The New Dead: A Zombie Anthology (60 page)

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
@caseinSD Yes she does have weird nipples. And it doesn’t make me a lesbo for noticing. Everyone notices.

 

10:02 AM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Sagebrush!!!!!! W00t!

11:09 AM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Now Eric is trying on my pantyhose. He’s bored. Mom thinks its funny but Dad is stressed.

 

12:20 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I dared Eric to wear a skirt in the diner to get our takeout. Dad says no. Mom is still laughing.

 

12:36 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I promised him if he does it I’ll invite a certain hot goth to the pool party in April so he can see her in her tacky bikini.

 

12:39 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Theres no way he’ll do it.

 

12:42 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
ZOMG hes doing it. Dad is going into the diner with him to make sure he isn’t killed by offended Mormons.

 

12:44 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Eric came back alive. Eric saves the day. I’m actually glad to be in the van right now.

 

12:59 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Dad says Eric sat at the bar and talked football with this big trucker guy. Trucker guy was fine with the skirt and pantyhose.

 

1:03 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
He’s still wearing it. The skirt. He’s probably a total closet tranny. Sicko. Course that would be fun. We could shop together.

 

1:45 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
@caseinSD Yes we do have to invite a certain goth to the pool party now. She probably won’t even come. I think sunlight burns her.

 

2:09 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Every time I start to fall asleep the van hits a bump and my head falls off the seat.

 

11:01 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Trying to sleep.

 

11:31 PM March 1st from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I give up trying to sleep.

 

1:01 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Oh fuck Eric. He’s asleep and he looks like he’s having a wet dream about a certain goth chick.

 

1:07 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Meanwhile I’d have a better chance of sleeping if there were only steel pins inserted under my eyelids.

 

1:09 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I’m so happy right now. I just want to hold this moment for as long as I can.

 

6:11 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I just want to be home. I hate Mom. I hate everyone in the van. Including myself.

8:13 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Okay. This is why I was happy earlier. It was 4 in the morning and Mom pulled into a rest area and then she came and got me.

 

10:21 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
She said it was my turn to drive. I said my permit is only for driving in Cali and she just said get behind the wheel.

 

10:22 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
She told me if I got pulled over to wake her up and we’d switch and everything would be all right.

 

10:23 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
So she went to sleep in the passenger seat and I drove. We were down in the desert and the sun came up behind us.

 

10:25 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
And then there were coyotes in the road. In the red sunlight. They were all over the interstate and I stopped so I wouldn’t hit them.

 

10:26 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Their eyes were gold and the sun was in their fur and there were so many, this huge pack. Just standing there like they were waiting for me.

 

10:28 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I wanted to take a picture with my cell phone, but I couldn’t figure out where I left it. While I was looking for it they disappeared.

10:31 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
When Mom woke up I told her all about them. And then I thought she’d be mad I didn’t shake her awake to see them so I said I was sorry.

 

10:34 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
And she said she was glad I didn’t wake her up, because that moment was just for me. And for like three seconds I liked her again.

 

10:35 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
But then in the place we ate breakfast I was looking at my e-mail for a sec. & I heard Mom saying to the waitress, we apologize for her.

 

10:37 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I guess the waitress was standing there waiting for my order and I didn’t notice.

 

10:40 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
But I didn’t sleep all night and I was tired and zoned out and that’s why I didn’t notice, not ’cause I was looking at the phone.

 

10:42 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
And Mom had to trot out her stories about being a waitress herself and that it was demeaning not to be acknowledged.

 

10:45 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Just to rub it in. And she can be completely right and I can still hate the way she makes me feel like shit at every opportunity.

 

10:46 AM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I napped but I don’t feel better.

 

4:55 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Dad of course has to go the slowest possible route by way of every back road. Mom says he missed a turn and added 100 miles to the trip.

 

6:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Now Mom and Dad are fighting. OMG I want out of this van.

 

6:37 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Eric I am psychically willing you to find some reason for us to get off the road. Put on the pantyhose again. Say you have to pee.

 

6:49 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Anything. Please.

 

6:49 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
No no no Eric, no. When I was sending you psychic signals, I was not signaling to you to pull over for this.

 

6:57 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Mom doesn’t want to pull over either. Write it down, kids, first time in two years we’ve agreed on anything.

 

7:00 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Oh Dad is being a prick now. He says there was no point in taking backroads if we weren’t going to find some culture.

 

7:02 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
We are driving up to something called the Circus of the Dead. The ticket guy looks really REALLY sick. Not funny sick. SICK sick.

 

7:06 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Sores around his mouth and few teeth and I can smell him. He’s got a pet rat. His pet rat dived in his pocket and came out with the tickets.

 

7:08 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
No it wasn’t cute. None of us want to touch the tickets.

 

7:10 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Boy, they’re really packing them in. Show starts in 15 min. but the parking lot is 1/2 empty. The big top is a black tent with holes in it.

 

7:13 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Mom says to be sure to keep doing whatever I’m doing on my phone. She wouldn’t want me to look up and see something happening.

 

7:17 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Oh that was shitty. She just said to Dad that I’ll love the circus because it’ll be just like the internet.

 

7:18 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
Youtube is full of clowns, message boards are full of firebreathers and blogs are for people who can’t live without a spotlight on them.

 

7:20 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I’m going to tweet like 5 times a minute and make her insane.

 

7:21 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
The usher is a funny old Mickey Rooney type with a bowler and a cigar. He also has on a hazmat suit. He says so he can’t get bitten.

 

7:25 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I almost fell twice on the walk to our seats. Guess they’re saving $ on lights. I’m using my iPhone as a flashlight. Hope there isn’t a fire.

 

7:28 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
God this is the stinkiest circus ever. I don’t know what I’m smelling. Are those the animals? Call PETA.

 

7:30 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
I can’t believe how many people there are. Every seat is taken. Don’t know where this crowd came from.

 

7:31 PM March 2nd from Tweetie

 

 

 

 

TYME2WASTE
They must’ve had us park in a secondary parking lot. Oh, wait, they just flipped on a spotlight. Showtime. Beating heart, restrain yourself.