do you still like it?” he asked.

I nodded quietly.

“We don’t have time to dwell on
what if
,” he said. “There’s how you feel and how the others feel. When I first heard of Lily and her team, I was curious. I didn’t think ahead as to how they managed it, and I’ll admit, the answer surprised me. I assumed...I assumed something else. Mr. Anderson said other teams had approached him about doing something similar, and those teams never succeeded. Their solution isn’t for everyone, and I agree.”

My heart twisted sharply, and I leaned forward, my mouth falling open. Other teams? We weren’t the only ones? It hadn’t occurred to me that others might have tried.

They knew, and they tried.

He held up his hand again, stopping me this time before I could respond. “We, however, are different. And you have to remember, a team
did
succeed. Theirs. Ours might.”

I stared at him, wanting to make the connection. Yes, they had done it. They seemed together, happy. I recalled how one of them entered the room and was being protective of her. It was how I felt the others were around me. Their reactions to her weren’t very surprising to me, perhaps because I’d experienced the same from my own team.

He spoke again, interrupting my thoughts. “Her team managed. There are other families out there that do the same thing.”

“Out where?” I asked.

“Relationships aren’t always one plus one equals two,” he said. “I’ve been studying the psychology and read some case studies. A mother loves all her children, plus her husband, plus her extended family. Love isn’t a limited supply. You also can’t control how others feel. A woman may love a man who doesn’t love her. How he feels doesn’t change how she feels. It just is.”

“They have five in their group together,” I said. I wanted to understand what he was saying. It felt different.

“There are other families,” he said. “Some with two men and one woman. Some with three women together. In other countries, in other cultures, it’s considered common to have multiple husbands or wives.”

Was that true? I didn’t doubt his comments, but it was difficult to picture.

“My point is,” he said, “you can only control how you feel, what you want, and express it. The others will do the same, either now or in the future.” He put his hand to his chest, pointing at his own heart. “I believe, somewhere along the road, we’ll figure it out. One way or another. It may not end up like Lily’s group. It may be completely different. But if we stick by each other, if we build this family together, if you help me, we can be happy. It’ll be better if we’re together, than apart.”

My heart lifted. He believed we’d be happier staying together. I wished the others could hear him. No matter what, no matter the obstacles, happiness was the goal. “I want them to be happy.”

“You are part of the equation, too,” he said. “If you wish to stay with us, and we desire to stay with you, it’s our choice together.” He leaned in more, his voice quieting. “This mean we don’t stop at every road block we face. As I said, relationships take effort. We simply work at it. You don’t have to do it alone, though.”

I nodded, hopeful. “I don’t know what to do sometimes.”

“I think...” he said and then stopped. His head shook slowly. “No, I was going to offer for you to talk to me about it tonight, perhaps talk throughout the week in the evenings. I want you to.”

My eyebrows scrunched. He wants to but he doesn’t? “I’d like to talk more with you,” I said. “Maybe outside of school?” I wanted to read his case studies, and understand this from the angle he did. Maybe it would do some good to see other families and situations similar to this outside the Academy. Maybe it wasn’t as uncommon as I thought.