The NSC Boxset: Heart of Stone (118 page)

“Did you find him?” I asked and sighed when he looked away.

“No,” he answered with a growl and I gulped.

“He was a mess Mason, what did you do to him?”

He shook his head, “You don’t wanna know Ava.”

I grimaced at the thought. “Did you set fire to him?” I asked cautiously.

He glanced at me quickly but looked away. His actions confirmed my thoughts. I pulled in a breath as visions of Katie’s gruesome death swam in my head. I gagged as the smell and sound of her horrifying screams flooded my memories. Mason clung to me tightly. “Baby, don’t,” he cautioned and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“What do I tell the police?” I asked, knowing Mason would want to deal with this himself.

“He wore a hood and you have no idea who he was,” he informed me levelly and I nodded.

“It was him who stabbed Greg,” I divulged and he sighed.

“We thought that.”

I frowned. “What? You knew!” I was gobsmacked. “You knew he was out there and you left me alone with Courtney and the babies!” I shook my head in shock and despair.

“Ava . . . we weren’t sure,” he defended. I could see the shame and guilt on his face but it was too late for excuses and I was stunned he would do this.

“Whoa Mason, I can understand why you let him go before but he stabbed Greg for fucks sake. Did you not think he would come for me?” I rubbed my face with my hands and then jolted at the pain.

“Baby, I didn’t know he would do this . . .”

I snorted and stared in disbelief at him. “He killed our baby Mason, he tried to rape me before, he beat me up and you didn’t think he’d come for me . . .” I shrank back from him, “You knew Mason; you knew how much he hated me for how I split you two up, yet you left me alone with your babies . . . YOU RISKED YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN MASON!” I screamed. “How could you?” I stared at him with utter disgust.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, placing his face in his hands. “I know . . .” he whispered so quietly I struggled to hear him. He looked at me and his hand reached for me but I reared back.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I spat. “Just go, I don’t want you anywhere near me.” I turned away from him, the sight of him sickened me.

“Ava please . . .”

“GET FUCKING OUT!” I cried and curled up within myself.

How could he do that? He left us alone while he must have known Dane would come for me, he risked me and his children when he left.

“Ava . . .” he breathed, his voice was raspy and low.

“Go and get fucking high Mason, I know that’s what you want. Block me and your children out of your poor fucking excuse of a life!”

His sheer disregard for our safety hurt so badly, it was like a physical pain ripping my insides. The thought of what would have happened if Dane had got hold of Katie or George was too terrifying to think about.

“I’m not leaving you, Ava,” he growled. A sudden thought occurred to me and I spun around, disregarding the pain that shot through me.

“Who’s with Courtney and the twins?” I asked slowly, my heart was speeding up and my breathing became erratic at the chilling thought of them being alone.

“Ava calm down, Sam and John are with them,” he soothed quickly and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank God.” He smiled as though he thought he was forgiven. “Shame you didn’t think of us before he beat the shit out of me and raped me!” I spat as I curled my lip in abhorrence.

He looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry Ava; I don’t know . . .” He lifted his head and his eyes pleaded with me.

“Go!” I hissed as the nurse returned. She looked between the two of us but Mason just sat in the corner chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

I sighed heavily. “Why do you never do as I ask?” I yelled at him but he just shrugged.

“I told you, I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU. AVA.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him.

“The police are here Honey, you ready to talk?” Teresa asked and I saw Mason’s eyes flit to mine in a warning.

I sighed. “Bring it on.” . . . again!

CHAPTER 40

I WAS ALLOWED home two days later and against my wishes, back to Mason’s. I had wanted to return to the cottage but he wouldn’t let me, refusing to let me be alone.

I hadn’t told Courtney what Mason had done, I was too angry and I was frightened how she would react about Greg’s stabbing.

Greg was doing brilliantly and would be home in a few weeks and Mason had insisted Courtney stayed at his for her protection until they found Dane.

The first thing I did when I walked through the door was huddle my babies up and kiss and kiss and kiss them, I had missed them so much; they were now my life and I couldn’t bear to be apart from them.

Mason was desperately trying to win my forgiveness but this latest fuck up was huge and I was struggling to even look at him. I was also fraught with worry about Dane getting to Katie and George and I wasn’t coping well over the rape. I felt dirty, used and guilty and I was frightened in the house in case he came back and the memories were haunting me . . . I was a mess, mentally and physically and I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke.

Once I had put Katie and George to bed after enjoying bath time I went straight to the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka, needing to obliterate my inner turmoil.

Mason eyed me sceptically. I just glared at him and downed the first glass, pouring another immediately after. I closed my eyes and exhaled as the alcohol hit my sore throat and trickled into my stomach, but the effect wasn’t instantaneous and I downed the second one.

I needed to feel numb, stop the emotions and thoughts that were drowning me. “Ava . . .” Mason warned and reached for the bottle.

“Don’t,” I snarled as I moved it away from him. “I need it . . . I need to blot it out!” I warned and walked away from him and into the lounge.

Courtney was curled up on the sofa watching a movie and she eyed me when I walked in. “Hey babe,” she smiled as I settled down beside her and poured another glass full.

She frowned and tipped her head to the glass. “You okay?” she asked as Mason sat in the chair opposite; his eyes firmly fixed on me.

“It’s been a bit of a shit week so I thought I’d get fucking pissed.” I shrugged and swallowed the full glass and filled it a fourth time.

Mason’s face was dangerously dark but I was in the mood for a fight so I tipped my glass at him and consumed it all in one go. His breathing was growing heavier and faster and I could sense Courtney’s eyes swinging between the two of us. “I’m gonna go to bed, I’m shattered.” She stood and kissed my head. “Night babe.” She glanced at Mason. “Night.”

He nodded at her but never removed his eyes from me. I just smirked and poured another glass. The vodka was just starting to hit my senses. I sighed contentedly as it started its numbing magic and rested my head on the back of the couch while I closed my eyes.

The room was silent but I could hear his steady breaths and I bit my lip as tears threatened to surface. No damn it, I would not cry . . . or I would not let him see me cry. I sat up, guzzled the vodka, slammed the glass on the table and walked up the stairs, neither of us uttering a word.

I checked on the babies and then turned on the shower in the en-suite and stripped off before I climbed under the hot stream.

My life was a mess! One big fucking mess! I was a mess! Another man had violated me . . . again! What the fuck was wrong with me? Did I have a sign hung around my neck saying ‘Hey, come and rape me’?

I rested my forehead against the tiles and closed my eyes. I felt dirty and I knew Mason was afraid to touch me, I could see the disgust on his face . . . another man had violated his woman; fucked the pussy that belonged to him!

I bit my lip severely to try and stop the thoughts I knew deep down weren’t true but they still kept spinning around my mind, tormenting and torturing me.

Was this payback for Dean and Lee or was its God’s way of saying I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was a slut, a fucking whore; Dane said so, Lee said so . . . I must be the biggest whore around.

I felt something snap inside me and I yanked at my hair in self-disgust, trying to tear it out in revulsion as I clawed at my face, wanting to rip away the dirty skin, my filthy foul skin.

A sob broke out as I continued to pull and claw and scratch at myself, wanting to peel my skin away from me, it was poisonous and toxic. It’s what held the evilness inside me, the badness and vice held beneath it. I wanted to rip it away and pull all the sin out and wash it down the drain, watch it swirl into hell.

Blood trickled down my face from under my fingernails as I tore at my skin, ripping it off me. The room filled with a low pitched hum but I didn’t realise it was coming from me until Mason appeared from nowhere and pulled me from the shower and pinned me onto his lap.

I could see his mouth moving, his eyes drowned in worry and anguish but the humming in my ears was getting louder. It was deafening, a long pitch that was driving me crazy.

I screamed and held my hands to my ears to try and stop it. I couldn’t stop screaming and scratching. I faintly saw Courtney in front of me through the blur before I felt the sharp sting of her slap across my face. The sting of the slap halted the humming and screaming immediately and I froze.

“Ava . . . god damn it!” Mason choked out as Courtney patted his shoulder and smiled tenderly at him before she left us alone.

“Baby . . .” he sobbed, “Look at what you’ve done!” He reached into the bath behind him and took the facecloth and started to gently wipe at my face, wincing and cringing as he wiped away the torn skin and blood. “Why Ava . . . Why . . . ?” he rasped as he continued to clean me up. “Jesus.”

I couldn’t talk, I was too numb and I wanted to be numb, I didn’t want to feel or think or smell. I just wanted to die!

Mason gently laid me on the bed and huddled in behind me. “Ava . . .” he whispered as he stroked my hair tenderly, his other arm gripped round my stomach, holding me tightly to him. “Baby . . . Why?” His voice was full of pain and desolation.

I just stared at the wall and wondered what would come next. My life had been one long fucking struggle, a daily toil.

“I need to get it out,” I whispered.

I felt Mason still behind me. “What? Get what out?”

I shook my head. Was he stupid? “The filth, Mason.”

“I don’t understand, Ava.” His voice was quiet and apprehensive.

“The filth, Mason! The dirt, the smut . . . the sin. It’s inside me and I can’t get it out.” I shivered at the thought of it crawling round my body, through my veins and clogging every pore.

Mason swallowed heavily and was silent for a while. “Baby, why do you think that . . . that you’re dirty?” he asked low and hesitantly.

I huffed. “Even you can see it Mason. I feel it, inside me, crawling through me, attracting monsters and evil . . . they’re always after me because I’m riddled with it and they come after it,” I hissed.

After a silent moment I felt him slip out of bed and he left the room.

Leaving me alone in the darkness I saw shapes shifting and swirling on the walls, trying to reach out to me. The evil from the pits of hell, had they come for me? Finally ready to drag me down with them, take over what was left of my soul and deliver it, take it where it belonged . . . in hell!

I cocked my head at them and I reached out to them. I was ready, ready to burn, ready to pay and ultimately ready to join Katie . . . But Katie wouldn’t be in hell, she would be in heaven; she was everything that was good and pure. She wouldn’t have been dragged down; she would have been flown upwards to the heavens.

I didn’t want to go with them . . . not to hell, even though I knew that’s what I deserved. I shook my head and reared back. “No!” I gasped. “No, I don’t want to!” I scrambled up the bed, desperate to get away from them. “NOOOOOOOO!” I screamed as they came closer, now whispering my name,
‘Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava. . . . ’
Over and over, their high pitched shrieks tearing at my ears and I covered them with my hands. “NOOOOOOO PLEASE!” I was trembling. Sweat was pouring from every pore on my body. “I DON’T WANT TO GO.” I sobbed as I crushed my hands against my ears to block out their screeches.

Mason’s arms enveloped me and pulled me into him. “Mason. . . . stop them, they’re trying to take me . . . don’t let them. I don’t want to go . . . Mason pleaseeeee,” I cried as he rocked me tightly to him.

“I won’t let them take you baby, I promise. I won’t let anybody hurt you Ava,” he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head vehemently. “But you will . . . you let Dane hurt me . . . I know you will, you’ll let them drag me down there. I don’t want to go to hell Mason. I want to be in heaven with Katie and my mom . . .” I turned on to my knees and took his hands, begging him. “Please, help me,” I pleaded and his face crumpled.

“Baby. . . . please . . . Ava . . .” he sobbed.

Courtney came to me. “Go Mason, I’ll take care of her,” she told him but he shook his head.

“I’m not leaving her Courtney,” he refused but she pulled him away.

“Just ten minutes Mason, just until your mum gets here. Go get a drink or something; she’ll be fine with me. I promise.”

He sighed but nodded. “Ten minutes. What the hell’s wrong with her Courtney?”

She squatted down in front of him and wiped his tears with her thumb. “Mason, she . . . she’s finally had enough. Her brain can’t cope with everything . . . she’s having a breakdown.”

He swallowed and bit his bottom lip. “It’s my fault Courtney, I’ve done this to her!” he sobbed.

“Go, go and take a break Mason. Go and sit with your babies, kiss them, snuggle them, just be with them for a little while.”

He gazed at her then sighed and stood. “Shout me if you need me.”

She nodded. “I’ll be fine, go on.”

She turned to me and grasped my hands. “I’m here, Ava. I won’t let them take you, babe. I promise. We’ll fight them off together.”

I nodded frantically. “Don’t let them, Courtney. They want my soul, they want to take me and burn me. Don’t let them,” I implored, my eyes huge as I scanned the room at the shadows that refused to leave me.