The Naked Drinking Club (22 page)

I bit my lip.

‘You’ll find what you’re looking for, love, I promise.’

I wanted to cry, but turned it into ice chewing instead.

‘You won’t always be lost.’ Her eyes looked watery.

I couldn’t take another mouthful of ice, so I brought my foot up on to my other leg and began massaging it.

‘I saw your sadness, love, the moment I walked in.’

‘What do you mean, Joyce?’ I loved using her name.

‘I can see things, my mother was the same, and so was my grandmother.’

‘You mean, like, psychic?’

‘Uh-huh, I’m afraid so, runs in my family whether you want it or not, and I tell you something else, love, you have it as well. It’s not developed yet, and I don’t know if you’ll ever want to, but it’s there. Probably what you picked up when you saw me.’

‘Do you really think so?’

‘Could be.’

‘Do you believe in fate, Joyce? Because I do. In fact it’s the only thing I think I believe in at all.’

‘I do too. I know there’s such a thing. I know because when I was a little girl, I dreamt about a big boat that would take me and my mum and dad and little brother far away to another place that was dry and hot. I would dream this maybe every week, and each time I dreamt about this place I would know the place more and more, like I would add things on, so that when I went back to it I had built up a life almost, that I
knew
my way around. I started these dreams when I was very little, as young as four years old I started having them.’

‘When did you come here?’

‘We came in from Manchester in the mid-fifties. It was my dad’s idea – he hated what had happened in the war and was never the same when he came back – seen too much. He stuck it out at home for a few years, “then one day he stood up and he told us that either we all went to Australia with him or he would go himself. My brother said, “What’s Australia?” And my dad said, “It’s the furthest away from here you can possibly get.” That’s when I knew we’d be on the boat I’d been dreaming about, that’s when I knew what fate was.’

‘That’s like me, with here. I always felt I’d have to make some big journey, to find things out about myself, like how I began, how I was made.’ I felt young in my explanation of things with Joyce, and excitable.

‘So, is it both your parents you are looking for? Or just your mum?’ It was strange to hear this, as I had never thought about both of them much. My obsession was with the search for my mother only.

‘No, just my mother,’ I said tearfully. ‘I was adopted.’

‘Yep, I figured.’ She shook her head. ‘Like so many little babies of the fifties and sixties, and long before that too, you know.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ I said mournfully.

‘What do you know about your mother?’ She sipped from her drink, the whole time looking into my eyes, reading my face. I composed myself in order to answer that question, a question I had never been asked before.

‘Nothing much, other than what I was given when I first went to Register House on my eighteenth birthday. And that was just an address given by her at the time of my birth.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Joyce smiled at me through tear-filled eyes that I tried my best not to be affected by.

I continued. ‘A few years later, when I was twenty-two, I got on a bus for Newcastle and went round knocking on the doors in the street where she used to live until I found out what I know now, which is that she came here soon after I was born, and married an Australian serviceman called Duffy. I
don’t
even know what part of Australia, for sure, or if she’s still here, but he was from Sydney, and the neighbours I spoke to thought it was here or Brisbane. I could go to Births, Deaths and Marriages and do a proper search, I suppose, but I don’t, and I don’t understand why I don’t. It’s such a long story, Joyce, and it’s a weird story, and I found it all out myself.’

‘Course you did, love.’ She took another drink, this time a larger one, and watched me unravel the page of Duffys from my pocket, as I began to tell her about Hank, and the odd way I found him.

‘None of this surprises me, you know, love?’

‘Really?’

‘Nuh, none of it – you being here, phoning up that cowboy fella who’s going to help you – it’s all for a reason, like I said. But it makes me laugh because Australia is a big place, as you know, nothing quite like it, and here you are with nothing to go on, floating around but you know you’ll do it, don’t you?’

‘I do, I suppose. Sometimes I just feel that it will come and find me, no matter what I do.’

‘One step forward, two steps back – that’s you, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, yes, that is me.’ I had only been in Joyce’s company for about half an hour, and already I was worrying about how I would leave her. Everything before her seemed to pale into insignificance; she was
it
, so far.

‘What about your real mum?’

‘No, that is my real mum; the one I think’s here.’

‘No, that’s your biological mum, your birth mum. The mum that stayed with you, the one that brought you up, that’s your real mum, love.’

‘We really don’t get on. Not for a long time, anyway.’

‘Of course you don’t get on, she’s your mum! You’re meant to fight, and get on each other’s nerves. But that will change, love, believe me, that will change.’

Joyce put a new slant on everything, her words were magical.

‘We don’t get on – I’ve hardly spoken properly to her since I left home, or to my father. He’s fucking useless, and she just goes along with it.’

‘We all hate our parents for a time, you know, you’re no
different
there. But don’t you forget, she’s the one that brought you up, that fed you and clothed you and taught you things. And she seems to have done something right, eh?’

I didn’t want to respond to that.

‘But your other mother, the one you’re looking for, she’s here, love. I think she’s not too far from here.’ She put down her drink on a coaster made from cork designed as a slice of orange, and asked me to come closer. I moved up the sofa and turned to face her. She took my hand and held it in hers for a while and looked closely into my eyes. I wanted to laugh out of nerves but managed to control it. Then she said something that really shook me.

‘You’re closer to your granddad than anyone, even though you haven’t spoken to each other for a while.’

I didn’t say anything, wanting to test her. She stroked her left arm then clutched her chest.

‘He had a stroke, didn’t he?’

I nodded, dumbfounded by her findings.

‘Yeah, he can’t talk, but you understand him. But he wants you to get on with your life.’

I clenched my jaw, fighting back tears.

‘You’re going on a journey somewhere away from here very soon.’

‘That’s amazing. Fuck, I am. Tomorrow I’m going to the Gold Coast, that’s so weird.’

‘Listen, love, a lot of this is up to you, but you’ll find what you’re looking for, that’s all I can say.’

‘What else do you see, Joyce, please?’ My mind was racing, I was thinking about Hank again and how I accidentally got hold of him because he happened to be in his sister’s house overnight, and how he was a DJ so he could reach people on the radio. It seemed that trail had gone dead because he hadn’t contacted me, but it was strange, anyway. Then I thought again about how I found this job, and how I came here. All these things raced in my mind and I felt so utterly charged and totally convinced that finding my real mother would be the missing piece in my fucked-up, crap jigsaw of a life.

‘Listen, there’s no big, secret, bad thing I’m keeping from you, so don’t worry.’ She had hold of both my hands and
moved
them up and down in time to ‘don’t worry’, which no one had done since I was little. ‘But this is your life, and you need to sort it out yourself. I know what loneliness is, love, and, please, I could write a book about heartache, I tell you.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I know you’ve been so very lonely, but you can change all that, you’re on the right track.’

What track was that? I wondered what track I was on that led me to money-lenders, bars and one-night stands with strangers, or worse still, not even the overnight part of the one-night stands, just momentary stands.

‘Someone’s seriously looking over you, love.’

Joyce let go of my hands in that way that someone you hardly know has to let go of them, and looked over to the other side of the room, except she wasn’t looking at anything, she was staring into space.

‘Are you all right?’

Here it comes, I thought, here comes the big one.

‘Do you know anyone with a tattoo?’

‘Well, probably yes. I mean loads of people have tattoos, don’t they?’

‘Maybe. I don’t like this person, I feel that they’re trouble. I think this one is a bird, like an eagle maybe, maybe not.’ She came round out of her deep state of thought and sat upright. ‘Now then, that’s enough of that. Come on, tell me some other stuff about yourself. What about these bloody paintings and how many has my husband bought?’

‘Joyce. Can I ask you something?’

‘Course you can, love.’

‘Why don’t you have any carpets in your house?’

Joyce burst into fits of laughter that broke out into a wheeze, and she slapped the tops of her legs as she laughed, which made me start laughing with her. Fritz came in to see what all the hilarity was about, and the sight of him looking so puzzled as he walked in caused us to erupt even more.

I stood at the edge of the cul-de-sac, trying to get Jim’s attention as he drove through the surrounding streets. Finally he flashed his lights and pulled round to get me.

‘Hey, all right?’

‘Yeah, just finishing up in that house.’ I pointed to Joyce’s.

‘We were worried about you, what happened?’

‘Just got caught in conversation, I’ll just get my folder – it’s in the house.’

I ran back to the house and went inside to say my goodbyes to Joyce. I really didn’t want to go, I wanted to ask to stay overnight, but I had to be up early to go to the coast. I also thought about trying to get the others an invite inside for a while, but I didn’t want to share Joyce with anyone.

She and Fritz were cuddling in the hall when I got back; they were both pissed.

‘I meant to ask, who’s that in the photo with the horse?’ I pointed.

‘That’s my daughter, my first one. I’ve got two.’

I studied her face close up.

‘That’s Samantha. I had her when I was very young, to a different man from Fritz. My other daughter Carol is a lot younger. They both live and work in the city.’

‘They’re lucky to have you, Joyce.’

‘Hey, they’ve had their fair share too, you know.’ She put her hands on both my shoulders. ‘Listen to me, sweetheart. Life is so bloody quick, love, it really is. You’ve got to go out and grab it. Don’t waste it being unhappy. Let yourself go, Kerry. Let yourself feel good things in your heart when they’re there. I know you think I sound like a silly old woman.’

I shook my head.

‘I know that you’re too young to feel this just now, but I’m telling you: it is short, and this is it.’ She clicked her fingers. ‘We all have shit to deal with, some more than others, I know, but nobody has this life without it, OK? You remember that.’

‘OK.’

‘Someone told me something, a long time ago, and it’s always stuck with me.’ She grabbed my shoulders. ‘Someone throws you lemons’ she let go and opened up her arms ‘make lemonade. OK?’

I nodded, but felt sad to leave her. I could have stayed all night, listening to her.

She grabbed me again and held me. I cried and put my arms round her, trying to let myself go, like she said.

‘It’s all right,’ she said, rocking me gently back and forth. ‘It’s all right.’ I pulled away after a while, worrying that I would never stop.

‘Just make the most of it, and most of all, enjoy it. That’s it, I’ll shut up now.’ She wheezed away again.

‘She knows what she’s talking about, you know,’ said Fritz.

Jim gave a short blast on the horn. Joyce waved out to them.

‘I’ve got to go. Listen, thank you so much for your hospitality, and for buying my paintings.’

We hugged and again she held me so tightly that when we broke off I felt covered in her perfume. I kissed Fritz on both cheeks, picked up my folder and walked outside.

‘Listen, when you get back to Sydney, pop round and see us, or come to the showroom – you can catch me there every day except Monday. I’d be interested to find out how you do.’

‘Really?’

‘Of course, love, but just you look after yourself and enjoy your trip, you’ll be OK. But watch out for men with tattoos.’ She sniggered at the last part.

‘What?’ I was at the gates.

‘I’m pulling your leg, love, that’s my own shit. Have fun, sweetie.’

Scotty jumped out and opened the boot and I threw my folder in.

‘Nice house,’ he said, tossing his cigarette on the ground and stamping it out. His voice immediately annoyed me.

I got in the back next to the Danish and watched Joyce and Fritz kiss, then close the door.

‘How did you do, then?’ asked Jim, watching me in the mirror.

‘Sold two,’ I said, leaning against the window, not wanting to talk to the others quite yet.

Back at William Street, Anaya and Greg handed out the beers. Greg and Jim discussed routes and areas while Scotty lingered on the outskirts of their conversation, half his attention on entertaining the giggling Danes. I stood leaning up against the kitchen units opposite Anaya, as she painted her nails.

‘So, hey, Kerry, you’re quiet tonight, uh?’ she said, taking the excess varnish off the brush.

‘Got a few things on my mind, that’s all. Also conserving my energy for the trip.’ I rolled my tinny of chilled VB on my forehead, trying to get some relief.

‘Oh my God,’ she said, stopping what she was doing. ‘I forgot to tell you but your mother called this morning, like really early, but I never got to the phone so she left a message.’

‘Fuck!’ I took a big drink. ‘Which one?’

Anaya looked at me quizzically.

‘I mean, which phone?’

‘There is only one phone, stupid.’

‘Yeah, sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What did she say?’ I put down my beer.