The Other Other Woman (48 page)

I’m not laughing at all. And you will see what the truth is over the next few days as you read emails.

What the hell does that even mean? No need to be cryptic now.

Not being cryptic or obfuscatory. This is the week my fate is decided.

Drama Queen, party of one, your table is ready!

Which is?
I responded.

Tonight we either work it out or split up. Period.

Oh, so nothing’s changed, then.

Don’t ask me to open up to you if you are going to respond with sarcasm. Read my emails this week. Drive safely.

I had to pull off the road.

Your marriage is not my problem anymore. It appears that it never was. You know, I don’t even know that I can be mad at you for still seeing Katya. She’s obviously been around for a long time, way before me. But I didn’t think you were that typical. It’s more the fact that you just wouldn’t own up to it when I straight up asked you about her so many times. Like right before you slept with me, for instance. You could have prevented all of this. That you knowingly exposed me to so many other sexual partners when you were giving me the impression that you were only (and rarely) with your wife. That you always tried to make me feel so sorry for you for being so “torn up” when you were really just having too much cake and eating it too. I have a much harder time with knowing that I was just another stupid whore for you. That destroys me, actually.

You are wrong but it’s all black and white with you. You can care about someone without sleeping with them. And stop talking about my relationship with my wife. You know nothing about it. I NEVER exposed you to anything!!!!!!

It’s not black and white with me, Matt. You keep saying that. You forget I was married too. I’m not exactly innocent here and I have been VERY understanding about what I *thought* you were going through. I fell in love with you. And to think that was all a sham is really painful to me. I didn’t say anything about your wife? I’m confused? I’m sorry but why are you pissed at me?!?

Because you mix truth and fiction and pretend like it’s gospel. And because you accuse me of using you. It was NOT a sham for me.

You have no idea how I have justified and defended you in my mind over and over again. But I always had that nagging feeling something was up. I did not and still do not want to believe that I am that poor a judge of character. I don’t want to hate you. But you aren’t giving me any reason not to.

No answer.

Tuesday was a very difficult day back at work. I tried to imagine what it would be like if this was how we ended. If his very last communication with me was no communication at all. He certainly seemed okay with it. The three of us were invited to a big dinner on Thursday that was being sponsored by a fund company. I was going as a tag along with Brooke. It was supposed to be a very fun crowd, lots of great food and wine. Matt promptly changed his mind and let Brooke know he wasn’t going anymore. As angry as I still was, it made me incredibly sad to know that we couldn’t even sit in a crowd of 15 people together at the same table.

I considered just pretending I was sick and dropping out of the event altogether, but I had already offered to split the room with Brooke. It was too late for her to get another roommate, and besides, we had been looking forward to this for months. None of this was fair to her. The food, the free drinks, and going out on the town with shuttle service. But there was no way I was going to be able to see him there without getting upset and how could I possibly sit at their table now? People knew that we were friends, they knew that we hung out when I would visit Brooke, and they knew we stayed in his condo. I spoke about him fondly whenever his name came up at work. Not fondly enough to raise suspicion, but enough that there was no way we could avoid each other and not have people notice the unbearable pain all over my face. How would I react when I walked into that sea of blue suits and he turned to walk away from me? I couldn’t even deal with it in my own head. No way could I set myself up for that to actually happen.

I knew it was weak, but I caved by Wednesday.

I don’t want the last time we see each other to be like this, okay? Can we call a temporary cease fire?

Sure. That was what I wanted on Saturday.

I had mostly come to grips with us just being friends but when I saw you driving into her parking deck, it changed everything. I have never let my guard down with anyone like I did with you. And therefore have never been hurt like you hurt me.

I am sorry.

I told you before I don’t ever want us to hate each other.

Same here.

I want us to be able to have a good time like we used to and move on. We are never going to see eye to eye on what should have gone down in October but it doesn’t matter now. It would have been a lot easier on my heart to just have had a clean break. It wasn’t fair of you to not give me that. But I guess at the time you thought you were letting me down easy.

Yes, I agree on all counts.

For the moment, the slate was wiped clean once again. I knew things would never be the same, but at least we could be in the same room together. Maybe we could even work on rebuilding our friendship, because as angry as I was with him, I still didn’t think I could handle not having him in my life in some capacity.

I was off work for both days of the conference, and since I wasn’t a broker, I wasn’t required to attend anything but the awards dinner Friday night. I was only staying there Thursday to experience the fun parts. I packed up my fabulous dress and ridiculously hot shoes along with all my other girl paraphernalia, and headed over to the hotel Thursday afternoon. Generally everyone joined up in the bar around five p.m. for cocktails. Russo, Parker, and Brooke rode up together but Matt had decided to come up separately later in the evening. He probably wanted to spend some time with his girlfriend while everyone else was out of the office, I imagined. We would be well on our way to dinner before he arrived, but he texted Brooke and some of the other guys to let them know he’d be at the hotel bar after dinner.

Everyone split into different groups depending on which restaurant they were headed to. I had never met a few of the brokers who were joining us for dinner, but I was happy to discover that they were a very lively, social bunch. One of them, Chad, was freaking adorable. I liked him right away, but he was happily married. And Lord knows I was never going there again.

I felt pretty good, considering, and more confident than I had been in weeks. Several brokers, who hadn’t seen me in nearly a year, commented that they barely recognized me because I had gotten so small. That was fine by me. I didn’t miss that frumpy, lumpy married mom of two at all. I ended up shedding a few more pounds over the last week from being so upset with Matt and was possibly the lowest weight I had been since high school. I don’t recommend that diet, but I was able to get into some size six jeans that were really quite right with a good pair of heels.

Dinner was an absolute riot. This was the same place that I had gotten carry-out for Matt and me. It’s definitely the best Italian food in Raleigh, quite possibly anywhere. It’s a tiny little dive. Immediately as you walk in door, you are smacked in the face with the spectacular smell of olive oil and garlic. The wine started flowing within minutes and Brooke and I both had way too much of it. Before long there were R and NC-17 rated conversations flying all over that table, the telling of dirty jokes, and sexting from one end of the table to the other. The food was all family style so we got to try just about everything and it was all fabulous. Unless it was seafood; I’m sure that was disgusting.

We all hopped back on the shuttle and headed to the hotel. We were trying to figure out a place to go for the evening, some sort of bar or nightclub, and since I was local they wanted my opinions. Unfortunately, the only single friends I had were gay, so the lesbian bar was all I could offer up. We decided to go back to the hotel bar for the time being and figure it out later.

Brooke and I were pretty drunk by the time we got back to the bar. Not falling over or anything, but I was definitely starting to feel off balance. Brooke disappeared for a little while, but I know I saw her throw back another cocktail at some point. I was sort of holding myself up with a bar table when I saw Matt Wynne fast approaching. I had to keep it together.

“Hey, sweetie.”

Really? Still?
He greeted me with a peck on the cheek.

“Hey, Matt.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I gripped the table a little tighter and just said, “I’m okay. We just had way too much wine at dinner and I’m starting to feel just how much.”

“Ahh, okay. Stay right here, babe. I’ll get you some water.”

He left and I watched him as he stood at the bar. He was still so damn handsome. His hair was still a little long, but not a ponytail in sight. Just a crisp white button down shirt and black pants. And him nervously brushing his hand through his hair as he caught me staring at him. If it was possible to have a sad smile, I just gave him one.

He returned with a big glass of water and slid a chair out for me to sit. We talked about the dinner he missed, but it was just a moment before my boss sidled up to tell him loudly that his hair looked like crap, which of course made me laugh and laugh. The bar area was very small and crowded. Every minute there was someone passing by the table, greeting either me or him, leaving us no real opportunity to talk to each other, which was probably a good thing under the circumstances.

Chad and Maury came up to me and asked if we had figured out where we were going yet. As I was talking to them, Matt was pulled away by someone else. Just as before, I kept mental notes on where he was in the room. Brokers are very flirty creatures in general, but especially when they get to drinking. Ironically, every time I caught him looking in my direction, I had someone else hugging me, kissing my cheek, or trying to smell me. (One of the brokers told everyone I smelled like vanilla cake). I doubt he even cared, but it made me feel good thinking that maybe he did.

I was told to meet everyone out front at the shuttle because some of the dinner group and a few add-ons were going out clubbing. I wanted to say goodnight to Matt but looking around the bar I realized he had already snuck off to his room. Brooke was waiting with the group, but I left very quickly to use the restroom. When I came back out, she was gone.

“Where the hell did she go?” I asked Chad.

“Your girl is OUT. She went upstairs to bed, she said she was too drunk and was going to pass out.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nope, she said to tell you not to be mad and to have enough fun for both of you.”

“I can’t believe she ditched me.”

I was very disappointed, honestly. I barely knew most of these people! But I was glad that Chad and Maury were going. I felt very comfortable with them. We ended up at some techno club I had never been to, Myst, and immediately we had Patron shots with beer chasers. Probably a good thing I had switched to water after dinner.

We danced our butts off for the rest of the night, mostly with me grinding up against Maury. He’s just a big teddy bear so no one thought anything of it. I hadn’t really been dancing since Miami, so I forgot how much fun it was. Chad danced with me a few times and I got to talk to him quite a bit. He’s one of those guys that would make a great guy friend. Nothing romantic, but fun to hang out and have a beer with. Even if I don’t like beer.

We didn’t get back to the hotel until about 2:30 a.m. I came into the room and was surprised to find that Travis was there asleep next to Brooke. Apparently, he had been up in Raleigh interviewing for a job with the police department. I thought I’d be real funny and sneak up beside her.

“Brooke! Psst! Brooke!? DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A NAKED MAN IN YOUR BED!?”

“Oh my God, SHUT UP you idiot!” was her reply.

Oh well, I thought it was funny.

Nothing was funny the next morning though. Travis was long gone, leaving us both bedridden with hangovers from hell. I honestly couldn’t remember a time that I felt so miserable. It hurt to lift my head at all, and she was still in really bad shape, even after getting sick several times the night before. Her poor husband ended up having to clean up after her, and I was suddenly very thankful that she decided to skip dancing.

She had to attend classes and meetings that morning, so she ordered some breakfast, hoping it would make her feel better. We each took turns trying to sit upright a few seconds at a time, but it was not a good scene. Once room service arrived, we realized much to our dismay that someone had to get up to answer the door. Lucky for me, her bed was closer.

We had the server put the cart in the middle of the two beds and we each took turns reaching over for bites of waffle and eating them while continuing to remain completely horizontal at all times. I felt so bad for her that she had to get moving early and sit in meetings all day. There was just no way I would have made it anywhere. She looked over at me before stuffing a big hunk of sausage in her mouth, “Girl, I love ya, but we can never, ever do this again.”

I think I remembered a similar conversation in Miami.

Chapter Eighteen

By lunchtime, I was feeling a lot better. I set off for the mall. I wanted to get a couple last minute things for the big dinner that night. I needed a better strapless bra for my dress, which I purchased courtesy of Matt with part of my Nordstrom gift card. I also swung by my house to pick up some duct tape. I had read models get good cleavage in their dresses by taping up their boobs. And this dress was a perfect candidate for cleavage, so I was going to give it a shot.

It started snowing like crazy on my way back to the hotel and the roads instantly turned messy. I was only about 20 minutes away but it took me almost two full hours to get back. I went upstairs and figured I’d warm up and relax in the tub, since I had plenty of time before we needed to meet for cocktail hour downstairs. I received a text from Brooke just after I got in.