The One That Got Away (13 page)

I smile and say, “Hopefully right here
standing under this tree holding hands. It may have been a
different journey that got us here, but surely all that matters now
is that we made it.”

Once again he lifts his arm and his fingers
gently trace the side of my face and then brush against my lips. He
leans towards me and this time his kiss is much gentler. He teases
me with his tongue and I long for him to hold me against him and
kiss me as passionately as he did before. But he draws away looking
into my eyes with a soft expression.

“
I didn’t
come here to seduce you Bella, I came to check that you were ok.” I
must look shocked because he smiles and says in a soft voice, “You
have had a terrible shock and the last thing you need is me adding
to the confusion that you must be feeling. Come on, let me take you
back and look after you. No strings, just friendship.”

He takes my hand and leads me back down the
path and I battle with my feeling of frustration giving way to my
common sense. He is right; I am in no position to start another
relationship, no matter how much I want to. I do have one question
that needs answering and say, “Ben, why did you kiss me?” He looks
at me and his mouth twitches with amusement. “I am sorry Bella, I
couldn’t help myself. Like I said, I have waited ten years to do
that and when I saw you standing underneath our tree I was firstly
just relieved to see you and that you were ok and secondly you
looked so vulnerable and the years just melted away and you were my
Bella again.”

He squeezes my hand and my eyes fill with
tears. “How did you know that I would be here?” I say swallowing
hard. “Because I knew that nobody would think to look for you here,
after all it is the place that Nathan and Melissa started their
relationship. They wouldn’t think that you would want to go to a
place with such strong memories. However I knew that we shared our
own memories here and it is special to me because of that. The two
of them mean nothing compared to what we shared.”

Again my eyes fill with tears. “But what do
you mean they started their relationship here?” Ben’s face darkens
as he looks at me. “That night that we all went in the hot tub,
after you went to bed I also went soon after. As you know I didn’t
get much sleep the night before and so I was pretty tired. Melissa
and Ben stayed up and apparently got a bit carried away and had
sex.” I feel sick and look at him, my face obviously spelling out
the total shock that I am feeling because he looks at me with
concern. He sighs and says, “I’m sorry Bella. On top of everything
else that you have had to deal with, I land that one on you as
well.” Shaking my head I say, “Its ok I needed to know, but how did
you find out?”

Grimly he says, “I had my suspicions by their
behaviour the next day, but I didn’t know for sure until a few days
afterwards.” Sighing heavily he continues, “I realised after our
weekend together that I couldn’t continue my relationship with
Melissa. It wasn’t fair on both of us so I ended it. She didn’t
take it well and I suppose wanted to make me jealous. She told me
of her fling with Nathan which just confirmed what I had
thought.”

I almost can’t take it all in. I can’t
believe that all of this was going on and I was oblivious to it
all. “But we had a Christmas card from you both.” I say suddenly
remembering. He looks surprised. “Well if you did it wasn’t from
me. I can only assume she sent it to keep up the pretence, it is
perfectly clear that their relationship continued after the
weekend.” We get to the lodge and once we are inside I sink down on
to the settee. Ben looks at me with a worried expression but I just
sit there staring blankly at nothing. My mind is whirring around
and the freedom that I felt such a short time ago seems to have
abandoned me. I think of all the weeks since; the times that we
made love and that Nathan had told me that he loved me. The wedding
planning and Christmas. All of it was a lie when all the time he
was seeing Melissa.

Ben hands me a cup of tea. I didn’t even
notice that he made it and he says, “Come on Bella, drink this, it
will help with the shock and you need the warmth too.” He then sets
about lighting the fire again, leaving me once again to my own
thoughts. I look at him working away and say, “That’s why you moved
him back to the store isn’t it?” He looks at me with surprise and I
carry on. “You didn’t contact us after that weekend and moved him
back to avoid him, didn’t you?” He jumps up and sits beside me
taking my hand and looks earnestly at me. “Bella, I couldn’t
interfere anymore. You weren’t interested in hearing anything
negative about him and I couldn’t watch him make a fool of you. I
knew that your judgement would kick in but it couldn’t come from
me. I had too much to gain from you splitting up.”

I look at him and frown, “What do you mean,
too much to gain?” He sighs. “I love you Bella, I always have. Do
you really think that I could stand by and watch you make such a
big mistake? I know that I would stop at nothing for us to be
together, but that wasn’t the way to do it. You have to want me as
much as I want you. You kept on planning that bloody wedding and
being the perfect girlfriend. It was too much for me to witness so
I moved myself away from the picture, for my own sanity.” He looks
angry and I feel suddenly really sorry for what he must have gone
through. He jumps up. “Let’s not talk about it any more. I have
crashed your recovery and don’t feel that I am helping. Let me make
you something to eat and then you can do whatever you want. I’ll
stay if you want the company but if you would rather be alone I
will leave.”

I realise that I very much want him to stay
and smile at him weakly. “Please stay Ben, but I don’t have any
food, I was about to go out and get some.” “Then it’s a good job I
planned ahead and picked some up from the supermarket on the way
down.” He grins and picking up a blanket from the chair he wraps it
around me and heads off to the kitchen.

Once again I sit watching the flames dancing
in the fire. There is so much information to process and I feel
grateful that Ben is here, helping heal the wounds that are still
very much open and raw. I can hear him moving around and remember
the last time that we were here together, how things have changed
since then. I lay back on the settee still hugging the blanket to
me and watch the flames. They are mesmerising me and the warmth
that I am now feeling cause my eyelids to slowly close.

I must have dropped off because Ben shakes me
gently awake and says, “Come on, I’ve made us some pasta. You need
to eat something.” I am so grateful to him and take my seat at the
table. Tears once again fill my eyes as I see that he has lit some
candles and poured us a glass of wine to have with our meal. Under
different circumstances this would be a very romantic setting, but
I take it as it is obviously meant, just a good friend looking
after another at their time of need.

I change the subject and move on to safer
ground and we talk about work and his plans for the store.
Recognising the fact that I need the distraction he talks freely
about it. After we have finished he says, “Look, I’ll clear
everything away and you go and have a nice relaxing bath. You need
to rest and let your body and mind relax, and then you can deal
with it when you feel ready.” Gratefully I nod and go to my room. I
have a very relaxing bath and enjoy the feeling of the hot water
totally relaxing my body and making me feel warm and tingly
inside.

I submerge my
head and enjoy the feeling of freedom that I feel once again.
Drying myself off I change into my comfy pyjamas and wrapping my
hair in a towel I go to see if I can help out with anything. Ben
has cleared away and is sitting looking at his laptop. I smile at
him. “Always working Ben. Now it’s my time to make you a drink and
try to get you to relax.” He smiles and watches me busily making us
some drinks. I hand him his and then sitting opposite him I nod
towards his work. “Do you ever not work in the
evenings?”

He raises his eyes. “No, there’s not much
else to do anyway.”

“
What not
even the TV?” He grins and replies, “TV is overrated, I prefer to
make my own entertainment. However in the absence of having someone
to play with, work is the next best thing.”

I raise my eyes up and say, “Well I need to
go and play with the hair dryer now, if you’ll excuse me, but at
least you have your work to occupy you whilst I am gone.”

I run back to the room to dry my hair. The
bath has done me a power of good and I feel more relaxed. Once my
hair is dry I go back and sit next to him and he puts his arm
around me. We sit there silently just watching the fire, not
speaking, just enjoying the peace and quiet. Soon the time goes and
I feel tired and Ben pulls me up. “Off to bed Bella. I’ll sort
everything out here and then go to bed.” He kisses me gently on the
cheek and says in a soft voice, “Sleep well.”

I go off to bed and am soon snuggled up in
the huge duvet. I can hear him moving around and find it comforting
that he is here and soon I drift off to sleep.

My dream wakes me and it is dark. Looking at
my clock I notice that it is 1am. I jump out of bed because I think
that I can hear a noise outside and hope that it is the badgers
returning. As I push open the door once again I see Ben tapping
away on his laptop. He sees me and grins guiltily. “You caught me,”
he says, and I pad over to him and kneel before him. “Can’t you
sleep?” I say taking his hand in mine. He shakes his head, but I
notice that he looks exhausted. “Come with me.” I say firmly and he
looks surprised. I lead him into my room and say, “Come on, get
undressed or whatever it is that you change into and you can share
with me. We can keep each other company. No funny business mind.” I
pretend to look at him sternly and he laughs and grins, “Ok, but
keep your hands to yourself.” I jump back into bed and in no time
he has undressed to his boxers and jumps in beside me. I roll over
to face him and say, “Turn around and face the other way Ben. I
will spoon you for the added warmth. It may make you drift off.” He
does as I say without speaking and I snuggle against him feeling
his warm body through the thin layers of my pyjamas. We don’t speak
and soon I hear his breathing change and realise that he is asleep.
Smiling to myself I drift off my arm draped over him.

Chapter 17

When I wake up for a moment I forget where I
am. Then it all comes flooding back and I realise that Ben is lying
next to me. Our positions have shifted in the night and he has me
locked tightly against him with one leg over mine and his arm
draped over me. I can tell that he is still asleep although I have
my back to him. I know that if I move I will wake him so continue
to lie still, enjoying the feeling of him against me. I realise
that I should be mourning for my shattered relationship with
Nathan, but surprisingly I can think of him in a detached way. The
pain has gone and I feel nothing. I wonder if I am still in shock
and it will all come back with a vengeance. I suddenly worry that I
haven’t phoned my parents. It is now the 2nd of January and they
would have called me yesterday to wish me a Happy New Year. I
wonder if they know yet, maybe Nathan has told everyone and they
are organising a search party as we speak.

As I think about it I feel really bad. I
didn’t want to worry anyone, but I also didn’t want to talk about
it to anyone either. Ben stirs in his sleep and it makes me smile.
At least he had a good nights sleep. He looked like he needed it as
much as me. I think about work and laugh to myself as I remember
that I should be in work now. If only they could see me now I think
with amusement.

All of a sudden I feel Ben’s body stir and
feel him waking up beside me. In a sleepy voice he says, “Morning
Bella, how are you feeling?” I notice that he doesn’t move away and
continues to hold me tightly against him. I wriggle around to face
him and he grins a wicked grin at me. I blush as I see him looking
at me studying my face with his intense gaze. I must look dreadful
in the morning light. He on the other hand just looks incredibly
sexy. He has a dark shadow of stubble on his face which looks
relaxed as he studies me, watching me intently. Still he holds on
to me and I say quietly, “I feel a lot better thank you.” I
suddenly laugh. “I’m afraid I have had to call in sick though, as
something came up that I couldn’t get out of. Do you think the boss
will mind?” He grins wickedly. “Something came up hey, I wonder
what that could be?”

He then rolls over on top of me pulling my
arms above my head and pinning me to the bed. “Let’s see you try to
get out of this one.” I strain against him trying to escape but he
is too strong and I have to admit defeat and laughing I say, “Ok
you win. I can’t escape.” He looks suddenly serious. “Do you want
to escape Bella?” I return his gaze and stare at him seriously.
“No, I don’t. In fact I want to stay here forever.” He smiles.
“Forever hey, that’s a long time.” He then looks more serious. He
continues to hold me down and says, “I am finding it very hard to
keep away from you Bella.” Looking at him I lower my eyes and then
look up again and say huskily, “Then don’t.”

I feel him tense and his eyes darken and he
says huskily. “Is it what you want though? You have to really want
it too.” I look at him shyly. "I do Ben, I really do.” His voice
lowers to almost a whisper, “Tell me Bella, what do you want?” I
look at him steadily and say, “You Ben, I want you.” His expression
changes and he relaxes his grip on me. He runs his fingers down the
front of me and I feel weak with longing. His hands move to my
pyjama bottoms and his fingers inch into the waistband pulling them
sharply down. I arch towards him my head buzzing with the lust I
suddenly feel for him. His other hand is still holding my wrists
above my head and his other hand moves under my top inching it
upwards until my breasts are exposed. He runs his fingers around my
nipple and squeezes it until I gasp. I feel weak with longing and
want to touch him but he will not release me. He leans in and his
tongue explores my mouth darting in deeply and passionately. I feel
that he is aroused and long to touch him, but he will not let me.
“Please,” I say huskily.