The Other Half of My Soul (8 page)

Running her index finger along Rami’s troubled face, Rayna traced his majestic features until, exhausted, they both fell asleep.

* * *

The howling of the wind wakened Rayna. Rami felt her stir and held on more strongly. She glanced at the clock. It was after four in the morning. “We can’t shut out problems. We must live the life we are born to know.” She took Rami’s hand. “Come. The sun will soon rise. We need to sleep.” Rayna rose from the recliner and went to the window. “It’s getting worse out there.” In the dimness, he came to her side. The streetlamps illuminated the winter scene. Big white snowflakes fell softly. Tree branches hung heavily. Fierce winds created high drifts. Rayna closed the slats in the blind. Rami’s hands braced both sides of her face and they kissed. Awkwardly, she eased herself from him and went into the bathroom. Twisting up her hair, she fastened it with a clip. Rami stood in the doorway. His eyes could not leave her. Rayna washed her face and brushed her teeth. She handed Rami a clean towel. Then, holding up a new toothbrush, she smiled, “I got this from my dentist. I almost didn’t pack it.”

Stepping back into the room, Rayna hesitantly removed her clothes. She released the clip from her hair, and reached onto the shelf for a nightgown. Rami came to her side and steadied her hand.
Her body is just as beautiful, just as sensuous as her face.
Needs, emotions, new sensations tumbled together. Then his eyes fell to the gash below her navel. “Did Jonathan do this to you?”

“Yes.”

“As long as I am alive, he will never again touch you.” Rami knelt down and caressed her wound, then lifted Rayna to the bed. “This past month, you were with me every minute. No matter where I was, no matter what I was doing, you occupied my heart and my thoughts.” His warm breath brushed against her lips.

Rayna’s small hands moved inside the purple robe, helping Rami slip it off. On her narrow bed, under the down comforter, they lay naked. Rami began to laugh.

“Whaaat?”

“I must love you very much, but . . .”

“But . . . what?”

“Do you know that no Muslim man would be caught sleeping in a purple and pink bed?” Their laughter filled the room. The wind howled, rattling the window panes. Rami stretched his body over hers. “Rayna Mishan, will you marry me?”

“When?”

“Right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now. Remember in the fall when we were walking at Brookside Gardens? We made a pledge that this would be a special time, saved for our wedding night.”

“I remember.”

“I want to honor my pledge to you. We only need Allah to bless our union.” Passion surged through their warm bodies and they hungered for each other.

“In the presence of Allah, will you marry me, Rayna Mishan?”

“In the presence of Allah, I will marry you, Rami Mahmoud. In the presence of Hashem, will you marry me, Rami Mahmoud?”

“In the presence of Hashem, I will marry you, Rayna Mishan.”

Together, they recalled God’s blessing to Abraham that his seed would be as numerous as the stars. “One day we will have lots of children . . .”

“Yes. One day,” she smiled.

“Above all others, I will cherish only you. I will protect you and love you all the days of my life and forever after.”

“With my love, I give you my trust and my commitment. Trust, so you will never doubt my love. Commitment, so you will always know that I belong to you alone. Until my death and forever after.”

“May Allah of our Prophet Muhammad bless our union. May the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob . . . and Ishmael . . . bless our union.”

“Amen.” A powerful energy flowed, their bodies locked, and Rayna gave herself to him.

“Uhhhhh,” her body tensed and she cried out in pain. Leaning into Rami’s shoulder, she masked her sounds.

The rapture of breaking Rayna’s virginity sent a surge of virility into Rami’s being. He was determined to be the only man in her life. Feeling Rayna’s spasms, he instinctively slowed the pace of his thrust as she clutched to him. Rami had not wanted to hurt her. Gently, their bodies swayed rhythmically. He moaned. Culmination gushed in a stream of sublime pleasure, uniting their fate and elevating their souls to a higher world. Intertwined in a lover’s knot, they fell into a deep and blissful sleep, unaware that their destinies had already been drawn.

ten

Nothing in this world comes easy. Nothing comes with-out a price. Each hurdle is a journey with bruises and scars. Every pleasure is accompanied with a sense of pain.

—Lao-tzu

The phone rang, awakening the lovers from a peaceful slumber. Reaching for the cordless, Rami handed it to Rayna. “Hello.”

“Hi. Did I wake you?”

She leaned her head and angled the phone, enabling Rami to hear. “Yes, as a matter of fact, you did wake me. Goodbye, Jonathan.”

“Wait! Don’t hang up! I want to come over and apologize . . . make things right.”

“I bet you’d like to come over, you despicable piece of scum. Stay away from me!”

“Rayna, I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me . . .”

“Stay away from me!”

“I’m on my way up. It’ll take me two minutes to climb the steps.”

Rami took the phone. “You heard the lady. Stay away from Rayna. If she wanted you, you would have had her yesterday when you tried to rape her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you fuckin’ Arab.”

“Jonathan, we have a witness. Rayna is prepared to report the incident and bring charges. That should look good on your record when you apply for medical school. Think of the publicity. Son of famous surgeon . . .” Rami winked at Rayna.

“You goddamn Muslim . . .”

“I suggest you stay away from Rayna, or I will make your life a living hell.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“No, Jonathan, I am forewarning you. Do not underestimate what a
goddamn Muslim
is capable of doing. Keep away from Rayna.” Tracing the line to the wall, Rami disconnected the phone. “I hope he will not be stupid enough to bother you again.” Rami brought Rayna back into his arms.

“It would devastate Jonathan if his parents found out. Once he told me that he doesn’t want to be a doctor, but would not dare disappoint his parents.”

“Good. Let us tuck that information away. We may need it someday.” Rami ran his hands along the curves of Rayna’s body, then gently rolled her over and massaged her back.

* * *

By late Tuesday morning, the sun’s rays broke through the clouds, the snow stopped falling, and the blustery winds lost their momentum. After two crippling days, the Washington area began digging out from under a white blanket. Around campus, snowplows were in full motion. Student life rekindled and the march to classes was on.

Rayna tilted the slats in the blind. Beams of light brightened the room.
The past two days have been so wonderful. Never could I have imagined it to be this way
. Easily, she and Rami had shifted into a reassuring level of comfort with each other—never closing the bathroom door, never bashful about their bodies, and never hesitant to speak their minds. The two were now solidly secure with each other. Rayna crawled back in bed.

“I hope you will agree to a decision I just thought of,” Rami smiled. “From now on, the only time I will spend in my apartment is to do laundry. Yours and mine. There is a washer and dryer in the kitchen. I do not want you going alone to wash your clothes. I will do all of it. Every week.” Grinning, he joked about how he would explain this to Omar.

“And just where do you plan to sleep every night?”

“On this small purple and pink bed right next to you.” His eyes lingered on her face.

“It’s going to be very uncomfortable.” She rolled on top of him, smothering his neck with kisses.

Rami laughed, “You are tickling me.”

* * *

While showering and dressing, they discussed Nolan and the bacteria, agreeing together to take another of the professor’s classes. Rayna persuaded Rami to enlist Nolan in defining firm working parameters with Yousef. “An exclusive, only with you,” Rayna coached. “If Abdallah or anyone else interferes, Nolan is to be clear that the deal is off and he’ll find other sponsors.”

“That should make Yousef go crazy.”

Their dialogue drifted to Nolan’s abortion lecture and to their own new level of intimacy. Rayna verbalized her concerns about the past two days of lovemaking. “Today, I’ll go to the Health Center and see a doctor about getting birth control pills, and hope I’m not pregnant.” Professor Nolan’s lecture on abortion had prevailed.

Rami pressed for a legal marriage, saying he did not want anything or anyone to come between them. Responding to his wishes, Rayna spoke of her friend Marisa, a back-to-school mom pursuing journalism. “I met her last semester in one of my classes. We studied for exams together and I’ve been to her house several times for shabbat dinners. She has a great husband and three sweet children. I’ll talk with her. I think she’ll help us.” Rayna opened a snack-size box of Cheerios and dribbled a small container of soy milk over it. “I’m grateful my mother thought of more than just Syrian food when she packed the cooler.” She poured orange juice into a plastic cup and swallowed a multi-vitamin. “Sorry to be eating in front of you during Ramadan, but I’m hungry.”

“Please. Do not starve yourself on my behalf.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” she grinned. “Would you like to come to Hillel and have dinner with me tonight? Break your day of fasting with a bunch of Jews.”

“If it will not cause a problem, I would like that very much.”

* * *

Rami donned his navy down jacket and helped Rayna on with her purple wool coat. They pulled up their boots and slipped into their gloves. Rayna wrapped a white angora scarf around her neck and slipped the extra room key into Rami’s pocket. “We can finally get out of here.”

“Get out of here?” Rami was bewildered. “What do you mean? These past two days have been paradise. The best two days of my entire life. You are magnificent and I would much prefer to stay right here with you forever.”

Adoringly, she pecked his lips. “Tonight you can have more.”

“I do not know if I can last until tonight.”

“You’ll last until tonight because you have no choice,” she teased. “Let’s meet back here at five and we’ll walk over to Hillel together.”

* * *

Outside, the fresh cold air and bright sunshine brought a rush of new energy. Rami ran ahead, picked up a handful of snow, molded it, and tossed it at Rayna.

“Now you’re asking for it.” She swooped up some of the white powder, shaped it, and threw a snowball back at him. When it hit his shoulder and broke apart, she burst out laughing. Invigorated, they indulged in a playful snowball fight until Rayna’s scarf came loose and she tripped over it.

“Had enough?” Catching her before she hit the ground, Rami picked up the scarf and gently wrapped it around Rayna’s head. He took hold of her gloved hand and they walked to the Health Center.

* * *

On February ninth, Rami celebrated the holy day of Eid al Fitr, the end of Ramadan that concluded the month of fasting. On Valentine’s Day, Rami innocently showed up with a big love-card and a gray knitted scarf that a student in one of his classes had given to him.

“Rami Mahmoud, you give that right back to her!”

“But that would be rude.”

“How would you like it if I accepted a gift and love card from a guy in one of my classes?”

Immediately, he understood the ramifications. “Uh-oh, I gave her the wrong message, yes?”

“Yes . . . unless you want her for your girlfriend.”

“Never! I want only you. I will give it back.”

“Just know that I’ll kill you if I catch you with somebody else.”

His hands encircled her waist and he kissed her. “Good. I am glad you are jealous,” he teased affectionately, conscious of his own possessive feelings for her.

* * *

On Tuesday, the fourth of March, Rayna confided to Marisa that she and Rami wanted to secretly marry. Marisa choked on her sandwich. “How could you? He’s a Muslim. What you want to do is sheer lunacy. Think, Rayna. Think with your head, not with your hormones.”

“But we love each other . . .”

“At eighteen, you love each other? Have you been sleeping with him?”

Lowering her eyes, Rayna looked away.

“You don’t need to respond. I already know the answer.”

Rayna’s face turned red.

“Is Rami your first?”

“Yes. And he will be my only . . .”

“He’s taking advantage of you, Rayna. He’s a Muslim. Don’t confuse sex with love. Think of what you’re doing. Do you have any idea how Muslim men treat their wives? Most are physically and emotionally abusive. Women are beneath them. And you’ll have it even worse because you’re Jewish. Marriage between a Jew and a Muslim? No, Rayna, don’t be foolish. Open your eyes and look. You come from an orthodox family. Think of the consequences. What you want to do is so wrong.”

“I’m sorry to have bothered you.” Rayna rose to leave.

“Sit down, Rayna. You asked for my help and that’s what you’ll get.”

Visibly reluctant, Rayna eased back into the chair.

“Do you know that Muslims believe we Jews kill non-Jewish children and use their blood to make our Passover matzoh? Do you know that Muslims believe we Jews, even though we are in such a small minority, are positioned to take over the world? They want to rid the planet of us before we succeed in accomplishing world dominance.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Have you read one page, one word of the Quran?”

Rayna shrugged her shoulders.

“The book is full of ugly stuff. It gives Muslims the right to murder infidels, non-believers like us.” Marisa took her forefinger and ran it horizontally across her throat. “It’s their jihad. And what’s more, their population is exploding. They plan to take over the world with Islam.”

“Marisa, how can you make such blanket statements and narrowly judge a group of people? You’re telling me that over one billion Muslims in this world are evil. You’re telling me that there is not a good one in the bunch.”

“Rayna, you’re in denial. Like the story of
The Emperor’s New Clothes
, you don’t want to see the truth. You see only what you choose. What will your family say when they find out?”

“I don’t plan to tell them.”

“That won’t last long. I guarantee they’ll find out. This kind of secret does not stay hidden. What if you have children? What if . . . there are so many ‘what ifs’. You’re Jewish, Rayna. It’s bad enough when a Jew marries a Christian . . . but a Muslim? Rayna, don’t do it. Turn and walk away before . . .”

“So you won’t help me?”

“Not with this. I’m sorry, Rayna. I can’t.”

“Marisa, your narrow way of thinking and your pre-judgments don’t make for good journalism. Maybe you better consider changing your major.”

“Rayna, I’m offering you some guidance . . . some words of wisdom from a friend who is several years older than you. Please listen to me.”

“If you met Rami, you would know that he is a good human being. He is gentle and kind with a great capacity to love. He’s also very smart. Never would he hurt me. I’m sure of it. We’ll find another way. Thank you, Marisa.” Rayna stood and gathered her books. “I can’t help who I fall in love with. All I know is that I love Rami and he loves me.” She walked eight steps, stopped, turned back, and sat down again. “I want to tell you about one of my cousins. She had met someone, an orthodox Syrian Jew just like herself. They were deeply in love and planned to marry. One month before the wedding, he told her he had genital herpes. He had told no one else. He caught it from a girl he dated in college and regretted the whole affair. Sometimes he’s okay and sometimes he has flare-ups. With no one to turn to, my cousin confided in me because we had been close growing up. I was seventeen at the time, she was nineteen. Initially, my advice to her was the same as your advice is to me—turn and walk away.”

Pausing, Rayna considered Marisa’s demeanor, then continued. “My cousin asked, ‘If he were crippled and doomed to a wheelchair, would you tell me to turn and walk away because my life would be miserable with him?’ I thought for a moment and then advised her to listen to her heart. They married, are ecstatically happy, adore one another, and their first child is due this summer. Because of their love, they found a way. Not all people who have herpes are sexually promiscuous. Not all Muslims are bad people.”

Again, Rayna stood to leave.

“Wait!”

“Marisa, this is difficult enough on me, and on Rami, too. But something is drawing us together. Call it
basheert
. Fate. God’s intervention. I don’t know.”

“Can I meet him?”

“Why? You’ve already made up your mind.”

“Let’s start over, Rayna. I’m inviting you and Rami for shabbat dinner on Friday night. Allow me to come to a decision with an open mind.”

Rayna hugged her friend. “Thank you.”

* * *

Reaching into her tote, Rayna withdrew the ringing cell phone and put it to her ear. “Where are you?”

“The meeting with Abdallah lasted much longer than I expected. I am on campus and walking over now. I should be there in ten minutes. Did you have lunch with Marisa today?”

“Yes. I’ll tell you about it later. Rami, I’m going to start back. I’ve got a paper due tomorrow and I have to finish it tonight. I’ll meet you on the same path we always take.”

“Rayna, no. Wait until I get there. I do not want you walking alone in the dark.”

“I’ll be okay, really. You worry too much. I’ll see you in a little bit. I love you.” Rayna ended the call and dropped the cell phone into her tote. She was at Hillel. Most students had finished eating and were gone. Rayna did not want to wait any longer.

* * *

Jonathan had been hanging around eyeing her. Rayna sensed it. Subtly, she looked at him, trying to gauge the situation. Thinking he would not bother her, she buttoned up her coat, collected her things, and left.

Following her, Jonathan called out, “Rayna.”

She walked faster. Jonathan increased his pace, again calling to her. She ignored him. He caught up and grabbed Rayna’s arm. She jerked away. Again, Jonathan grabbed hold of her arm, determined not to let go.

“Ouch! You’re hurting me!”

“What’s the matter? Has your Muslim protector deserted you?” Jonathan’s fingers dug into Rayna’s elbow.

“Ouch!” she screeched again, trying to free herself from his strong hold. “Let go of me!”