The No-cry Sleep Solution (51 page)

Remember, you are making a change. It may take a while for this to work, but this beats spending another year or more in a sleep-deprived stupor!

When you feel that your new routine is working, go on to Phase Two.

Mother-Speak

“The first night I tried the ‘Pantley Way,’ it worked like a charm.

I had to take him out of the crib four times and hold him, but after the fourth time he fussed a bit, I rubbed his back and used my key words—he never cried—and he went to sleep until almost 5:00 A.M. That’s another success, because it is usually 3:00 or 3:30. Getting him back to sleep after that early waking is another battle we are working on. I know—patience and baby steps!”

Kim, mother of thirteen-month-old Mathieau

Review and Choose Sleep Solutions

149

Phase Two: Baby’s Settled and Sleepy

Sit in your chair and rock, nurse, or bottle-feed Baby until she’s
settled
and
sleepy
, but not yet falling
asleep
. Play your sleep-cue music or sounds. Put her in her crib, pat or touch her, and say your key words until she’s asleep. If she wakes and cries, pick her up and repeat this process. You may have to do this two, three, four, maybe five times, but that’s OK. If you or your baby get upset at any point, just go ahead and put her to sleep in your usual way.

As in Phase One, she will become more comfortable with your new routine and will go to sleep. (Yes, I repeated that idea; it’s important to give yourself permission to stop the process for the night any time it’s not working. You will still see improvement over time.)

When you feel that your new routine is working, go on to Phase Three.

Phase Three: Comfort Without Pickups

When your baby makes waking sounds, go immediately to her, but try not to pick her up; instead, play your music or sounds, pat her, touch her, or put your arms around her in the same ways you have been, until she’s asleep. While she’s falling asleep, say your key words. If she wakes and cries, go ahead and revert back to
Mother-Speak

“We had good success at Phase One and Phase Two, but

there’s no way she’d have Phase Three. We kept trying though, and just when I was about to give up, lo and behold! One fine night she actually went back to sleep without my taking her out of the crib! That was the turning point. We never made it to Phase Four, because a week later she stopped waking up at all.”

Heidi, mother of ten-month-old Elise

150

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Phase Two or even Phase One, but try to make it brief. And repeat this process.

When you feel that your new routine is working, go on to Phase Four.

Phase Four: Soothing Pats

Go immediately to Baby, but try not to pick her up. Play your music or white noise sounds very quietly, pat her, or touch her.

Just stand by her crib and say your key words. If she wakes and cries, revert to Phase Three or even Two, but try to make it very brief. Repeat this process.

When you feel that your new routine is working, go on to Phase Five.

Phase Five: Verbally Soothing Baby

Go immediately to Baby’s room, and stand in the doorway.

Experiment to determine if you need to turn on your music or sounds. Say your key words. If she wakes and cries, revert back to previous phases, but try to make it very brief. And repeat this process.

When you feel that your new routine is working, go on to Phase Six.

Phase Six: Comfort from Outside the Doorway

Go immediately to baby’s room, stand
outside
the doorway where she can’t see you, and say your key words. If she wakes and cries, revert back to previous phases, but try to make it very brief.

Repeat this process.

The idea is to take small, gradual steps toward your goal. This example is not meant as a blueprint for every baby; rather, it’s one demonstration of the idea. You’ll need to examine your own bedtime rituals and modify them slightly every few nights until you reach your sleeping goal.

Review and Choose Sleep Solutions

151

Keep in mind that the phases are not meant to be rigid, inflexible steps. Watch your baby. Stay in tune with your own feelings.

Follow your heart. Modify your plan and be flexible as you move through the steps. As long as you are gradually moving toward your goal of having your baby sleep all night without your company, you will eventually get there.

Write a Family Bestseller

This idea may help parents of babies who are more than

eighteen months old.

Your baby is older now and can understand more things about life. You have most likely begun to teach the words
please
and
thank you
. She probably is able to follow simple instructions, such as, “Please put this on the shelf.” Most babies at this age enjoy reading books, especially books with pictures of real babies.

Reading books about sleep to your child at bedtime can help. I’ve found that most of these depict a predictable, typical bedtime routine: play, bath, pajamas, story, bottle or breast, bed. Seeing that other children go to bed in the same way he does can help your child do the same.

This is a great time to write your baby his own book about sleep. This idea helped me successfully and gently wean my son David from breastfeeding when he was two and a half years old and can be used for other changes as well, such as sleeping through the night. Here’s how.