The One Addicted (45 page)

“This film made me feel decadent.”

“It made you horny!”

God could he not just drop it - don’t sugarcoat it Lu.
“Yes. You got your way. It made me ridiculously horny.”

“I knew it would.”

“I know. That’s why we came.”

“We certainly did that, baby and it was seriously hot. You were amazing! You never cease to surprise me. Loved the no panties.”

I laugh at his crude play on words and continue to freshen up my make-up, with my compact whilst he watches me, casually sitting back into the sofa, looking unrumpled, like he hasn’t just been fucking like a virile animal in the cinema. “That was soft porn, baby and the story of a couple, so transfixed by one another, sexually; playful together yet so intense are their feelings - I can totally relate.”

“Can you now?” I feel his eyes boring into mine.

“Yes - it makes me wet just thinking about it.”

“Ah jeez, Lu - I think you and I better get out of here before I ravish you again.”

“No I think I need to stay a while, maybe watch another?”

“Not a chance, I want to take you home - to bed.”

“Are you admitting I’m right and you’re wrong then?” I smile at him, loving that I have the ability to challenge him like this.

“Ok you win. I got off more watching you becoming aroused and I’ve never experienced that before.”

That surprises me and warms me all at once. “Really?”

“Really.”

We stand and I grab my bag, his arm at my waist ready to guide me and I turn to look up at him. “Seb?”

“Yes, Gorgeous?”

“I was turned on by the film but only because you were here with me - only because of our experiences, together; what you’ve done
to
me and
for me
, the past month - weeks.”

“Me too, baby. Me too. I think we should make date night a regular thing on a Tuesday for us.” His kiss on my lips connects our words. “Now let’s go grab a bite to eat - I’m starving. A guy can’t live on strawberries alone, no matter how well they’re put to use or how good they taste on
your
lips.” His cheeky wink, earns him a playful whack but my hand is caught in his just before I do real damage and drawing me into him for another kiss I melt; I’m only hungry for him it seems but the second we leave the cinema house and are in the car, those slight twinges of reality build to one enormous wake-up call, hitting me with a catastrophic bang.
 

What am I doing? I’m just putting a plaster on the problem and continuing like nothing is wrong here. I can’t believe I’d succumbed in such a manner - it must be the pregnancy hormones but I’m even more horny than ever; it’s not taking much to flick me from luke-warm to boiling point with Sebastian. How am I going to tell him now? When I’ve just fucked him in a public place; I am hardly showcasing my perfect mothering instincts. I’m suddenly appalled at my behaviour. I need breathing space. I can’t be around him for when I am, I can’t think - he consumes me.

My eyes begin to well, the burn of scalding hot expectant tears make me panic and I turn away from him and nudge my bottom lashes with a finger. Oh God no, not here
 
- bloody hormones.

“Seb - I need to go home.”

He’s just clipped his seatbelt into place and indicated to set off and reacts to my words with an angry frown. “Is it Finn? Is everything OK?”

He’s so thoughtful. How do I tell him it’s him. I need to escape
him
. The one person I’m addicted to - the one person I can’t live without - the one person I need to share my news with but that it will change everything for.

“I just don’t feel great.”

“Really? You were fine just now?”

“I’m sorry. Will you just take me home.”

“Lu - tell me what’s the matter?”

I sigh. “Nothing.”

“Is that a
nothing,
which actually means
something
- you know one of those
nothing’s
that comes out in a argument months later and was
monumental
?”

God, for someone who didn’t do relationships he was good - then again he’d always been good with women.

“I’m just tired. You wore me out.” I fake a smile at him and try to relax.
 

I’m so ashamed at myself. I can’t tell him now.

He doesn’t answer but turns left onto the Motorway that will take us to Bodley.

*****

I look at this beautiful man, knowing he is confused and waiting for my next move; his control slipping away by the second, along with his thinning patience. I love him so much but my head is in bits.
 

“Lu, is everything alright?”

“I just need to clear my head - can you allow me that? Give me tonight and then we’ll talk.” I’m suddenly drained; a combination of our earlier sexual exploits, the recent long-haul flight, straight back into work, the hospital drama and oh yes, being pregnant. My brain is swimming and all I want to do is climb into bed and sleep for an eternity.

He sighs in his seat next to me, his focus on the windscreen, then stares at me. “ Is that such a good idea - I mean you tend to complicate things when you have the time to dwell.”

WTF? Arrghhh!

He softens the blow, placing his sexy hand on my thigh and squeezes continuing, “I know you, baby, you forget. I know your quirky little ways.”

I place my hand over his and look right at him. “I need tonight.”

He nods. “Ok. I just worry that I’m losing you again. I can feel it. We’ve had this amazing break away together and now we’re home we’re back to square one.”

I frown; maybe he was right. I don’t want him to think I’m not invested in this; God nothing could be further from the truth - just the opposite in fact. I’m just terrified I’m going to move us forward at 100mph and we’re going to crash. “We’re fine, Seb. We do need to talk. Can we tomorrow? I’m just exhausted.”

“I’ll be here.”

His body language says pissed off and I’m saddened especially after what we’d shared at the cinema. Leaning over I kiss his generous mouth, and sit back looking into his eyes. “Surely what we shared tonight shows how in sync we are?”

“That’s sex, Lu - you and I have no fucking problem in the fucking department.”

Oh shit - he really is pissed.

“Ok. Night then. Love you.”

“Night.”

As I head to the house and let myself in, I feel his eyes on my back, then the second I close the door, the screech of his tyres as he pulls away is deafening - someone needed to cool off.

BOLLOCKS! That could have gone better. I hang my coat and head into the lounge to find Suzie watching the beginnings of the late stream of EastEnders. “You’re back early? Good night?”

“Yeah. Finn Ok?”

“Absolute diamond. Out for the count, little love.”

“Ah, thanks so much, babe. Do you want a cuppa?” Please say no. I just want to crawl under my duvet.

“Oh go on then. G said he’d come get me when you came home so I’ll text him now and you and I can have a quick catch up.”
 

We head down to the kitchen and I flick the kettle on and lean against the cooker, as she takes a seat, battling to balance on the stool.

“Bloody hell.” I rush to assist her and she puts her hands up in annoyance. I’m fine. I can do it. Please don’t turn into your brother-in-law.”

Smirking at her exasperated expression I look at her lovely face, similar to my own in so many ways yet so markedly different - bless if I’m tired at only 7 weeks, she must be shattered. We natter about The Maldives and Dubai and the nursery plans and I prepare the tea and assist her down again from her perch and then we take the brews back up to the sofas, where she can settle in more comfortably.
 

 
Her big brown eyes grow bigger with her next words. “So, tell me where, Mr. Gorgeous took you?”

“The Cinema.”

“Really - hmmph I thought it would be more exciting than that? I’m surprised you two made it out of the car the way he was eating you up with his eyes.”

I smile fondly. “He booked it out for us. There was no one there, Suze. Just him and I, oh and … Mickey Rourke.”

Her confused brow raise makes me laugh. “He wasn’t there in real form, he was on the big screen getting down and very dirty with Kim Basinger.”

Her mouth forms a big O’ and she nods in respect. “That guy has moves I’ll give him that. You can’t beat a bit of soft porn on the big screen to get a girl excited.”

He certainly does. “I fucked things up though..”

She looks up concerned. How so?”

“He wanted to go eat - I really needed to talk to him about something, something important and I chickened out. His sexy smile and charm taking my mind off my end goal and then I just felt… well it wasn’t the right time.”

“What… to tell him that you’re pregnant?” she casually takes a sip of her tea, appraising me coolly over the rim.

Jesus! “Suzie? What the hell are you talking about?”
Oh Shit!

“Oh, come on! I’ve been waiting for you to ring and tell me since Gino saw you at the clinic yesterday, but when you didn’t I figured you were going to tell Seb first - tonight.”

Was it that obvious? “How did you know?”

“Well I didn’t need to be Einstein to figure it out that the clinic yesterday was only for maternity but to be honest Lu, you had that accident a month or so back and Abby said you’d been nauseous in Dubai…”

Did everyone know?

“Please don’t say anything to ANYONE, Suze — I mean it - I need to tell Seb first. He has to hear it from me. OK?”

“Of course. What are you going to do, hun? Are you happy? Shocked? Devastated? All of the above?”

I let out a huge gush of breath and suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted, maybe talking about it with my sister is the best thing to do?
 

“I’m not sure. I mean I’m happy of course I am. I love him - and I’d love to have his baby but…”

“It’s all very soon.”

“So soon.”

She uncrosses her legs and stands to come join me on my sofa, slipping an arm across my shoulders and drawing me to her. “Look, what will be will be. You’re right you need to talk to Seb and see where you two stand but I know how that man looks at you and he loves you, so I know he’ll support you. You will get through this.”

I lean my head into her strength, grateful for her words, even if I’m not sure of them. “I’m not unsure of his love for me, Suze. He just doesn’t want kids.”

“Has he told you that? He loves Finn, I find that hard to believe, he’s so good with them.”

“No - he told me in The Maldives, even before I realised I was expecting, that kids weren’t an option for us in our future. He seemed adamant but never gave me a reason why. We have Finn and that is enough for him, he said - for us.”

I glance to Suzie’s face, where I can see clear understanding now of my reluctance to jump in to announce to Sebastian my condition. “Either way you just need to rip it off, babe - get some sleep tonight, then see him tomorrow and tell him, before someone else does.”

I push back from her in annoyance.
 

“It won’t be me, I promise, but these things have a way of coming out when you least expect them to and are least prepared.”

I know she’s right.

She kisses my head and we smile at each other. “It’s too soon but wouldn’t it be nice to think we’d be pregnant together, babe.”

I can’t think that far ahead but I nod weakly. My head is fuzzy, like it’s full of cotton wool.

“How many weeks are you?”

“7!”

“And all looks good.”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s a positive in this mess. After you took that morning after pill, I was little worried.”

“Does Gino know, Suze?”

“Does he heck? Hasn’t got a clue and it’ll stay that way until you’re ready. Ok?” She winks and I mouth ‘thank you’ as we hear the knock at the door. Her husband’s timing was perfect.

I say my goodbye’s and lock-up, turning the lights off as I go and as I leave the lounge I double back. I could have sworn I saw someone sitting in a dark saloon opposite the house… watching. For added measure I close the curtains, something I rarely do downstairs and hold them tightly together. I’m sure it’s because I’m over tired and exhaustion is setting in but this feeling of being observed is becoming a regular occurrence.