The Naked Drinking Club (27 page)

‘Seriously, be careful, guys!’ called Jim, changing tone and moving to the side of the rocks.

‘Scotty, you go next,’ I said.

But Scotty wasn’t budging.

‘Don’t like it, mate, don’t f-u-c-k-i-n-g like it one bit.’

‘Hey, you started this, you idiot, you go next,’ commanded Karin, which I quite liked her for.

I was trying to ignore the nauseous feeling I had growing in the pit of my stomach. Scotty leant forward towards the rope. I could see his feet and toes gripping the earth like claws, turning white as they scraped around for grip. He had also lost all signs of humour as soon as we got a real view of the drop. He was leaning forward, his hands raised about to swing on the rope, and stopping himself from moving any further by pushing his
right
foot against the bottom of a tree. It hadn’t been possible to notice the additional danger of the rope pulling you forward as soon as you got hold of it, when Jim was standing in the way. But with Scotty, I could get a sense of where the real danger lay. Once you were holding the rope, you were unable to linger on the top of the hill and the safety of flat ground it provided, for it was too much of a stretch to reach, as it was placed far out in order to help with clearing the rocks. That meant you had to jump onto the rope and commit once there. The moment Scotty tried to do this, the Danes and I upped our fear level. He shouted as he leapt off. He swung out to the middle to the point of letting go, and swung back again towards the rocks.

‘CUNT!’ he shouted, his leg scraping against the side of them.

‘Grab him! Don’t let him swing back!’ I shouted, realising that if he had any chance of being pulled back in with minimal injury, it would have to be on the first swing, before it got smaller. It all happened so quickly. I crouched down holding onto a root in the earth, leant out as far as I could and grabbed his legs, while Andrea grabbed me to secure me to the spot, allowing me to stretch forward as far down the drop as I could. Meanwhile Karin grabbed his shorts, then waist, and he held onto some of the tree and pulled himself up until he was able to let go of the rope. He landed on top of Karin, and we all piled up on the edge, scrambling with our hands for something to grip.

‘Are you all right?’ shouted Jim, from below.

Scotty mustered an ‘OK’, but his leg was bleeding down the shin and his ankle was cut. We all lay panting.

‘Right, this is crazy,’ said Karin.

‘Yeah, she’s right,’ I said. ‘Go down and wait with Jim.’

‘Fuck off, it’s just a little cut.’ He composed himself and started play-acting again, like he’d enjoyed the thrill, but we all knew he was shitting himself.

‘Let me look at your cuts,’ said Andrea. She hissed in through her teeth. ‘Looks sore. Is it?’

‘It’s a scrape, don’t worry. I’ll fix it up when we go back to the car.’

‘Leave him, it’s up to him if he wants to hurt himself,’ said
Karin,
standing up and picking the twigs and leaves off her arms and legs.

Scotty was freezing by now, though he denied it, and although it was hot, his teeth were chattering.

‘What’s happening? Shall I come up?’ yelled Jim, getting worried; he lifted himself out of the water and began drying himself.

‘No, fine, mate, we’ll be down in a minute.’ Scotty made an appearance over the edge, waving at Jim to let him know he was OK.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable and, if I was really honest, wanted someone else to suggest we call it a day and go down the way we came up, but nobody did. Not in the next five or even ten minutes. We stood there, each taking turns to peer over as near as we could get to the edge without having to use the tree.

‘This is fucking crazy,’ Karin said again, for about the tenth time in the last five minutes.

‘I know, so why don’t we go back? Because Jim did it, and we are a group, I suppose. It’s weird, isn’t it?’ I was hoping someone would instigate our descent after my comment.

‘Just forget about it, you lot! Come on!’ shouted Jim, waving us down.

‘Come on, we’re freaking him out, maybe we should go down,’ I said, expecting the others to agree instantly. They stood silent, looking down, Scotty breathing out short rapid breaths into his cupped hands.

‘Nope,’ said Karin after a minute.

‘What? You going to do it, then?’ I was startled.

‘You’re right about us having to do things that each other does, it’s like being kids,’ said Andrea.

‘Karin? You going to jump?’ I asked.

She ignored me, rubbed her hands and let out a big puffedout cheeks breath, and jumped onto the rope shouting, ‘SSHHHIIIIT!’

She started to come back a little after passing optimum jumping point and so leant forward slightly almost like she was going to dive off the rope, and let go, falling almost flat onto her front.

‘Fuck me!’ said Scotty, as we all rushed to the edge in line to see she was OK. Her splash was much bigger than Jim’s, causing a rippling effect for a while afterwards. Jim dived in immediately. She came to the surface, gasping for breath and wheezing, clearly winded. Jim swam to her and pulled her back to the edge like a lifeguard. We could hear him telling her that she was OK and her breathing would be normal in a bit, and to try to take it slowly.

‘YOU OK, KARIN?’ I shouted.

Andrea shouted something in Danish. Then it hit me. Karin had jumped before me and was much braver than I had thought her to be, which meant I was wrong about her, which meant I would have to jump next, or look and feel like a complete failure.

A good fifteen minutes must have passed, as we stood at the edge looking down, which had become our pre-jump routine. Down at the pool, Karin had recovered and was sitting on a rock with Jim looking up at us. Nobody had spoken for a while. Jim had stopped his attempts to dissuade us from jumping; even Karin, as soon as she regained the power of speech, shouted to us that we would feel better once we jumped, but not to hesitate for a second once on the rope. Scotty stood leaning against the last tree before the slope, while Andrea and I stood together staring at the stillness of the inviting pool. We watched Karin running her hands over her legs – even from where we were, the red streaks were visible. Jim spoke to her and touched his chest; they seemed to be comparing injuries. I was still stunned by Karin’s feat of bravery in comparison with my own cowardice. Still, I hadn’t officially taken my place at the rope so wouldn’t be judged yet. So, she had shown some kind of strength or spontaneity I didn’t know she had, but surely there was no way that Andrea would be able to jump. Or had I read everybody wrongly, and was I full of shit, not as tough as I thought I was?

Andrea edged forward. ‘This is so fucking dumb but I’m gonna do it.’ She stared intently into the pool.

‘Oh fuck,’ said Scotty, running his hands through his hair.

‘You sure? I mean, I think I’m going to go.’ The truth was,
I
wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t let Andrea go before me, so I moved towards the rope tentatively.

‘OK, sure? You go before me, then, let’s get this stupid thing over with.’ Andrea’s words just made me panic and doubt myself even more.

‘OK.’ I leant down to grab the rope, Scotty moving to the side so I could use the tree. I did the foot thing against it. I felt as though I was going to throw up.

‘Hey, Scotty, did you feel sick when you went to do this?’

‘Yeah, mate, and thought I was going to shit myself as well.’

‘Then you would have had to jump in the water.’

Andrea laughed, which meant she was so much more relaxed than me. Jim and Karin watched me, silently. I was committed now, I was holding the rope. I could stand as long as I wanted but I couldn’t go back, it would just look so bad. I wasn’t sure if they felt as strongly about it as me or if this was all in my head, but the jump seemed to be a necessity to all of us, otherwise we wouldn’t still be standing here. I didn’t understand why I was so hesitant, so shit scared. I was strong and physically very confident. Andrea and Karin wouldn’t even pull themselves up onto the roof of the car and let their feet dangle through the sunroof like Scotty and I had. I hated it that I was grouping myself together with Scotty. I had always seen myself as being more with Jim: strong, hard, wise, with a heavy, heavy past. I watched him down on the rock examining Karin’s red legs and wondered if he felt shocked at my cowardice.

I urged myself to swing forward, I visualised myself going for it, it was so near, just a push-off. I was a strong swimmer and, in addition to that, would learn from Karin’s belly flop. Yet none of these things would help me let go of the ground beneath me. It was the most out-of-character experience I had ever encountered.

I withdrew, letting go of the rope, watching it swing back empty to the middle.

‘Fuck. FUCK!’ I squatted down, holding my face in my hands. What had this turned into, what were we doing? Why did no one stop it? ‘What do you think?’ I asked Andrea. Suddenly, her opinion was of importance to me.

‘I dunno.’ She leant into the rope, hooking her foot under
the
root protruding from the dirt that I’d used earlier in order to anchor herself. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. ‘Maybe I’ll understand when I’ve done it.’ Then she swung off, leaving me with Scotty. Her drop was the best so far. She even whooped as she swung. Her arms tight by her side just before she entered the water. She surfaced completely unscathed to a round of applause that Scotty and I reluctantly joined in.

‘Right, that’s fucking it!’ he said, taking his hand off his balls and grabbing the rope while it was still swinging. This time he let himself move a little further down the bank than before, maybe just one foot or so, and for a second he looked a dead cert to do it, but bottled out again, losing his balance and landing backwards on the slope, his hands and feet desperately scrabbling for anything to hold onto. He lay on his back, his arms out behind him, screaming upwards.

‘FFFFFUUUUCCCK!’

‘COME ON, SCOTTY, MATE, YOU CAN DO IT!’ shouted Jim, now joined on the rock by two jubilant Danes.

‘GO ON, IT’S FUCKING FANTASTIC. YOU’LL LOVE IT! JUST CLEAR THE ROCKS, GO ON!’ Andrea had become one of them.

There were more of them than us now. We were a duo, a duo of no-jumpers. No-takers. No-can-doers. I helped Scotty back up, holding onto the tree and pulling him with my left hand.

‘Oh mate, we’re fucked,’ he said, exhausted at his own hopelessness. I hated it that he automatically put me with him now, even though I had too as soon as Andrea let go. I worried that my inability to jump would lose me some of the respect I had gained as the best seller. I wanted to ask Scotty what he thought but was afraid he’d say more ‘we’ things. I decided to zone Scotty out and concentrate on my own jump. I stood at the edge again. Scotty spoke to me, but I wasn’t listening. Instead I looked down. Down at the three of them, and longed to get it over with so I could join them, and feel free from this ridiculous burden of our own making.

I was so cold. We had no way of telling how long we’d been up there, or how long I stood at the edge poised, inches away from the rope. My teeth were chattering too now. It was a hot
afternoon,
and although the trees offered some shade from a vicious sun, it was by no means cool. I think maybe forty-five minutes had passed since Andrea jumped, but since then Jim had gone back in the water a few times, as had Karin. Andrea lay flat out on a rock sunbathing, looking up at us, and using her hand as a peak on her forehead to shield from the sun. Scotty had had another two goes of trying to go for the rope, but didn’t even progress to holding onto it. I had held the rope once, and felt another wave upon me, a surge of adrenalin. I clenched down on my jaw, desperate for any part of my being that was a fighter, a survivor, to kick in and say fuck it, I’m afraid of nothing. I felt it rise up, I moved onto the balls of my feet and started breathing rapidly and loudly. Scotty said nothing, Jim shouted once more.

‘GO ON, YOU CAN DO IT, COME ON, KERRY!’

‘GO FOR IT!’ shouted Karin.

I could feel me doing it, feel that jumping onto the rope was the hardest part; the landing would be easy for me, I loved water. I got diving and swimming badges when I was a kid, I had no fear with water. It was clearing the rocks. I started to get burning cramps in my lower stomach. Then a bubbling, gurgling feeling in my arse. That’s when I shat myself. I could feel it filling my swimming costume. I wanted to cry. May as well go the whole hog, I thought, and cry my eyes out like a fucking baby. I knew it was over.

‘GUYS!’ Jim shouted. We didn’t react. Scotty was staring at me, like he knew about the shitting.

‘GUYS!’ Jim waved his arms around. ‘THERE’S GOT TO BE A POINT WHERE YOU CALL IT A DAY.’

He was right, and I think we had reached it. ‘IT DOESN’T MATTER. COME ON.’

‘Scotty?’ I squatted down on the ground, not wanting to sit, wishing I was alone so I could empty out completely.

‘Come on, mate, let’s fuckin’ forget this pile of shite.’ He helped me up, but I shrugged him off, not wanting him to get too near in case he could smell me.

‘You’ve lost all your colour, mate, pure white,’ he said. I felt exasperated and could only manage a nod.

We walked away, dumbfounded at our failing.

When we got down, we joined the others in the pool. I was keen to dive in straight away and wash off without anyone finding out. Jim and the Danes splashed around. They seemed to me to be unburdened, unlike me, who felt extreme self-loathing and deep regret. I was shocked at my failure, but even more shocked at Karin and Andrea’s success. I wondered how long these pointless feelings would last, and wondered if Scotty felt the same. I watched him lying on his back floating around, using his hands to change direction while he stared up at the jump. It looked so easy from where we were now, and the rocks looked entirely manageable.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE

‘MR WHITE LEFT
you a message. Hang on a second, I’ll get it for you.’ The line played country music.

I had to wait half an hour after leaving the waterhole to find a pay phone, as we didn’t drive past the garage on the main road.