The One Addicted (41 page)

    
After a long lingering kiss with my tall dark and handsome man, I’d headed up the stairs to my terrace, and waved goodbye to a week of living in ‘fantasyland’ then stepped over into the land of reality again.

    
Upon reflection,
my
reality was a pretty good one I think to myself, kissing the top of Finn’s head, as he chatters away about what he and Ninni and Gramps had been up to that week. “We’ve been bowling and I got to feed Madam Tina everyday, and walk her with Gramps and he said I was very wisponswible.”

    
“I’m sure you were, Poppet. But we are still not getting a dog, nice try though with

the cute little voice. What else did you do?”

    
“We went to Pizza Express one night and met Suzie and Uncle G and Suzie ate her pizza and nearly everyone else's too - she’s getting really big now!”

    
“The baby wants food to grow and it makes the Mummy really hungry.”

    
“Did you get like that with me?”

    
“Totally - I couldn’t walk past a cafe without having a hot chocolate loaded with whipped cream, sprinkles and marshmallows. Annnd I was obsessed with mashed potato oh and Lucozade and don’t get me started on the smell of petrol”

    
“Yuk! I hate mashed potato!”

    
I laugh at his screwed up nose. “I know - I think I overdosed on it.”

    
“But I lurve the smell of petrol!”

    
“I know you do you cheeky monkey. Anyway tell me, did you see Daddy at all?”

    
“No, but I spoke to him. Ninni called him for me and we spoke for a while. Karen too - she was much nicer.”

    
Now that she knows I’m not after Niall
- who cares if it means she treats my son well. I’m utterly relieved that when he visits them, especially overnight, I can relax. “That’s great, Poppet. I missed you
so
much though. You’d have loved Dubai, baby; it was really sunny and Seb’s hotel was huge! He said he’d take all three of us back sometime so you could see for yourself - would you like that?”

    
His manic head nodding earns him a tummy tickle and another hug. “But for now, we are going to stay right here and enjoy some much needed time together.”
As a family. God that sounded good. Mummy also needs to attend to a few things in the morning, namely an appointment with the doctor.

     
“I’ve even decided to go into work later tomorrow morning, so we can have a lazy breakfast together and then I’ll drop you at Auntie Suzie's and she can take you to Creche.”

    
“Cool - can we have pancakes Mummy?”

    
“We can have anything you want gorgeous, but right now I need you to start thinking about your birthday list little guy - a little birdie told me that someone is turning three next month.”

    
“I’m not going to be three Mummy.” He giggles
 

    
“Oh sorry I meant thirteen.” I smile as he shakes his head at my silliness. “Not thirteen huh? Sorry, ten - yes that’s right, or was it seven?”

    
“Mummy, you know I’ll be four.”

    
“You most certainly will my angel and a pretty fantastic four you’ll be.”
God he’d be starting school next year. My baby boy.

    
I chew my lip as my mind reverts back to the memory of the many completed pregnancy tests now safely tucked away in the inside zip of my bag.
 

    
Oh. My. God. I could be having another baby
. Seb’s baby.

    
It’s all too much and far too soon. For me, for us. Isn’t it? Could
we
do this?

    
He’d made it very clear in The Maldives that he loved me - God, that had been the most romantic gesture anyone had ever done for me but he also made it just as clear that we wanted different things. He’d talked about long-term commitment as though it were something to be avoided at all cost - children at the forefront of that list.
 

    
I believe that he loved me; could feel it in his touch and kiss but what did that mean for us, for our future? Before I’d pee’d on a stick (or four) I could have reviewed this on a day-by-day basis, and just seen where this love of ours took us, but now everything had changed with that one pink line. Now, I had to evaluate things much sooner than I’d ever envisioned. I was going to come across as total honey-trapper.

    
I knew Seb had noticed I’d retracted into my shell again for most of the journey home; no matter how hard I attempted to put a brave face on I could feel myself withdrawing from him. His odd expression as I waved him away had been evidence of his hurt. That hadn’t been my intention but until I’ve sorted some kind of sketchy strategy in my head I can’t even begin to discuss the subject with him. He is such a dominator of all things, one sniff of my news and any thread of control I maintain at present will be snipped in an instant. No, tomorrow I’d talk about my options with my GP and make any necessary plans; find out where I stand. Right now I need to focus on the child I already have.

    
“Right monkey, any ideas about what birthday pressie you want this year?”

*****

I’m about to head off to bed for the night, when I remember to grab the blueberries for Finn’s pancakes from the freezer - I’d have to do a big food shop tomorrow, on line if I couldn’t manage to get to the supermarket - I had nothing in. Downstairs in the basement kitchen, I flick the kettle on and grab the fruit from the top door of the SMEG, and place it on the island to defrost. Taking a pew on a stool and minute to just sit and stare into space, I listen to the comforting sounds of the boiling water and enjoy my safe haven. I loved this house but for the first time since I’d split with Niall and found my renewed independence I missed having a man around.
 

Who are you trying to kid? Not just any man - you miss Sebastian. It feels odd without him here with you after spending so much time together.

Chewing on my lip, something catches my eyes over near the bin and I frown - a scrunched empty coke can lay on the floor, just short of the swing bin, some of its liquid, spattered up the cream wall. What had happened there? My Mum must have had it but then missed when she put it in the bin. I grab a cloth from the sink and wipe the walls down, discarding the can in the bin - it’s only as it closes I see the pictures, torn and crumpled lying underneath the leftovers of tonight’s meal and an empty milk carton.
 

What the hell?

Abby’s smiling face, one eye missing where the photo had been ripped badly, looked up at me, the second piece was of Suzie, also a mess and totally irreparable. They were from the same picture. How strange. I rummage deeper, but I can’t find the third piece. I know it will be of me, as it was one of my favourite pics of the three of us, taken during a night out to celebrate Abby’s new job a few year’s back. What had happened?

I lift the milk carton out and find two further photographs, both torn and soggy, and stuck to the bottom of the plastic. They were also sabotaged and in disrepair. The first was of Sebastian and I during our graduation years ago, and now only Sebastian smiled up at me in his black mortarboard hat and the second was a group-shot of
 
the night of Suzie’s birthday party a few weeks back - I’m not on this one either - torn from the edge. I wonder if Finn had been messing with them but he’d never done anything like this before.
 

I flick the lights off and make my way up stairs, conscious of the late hour but I as I brush my teeth and ready for bed, I find it hard to shake the ominous feeling that is beginning to feel like a second skin of late and press my hand to my stomach instinctively.

*****

Unfortunately the camera in the bedroom is not in the best position for seeing Lucia undress and now that she is finally parted from Silver, he would like to settle down and catch up on the latest episode of The Lucia Myers Show.

He laughs to himself in the car at his stupid joke.
That was pretty witty for late on a Sunday night.

“Come on, Lucia - move a little to the right so I can see you… shit.”

It wasn’t going to work. “For fuck’s sake what are you doing in there?”
 

She was back and forth, from the room, to the bathroom, and then finally she comes into focus again, unclipping her hair and removing her make-up at her dressing - table.
 

“Nice tan, love - shame I can’t see your white bits - come on - give a guy a chance - take your top off at least.”

He grunts in annoyance as the light goes out, in answer to his plea and he watches her climb into her large bed. That same bed he had pleasured himself in, only a few days earlier.. It makes him hard just thinking about being that close to her. “I hope you haven’t changed the sheets Lucia - then you wouldn’t have me so close to you.”

Having infra-red on the camera was an ingenious invention and he grins as her eyes glow neon in the dark. “Can’t sleep eh? What could be keeping you awake, my Lucia - don’t fear, I am here to watch over you.”

She curls up and closes her eyes. The clock in his car shines midnight - time for him to make a move as he had a busy few days and nights ahead of him. No, she wasn’t going to give him anything else to get excited about tonight.

He looks down at the ripped picture he’d stolen from her fridge, wishing her mouth was on his cock right now. “Good to have you home where you belong, Lucia. Sweet dreams.”

*****

         
“Lucia Myers?”

    
“That’s me.” Standing, I place the crumpled Bodley News down on the chair next to me, grab my bag and smile nervously at the female doctor holding open her office door to me. Ok,
here goes. Deep breaths.

    
We enter the room and the click of the door in its casing echoes in the new practice surroundings and I take a second to assess the decor - Elysium had put in a bid to tender when the new medical surgery was being built but were unsuccessful as we were too ‘
fledging’.
TNC Design had won the coup and hadn’t done a bad job but I could definitely have done a better job - it was still too 80’s and not in a good new wave-way.
 

    
Dr. Graham gently coughs to alert me back to the present and I sit up straight, as though I’m in front of my old school headmistress. “So, what can I do for you today?”

    
I rummage in my handbag and locate the items that once seen, no words need explain, then place them gingerly in a neat line across her desk.

    
“Ok, what have we here? One, two, three… four pregnancy tests. All positive.”
 

   
I nod.

   
“Is this something expected - have you been trying to get pregnant?”