The NSC Boxset: Heart of Stone (33 page)

His breathing was heavy, he was so tense it felt like I was leaning against a boulder. I slid round to face him and rested on my knees between his legs as I took in his pained expression.

His once bright blue eyes were now dead, his cheeky smile was gone leaving a severe frown in its wake and his beautiful sculptured jaw was now jutted out sternly; he was a heart breaking sight and the sadness in his face tore me apart.

I slid my finger down his temple and onto his heavy jaw and leant forward to kiss the trail it left behind. I found his mouth, the need to kiss him greater than anything I had ever felt, the sting in my split lip making me flinch but determined to carry on.

The need to be loved overpowered the shame and pain and the need to be comforted by this loving and gentle man taking over my core.

“I need you, Nate” I breathed as I continued to kiss him with the very essence of my soul.

“Oh, Liv,” he sighed and kissed me back with his own heart and soul, his hands wrapping around me as he lifted me gently and placed me gracefully down onto his long, thick shaft as I sucked in a breath and arched my back.

His hands tenderly caressed my breasts as I slowly slid up and down his length. His lips found mine as he kissed me exquisitely. He moaned against my mouth, “I love you Angel, I love you so much.”

A tear slid down his cheek and I kissed it away. My mouth covered his as I tried to kiss away his pain and torture while I continued to make love to him, sinking down on him so slowly it was almost painful. His head dropped back against the rim of the bath as his climax took him, took him away from his own hurt and heartache and filled him with ecstasy, as mine came powerfully but painfully, my bruised muscles clenching around my fractured ribs.

I cried out and sobbed, the tears now finally flowing as I clung to the man I loved, him still inside me whilst he held me tight as I rested my forehead on his and wept uncontrollably and heart wrenchingly.

“Sshhh baby, I’m sorry,” he pleaded as I whimpered and snivelled against him, his hand sliding up and down my back. “Sshhh Liv, please Angel, you’re breaking my heart.”

His thumbs wiped the tears from my sore cheeks and he placed them on his lips. “I love you Liv, I’m so sorry, Baby” he murmured as he continued to cover my face with little kisses. “I’m so sorry, Angel.”

My tears were finally subsiding and I frowned at him. “What are you sorry for Nate?” I sobbed, trying to catch a breath.

“For everything, Liv. For being a stupid arsehole and leaving you twenty years ago, for that fucking bastard to get his claws into you. For not being there when you and Jay needed me and not being able to protect you both. For not being a proper Father to Jay and for not getting here fast enough to stop that filthy cunt getting his hands on you.” His face was pure rage, sorrow and torment. His pupils were huge and black, the blue had disappeared completely covered by his fury.

I leant back and stared at him. “You’re not fucking God, Nate!” I exclaimed, angry that James had made Nate feel guilty for what he had done. “You
did
get here in time, you got here in time to stop him raping me in front of our son. Do you know what that means to me, Nate? What it would have done to me if Jay had watched that?”

I was so angry I was screaming at him. “How is any of this your fucking fault? Eh? If it’s anybody’s fault it’s mine for not standing up to him and leaving him sooner. It’s my fucking fault for marrying the bastard and putting up with it for years because I was a stupid, frightened little woman that couldn’t stand up for herself.”

My chest was heaving. I was shaking with rage but not at Nate or James, my fury was aimed at myself for all the sorry years I had cowed down and took James’s shit.

I climbed out of the bath but Nate tried to pull me back in. “Don’t touch me, Nate” I spat, so fucking angry with myself.

“Liv! Please, none of this is your fault. It’s him, baby, this is all him,” he begged as he came to embrace me but I pushed him away.

“No, Nate! It’s my fault that Jay has had too much pain in his life.”

Nate frowned and shook his head. “Liv! You have done a fucking brilliant job raising him; you did that all on your own, baby.”

He was pleading with me now and I shook my head and laughed bitterly, “You have no fucking idea how bad James was to him Nate, he was cruel and twisted, always trying to make him cry. If I had been stronger and done what was needed!”

I swiped my hand across the vanity, scattering the contents over the bathroom floor. “Baby, please!” Nate cried, pinning me in his arms, embracing me tightly.

“Get off me, Nate” I screamed and pushed against him.

“Not till you calm down” he said calmly.

“
CALM FUCKING DOWN?
” I thundered, “Calm down? That bastard wanted to rape our son, Nate!” I screamed as I went into meltdown, wrenching from Nate’s grasp and destroying the bathroom in a blind fury.

Gripping the cabinet and pulling it from the wall I threw it across the room, smashing it to pieces and smashing bottles as it hit the wall. My fist struck the mirror, splintering it into a thousand little mirrors, sprinkling over the bathroom carpet and showering us with a dusting of glass. I pummelled the shower cubicle door, cracking it forcibly and cutting my knuckles to shreds.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Nate growled as he grasped me round the waist, flung open the bathroom door and carried, me kicking and screaming into the bedroom.

He laid us both down on the bed, me still fighting to let out my rage as he held me tight and tighter still.

My anger subsided when my brain started to shut down, it was always the same with me. It was my coping mechanism and I had always done it much to James fury and annoyance but it was something I couldn’t control and my body slumped as I passed out.

Nate still clung on to me, his own tears and distress controlling him whilst his body heaved against my motionless body, his mental limit at breaking point as his own meltdown finally took over.

Chapter Twenty -Six

I HAD SLEPT through the afternoon and night, my body needing to recover and heal itself. I woke with the birds as they sang happily to the rising sun. Nate was curled around me, heavily hugging me to him as he slept.

I turned to face him but he didn’t stir, his beautiful face relaxed and carefree in his dreams. I loved this man with all that I was, he had made me whole and happy again, but I was just bringing him heartbreak and pain. The torture of my life spilling freely into his, and the agony of that made my heart ache.

His eyes were flicking under his eyelids, a sign that he was having his own private vision, a fantasy to escape from the nightmare of our lives.

I smiled softly and left the bed, wrapping myself in my robe and going down to the kitchen in desperate need of coffee.

Jay was sat at the kitchen table, staring through the window in a trance. He didn’t hear me as I walked over and kissed the top of his head, putting my arms around his shoulders and following the direction of his gaze.

His arms came to rest over mine as he sighed and rested his head back against me. “Morning, you feeling better?”

I nodded against him. “You?” My gaze dropped to his sore wrists, grimacing at the sight of them.

He nodded and rose from his chair. “Coffee?” he asked, giving me a smile. I nodded and sat down in the chair next to his.

Placing the mug on the table in front of me he took hold of my hand and held it tight. “I’m so sorry, Mum.”

His eyes watered and his face crumpled as I shook my head at him. “Don’t Jay, none of this is your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”

The pain on his face made my chest heave as his fist slammed on the table. “But if I hadn’t been phone fucking with bloody Jess then I would have been more alert, I would have seen him before it was too late.”

I laughed without humour at his words. “You are so much like your father it’s frightening. Jay, sweetheart, if you had walked in on guard with a bloody SAS back up team, he would have still got to you. He plans things to within a millimetre, works things over in his mind one hundred times before doing it, it’s how he always was. Nothing you did or didn’t do would have made a difference to yesterday, I promise.”

He squeezed my hand in confirmation. “DC Yale came around last night to take a statement but you were kind of smashing up the bathroom at the time.” He rolled his eyes but smiled. “She said she’ll ring you today sometime.”

I nodded and went to refill my mug. “I really think you ought to go and get your wrists checked.” I urged when he unconsciously rubbed at them.

“Nah, they’re fine but you ought to mum, your lip looks a bit of a mess.” I wrinkled my nose and shook my head.

“Hey,” I heard Nate say as he entered the kitchen and came over to kiss me. I smiled and poured him a coffee. “You Okay, Liv?” He frowned at my battered appearance. The bruising had worsened overnight and my complete face was covered in cuts and bruises.

He sighed, running his finger delicately over my cheek and across the split on my lip. I covered his hand with my own, giving him a reassuring smile. “It looks worse than it feels Nate, I’m good.”

He nodded glumly with a deep sigh then turned to Jay. “You okay?” he asked as he slipped into a chair.

“Yeah I’m good. I was just telling Mum that DC Yale came last night but you were both busy so she’s calling back today.”

Nate nodded and sipped his coffee, lost in his own mind for a moment. “Not that she’ll do anything,” Nate murmured, more to himself than us.

Jay shrugged and sighed. “She said there was a warrant out for his arrest and they were looking for him but . . .” He shrugged again, a defeated look on his face.

We stood silent for a while before Jay stood and took something from his backpack, handing it to Nate. “Happy birthday for yesterday.” He smiled softly at his dad as Nate took the card and gift.

“Thank you.” Nate grinned.

“At least I get to give it you in person this year,” Jay smiled. They locked eyes for a second, each saying lots without words.

Nate opened the card and then unwrapped the gift. It was a pair of gold cufflinks with ‘
Dad
’ engraved beautifully into each. He stared at them for a long time, his breathing slow and steady as Jay’s hand came across the table to cover his Dad’s.

“Bit of a shitty birthday though, eh?” Jay said with a huff.

“Actually, having you both here overshadowed the shit,” Nate said as he shrugged and smiled to himself, then stared at us both in turn. “We won’t let him win, I promise,” he said sternly and determinedly.

Jay and I shifted our gaze out of the window, both of us not quite having the heart to dispute Nate’s words.

* * *

It was Sunday which meant mine and Beth’s’ weekly get together but it was my turn to cook and to be honest I was happy for the distraction, working in the kitchen took my mind off things for a while.

Beth arrived and took one look at me as she entered the kitchen through the rear door. “What the Fuck?” she gasped. I lowered my eyes. “James?” she breathed, her chest heaving as she bit her lip as I nodded slightly.

She turned to Nate and narrowed her eyes as he was stood by the fridge. “And where the hell were you?” she demanded.

“Beth!” I warned but she shook her head.

“You are supposed to be taking care of her. Look at her!”

I grasped her arm. “It wasn’t Nate’s fault Beth, he got to us before anything bad happened.” Nate looked at the floor and shuffled his feet.

“
Before
anything bad happened, look at the fucking state of you!” Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean ‘us’?”

I turned away, knowing how she would react. “He got to Jay first,” I whispered.

“
WHAT!”
she squealed, her chest heaving. She adored Jay and vice versa, he was the baby she never had and they had both nurtured a great love for each other.

I bit my lip and Nate came over to me, slipping his arms around my shoulders. “Beth,” he cautioned as he took in her anger.

“Where is he?” she wheezed. I gestured to the lounge and as she disappeared through the door Nate enfolded me in his arms.

“She always did have a way of saying things” he sighed.

“She’s right to be angry at me Nate, I didn’t protect him.” I shrugged and he scowled at me.

“Don’t, Liv.” His lips brushed over mine as my phone rang and he picked it up, checking the caller display as he passed it me. “DC Yale” he huffed.

“Hi, Mandy,” I greeted.

“Olivia, how are you?” I could hear the concern in her voice.

“I’m okay, any news?” I asked eager to get it over with.

I heard her sigh which confirmed that no, there was no news or sightings of James. “I need him caught, Mandy,” I said angrily. “He hurt Jay and that’s not something I want to witness ever again. I need him caught.”

She repeated her deep sigh. “I know Olivia, we’re trying our best, I promise. I need to get a statement and photograph your injuries, is there any chance you can nip into the station today?”

“Can’t you do it here?” I asked, moaning at the thought of spending yet another day in the police station. I had internal knowledge of every crack in the walls, every single scuff mark on the doors and nearly every bloody officer in that place after all the time I had spent there years ago.

“I can’t Olivia. I need the medic to take a look at you and document all your injuries. I promise I’ll rush you through so you’re not here too long,” she apologised.

“Okay.” I relented and sighed. “Can we make it about 3, I have lunch to do?” She confirmed the appointment and ended the call as I stared out of the window.

Nate took my hand, his thumb skimming over my sore knuckles from the shower door. “I’ll come with you.” I nodded as I busied myself with finishing the lunch. “And then you’re moving back into mine” he added firmly.

* * *

We both kissed Jay goodbye as he set off back to university and we headed for the police station. “Please be careful Jay, stay with your mates at all times,” I told him as I gave him a final hug.

Nate handed him an envelope as he also embraced him and Jay frowned at him. “It’s nothing, but wait until you get back to open it,” Nate winked and then gave me a flick of his eyes.