The Naked Pint (27 page)

—WILLIAM BLAKE

W
hat is that thing that can make some beer greater than the sum of its parts? It’s something we can only explain as the beer’s chi, prana, spiritus, élan vital—whatever you want to call it, the vital life force or essence that elevates a beer to atmospheric heights. At some point, every person searches for it: The Perfect Beer. (Insert choir of angels here.) You can’t always point to it, and you can’t always prove it, but you can feel it deep down in your special place. Sometimes magic occurs in certain beers, and we lowly drinkers are left with a sense of wonderment and awe, not to mention the happiness we feel after a couple of these greats. We remember both the beers that blew our minds and the beers that spoke to us and nourished our souls. We vividly remember the beers that made us want to get down on our knees and say amen! The brewers behind them seemed to be touched by God; they convinced us to close our eyes and trust their vision.

It’s these kinds of religious experiences that have turned us into believers and fueled our quest for discovering what makes a great beer so great. Once we understand what to look for on a deeper level, we can appreciate beer in a way that we never could have before. The following beers are an inspiration in the beer world. They are often considered the cream of the crop and the beers that newer craft brewers attempt to replicate. Some, the Trappist Ales, are actually made by holy men. So when we say “religious experience,” it’s not just a figure of speech. You are ready to taste these magical brews that some crown as the most balanced, complex beers out there. We know some of these brews will have you giving thanks. Once you have a transcendental awakening like this, you become a part of the Devout. So, are you ready to get religion? Are you open to the spiritual side of beer?

Your body is a temple. So before you can devote yourself to beer and have a truly ethereal experience, you’re going to have to baptize yourself of any residual feelings of guilt related to beer’s original sin: calories. Beer gets a bad rap for being filling, fattening, and heavy. Weight-conscious drinkers assume that they have to wave the beer away. The mega mass-produced beer world has reinforced these stereotypes by kowtowing to these worries. Instead of trying to teach the public that when it comes to calories, beer isn’t as bad as many other alcoholic beverages, they feed the fear. By doing so, they create lowest common denominator beers that tout calories in the 60s and pervade our bars and restaurants (curses!).

First of all, let us say that beer has
no fat
! But we’re not going to deny that there are calories in beer. And hey, if there were an amazing beer out there that wasn’t watered down and had great flavor and no calories, we’d be drinking that beer, too. Unfortunately that’s not the case with low-calorie and low-carb beers. The flavor simply isn’t there. Just because we are talking about beer doesn’t mean that we have to settle for less in terms of quality or taste. Would any true wine connoisseur in her right mind order a wine by the calorie content (shudder!)? It’s time that we looked at the truth about beer and calories, and the truth shall set us free.

Let’s start with alcohol. If you are going to drink any alcoholic beverage, you are going to swallow calories. The more full bodied and the more alcohol a beer has, the more calories are going to be in that beer. Alcoholic drinks harbor lots of calories and inhibit the body from burning fat. It’s true, we know it’s true. But beer is not the demon here, and we refuse to let it take all the blame! First of all, beer is unfairly associated with lots of unhealthy foods. People think of buffalo wings and onion rings, ribs, and a juicy burger. Okay, those things are yummy and damn good with a beer to wash them down, but one does not
need
to eat fatty food while drinking beer. And beer is not more guilty than most of the popular beverages out there. Most people just don’t realize how many calories are in their favorite cocktail, soda, or a glass of great Pinot Noir. Google it!

So now let’s talk about carbonation. Some people say that they don’t like beer because it’s too filling and makes them feel, you know... a little gassy. Once again, it’s true. Beer does have carbonation, but carbonation does not equal carbohydrates. Bubbles in beer are not secret fatty things filling up your belly. Yes, you may belch a bit, but why do people sneer at beer bubbles and then happily drink a glass of Champagne, 7-Up, Diet Coke, or Perrier and call them refreshing? Again we think the mass beer companies are to blame for fanning the flame of obsession with light beer, teaching us that all other beer, if not light, is heavy, and that beer is inherently weighty. Carbonation’s function in beer is to lift the beer—to lighten up the sweetness of the malt, the bitterness of the hops, the heat of the alcohol. It is there to add a refreshing balance.

It comes down to this: If you are so concerned with calories and carbs in beer, we’d rather see you give up drinking alcohol altogether than see you drink the lite and low-carb versions of “beer” that are out there today. Sometimes you gotta use tough love.

Have you cast out your notions of beer and sin? Can you now relax and let go of any negative associations with this fine beverage? It’s important to enter into the world of the next few beers with a clean conscience and a prepared palate.

T
he following beers are worthy of praise. If Trappist beers are the breathtaking ancient church of beer, then these next styles are the surrounding beauteous grounds (we’ll withhold the
Sound of Music
reference for you). They achieve a balance that plays well with food and your palate. These austere beers are a perfect entrée into the elite world of specialty beers. They are not too high in alcohol but they are über-complex, challenging your palate without stabbing it with huge flavors. Once you can appreciate these fine, balanced ales, you will be ready to enter the heavenly world of Trappist brews.

Originally brewed around the town of Liège in French-speaking Belgium, Saison beer was almost extinct until fairly recently, but it is now seeing a revival in the craft beer world. Saison, which means “season” in French, was traditionally a beer brewed in the winter and meant for summer consumption. Saisons are now brewed all year round. Usually 6% to 8% ABV, this beer style is considered a farmhouse ale, and is called so because of the rustic, earthy, almost sour quality that it’s famous for. Sometimes overlooked and underrated by extreme beer fans, Saison could quite possibly be our favorite beer style. Straw golden to amber in color, these beers have amazing complexity and a completely unique flavor profile. They are almost a cross between a high alcohol Belgian Witbier, with its herbaceous, citrus qualities, and a Bière Brut, with its malty sweetness and peppery dryness. The spice and dryness make this a great beer style for food pairing (see Chapter 8). Green grassy, biscuity, and fruity on the nose, with a woolish dryness and sour finish, this beer style’s unassuming nuanced goodness always surprises and delights us. Taste our favorite Saisons and be delighted, too.